Central Snark

AS all of you know, Monday’s are tough. We’re not sure why this is so… but take our word for it, it is!

With our own brains taking their sweet-ass time kicking it up a notch, we think it’s a fine idea to let you kids decide what it is you’d like to discuss today. Maybe you recently came across a particularly great blog that stands out in your mind. If so, tell us about it!  Maybe you recently wrote a post you’d like to share. If so, now’s the time to link us in! Or maybe you recently did something so different/bizarre/fun/weird you can’t wait to brag about it. If so, now’s the time!

Our point (for we have one) is this: we’re willing to bet a lot of you have something to say and/or tell us about. We also suspect it will be something infinitely more interesting and/or exciting than our own tales of running a bunch of stupid errands/exercising/eating Mexican food/watching too much TV and/or practicing(eth) Shakesnark (as we have come to call it) over the weekend. That said, those of us who actually did do those pathetic things have no regrets. Nary a one. We accomplished a lot, and hadeth a helleth of a lot of lattes ice cream fun in the process. Therefore, we would never stoop so low as to call you wimpled boil-brained joitheads for actually having a life more engaging than our own.

~ snuppy

**AT the risk of seeming like churlish fen-sucking pigeon eggs, we thought we’d just keep this thread going for one more day. Please don’t be distraught and/or act like impertinent rough hewn boar-pigs, we don’t care if you’re not in the mood for a little more “Shakespeak”. Helleth no! Talk about anything your little hearts’ desire. Remember, ’tis not for us to judge, but only to get out of writing another post.

“If you spend word for word with me, I shall make your wit bankrupt.” ~ The Two Gentlemen of Verona

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LOOKING for something snappy/snipey and/or snarky to say in your next comment on a blog and/or criticism of a co-worker? Look no further, Snarklings, for verily we say unto you, anything and everything you may wanteth to sayeth hath been said far better than you could ever sayeth it. Huh-eth? Say you? Verily, say we (again), SHAKESPEARE SNARKETH*… and the Barb doeseth (dideth?) so with er… uh… beauteous verve, raunch, and styleth.

Those of you who doubteth are little more than artless ill-breeding clotpoles and/or saucy pottle-deep gudgeons. So, you know, goeth and gathereth thy verbal shyt to fling, and together we shall lay verbal waste to any and/or all crusty botches of nature!

*Shakespearean Insults ~ each click yields a new snarky zinger.

 ~ snuppy 

Ok! Fresh off a nap and mind functioning as lucidly as is humanly possible, in-spite-of-the-fact-that-there-is-a-resident-three-year-old-regressing-to-the-sleep-habits-of-a-three-month-old-in-the-land-o’-BoheMia-who-makes-this-thing-called-sleep-a-joke-A-JOKE-I-SAY, here I find myself on this groggy fine Friday morning, ready to help out the fabulous resident Lady Snarksters I-love-oh-so-much-it-borders-on-the-psychotic-but-hey-that-is-what-you-get-with-bohemians with a much-needed break through this here meant-to-be-brief-and-to-the-point-and-yes-yours-truly-IS-capable-of-keeping-things-brief-dammit-so-stop-looking-at-me-that-way, *deep breath*, post!

So let’s get to it people! Crazy, by Gnarles Barckley, is stuck in my head, courtesy-of-Loverboy-who-for-some-reason-stares-at-me-during-the-song-and-what-is-with-that-man-I-ask-WHAT, and I figure that I cannot be alone in this so dish snarksters, DISH! Let us talk musica! What’s your poison? And be daring! Expand the thread and make it all things good, bad, cheesy, crass, guilty pleasures, sensual ooohs and to that add midnight madness moments courtesy of the mini-me’s called kids or life in general, yeah nothing to do with music but we can do that you know? YEAH BABY YEAH!

Come on and FUNK IT UP PEOPLE!!!

And there! Voila on the brief and to the point post! HAH! And some said it could not be done! FOR SHAME! And with that…

BoheMia out!

OH how we wish we had time to sit and ponder the finer points of life and/or in the process tell you a few funny jokes (if only we knew some), but we have much to do and little time in which to do it. Golly, wouldn’t it be nice if we all had someone to do stuff for us that we don’t want to do so we could do the stuff we do want to do? We don’t know about you, but if we could afford that, we like to think we’d be out the door and on our way to the zoo and/or museums and/or writing a fabulous post for folks to peruse. Alas, (and alack), we are not in possession of a portfolio that allows for such things. Otherwise you’d be reading the aforementioned fabulous post rightthisminute, instead of a stupid question about what you’d do if you could be doing something besides what you are doing.

So? What would you do if you could be doing something besides what you are doing? (hey, maybe we can’t be doing something fun in real life, but in our heads, we’re havin’ a blast.)

FERRIS BUELLER: “I don’t care if you’re fifty five or seven, everybody needs a day off now and then. It’s a beautiful day. How can I be expected to handle high school?”

~ snuppy

WE know it’s hump day. So we figured we’d take it easy on ourselves you and provide a few fellow-blogger links, in case you’re wondering what our your friends are up to. Not that you have to read anyone else’s blog, mind you, but then, neither do we. But if none of us read any of us… what’s the point? Ooooh. This makes our head hurt. We’re gonna keep this short, maybe give you a few more links tomorrow. Maybe not.

WAKING AMBROSE (because this blog is his pimp. or bitch. we can’t remember) is featuring the gifted and/or lovely and/or we are knocked out by how busy she is and yet she’s so stinkin’ talented we can hardly stand it, DDDRAGON as his guest, so race over there and tell her how wonderful she is. Then get out of our way, because we hope to suck up get closer to her in order to garner ourselves one of her fabulous pieces of artwork and/or admission into that talented Pez family.

BELLE of the BRAWL is featuring “denial” as her inspirational word today, thanks to the latest post by the adorable and/or clever BOBO, who writes about a water-damaging incident that is in no way embarrassing to anyone associated with this blog. (Oh, and while you’re over there, would it kill you to click on the link in her side-bar and vote for her in the Best of Summer Blogs contest?)

SIMPLY SAID has a simply divine post up about life in the fast lane and/or beat up cadillacs. We found it inspiring.

AFTERTHOUGHTS has more than a few (thoughts) on Reality TV (Big Brother, Jenna? Really?). Not to mention construction workers. Not that any construction workers are on Big Brother (that we know of) but, well, you know. We’re talkin’ about Jenna here.

And, finally (for today, mind you) CJ IS BLOGGING about preparations for celebrating her 30th birthday (hint: Las Vegas). Part of the fun of checking in on CJ (the most All-American looking blogger on the planet, we suspect) is that she changes her template as often as her baby’s diapers. Sort of.

Hopefully this is enough for you kids for today. If not, well, what can we say? Bite us. We’re sorry.

~ snuppy

FOR those of you not acquainted with Pansi of Naked Gymnastics 4 Jesus (NG4J) fame, I provide this link ASK PANSI.  Mrs. Weirsdo is the genius behind THE PANSI FILES, and she writes a blog which is largely about Pansi and from what I can tell–anti-captists, drug addled parents and the Mall Diva.  That is a gross understatement but testament to how much I need to learn.  I have discovered her through that tastemaker Doug at WAKING AMBROSE and have never looked back. 

Pansi, whom you may have seen commenting ever so rarely at Doug’s, is the star of Naked Gymastics for Jesus (NG4J) and writes an advice column “Ask Pansi”.  With all of that on her plate, I can see why we don’t see much of her (except when we go to Ask Pansi and she’s well, naked).   I offered her up our list of questions recently presented by one of the Snark pals, Spin Cycle, who offers up her Spin on Things HERE.

The various NG4J members weighed in on the question, ”What is your favorite season?”.  This gave me a bit more of a behind the scenes look at these gymnasts and somehow I felt better about my own life after catching up with them which is largely the effect The Pansi Files has on me.  As always, I scratch my head and say “Thanks Pansi”! 

Mrs. Weirsdo has also penned a novella appropriately titled, Mrs. Weirsdo’s NovellaFamily Values.  In this mixed up muddled up shook-up world, the fact that it is not yet published is a cause worth taking up and can be found HERE.

If you are already acquainted with Pansi’s crew, by all means please weigh in and give us some insight.  If not, head on over and don’t come back without a skip in your step.  And as always, remember to “Ask Pansi”!

~ lampshadin’ lady 

**(update) OH MY! We didn’t realize there was a need to respond to something earlier today, when we slept in and then posted the post that we posted. But it seems The STILETTO has been nominated for a Best of Summer Blogging honor (Best Political Blog), and needs our help. We are nothing, if not accomodating and/or respectful of someone’s Shameless Request for Support. So get your asses over there and VOTE! 

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WE didn’t mean to, but, somehow, we managed to oversleep this morning. Apparently, we’re in some kind of alternate universe summer vacation mode, in which “vacation” = 4 day weekend. Sigh. Still, it was pretty sweet.

We hope the rest of you are having, thus far, a wonderful Monday. Oh, and, speaking of d’oh!, we hope by showing you the following video you’ll be reminded that, no matter how messed up things might get at work, chances are you’ll never feel as bad as this guy did, especially after investing 132 hours on THIS ONE PROJECT. Enjoy. We know we did.

~ snuppy

*D’OH!! One of us (me) totally forgot to wish a certain WELL-HEELED LADY (aka, Mo’a) a Happy Birthday… and hope to make up for it by doing so, rightthisminute!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, dear Mo’a… and may your journey be safe, the wedding grand, and that cake topper (that we can’t wait to see) a spectacular hit with the newlyweds!! 

** ALSO, a certain Mr. Scissorhands, who is married to the one and only fabulous LAMPSHADE LADY, celebrated a birthday yesterday (yes yes we know. we were slow on the uptake… what can we say? we’re… uh… slow), and since we’d like to make sure he’s properly embarrassed by the fact that we all know it was his big day, we think everyone should hop over to her blog and leave a glorious belated birthday greeting! Humor us. The Lampshade is our NBFF, and we’d like to make sure she doesn’t trade us in on a shiny, younger and/or more thoughtful model anytime soon!

WHAT the hell. It’s Sunday. We’re tired. You’re tired. We’re happy to sit in the shade and sip on our morning coffee and/or tea and/or juice, you’re happy to sit in the shade and sip on your coffee and/or tea and/or juice. Maybe chew on a bagel. Maybe tell a dumb joke or two.

“Knock knock”

“Who’s there?”

“No one.”

“No one, who?”

“No wonder we’re gaining weight. All we do is sit around, drink coffee and/or tea and/or juice and chew on bagels.”

HAHAHA…HA…hahaha…ha. Ha? Heh heh. Yep. That’s the caliber of entertainment you’re likely to find around here today, kids. Brace yourselves. We know we are.

~ snuppy 

Buenos dias Snarksters! Catty Yummy Mummy here trying to give my fellow Lady Snarksters a break by actually contributing a little to the dialogue. Snuppy my dear one, it being Saturday, you need a much deserved rest, although I do admit to being in awe to how you are always able to come up with brilliant posts and ideas! Dios mio! What is an uninspired bohemian to do? WHAT?

Do I really want to do this? Help? Fo sho! Rise to the challenge? YES! Fall flat on my face? HAH! Although…

How about we go with that? Being quite brilliant at clutzy ways I refuse, REFUSE I SAY, to believe that I am the only one who, when in an attempt to seductively walk towards my man, is more likely to literally fall flat on her face than make it over to complete the job with much feline-like movements… yeah, clumsy. That’s me. Loverboy will surely attest to that fact. You would too if your woman kneed you repeatedly in the crotch when trying to slide up and lie in your arms! When his package is actually safe and escapes an encounter with the bony joint that is the knee well, then it is his armpit who gets a good, painful bumping into by my shoulder. And do not get me started on how dressing up in an attempt to feel sexy and remove yourself from the “mom” label for a bit is just spoiled for good when a big, noisy and oh-my-god-so-damn-stinky-one escapes your, um, grips?, right in front of, yes, you guessed it, the Loverboy. *sigh*

And it doesn’t stop there, oh no! My clumsiness is not limited to physical actions but includes words as well. You see, the Farsi word for “flower”, a common term of endearment, is GOL, whereas the term for “shit”, yes you heard right, is GOH. Let us just say there was no way to deny it, escape it, change it when, in the first month of our relationship, I told my new lover, “Oh baby, you are such a GOH!” Yeah, it takes a real man to be called a SHIT and still love it up with you! Dios mio fo sho!

And believe you me that my clumsy ways are just not reserved for moments of romance. Oh no! There is more that I simply cannot remember at the moment but will reserve, for when memory serves me right, to funk it up with y’all in the comments soooo… come on! Reassure a bohemian and your fellow Snarksters and ‘fess up! Are you really as debonaire, sleek, chic and oh-so-graceful as you would have us believe or is there a clumsy skeleton or two in that tightly shut closet? Hmmm?

Bohemian and snarking minds want to know!

And with that, I bid you all a great Saturday, a big beso and good morning and oh, here is your TGSNWM dearest Neva and Joel… Gina, do you take tea or coffee? And for everyone else, you dear fellow Snarksters, we have Neva’s fab cookies, some cake, donuts, coffee, tea and fresh fruit juice galore! So live it up and come on, let the gabbing begin!

*slight and insignificant update **slighty more significant update

OH, we know what you’re thinking… another long, drawn out post to read/absorb/comment on. Well you couldn’t be more wrong. We aren’t in the mood to write, let alone read. So we’re just gonna let you watch MAKING FIENDS, an oddly entertaining animated series about a creepy little girl who likes to make fiends, while another one makes friends. Funny and fiendish. Win–Win. (not to worry, this is cute/clever AND child friendly)

*JUST so’s ya know: you don’t have to watch this video series in order to comment! Making Fiends is just a means for amusing yourselves… at your leisure. (assuming you haven’t all found other means for amusing yourselves today that we don’t want to hear about and/or know.)

**ORIGINALLY we wanted to share a different link with you today, which we had seen on Sweetney.com (one of our (my) favorite sites). But last night it was nowhere to be found. Now, we’re happy to report, it’s been relocated and can be viewed HERE. It’s cool, and a whole lot shorter than Making Fiends (for those who might want to savor that series over the weekend). Not to worry, it’s still cute/clever/kid friendly… in a really cool real-people-in-a-stop-action-Space-Invaders-video-game-reenactment kind of way. Enjoy.

~ snuppy