Central Snark

Hi everybody! *waves frantically*

This here Penguin felt that it was about time, Snuppy got to breathe and focus on other people´s comment section for a change, while we chatter on for a bit.

First I thought how fun would it be if we were to write a poem together, you know one line at at a time, everybody contributing. But then I had trouble coming up with a title and a first line…I seriously just woke up…so I dropped the idea for NOW.

Instead I thought we do some chemistry this morning. Ain´t that just precious you might think. But believe it or not, laughter can be had even when it comes to minerals, chemicals and even molecules for that matter.

Allow me to elaborate: What´s in a name? (Tali, it is time for you to turn on the television and check on the Telletubbies!)
Arsole: “there is actually a molecule called Arsole… and it’s a ring! It is the arsenic equivalent of pyrrole, and although it is rarely found in its pure form, it is occasionally seen as a sidegroup in the form of organic arsolyls.” Now this just makes me laugh. Now think about rings, and arsoles and side groups…*having a fit*

Munchnones: “They got their name when Huisgen called them after the city Munich (München), after similar compounds were called sydnones after Sydney.” They too are ring-shaped! Is it me, or does anything ring-related has humorous connotations?

Cummingtonite: I am seriously not making these up! “Its official name is magnesium iron silicate hydroxide. It got its name from the locality where it was first found, Cummington, Massachusetts, USA.”

one more for good measure:

Kinoshitalite: Nope, not a laxative! “This is a type of mica found in Japan and Sweden. It is green and vitreous, and is about as hard as fingernails, apparently. Its name comes from the Japanese for “under the tree” (ki = tree; no = possessive particle; shita = under).

I might have lost the plot! I quit now, but in case this was good for you too, give this page a glance for more molecular entertainment!

oh…one more thing: they say a picture is worth a thousand words. You be the judge!

A sample of pyroxmangite, with white pieces of cummingtonite visible toward the lower left.

If that hasn´t woken you up, well: slap me silly!

~Penguin out!

NOMI? Know you? No… me! HAHAHAHA! Get it? Haha! Haha. Ha? Oh fine. That’s our stupid sense of humor rearing it’s ugly head this fine Monday morning, and we’re sorry. What can we say? Once again we have to follow a fun and brilliant and lively post by a certain delightful (heh) LAMPSHADE LADY whose bulb just seems to glow brighter and brighter with each passing day. We had a fantastic time listening to great music around here over the weekend, despite a rather pathetic turnout by our so-called friends. Friends, we might add, who claim to like us for who we are but only show up when we offer free food and/or drinks. We could go on but, once again, we digress.

IN KEEPING with the new tradition we established last week and may not do again, we are pleased to take another stab at “Cheap Laughs in the Form of Horrific Musical Opposites”. Thanks to our joyfully big (and adorable) red-headed friend, BIG (ADORABLE) RED JOY, we have, what we think is, a real treat for you freeloaders kids. Although, it’s not so much an “opposite” from what we enjoyed over the weekend, as it is “unusual”. And it’s not so much “horrific”, as it is unusual. But it is “music” — music that’s very strange and very…unusual.

THE following is a fabulous (and, did we mention unusual?) video, featuring the unique vocal stylings of the late German performance artist, KLAUS NOMI — who died of complications related to AIDS in 1983. Now, at first glance, we laughed and laughed our collective asses off, and no, not because he died of AIDS (give us a break), but because we thought the video — in all it’s campy (and unusual) glory — was a riot.

THAT said, we are of the opinion that KLAUS NOMI* — a trained opera singer, who often claimed he “came frome outer space to save the world” — was completely ahead of his time. Or maybe he was right in his time. Or a figment of a time whose time may never come, except sometime long ago, in a galaxy far far away. Whatever, he seems to have been as interesting (and unusual) as his costumes/make-up/hair-do/ and voice indicate. Hey, David Bowie hired him to help sing backup and design costumes, so you know we’re not making this up. Klaus Nomi was definitely “out there” (and, apparently, still is):

*Nomi performs Lou Christie’s Lightnin’ Strikes in this video, but if you care to hear more of his voice, visit his “official” site. You’ll be treated to a few more oddly entertaining songs, which makes the trip over there well worth the effort it takes to click on the link in order to do so. For the record (heh) we especially like THIS SONG, but the home page’s offering (Ding Dong) is awesome — not to mention, unusual – as well.

~ snuppy

Look, it’s the weekend.  We’ve all got better things that we should or could be doing.  And so what?  You want to laze about, have some coffee, listen to some music, catch up with your blogging buddies.  Is that so wrong?  I would love to join you, but I do have better things to do.  No, not really.  Just bring my daughter to violin school which lasts into the afternoon.   Then I’ll be right back home lazing about.  That’s the plan - don’t anybody do anything to mess it up.  Like say a fumble picking up my son at Grandma’s (my MIL) which causes us to be there too long.  But I digress.

Since you all liked Regina Spektor last week (more or less) and even if you didn’t, I thought I’d just link on in another perhaps new-to-you voice because well, I - one, love to hear new music and two, sometimes even more so when I don’t have to actively seek it out and it just comes my way.

This artist’s name is KT TUNSTALL and she is from Scotland.  She’s got a great voice and I think that we’ve already established that I’m a sucker for a good pop hook.  Must be all those summers of my youth spent on the porch steps listening to AM radio Top 40. Now before you get all “that’s not new on me”. I know. The album originally came out in maybe 2004, but I believe the US version came out this past year which is when I snapped it up. It’s pretty solid all the way through in the driving to work cd sort of solid.  You can probably at this juncture see why a career writing music reviews is not in the cards for me. It is infectious and she does have a nice voice. Anything else is open for debate.

Now I don’t know if this will make you want to have her babies or not, ahem Diesel, but it may make you at least check out both songs linked here.

Are you done with the Weekend Section? Trade you for Entertainment.

DJ Lampsha in da house!

TRUST US when we tell you we wracked our brains last night in an attempt to come up with something to write for today, because, dammit, we did. Eventually, we had to go to bed, because our eyes were crossing from staring at a blank screen for so many hours. No, it wasn’t pretty. Yes, it was painful. Huh? Shut up, we have a life, it’s just that, from time to time, we set it aside for your blog reading pleasure, bub, so leave us alone and let us finish telling you what we’ve been trying to say since you first started scanning this one.

WE’RE tired. And when that happens, we can’t think. So we sometimes look to some of you for a little, shall we say, inspiration. Fortunately, we found some, but, before we tell you what we finally came up with, there are a couple of things we really need to get off our collective chests.

FIRST:  the next time we come knocking on your blog, we’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t turn out the light and pretend as though you weren’t home. The recording of that dog barking didn’t fake us out, either. Nope, we’re on to you, and by golly, you need to knock it off. 

SECOND:  should you forget to lock your blog’s back door, and we just happen to turn the knob and it opens up wide enough to let us in, chances are pretty darn good we’ll take something. BIG RED JOY will soon understand exactly what we mean, since we stole her idea for featuring a skit by that genius British comedy duo, FRENCH & SAUNDERS, which we plan to share with the rest of you right after you tell us how sorry you are for pretending to be in bed when we stopped by and tapped on your blog windows. Don’t think we didn’t see you peeking out from behind the curtains, because we did.

ALRIGHTY THEN, there’s no way to adequately set up the following hilarious clip, except to say that, apparently, it’s based in large part on the British view of American retirement communities. Considering the fact that we used to live in South Florida, we can kind of see why.

WE’D like to point out that, while we’re featuring a FRENCH & SAUNDERS skit today, it’s not the skit we originally hoisted over our shoulders when we sprinted away from GINGAJOY’s blog last night. We plan to give THAT ONE back to her as soon as we fix a tiny rip that must have happened when we hopped over the hedge, in an effort to beat a hasty retreat. Don’t kid yourselves, BIG RED may be heavy with child, but that girl can haul some serious ass when the mood — or need to recover stolen goods — strikes.

“Tell me something, Jennifer… if you castrated a Glow Worm, would it be delighted? Ha-ha-ha! And I mean that sincerely, folks.” ~ Dawn French 

~ snuppy  

FORGIVE us for what you are about to see and/or hear. We don’t know what happened to our good taste and/or sense, we were sure we had it with us when we started writing this post, but now it’s nowhere to be found. Oh wait, now we remember, we sold it down the river, along with the last $5 on our Starbucks card, in hopes of obtaining a slice of the Princess James’ $12.5 million Charitable Foundation and Humanitarian Works from Holland {Netherlands} Pie. Alas, try as we did to extract a tidy sum for ourselves, we were thwarted at every turn (it seems there are others who were equally interested in getting their hands on these Western European funds, and willing to go to ANY LENGTHS in order to beat us to the bank counter punch). Trust us, when we say we encountered a pack of relentless scrappy fighters, who’d just as soon eat their mothers than give up a chance to reap from where they didn’t sow, and leave it at that.

NOW where were we when we so rudely interrupted ourselves? Oh yes. We hope today’s post won’t offend anyone, because that is the last thing we intended to do. We saw this clip a few months ago, and haven’t been able to get it out of our minds. In all honesty, it’s very clever, and quite informative, even as it traces the roots and uses of a word many of us have found on the tips of our tongues from time to time. Oh, sure, we could say we’re doing this particular post as an homage to WA, but we’d be lying through our effin’ teeth.

DESPITE the fact this is scored to Vivaldi’s Four Seasons — lending it an educated air of class — this video is NOT for little eyes and/or ears. Those of you watching at work might want to keep the volume down, as well. And on that happy note, enjoy!

SERIOUSLY, isn’t this a word who’s time has come? Let us rephrase that: When used under appropriate circumstances, is the “F” word really so offensive? Shit used to be considered “bad”, but most people are pretty much over it these days, right? From what we hear tell, there was a time when use of the words “hell” and “damn” was verboten, too, and would get ya a bar of soap in the mouth fastern’ you could say… well… hell and/or damn. So what say ye on the “F” front, Snarksters, in… or out?

“Ducking for apples — change one letter and it’s the story of my life.” ~Dorothy Parker

~ snuppy

YESTERDAY we had a number of good laughs, after a bunch of comments found their way into Spam Jail. Fortunately, there were a few legitimate spammish items in there, as well, so at least we know the thing works. Anyway, we thought it might be a good idea to check the Snark e-mail bin while we were at it, because we’re terrible about such things, and only manage to do so about once a week. Good thing we did, too, because the following e-mail from a dying “childless couple” named Princess James, was among the 177 messages we found waiting for us when we finally looked:

USE IT FOR THE GOOD OF HUMANITY
Dear Sir/Ma,
This offer might be strange, but is the wish of a dying 62 years old woman who now realizes belatedly that there is more to life than mere acquisition of cash {money} and fame. My name is Princess Elizabeth James a widow. My late husband and I perhaps due to our aristocratic background and bad influences lived and never cared for nobody or whose ox was gored, our motto was be rich and famous and the world will be at our feet. I am diabetic and recently diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. The report is obviously not good, several chemotherapy treatments have not helped either and the obvious fact is that I have few days/weeks more on planet earth.
Being childless couple, I inherited all my husband wealth and our relations are no good, as they are waiting patiently for my death to use all our money for illicit and obscene business/things. Before my health deteriorated that I am completely dependant on them for basic necessities I have done charitable ventures within our neighbourhoods and beyond and this angered them as they wish to reap from where they did not sow.
Having come to the realizations of what life is all about-caring for others; I have given legal consent and full authority to my private attorney-Dr.David Van Dyke, who is presently in Holland {Netherlands} to guide you properly on the modalities for the payment/collection of this money from a PRIVATE Finance company based in Western Europe where i had to keep this money for safe keeping purposes. You will be expected to immediately disburse all the money to people/charitable homes within your neighbourhood or beyond or set up a foundation on your name.
This money-{US$12.5Million } should be used STRICTLY for humanitarian/charitable cause. Contact my private attorney immediately who will guide you on the modalities for the collection of this money. His e-mail address is davidvandyke88@bullshit.dum. Please quote my name and this reference number for ease of collection-pej/will/je/ws/12.5m/123555123 when reaching him by mail. I plead with you never to deviate from this agreement and I beg of you to pray that my soul rest in peace. You are BLESSED forever.
Thanks.
Princess Elizabeth James.
NB:-DO NOT REPLY ME AS I MAY NOT BE IN A POSITION TO RESPOND, I HAVE JUST BEEN REFERED TO A PRIVATE HOME FOR HERBAL MEDICINAL TREATMENT AS ALL OTHER FORMS OF TREATMENT HAS FAILED.YOU ARE THEREFORE REQUESTED TO CONTACT MY PRIVATE ATTORNEY ON THIS SUBJECT MATTER.HIS DETAILS ARE AS FOLLOWS:-

1. Name:-Dr.David Van Dyke.

2.Tel/Fax:–++123-555-5555{Holland-Netherlands}.Email:-davidvandyke88@bullshit.dum

GOLLY, isn’t this exciting? Imagine all the fun we can have performing humanitarian acts with that $12.5 million, once we manage to contact that attorney, Dr. David Van Dyke, and find out how to get our hands on it. We don’t know about you, but our heads are swimming with possibilities, even as we pray for the poor poor widow Princess James’ recovery and/or soul as she undergoes treatment in that “Herbal Medicinal Home”.

NATURALLY, as long as we were reading Spam and thinking about Spam and being amused and/or annoyed by Spam, we couldn’t help but wonder if we could locate a certain Monty Python classic sketch about, you guessed it, Spam. Would it surprise you to know we did? Do you mind if we show it to you in order to watch it again ourselves? Come to think of it, we don’t care if you do, ‘cuz we just remembered we’re coming into some serious cash {money} soon, which will enable us to buy a new set of more agreeable, Python-loving friends. Unless, of course, that falls into the category of “reaping from where we did not sow”, in which case, nevermind.

HOPEFULLY, everyone noticed the subtitles and/or stuck around long enough to watch the credit roll, especially since it was practically the best part. Ah, Spam. Such tasty — albeit questionable — meaty goodness. Except, of course, to those of us who absolutely cringe at the site of unwanted e-mails and/or are vegetarian.

~snuppy

BAD PUN, we know. Silly us, trying to be clever and/or funny two days in a row. It’s just that we were so very excited to discover the following video, we couldn’t contain ourselves. But before we let you watch, we thought it might be nice to provide a little background, for perspective. Naturally, we’re not sure what perspective we’re about to provide, but as always, that’s beside the point.

WE first saw this 33 year old comedian — who looks more like he’s 17 by the way, and what the hell is up with that? — DEMETRI MARTIN on Comedy Central last year, when he appeared as a “Youth Correspondent” on The Daily Show (best TV program ever) in a segment called TRENDSPOTTING. (that first link is to a piece on Life Coaches, but our all-time favorite was his report on MYSPACE — which we think our new friend DIESEL might need to watch, because he and Demetri have SOMETHING in common — but we digress.) The point (one of ‘em anyway) is that this kid is freaking funny. Needless to say, we were startled to learn he suffers from a rare condition, which he intends to chronicle in a series of short films, starting with the one you’re about to watch.

FOR more information on Demetri Martin and/or to hear a few wicked funny riffs, you can check out his other website at CLEARIFICATION.COM. Now, at this point, we suppose we should actually encourage a response of some sort from all of you, so we figure we’ll ask this question: Who’s making YOU laugh these days? Oh, but please don’t say MIZ BOHEMIA, because we’ve already got that covered — of course, if you’ve yet to see her latest recorded effort, which features some impressive Grade-A klutziness an hilarious exchange with her handsome hubby, Loverboy, by all means do so, now. Trust us, you’ll be glad you did. And if that doesn’t crack you up, perhaps this late night post addition, featuring a certain SINGIN’ DAWG, will. (sorry Doug, it couldn’t be helped)

~ snuppy

WE don’t know about you guys, but we were blown away this weekend when the brilliant light of this snarky blog, the one and only DJ LAMPSHA, directed our attention to the newest uber-cool black(ish) & white(ish) video by the charming and incredibly talented, REGINA SPEKTOR. As far as we were (and are) concerned, that was some mighty fine entertainment. Oh yeah, the ensuing discussion about everyone’s favorite groups and musical finds was totally fun, not to mention insightful, as well. Sigh.

TO tell the truth, we were pretty darn sure we couldn’t top a fabu post like that, so we decided not to try. Instead, we did what any red-blooded blogger would do under the same challenging circumstances, we went for a cheap laugh in the form of “opposites”. As in: who would be the absolute musical opposite of an amazing performer like Regina Spektor? After wracking our brains for a nano-second, we came up with this number. We can’t be sure anyone will agree with us, but if she’s not the worst singer you’ve ever heard, we’re guessin’ she’ll come close:

IF YOU’VE never believed another thing in your life, believe this: we are ashamed at ourselves for laughing at this poor and pathetic (not to mention delusional) creature, even as we re-cue the video for another look-see. We sincerely hope you won’t think less of us for being so easily amused.

~ snuppy

It’s Saturday.  I thought it might be a nice break for SNUPPY to sleep in.  And she shouldn’t feel guilty that as she does, I am already at violin school with Tali.  No she should not.  She should sleep and be well while I volunteer and set up the snack table and make an urn of coffee.  I’m sure I’ll catch up on my missed sleep by 2014.  On the topic of music…

I heard this song in the car the other day.  I must admit to dancing in my seat as I drove.  I’ve heard it before, but this is all I know of this artist’s music. I’m a sucker for a good pop hook and a quirky independent songwriter.  So you’ll either love it or hate it, but without further adieu, click below and meet Regina Spektor singing Fidelity.  This is her official site so I couldn’t copy the video here.  Just click on “Video” when you get to her place and it will play. Okay maybe you have to click video twice and blow a kiss at your monitor.

REGINA SPEKTOR SITE

So what’d you think?  What?  You didn’t listen?  I took the time to put her here and you didn’t… oh, you did.  Okay.   Now speaking of earworms, new music, redheads (ahem), why don’t you tell me what you’re grooving to lately.  Go ahead tell us what’s on your turntable (that’s my oldschool self shining through).  Any new faves?  Any old faves?  Any rags? Any bones? Any bottles today? (sorry Marx Brothers stream of consciousness).   

Okay, so in the words of MIZ CattyYummy:

“That’s all you get!” 

Happy Weekend Snarksters - let the good times roll!

*This Title was lifted  borrowed from an Interview magazine article (link? nah who cares what they say, I didn’t hear about her there). This might have been a good blog title, but never mind.

~ Lampsha

HAVE we mentioned lately (yesterday, perhaps?) anything about the funny and strange links our completely adorable techno-geek-but-we-mean-that-in-a-good-way friend, PAVEL, sends us? And, when we told you about ‘em, did we also mention the fact that more than a few of the links he passes along (heh) are of “questionable” taste? Meaning chances are he wouldn’t toss ‘em up on his own blog for all the black beans in Cuba? That said, and speaking of beans… here’s a little WHIFF at what we’re trying to get at here. That’s right, our pal Pavel – who claims to like us — sends us fart jokes. CRAZY fart jokes. BIG fart jokes. EMBARRASSING fart jokes. SILLY fart jokes. And, okay, cute ‘n FUNNY fart jokes, too. And then, of course, there’s this:

TO TELL the truth, we were kind of surprised Señor Pavel (if that’s his real name) didn’t link us to a certain hilarious MAD TV FART sketch while he was at it, but, hey, at least he didn’t expose us to the disgusting JAPANESE FART BALLOON clip, either. Maybe he likes us, after all. Thanks Pavel, we owe ya.

“I don’t wanna talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!” ~ from Monty Python and the Holy Grail

~ snuppy