Central Snark

Editor’s Note: cleaning out the queue(ueueue?) in order to make room for new posts can be such fun. Never more so than when we virtually trip over something we’d completely forgotten about thanks to a variety of Unfortunate Incidents, The Holidays, and/or Other Stuff We Can’t Recall But Were Surely Important, Shirley. This, of course, is our way of apologizing in advance for the following — which is a missive we wrote months ago. That doesn’t mean it’s not funny, it just means it’s… old.

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INITIALLY, this post was entitled “Mind Your P’s & Q’s” but then we thought to ourselves, what the hell are P’s and Q’s? ‘Tis a question that’s plagued us since we were kids, and, even as we type, we still have NO freaking idea (okay, that’s a lie from the pits of hell, because we actually DO). But that, of course, is beside the point of today’s post. The point, which has been waiting ever so politely over in the corner, next to a pile of Peas and Q-tips, is that good manners are the foundation of good living. Truth be told, we were going to share a completely hilarious story about a football player, along with an equally hilarious-yet-informative video about masturbation, but then we saw THIS POST, and realized we needed to help a few friends rediscover their manners. Or not, because, really, we could care less about yippers and/or yappers, snippers and/or snipers. Last time we checked, the name of this blog is Central SNARK, so, you know, um, mockery is pretty much the order of each and every day.

WHAT the hell are we talking about again? Oh yeah… Diesel’s hilarious post regarding some reader’s hilarious comment. Whatever we were talking about, we’re sure we were amusing. Probably not as amusing as many of the posts that have graced the pages of this blog over the past couple of weeks, but funny, nonetheless. Come to think of it, even if we weren’t being funny, it would be rude of you not to laugh, what with the price of admission to this blog being so cheap and us being so willing to put ourselves up for ridicule day after day after day. Our sense of humor may be questionable, kids, but our sense of pride will always remain intact. That must mean something to someone.

ALL this to say: today’s “lesson” is Manners — which, according to the following ’50’s film clip, are always showing. Not unlike that piece of spinach that invariably gets stuck between your teeth on every first date and/or the stream of snot hanging out of your nose when all you wanted to do was impress the “cool kids” at that pool party in the 7th grade.

IN our heads, the last few lines of dialog went like this:

MOM: Jack is so kind at thoughtful. I’m glad I got to towel him off after his shower. My boy is so grown up. Well hung, too.

MAN ON PHONE: Fine boy that Jack Conners. I wonder what he looks like in the shower?

OLD LADY: There’s a group of well-mannered young people. I wonder what they look like in the shower?

JEAN: My eyebrows are almost as thick as Jack’s. Wonder if he’d like to sex it up with me… in the shower?

JACK: That new boy was cute. Wonder if he likes showers…

~snuppy

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