Central Snark


A joke -to lighten the mood! by Snuppy
Friday, 25 August 2006, 7:00am
Filed under: cracks us up, Teh Penguin

‘Cause it is Friday and it is time for us to laugh and enjoy the rest of the week! Also, the painkillers have affected the synaptic transmitting of my two remaining neurons…and therefore copy/paste is the only thing I am capable of this morning.

here we go:

“Knowing American History

It was the first day of school and a new student named Pedro Martinez, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, “Lets begin by reviewing some American history. “Who said Give me Liberty, or give me Death?”

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand up. “Patrick Henry, 1775.”

“Very good!” said the teacher. “Now, who said, Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth?”

Again, no response except from Pedro: “Abraham Lincoln, 1863.”

The teacher snapped at the class, “Class, you should be ashamed! Pedro, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do!”

She heard a loud whisper: “Screw the Mexicans!”

“Who said that?” she demanded.

Pedro put his hand up. “Jim Bowie, 1836.”

At that point, a student in the back said, “I’m gonna puke.” The teacher glared and asked, “All right! Now, who said that?”

Again, Pedro answered, “George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.”

Now furious, another student yelled, “Oh yeah? Suck this!”

Pedro jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the teacher, “Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!”

Now, with almost a mob-hysteria, the teacher said, “If you say anything else, I´ll kill you!”

Pedro frantically yelled at the top of his voice, “Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001.”

The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the floor, someone said, “Oh shit, we´re in BIG trouble now!”

Pedro whispered, “Saddam Hussein, 2003.”

Finally, someone threw an eraser at Pedro and another student shouted, “Duck”!

The teacher, just waking up and still a bit out of it, asked “Who said that?

Pedro: “Dick Cheney 2006!””

Now: for today´s question: If you realize that you don’ t know something, but everyone else seems to know what is going on…do you make a point of asking, do you laugh along or do you remain silent?

In the spirit of that, who the heck is Gary Condit and Chandra Levy?

Thought I throw in one for good meassure:

“A little boy goes to his dad and asks, “What is politics?”

Dad says, “Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let´s call me capitalism. Your Mom, she´s the administrator of the money, so well call her the Government. We´re here to take care of your needs, so we´ll call you the people. The nanny, we´ll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, well call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,”

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents´ room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny´s room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, “Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now.” The father says, “Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.” The little boy replies, “Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.””

If you have read either one before, you are way too much on the internet!

~teh Penguin~

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22 Comments so far
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Ok…this here Penguin is swept of to the Coutryside until tomorrow and hopes all of you are having a lovely Friday!
I might get to check in once or twice whenever the connection out there permits;)

Comment by Penguin

you are just lovely…. and these jokes are too too funny! oh, and just so you know: Chandra Levy was a young woman who disappeared in Washington D.C. in 2001, she was allegedly Gary Condit’s mistress, a Congressman from Central California (my home district). He was suspected of killing her, which he denied. still, his reputation was tainted (he had always presented himself as a loving devoted husband/father) and he lost his bid to be re-elected.

GREAT POST! those jokes were beyond hilarious and a PERFECT way to start a Friday!! hope your trip to the countryside is delightful! oh, and try not to step in any horse you-know-what… and for goodness’ sake, don’t let any horse step on YOUR you-know-what. we’ll have no more injuries for you, young lady! xox

Comment by snuppy

And, Chandra Levy’s skeletal remains were found in a park in northwest Washington in May, 2002, almost 13 months after she vanished without a trace. As far as I know, they didn’t implicate Gary Condit any further.

funny jokes! i’d heard the second one before cuz i DO spend waaaaay too much time on ‘net! 🙂

Comment by canine karen

YAY FOR THE PENGUIN! WOOH TO DA HOOH and all that goos stuff! I loved the jokes, no I had not heard them before, up above are the answers to the Chandra Levy thang, and as for your question, I ask or admit to not knowing… ’tis the bohemian way of doing things you see…

Now, a limping penguin in the countryside with horses! Oh dios mio! Fingers crossed, eyes closed, grimacing and hoping for the best!

AY DIOS MIO!!!!

PS~ Thank you for a beautiful and awesome post dear Ice Queen… bohemians everywhere applaud you FO SHO!

Comment by Catty Yummy Mummy

🙂 Morning everyone! I ask if I don’t know something. I can get away with it because I am a blonde. 🙂 Nah, I don’t get too uptight about not knowing something, I find there is a lot I don’t know. I lived in Russia for a year when I was 17. When I came back there was all this OJ stuff all over – papers, magazine covers on tv in the airport. I was very confused as to why he’d be on tv. Thankfully a cabby in New York was able to give me a brief run down. 🙂

🙂 Another rockin’ post Penguin!

Comment by cj

by the way… i always ask when i don’t know. i’m less concerned about looking stupid in the “now” than i am about looking stupid “later”.

it’s served me well, and i think most folks are actually more than willing to jump in and explain things when you’re honest about your ignorace (and/or naivete). great question, Penguin! xoxo

Comment by snuppy

Pfew, I don’t spend too much time on the Internet after all! I hadn’t read them. So thanks Pengy, for bringing them my way.

Just running through as we are off to the Hall of Science right here in Queens where we will ask, nay demand to undertand Pluto’s snub at this year’s Oscars!

See you all later!

Comment by Lampshade Lady

I too am relieved to discover I did not know the jokes and therefore do not qualify as a “netaholic.” Lampy a moment of silence at the Hall in honor of poor little downgraded Pluto would seem an appropriate gesture…it pains me to think of the little guy/girl (not sure of the gender designation for ex-planets)out there cold and alone…kicked out of the only family he/she had ever known…forced by gravity to continue to move in the same “family” circle but now snubbed and billed an outsider…oh the inhumanity of it all!

Comment by bobo

Excellent jokes, pengie!
1. i ask. that means i can only be ignorant about that particular subject once, instead of every time it comes up.
2. what the hell is with this pluto thing? they upgrade three rocks to planetary status and then knock pluto out of the running? who made this decision? what will this do to the orerrey industry?????????
the funny part will be watching all the astrologers backpedalling, revising their ‘calculations’ or denying the whole thing matters a whit anyway while quietly excising pluto from all future mention.

Comment by FirstNations

“Hi. My name is Pavel and I knew both Jokes. I’m a Netaholic.”

“Hi Pavel!”

Comment by Pavel

Oh ever dearest Snuppy… bohemian minds would like to know if your DVD player plays DIVX… hmmm?

I figured this question would get ot you faster than here than an email would! Hope you are having a beautiful early weekend!

Comment by Catty Yummy Mummy

Great jokes. The Jim Bowie part made me laugh out loud.

Someone on the Daily Show was talking the other day about the fact that Gary Condit even running for re-election was proof that getting re-elected is way too easy.

I am proud to say both jokes were new to me. Thanks for them and happy weekend.

Comment by Walela

Oh, and vote for Pedro!

Comment by Walela

LOLOL!!!! I loved the second joke!!! How very clever. Damn, to be able to write that…

I am upset about Pluto too. How can they just kick the little one out like that????? And now it’s got to hang with dwarf siblings too. Why can’t they just stick with the original 9 in the solar? Grrrr!! Poor Pluto. Gets the kid in me all upset.

GG xo

Comment by good girl

well it’s mighty damn quiet in this park today. where is everyone? is there a secret blog out there that i don’t know about and you guys do? or am i just being paranoid? xox

Comment by snuppy

I missed you by some minutes dear Snuppy! I was wondering the same thing! Huh! I must be the only loser home on a Friday night! Well, it is night here… I guess most people have lives but me? Ha, ha, haaa! Nope… the blogosphere keeps me happy I tell you, HAPPY!

By the way Snuppy, does your DVD player pay Divx… hmmm?

Comment by Catty Yummy Mummy

i have a dvd player. it plays dvd’s. it will not play 78’s or 45’s, though. or those chocolate records they used to sell at the candy store.

they melt.
whats divx, catty yummiest of mummies?

Comment by FirstNations

Divx is a digital PC encoded file which the newer DVD players can play so that if you download something off the web you don’t need to burn it into a DVD and can play it as a Divx right into your DVD player and to tell whether your DVD player can play it or not, check in the front where it lists what it plays and if it says Divx or Xvid, then it does!

They sold chocolate records at the candy store? Oooh! Lickalicious!

FN, I think thee utterly sweet! UTTERLY SWEET INDEED! That’s a bohemian declaration of love I would have you know! FO SHO!

Comment by Catty Yummy Mummy

CYM?? i’ll have to check with Joel about the DVD/Divx/DvAbcDefG thing. but i’m guessing it does. so now you’ll have to send me a note to tell me *why* you’re asking!!! oh, and you’re not the only one who loveloveloves FN!! we ALL do! she totally rocks… and totally makes us snort coffee/tea/milk out of our noses on any given day! xox

hope everyone had a fabulous friday! i’m off to bed now… and look forward to seeing y’all manana!! xoxox

Comment by snuppy

Oooh! Some things may make no sense in the current moment of space and time but will make themselves known as soon as is humanly possible… yeah, I am taking the muysterious route on that one! Bwahahahahaahaaaaa!

Have a beautiful sleep oh dearest of all Snuppies and hope you wake up to a beautiful and absolutely delightful day! Besos all the way from Es-pain!

Comment by One Hot Puppy

Ooops! That was me! Why ohy why can I not get this right?

AY!

Comment by Catty Yummy Mummy

Hi everybody.
That was fun to read!
You guys sure are a hoot!
Glad you liked it.
The countryside is awesome. No further bones have been broken, as of yet!
And now there is a little horese, here in our countryside, that goes bu the name of Monika! I´ll post a picture in a little while!
I am so proud!

Comment by Monika




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