Central Snark


L’Chaim!* by Snuppy
Wednesday, 15 November 2006, 9:10am
Filed under: happy happy

*UPDATE: Okay, so maybe Snuppy’s not the brightest bulb in the lamp (we already know who that belongs to) but even she is capable of figuring out a thing or two once it’s been pounded into her brain and/or she takes a moment to read her friend’s blog (d’oh). All this to say LAMPSHA’S celebrating something very special today — which suddenly makes this post relevant(ish). Mazal tov! And Happy Birthday, dear friend! 

THE following is an actual conversation that recently took place between two key members of the Central Snark Administrative Team (the members not living in SPAIN and/or ICELAND). Known by a variety of monikers within the blogosphere, the two are most likely to be recognized here as LAMPSHA and SNUPPY. Over the past few days, the two chatted about various options for a post, following the discovery of an especially hilarious 1950’s video about Party Planning, unaware that, as they spoke, the “save” button had been activated on the blog, causing their every word to be recorded. The following is an excerpt from their deep and thought-provoking discussion:

Lampsha (to Snuppy): This is the start of the post if we use the Party video…

Snuppy (to Lampsha): I think we need to say more.

Lampsha (to Snuppy):  I thought we might seem crass in comparison to the lighthearted jocularity displayed here.

Snuppy (to Lampsha): They are a lighthearted bunch of jovial teens, aren’t they? Maybe you’re right. No need to rain on such a lively parade, eh, NBFF? (Oh, to make a few of those festive party hats… wouldn’t that be keen??)

LAMPSHA and Snuppy’s only regret is that they didn’t have their hands on this informative video prior to the Almost Birthday Party they threw here a few days ago. Both feel certain a rousing rendition of Jimmy Cracked Corn sung around the piano would have been the perfect icebreaker. They liked those games, too. Especially the one with the cards. Golly, that’s just good clean fun for everyone. Lampsha and Snuppy have vowed to improve their party planning/throwing skills, and are feverishly working on a “to do” list for their next special carnival (designed for gay entertainment?), even as you read.

~A Lampsha/Snuppy Joint Production

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36 Comments so far
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naturally, we realize this exchange may only seem funny to us. initially, the only thing in the post was Lampsha’s first line + this video (which really is hysterical. at least we think so, but i digress). then i added the second line the following day. then she added hers… and we went back and forth with hilarious results. join us in our heads where the humor is rampant and riotous, won’t you?

and, by the way, “designed for gay entertainment” is just an excerpt from the video, not something we necessarily plan to do. not that there’d be anything wrong with that if we did. xox

Comment by One Hot Puppy

d’oh! had i known of the significance of this date, our joint intro for that video might have been somewhat different:

LAMPSHA: this is the post so far.

SNUPPY: i think it needs to be longer.

LAMPSHA: i’d love to work on it more, but i have things to do, other posts to write and, well, my Jewish birthday is coming up, and…

S: what what what??!! it’s your Jewish Birthday?

L: well, yeah, and so i…

S: well, shouldn’t we be planning a celebratory post for that? i mean, come on! if we can throw an “almost” birthday party for a curmudgeon, surely we can do something for you!

L: stop calling me shirley.

S: can’t i do something?

L: well, okay. i guess i don’t mind… just try not to be all mishigosh about it.

S: mishigosh? is that a kind of cake?

L: i have to go…

S: oh… okay. well… er… do you still want to use this video?

L: is it mishigosh?

S: it’s not a cake.

L: my hair is wet. i have to go.

S: okay. well… hope you have a great birthday! and… er… um…. Mazal tov?

L: click.

actually, i have no doubt Lampsha’s responses would have been significantly more clever, but, well, we didn’t get to have this conversation, so i guess we’ll never know…

Comment by One Hot Puppy

Right – not at all. Although for my kid’s upcoming birthday celebrations, this is really SWELL! Maybe this bunch does parties!? They’re so well behaved, it might just be infectious. Although they’re probably older by now – bunch of old sods. My kids will have us to hang out with, who needs them?

Though they were all young folks at one time, huh?

Thanks for the mazal tov and maybe we’ll try the hat things tonight when we have a mini celebration – pizza and falafel. We do love cause to celebrate!

xox

Comment by Lampsha

Nah, they would not have been much more clever at all. Haha. You are too funny my friend. xox

Comment by Lampsha

Blogger is down and I don’t care!!!
Blogger is down and I don’t care!!!
Snark is up and the party is heeeeere!!!
Annnnd, I will have a gay old time!!!! 🙂

Comment by Pretty Kitten Heels

The long version of the dialogue is awfully funny. G must be giddy from having two birthdays per year.

Comment by Walela

Mazal tov G. Your story on simply said is a wonderful story of love and family.

Comment by Pretty Kitten Heels

Yes we’ll have a gay old time!!!

Thank you guys. Yeah giddy -that’s me. That long dialogue is Snuppy’s doing (as if I needed to tell you) and has me cracking up each time I read. This one is “sort of” my quiet little birthday, but what the heck.

I bet they sang this after Jimmy Crack Corn. Join me kids, won’t you?

“Hail, hail the gangs all here
What the heck do we care, what the heck do we care…”

Comment by Lampsha

Well that movie explains a lot of things to me. 🙂 My mom has a masters in home economics – I think they call that family sciences now. While watching the video I couldn’t help but wonder how THE HELL people sat through movies like that in class, and better yet, how it seemed to spark some people’s careers. 🙂 But then I remembered my momma eventually did have a midlife crisis of sorts and became a professional clown. Really….. these movies are kind of dangerous!

Mazal Tov G!! 🙂

Comment by cj

cj: Your family history gets more intriguing to me by the day! So funny. And thanks on the mazal!

Comment by Lampsha

what a lucky lampsha, two birthdays!

Mazal Tov G. Haven’t been able to watch the film yet but I’m sure its a treasure.

Comment by kyahgirl

Happy Jewish Birthday Lampy! You may be Lampsha here, but you’ll always be lampy to me. 🙂

I think I want two birthdays. I’m so keeping 4-7, so if I had to claim another it’d just have to be 11-11. Sorry I’m showing my inner dorkette again.

*waives* hi snark park pals!

Comment by Sar

Dear Doctor Snark:

Ever since I was about 12, I’ve been having this recurring dream about a woman wearing a pointy hat with her arms tied behind her back reaching out with her teeth trying to catch apples dangling from the ceiling on strings. Is that normal? And, is it normal to have such dreams?

Comment by Al

And, Happy Birthday again, G. Warm comment under your post, snarky question here:

C’mon, confess — you sneak down a bacon cheeseburger every now and then, don’tcha? Don’tcha?

Comment by Al

Thank you Sar and go for it! So glad to see you here. But I wouldn’t go calling myself a dorkette – well 1) because you’re not but 2) it might stand to reason that if dork is another name for a certain part of the blue whale’s anatomy, could a dorkette be also? We’ll have to ask Dr. Snark!

Al: Look at you trying to wrangle a confession. Easy AL, you’ll offend my vegetarian friends who don’t need to think of me in that light! Never mind the rabbi! Haha, it’s been a loooooong time and no, I don’t miss it. Not that or lobster or scallops or meat lasanga or well, just about everything that’s not really good for you anyway so HAH!

I believe the doctor will be in shortly – have a seat in the waiting room.

Comment by Lampsha

OH MY GOSH that’s the worst thing I’ve ever seen. Talk about beating any possible vestige of fun and spontaneity out of an idea. I’m having some bandwidth issues today, so I didn’t get to see all of it, but if the party is half as much fun as that planning session, then I’ve got a Turkish prison I’ve really got to get back to.

Comment by Diesel

NO MEAT LASAGNA!?! Brrr, thanks a lot, I’m gonna have nightmares…

Gimme credit for trying, will ya? But, now that you mention it, I do have a question about kosher rules.

Dear Dokter G:

Exactly how far apart, in time and space, do the meat and the cheese need to be?

(I could ask my Jewish friends on our regular Thursday night out, but I wouldn’t trust their answer. The little pishers love cheeseburgers. You, I trust. 🙂

Comment by Al

Al:

That’s a question for the Rabbi:

Well as with all things in Judaism, Al – for one question, there are many answers (dependent upon level of observance), but here goes (without going into all the mishigosh):

If you have a dairy meal first, then a half an hour.

If you are having a meat meal – some wait three hours, the more observant six. We basically clear the meat dishes and make sure there’s no chicken in our teeth if we were to have a dairy dessert.

Next Week on Ask the Rabbi: How To Make a Kosher Mulligan Stew.

Comment by Lampsha

Diesel, I feel tired just thinking about being around them. Oh you would be the rebel in the crowd I see. Hanging out with Jimmy Dean smoking by the train tracks or something.

Comment by Lampsha

The following sequence finds our dear snarkster Al meeting with the Snark Therapist. We also have a rabbi and are contemplating a mystic for spiritual healing. Personal shoppers might also be a hit.

Al, the doctor will see you now.

Why yes, Al, that’s quite normal.

Woman’s fashion has continued to evolve so I can see where it would be a source of preoccupation in your dreams. Of course if you were swimming with blue whales, I would say that there are strong homosexual tendancies (not that there’s anything wrong with that) that you are suppressing. Have you ever wanted to be a woman’s clothing designer – not that that would make you gay or that there’s anything wrong with being gay. Well, it’s just your designs seem to be coming to you in your dreams.

I’d say not to worry, go out and get Judy Garland’s greatest hits and reconsider your career path. In the dreams, were the woman hanging from the ceiling by strings?

We’ll have to continue next week.

And so ends another session with Dr. Hugo T. Quackenbush

Comment by Lampsha reports

Lampshala: Swell is what we had in mind for today, right? i’m just happy the party planning session coincided so nicely with your special day! xoxo

Pretty Kitten Heels:
That’s a great song, i laughed a lot!
That’s a great song, i laughed a lot!
We’re glad you’re here… we’ll laugh a lot!
Because that’s what we do! xox

Walela: a lesser NBFF might accuse her of being an attention whore. not me, boy. xox

CJ: the mother of our “oldest and dearest friends'” new son-in-law (did you follow that?) is also a clown! Lampshala’s right… your life/history just gets more intriguing by the comment! xox

Kyahgirl: i’m thinkin’ you’ll love the video… it’s very surreal! xox

Sar: i think you should have as many birthdays as you like. at your age, that’s fine. at my age, not so much… xox

Dear Al: only if there’s sex involved. (and for your information, meatless lasagna is divine. at least it is when i make it!) xox

Diesel: so you’ve yet to see the whole thing and already you’re not on board for a quick game of “rhythm”? or the festive hat making contest?? or the harmonized singing of slave songs around the piano? party pooper. xox

Lampshala: agreed. Diesel would not think the party was swell. why, i bet he wouldn’t even help serve food to the girl next to him at the buffet table. and one can only imagine the hat he’d try to put on her head (you did notice that the boys made the hats and the girls modeled ’em, right?) i’m betting he wouldn’t even take the cue to go home in a timely and polite fashion. what a brat.

hope your day is a special and wonderful as you are, girlfriend!! 🙂 xoxox

Comment by snuppy

DYING! i am dying with laughter after reading about Al’s session with Dr. Snark! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Comment by snuppy

Apparently Al needs help. Thankfully he’s in the right place as we pride ourselves on being a one stop shop. Sort of a culutral Jiffy Lube – you’re in you’re out and we’ve quieted the noise you make, all for one low price of admission.

Comment by Lampsha reports

Comment whore?! Enough about me, what do you think of my new lampshade? Oh that? Just another name I go by. hahahaha

Comment by Lampy

Lampy…does this mean you age twice as fast? Happy…happy!

Love the “how to party” film, ranks right up there with “duck and cover.” Loved the part where they decide to invite one girl because the boys will love her…was she a whoe?

Comment by BoBo

Bobo: Watch it fella! Apparently she brought the boys in.

Comment by Lampy

Lampshala & BoBo: every party has it’s whore. (i have no idea what that means… but in my head i’m laughing again. perhaps i need my own session with Dr. Hugo T. Quackensnarkenbush? xox

Comment by snuppy

Woof! I’m gettin’; my ass kicked. I can’t believe it, after sitting patiently in the waiting room for so long…

Lampela, I’d ask for a second opinion, but I’m in an HMO.

FYI, the women were standing and the apples were swinging — pretty much just like in the video, except I dream in tecnicolor. Funny, my dream book interpreted the swinging fruit in a completely different way…

Snuppy: do you by any chance have a recipe for meatless meatloaf? And, please hold the hard-boiled eggs.

Comment by Al

Al, I am not qualified to answer but I’ll consult my dream book later. I just got it – HMO!!! Stop denying it Al, the truth shall set you free. Of course the fruit was swinging. Keep mulling it – the answers will come.

See you all later.

Lights out.

Comment by Lampy

Snuppy – someone’s laughing in my head too!

Comment by Lampy

oooo, you guys play rough. I like the rough stuff…

Lampelstiltskin: Before diagnosing me, you should have checked my footware. Ten years old and out of style, scuffed and worn, and wait! A Ha! Different-colored socks! Clearly straight, case closed.

(Oh, OK, I’ll think about it. And I’m way over my daily comment quota.)

Comment by Al

ok snuppy, I watched it.
OMG, very educational. No wonder I’m a social failure. I forget the first thing on the checklist every time!!

Comment by kyahgirl

Oh, boy! Can’t hardly wait….

Comment by actonbell

They made HATS??? Sometimes I’m thankful for my shitty internet connection.

Comment by Diesel

Lampshala: well thank goodness for that! (i hate to be the only one) xox

Al: methinks thou doth protest too much. not that there’s anything wrong with that… xox

Kyahgirl: it’s the stuff bad dreams (see Al’s comments) and worse parties are made of, wouldn’t you agree? and yet… it’s so informative, and well…odd. if that’s our measure for “social acceptance”, i believe i’ll join you in the “failure” corner! we don’t need no stinking hats to have fun! xox

Actonbell: why do i think your mom laughed her ass off when she first such this kind of drivel “back in the day” (whenever that was… i mean, i’m sure i saw this stuff when i was in grade school in the 60’s, too!) xox

Diesel: if you loved “Duck & Cover”, you’ll adore “What Makes a Good Party”. trust me. or, if not me, trust Al (his earlier reference to the lady in a pointy hat bobbing for hanging fruit should be your first clue this video is bizarre. by someone’s standards, not ours.) hey, wait a tick… aren’t you supposed to be a “tech” guy?? lousy connection, you say??? what am i missing here??? xox

Comment by snuppy

All I kept thinking while watching the video was — no wonder everyone starting smoking pot. Who knew it was boring parties that led to drug use?! And I was so dispointed that the guys had no hats. Crap.
Happy Birthday Lampy!

Comment by Mutha




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