Central Snark

Thanksgiving by Snuppy
Wednesday, 22 November 2006, 8:59am
Filed under: happy happy, holidays

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.  ~George Burns

DESPITE widespread belief that Thanksgiving is the consummate “family bonding” holiday, our own experiences tell us the opposite is also true. Then again, it’s possible our own “experiences” have been tainted by our lack in all skills necessary to properly enjoy and/or conduct ourselves at the family dinner table. Damn our lack in skills! If only we’d had someone over the years to help guide us through the nuances of family dining etiquette, things might have turned out so different. Alas, we did not. You, on the other hand, do.

YES, dear friends, in order to prevent you from falling into the same awkward Thanksgiving “experience” abyss we did,  and/or to maximize everyone’s “holiday family bonding time”, we proudly present “A Date With Your Family” – a refresher course in manners, if you will. We think you’ll find it as useful as it is informative, and hopefully more than a little entertaining, since this particular video is served up with its own tasty running commentary.*

NOW, this is a family that really knows how to behave. Unfortunately, this is also a family that doesn’t exist anymore, as we hearkened back to the halcyon days of the 50’s once again for this one. It’s a good bet these folks ended up in therapy and crashed and burned within the following decade. Still, we’re convinced they were polite to each right up to the bitter end.

HEY, we like our family as a friend, too. Which means we’ll be willing to sit down and fake a few moments of graciousness and ceremony with ’em, if they’ll be willing to help with the dishes. That way we can all look back with much happiness, ensuring our family dinner will be something to remember all our days and/or until the next time Uncle Dick tries to pinch us on the ass.


~A Lampsha/Snuppy Joint Production

Ladies and Gentelmen… by Snuppy
Tuesday, 21 November 2006, 9:05am
Filed under: music music, Teh Penguin

I give you Bianca Ryan:

(In case the link does not work, just give it a second until snuppy wakes up and fixes it for me.)

Ok…many things about X-Factor freak me out. The fact that it has arrived to Iceland is bad enough, but David Hasselhoff as one of the judges? I mean, seriously! Admitting that I am one of many Germans that jumped along to his “I´ve been Looking for freedom” sounds, but that was 15 years ago…can we move on, please?!

Now when I heard that little girl´s  voice it gave me goose-bumbs. She is 11, for crying out loud!

Which made me think of myself at 11 and laughter escaped me. I was such a tomboy. The best of my talents at that age was probably going out into the woods and building tree houses with my brother. I also used to be the leader of our gang in the village. All 4 of us! Yeah, good times. Once, I made everybody that wanted to belong to my gang, go into the next supermarket and steal a lock with three keys. I really had a thing for locks, what can I say?  I didn´t say I am proud of it…anymore!

So … in general I was wondering what the rest of you were up to around the ages of 11. Those lovely pre-teenage years. Did you already know what to do when you grow up, did you play outside, or inside? Was your daddy or mommy more of your connect-to person.

Come on you guys, spill!

Blue Man Group/Venus Hum by Snuppy
Monday, 20 November 2006, 8:45am
Filed under: happy happy, music music

ONCE AGAIN, our offering is not so much an “opposites/cheap laughs” counter to the wonderful music provided over the weekend by the delicious and clever LAMPSHA, as it is an odd, energetic, and — what we hope will be — fan-freakin’-tastic way to kick-start a new week. A week, we might add, that ends in Thanksgiving. Which means what? That’s right, we’re all gonna need to feel the Love in order to get through to the other side. Mmmmm. Think about those tasty “leftovers”, maybe that’ll help.

AT FIRST glance, this video seems like the result of a very strange artistic collaboration. At second glance, it seems like a musical collaboration between a couple of strange and amazingly talented groups. At third glance, it seems strangely artistic and freakingly awesome. Fans of BLUE MAN GROUP, you ask? You bet your sweet asses we are. Fans of VENUS HUM*? We are now, and then some. Can you feel the Love, yet? You will, baby, you will…

*Venus Hum is the name of a band, their vocalist is Annette Strean (in case you were wondering — and we know you were). We could watch this woman sing all day, and, depending on how things go on Thursday, we just might.

HAPPY HAPPY, JOY JOY! While you’re listening to this great song, and, of course, “feeling the Love”, we’d like to suggest you take a moment to dance over and say congratulations to BIG RED JOY, who will no longer be “big”, but will continue (as far as anyone can tell) to be “red” and ever so full of “joy”. According to her hilarious hubbs, Not-So-Red Frank, turns out the “big” was a 10 (yes, 10!) pound baby boy. Golly, and all this time we just thought Joy had a “healthy” appetite. Silly us.


Saturday, 18 November 2006, 9:45am
Filed under: Lampsha Spins

Well would you look at that, Thanksgiving already! Almost. Not to be too corny, because we  know the other “c” word (cute) had you all in a dither a couple of days ago. With regards to that, here’s a hint: although it’s Central Snark, sometimes we just provide the fodder and YOU provide The Snark. What? Do we have to do all the work around here?

Sorry, where was I? That’s right — the topic is “Thanksgiving”. Holidays often tend to bring out the best and the worst in families. In that vein, we have RAY DAVIES of The Kinks performing his ode to Thanksgiving Day. I’m sure the Davies Brothers had their fair share of Holiday gathering brawls. Long before the Gallagher Brothers of Oasis duked it out, the Davies Brothers were legendary for fighting and disagreement. And long before them Cain was kicking Abel’s ass (or was it the other way around?). Just not many good examples to follow. And somewhere in between were my brothers. But we won’t bring up the time they went on a “spritual retreat” and got into an altercation over a basketball game. Ah, good times.

So without further adieu, I bring you Ray singing Thanksgiving, and I’ll be damned if he doesn’t sound like he means it.

~DJ Lampsha 

A Lampsha/Snuppy Joint Production

Calvin & Hobbes? by Snuppy
Friday, 17 November 2006, 9:18am
Filed under: cracks us up

People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don’t realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.” ~ Calvin & Hobbes 

NOT Snarky enough around here, you say? (and you know who you are, person who’s name is AL, followed by weasel whose name is DIESEL). Let’s see what we can do about that.

WE saw this on ROBOT CHICKEN a while back, and we laughed and laughed and laughed. Yes, we know it’s wrong in so many ways. Why do you think we laughed? Besides, haven’t you always thought that Calvin was more than a little strange, what with his talking tiger and all? Come on, you know you did.

OF course, we can’t leave you without a some “real” Calvin & Hobbes humor — brace yourselves, this might get cute. Here are a couple of quotes we think are funny. If you agree, check here___. If you don’t, then go away, and never darken this blog again. Prepare to laugh heartily. (Or not, depending on your desire to darken this blog):

The following quotes kinda sorta remind us of 1. a CURMUDGEON, 2. a BOHEMIAN 3. teh PENGUIN 4. BOBO 5. YOU (but not YOU. Or YOU.) See if you can figure out which is for whom. Or who. Or whatever… (we have to go now).

County library? Reference desk, please. Hello? Yes, I need a word definition. Well, that’s the problem. I don’t know how to spell it and I’m not allowed to say it. Could you just rattle off all the swear words you know and I’ll stop you when…Hello?”

Who was the first guy that look at a cow and said, ‘I think that I’ll drink whatever comes out of those things when I squeeze them?‘”

Well, remember what you said, because in a day or two, I’ll have a witty and blistering retort! You’ll be devastated THEN!”

Some days even my lucky rocketship underpants won’t help.”

I don’t DO math anymore. I decided I’m more of a visual person.” “Visualize being the only 45-year-old in the first grade.”

“Who wouldn’t be interested in everything we do?!”

SPEAKING of hilarious lines, we’d be remiss if we didn’t do a teensie bit of shameless promotion before calling it a post, since one of us is a caption finalist HERE this week. (The one who didn’t come up with “Trading Parking Spaces”. The one who did is thrilled for her NBFF, and not at all bitter. Really.)

~Another fabulous LAMPSHA/SNUPPY Joint Production. (all rights reserved)

Happy (Penguin) Feet by Snuppy
Thursday, 16 November 2006, 9:04am
Filed under: happy happy

PENGUINS dancing? Music by Queen, the Beach Boys, Pink, Stevie Wonder? Adorable animated critters voiced by the likes of Elijah Wood, Robin Williams, Hugh Jackman, Nicole Kidman? Dudes, we’ve read a few reviews, and we don’t know about you, but we might have to force ourselves off the couch in order to go see this little gem before it comes out on DVD:

HAPPY FEET, boogying on down to a theater and/or ice float near you…

OKAY, we’d like to see this flick, but we’d be lying like dogs in heat if we said it’s what we plan to see this weekend. Don’t tell our own dear PENGUIN, but in truth, if we only get to see one movie anytime soon (which is likely), it will absolutely have to be THIS ONE, and we’ll tell you why. We are humongous fans of every single film ever written and/or directed by Christopher Guest. YEPEVERY SINGLE FILM. He’s also starred in ONE or TWO we’re incredibly fond of, as well. But that’s just us.

WE also believe a few other new films are opening soon that look interesting, too, but right now our own happy feet are forcing us to dance away from the computer, which means we can’t do more Googlery, in order to provide you with more links……

penguinShuffle, Ball, Step

Step kick, Step kick

What? Happy music/feet brings out our inner penguin.


L’Chaim!* by Snuppy
Wednesday, 15 November 2006, 9:10am
Filed under: happy happy

*UPDATE: Okay, so maybe Snuppy’s not the brightest bulb in the lamp (we already know who that belongs to) but even she is capable of figuring out a thing or two once it’s been pounded into her brain and/or she takes a moment to read her friend’s blog (d’oh). All this to say LAMPSHA’S celebrating something very special today — which suddenly makes this post relevant(ish). Mazal tov! And Happy Birthday, dear friend! 

THE following is an actual conversation that recently took place between two key members of the Central Snark Administrative Team (the members not living in SPAIN and/or ICELAND). Known by a variety of monikers within the blogosphere, the two are most likely to be recognized here as LAMPSHA and SNUPPY. Over the past few days, the two chatted about various options for a post, following the discovery of an especially hilarious 1950’s video about Party Planning, unaware that, as they spoke, the “save” button had been activated on the blog, causing their every word to be recorded. The following is an excerpt from their deep and thought-provoking discussion:

Lampsha (to Snuppy): This is the start of the post if we use the Party video…

Snuppy (to Lampsha): I think we need to say more.

Lampsha (to Snuppy):  I thought we might seem crass in comparison to the lighthearted jocularity displayed here.

Snuppy (to Lampsha): They are a lighthearted bunch of jovial teens, aren’t they? Maybe you’re right. No need to rain on such a lively parade, eh, NBFF? (Oh, to make a few of those festive party hats… wouldn’t that be keen??)

LAMPSHA and Snuppy’s only regret is that they didn’t have their hands on this informative video prior to the Almost Birthday Party they threw here a few days ago. Both feel certain a rousing rendition of Jimmy Cracked Corn sung around the piano would have been the perfect icebreaker. They liked those games, too. Especially the one with the cards. Golly, that’s just good clean fun for everyone. Lampsha and Snuppy have vowed to improve their party planning/throwing skills, and are feverishly working on a “to do” list for their next special carnival (designed for gay entertainment?), even as you read.

~A Lampsha/Snuppy Joint Production