Central Snark


School, Girls & YOU by Snuppy
Tuesday, 5 December 2006, 9:54am
Filed under: cracks us up, Sex, Ed?

THROUGHOUT the blogosphere, people are writing INSPIRING posts. WITTY posts. CHALLENGING* posts. What a shame none of those things can be found here. That’s not to say we don’t have anything for your perusal and/or enjoyment, for of course we do. Oh yeah, today’s offering is top-notch. And we’re guessing it was as much fun to make as it is to watch.  Except maybe for that guy in the wheelchair. This is good stuff. As opposed to yesterday’s post, which was not.

THE following background info was provided by whoever first posted this video — which is a parody of those cheesy “educational” films we’ve all come to know and love around here. The preceding and/or following italicized MST 3000(ish) commentary was provided by Lampsha (except for one or two):

IT’S the 1950’s — and strait-laced Everdale University is about to go “coed”. In order to prepare its student body for the onslaught of “females” on campus, the administrators present this hard-hitting educational film. And import bananas by the bushel.  Paul Reubens (a.k.a. Pee Wee Herman a.k.a. Look What I can Do to myself in a Dark Theater) stars as Wally Bile the “wrong-way” role model with Patrick MacNee (The Avengers) as Science Professor, Dr. Bloom.

Dr. Bloom explains the vital “do’s and don’ts” on dating women, and the all-important “warning signs” and “danger signals” to look out for when close-encountering the opposite sex. Because apparently it’s always the vixens leading the poor lads astray.

His lecture to Wally on the evils of “self-manipulation” (a.k.a. spanking the monkey) is not to be missed. (Animated Mr. Penis “instructer” sung by jazz great Dave Frishberg) Everybody has to put food on the table somehow I suppose.  

BACK TO US. This satirical film includes a moment or two of nudity (bare bouncy boobs)… and, of course, that aforementioned animated penis (animated, or just happy to see us?). Which means, we suppose, we can’t let you view without a WARNING. Despite the promise of animation, don’t be watchin’ this one with the kids. Trust us, a dancing penis may be funny, but those hairy “balls-for-feet”, are not. (that’s a lie. they’re hilarious.)

FOR anyone wondering and/or still reading, this little gem was from an HBO comedy series that aired in the early 80’s, called “Likely Stories” — which featured a whole bunch of actors we’re too lazy to list.

*WE’RE thinking CINDRA’S contest might be a lot of fun this week, but since we’ve already admitted to being lazy, you have to know we don’t want to do it ourselves. Help a blog out, won’t ya? We’ll start: “Father Christmas was annoyed. No, he was pissed. Mad enough, in fact, to hang those stupid reindeer. He didn’t care so much about the gambling, but why did they have to bet the presents? ” Okay, you take it from there, we’re spent.

~A Lampsha/Snuppy Joint Production 

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18 Comments so far
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to the untrained eye, this looks like a long(ish) post. but look again and you’ll see that it’s not. okay, it sort of is — in truth we were gonna edit out the YouTube provided info, but then Lampsha started “riffing” on it, and this post just kept gettin’ funnier by the word. at least in our heads, it did.

so laugh, damn you, laugh. or pretend for the sake of our fragile egos (which aren’t really fragile so much as hanging by a thread). xox

Comment by One Hot Puppy

(The guy looks like Clark Kent Goes to College.)

Dear Dr. Snark:

I keep having these anxious dreams about my all-boy College days, about showing up naked for class, about suddenly learning of imminent Final Exams in courses I didn’t even know were on my roster. Sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night, sweating, with my left hand in a jar of Vaseline and my right hand wrapped around a tall bottle of Budweiser. Is this normal?

Signed,

College Boy

Comment by Al

Dear College Boy:

I believe I have treated a similar adult patient who was repressing his homosexuality. He also went by “Al”. Never mind, if you two are separate perhaps I can introduce you – if you are the same at least your multiples go by one name to make it easy on me – not so much for you.

Ah but I fear I am sliding down a slippery slope here, so let’s get back on track. The only issue would be if the hand that held the vaseline also held the Budweiser. Other than that, I think you should go to a gay bar to confront these long repressed urges.

That’s it for today’s session.

Dr. Snark

Comment by Dr. (my diploma is here somehwere) Snark

Thanks a lot, Dr. Snark. As usual, I was completely cured – not so much by your conseling, mind you, as by your bill.

Comment by Al - Hallelujah I'm Cured!

That’s what I’m here for.

Comment by Dr. (my diploma is here somehwere) Snark

College Boy: thank goodness Dr. Snark had an opening (in her wallet) today, eh? my question wasn’t so much about the vaseline/beer bottle, it’s what you were trying to *do* with the vaseline/beer bottle. but then Dr. Snark addressed those issues, as well, and so all’s well that ends well. (here’s a joke for you to ponder as well as explain my very skewed way of looking at your comment: “why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? because his wife died.” ba-dump-bump. sorry you kids had to see that…) xox

Dr. Snark: brilliant as usual. too bad Dr. Bloom didn’t have you around to help counsel poor Wally, at the very least he might have retained some use of his arms. (maybe not, but one can always hope) xox

Comment by snuppy

Dr. Snark: in Al’s case, would it help if he transported himself around in a 6-pack? (that way he could keep himself together-yet-separate). at the very least, wouldn’t that be more hygienic? xox

Comment by snuppy

Because his wife died! You’re killing me…wait a minute.

Ms. Snuppy, I shall leave the hygenics (is that a term) to you and the billing, er treating of patients to me. Perhaps I have an opening for you to discuss this compart-mentalization fixation you seem to have…

Comment by Dr. (my diploma is here somehwere) Snark

Loose lips sink ships.

Comment by Cheesemeister

“compart-mentalization”? damn… that’s good. 🙂 xox

Comment by snuppy

Faster than a cannon Cheesemeister!

Comment by Dr. (my diploma is here somehwere) Snark

I watched the clip and right away noticed that Walley Bile was Pee Wee!! I am chipper than I thought. 🙂

Comment by cj

ROFL!!!

This “does” clear things right up, doesn’t it?

Comment by Pavel

Cheesmiester: all apologies for not leaving a few WA “droppings” at your place earlier. Loose lips sink ships, unless the captain’s sporting Mrs. Nesbit’s hat, a jaunty little number by anyone’s account. Nope, the ship is fine. Wish we could say the same for the Dingo’s baby. Once he started taking those crazy pills, everything started tasting like Tang, and his life went downhill from there. At this point, the only thing we can say with any real certainty is that the color of poo is brown! 🙂

CJ: not to complain and/or point out the obvious, but had you read the intro *first*, you would have realized PeeWee was in this before you started watching. (aw… i’m just kidding you, i did the same thing the first time *i* watched!) 😉

Pavel: well, if we can’t sneak in a little helpful information around here from time to time, what good are we? (don’t answer that). 🙂

Comment by snuppy

It must have been the flu snuppy. *LOL*

Comment by cj

LOL, that’s good!
And we can certainly all agree that the color of poo is brown, but I’d really like to know which baby got snatched by the dingo, and if it will leave any droppings over at the bat’s place.

Comment by actonbell

Am I the only one who thought Pete looked like Stephen Colbert?

Damn it…credits!

Comment by Little Blue Pill

I LOVE Mystery Science Theater 3000. I am so psyched anyone knows what that is!!

Comment by Mutha




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