ONCE UPON A TIME (two weeks ago), a certain beautiful and thoughtful PENGUIN came up a lovely plan for a Holiday Post, which she layed out for her Snarky cohorts in a carefully crafted e-mail:
“Greetings from Iceland, Girlfriends! What do you think about creating a joint Christmas/Chanukah Post for all our Blogbuddies? Wouldn’t that be fun? We can each add pictures and/or videos and make it really special in order to let everyone know how much we appreciate their support and/or comments.”
IMMEDIATELY, teh beautiful Penuguin received joyful responses from CATTY YUMMY MUMMY, LAMPSHADE LADY, and SNUPPY — and all basically said the same thing: “Great plan, you thoughtful Penguin, you! Count me in!” E-mails, filled with ideas for the aforementioned videos and/or pictures and/or messages, flew back and forth from SPAIN to ICELAND to QUEENS to CONNECTICUT back to ICELAND. It was all very dizzying. And more than a little exciting. But then, disaster struck. Well, not “disasterous” disaster, but still, a pretty good sized Christmas Monkey Wrench found its way into the Snarky Christmas Greeting Post Works in the form of:
A) Co-workers calling in sick just in time to wreak havoc on an already hectic Penguin schedule. Then, adding insult to injury, no snow in ICELAND. NO SNOW IN ICELAND? How would Teh thoughtful/beautiful but not very frozen Penguin, when she found time to do so, share glorious pictures of her even-more-glorious country in all its Christmassy-yet-icy…er, glory?
B) Potential buyers, showing, not-showing, then showing, then, yes!-they-want-to-buy-the-house, packing, packing, packing. That tooth! Kids’-school-pageants-Dios-Mio!-OH-THE-INSANITY-NOT-HUMANITY-of-SPAIN! And then, on top of all that, A GUEST TURN AT WAKING AMBROSE!! How can a BoheMian be expected to shoot/edit/post a festive greeting with so much drama swirling around her funkified-yet-gorgeous head?
C) Work, kids, kids’ field trips, life, MIL’s stuffing cocktail weenies into her purse for a snack later in the day. Sniffles/snuffles/sore throats galore. Yeesh. How in the world can a delectable Lampshade be expected to cast a happy Chanukah glow on a celebratory post with such chaos threatening to fracture an already fragile filament in that oh-so-glamorous-and-oh-so-very-bright bulb of hers?
D) Stupid, rude and/or bitchy women yelling obscenities right there on the street at a kindly, gentle Snuppy, who wanted nothing more than to fetch her newly-groomed pups, take them home, and revel in the beauty that was… 3 clean dogs. Who can think of clever Christmasticisms when such a simple-yet-satisfying act was so rudely interrupted by a total and complete fucking ho?
YUP. Because of all that stuff, the “Joint Holiday Greeting” never (technically) materialized. Not that it matters, we can still share our Bloggy love with you guys after the fact and/or holiday, right? Right. So here’s our little CLAYMATION “tribute” to Teh Penguin — and to all of you, sort of — for her grand idea, even if it never got off the ground, frozen and/or otherwise.
AND yes, after feasting on more than our fair share of goodies throughout the weekend, some of us can definitely relate to the, uh, rotundity of Dame Margot Pontoon and/or Sir Rudolph Nervesonedge. What of it?
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