Central Snark


Money for Nothin’ by Snuppy
Wednesday, 3 January 2007, 9:43am
Filed under: happy happy, music music

WELL, it would appear 2007 plans to smile broadly in our direction — especially if we follow up on a little note we just got from someone we’re certain is as reputable as the day is long. GOOD thing we registered this blog with our Country’s Chamber of Commerce and Industries in Russia, otherwise Mrs. Larisa Sosnitskamyalvski (for surely that’s her real name) might never have found us. Any thoughts on how we should procede, once the funds are properly “re-profiled” into our bank accounts, many of which are Swiss?

$ $ $

Dear Friend,

My name is Mrs. Larisa Sosnitskamyalvski, Personal Assistant to Mr. Boris Mikhail Khodorkovsky, the arrested Chairman/ CEO of Yukos Oil and Bank Menatep SPB in Russia who is presently in jail.

I have the documents of a large amount of funds which he handed over to me before he was detained and tried in Russia for financing political parties (the Union of Right Forces, led by Boris Nemtsov and Yabloko, a Liberal/Social Democratic Party led by Gregor Yavlinsky) opposed to the Government of Mr. Vladmir Putin, the current President of Russia, thereby leading to the freezing of his finances and assets.

You can read more about his ordeal from the following site:

ROTTEN RUSSIAN BUSINESS EMPIRE

After searching through the books of your Country’s Chambers of Commerce and Industries here in Russia, I am contacting you to assist me to re-profile the funds and equally invest same on his behalf. The total amount of funds to be re-profiled is Forty Six Million United State Dollars (USD$46,000,000.00) and you will be paid 20% for your management services.

As soon as I receive your acceptance through my personal email address I will send you the necessary details and my personal identification documents.

Yours Sincerely,
Mrs. Larisa Sosnitskamyalvski

$ $ $

OKAY, we have a confession to make: While the above bit o’ spam is real, our intention to follow through is not. We’re just using it as an excuse to feature one of our all time favorite songs by Dire Straits, Money for Nothing, because that’s the kind of music whores we are on any given day… (besides, $46 million, while a great deal of money, will only go so far, and, well, whores that we are, once we get our hands on all that dough, we’ll not be likely to share.)

~snuppy

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21 Comments so far
Leave a comment

…boy could I use $46 million, hmmmm. As for the video, actually the song…helped us make through many a run while living in Chicago. For that I will always be grateful.

Comment by BoBo

I’ve already got my millions from Nigeria, but thanks anyway. 🙂

Comment by Brian

by the way, evidently the story about “Mr. Boris Mikhail Khodorkovsky” is true — there were actually a number of links to various articles to prove he A) exists and B) will be in prison for a long time and C) had amassed quite a fortune. apparently, he’s a brilliant businessman (tho’, according to Putin, CEO of a “rotten business empire”)… so it makes perfect sense he’d ask his assistant to “re-profile” his multi-millions in America vis-à-vis perfect strangers. yep, this is believable all right…

Comment by One Hot Puppy

BoBo: yep! it’s a good song… and has held up through the years… hopefully it helped up a spring in your tired step this morning. (almost makes me want to go out for a run right now! almost…) xox

Brian: well, yeah, that Nigerian deal is a good one, too. good to know you guys are set (the less people to share our $46 million with, the better) 🙂 xox

Comment by snupskamitov

Dear Dr. Snark —

Please explain to me:

1. Why, whenever I receive e-mail asking for my help, I feel I need to pitch right in. Just last week, I e-mailed my social security number, bank account information, and debit card PINs to thirteen complete strangers: three African finance ministers, four Middle-Eastern businessmen, and six little girls named Lindy who, incredibly, have the exact-same terrible disease.

2. Why I never seem to be able to play my bills.

Signed,

Succor Punched

P.S. That video was a real blast from the past. Thanks.

Comment by Gullib-Al

lol… I get those emails about two a week. sheesh

LOVE that song and video.

Comment by Pavel

Well Al, let’s address Point #2 first, we have this outstanding balance and I really don’t want it to come between our sucessful treatment and the headway that we seem to be making. As to Point #1, one of those emails was from me.

Now we’ll have to continue next week.

Look on the bright side – at least you’re not known as Al-abastard.

Comment by Dr. Snark

As I did take the time to register The Snark with the various Chambers and Ministries of Industries, I’d like to go ahead and get this funding going. Now read the fine print people, we are only to get 20% of 46,000,000 – a paltry 9,200,000! Let’s not get ready to share the wealth too much if you know what I mean and I think that you do. If that VonDiesel happens in, mums the word!

Love the video, by the by, perfect accompaniment!

Comment by The Lampsha of Finance

Do NOT fall for this scam. If you have been contacted by this individual it means that your bank account has been compromised and your funds are likely to be re-profiled without your consent.

Please email your bank account numbers and social security number to me so that I can remedy the situtation.

A. Real Pearson,
Director,
Country’s Chambers of Commerce and Industries

Comment by Diesel

Oh I wish I had some of that 4.6 million. My furnace went out last night! Since I live on the frozen tundra – its something that needs to get fixed asap. That 4.6 million would put a nice dent in the ungodly labor charges of 95.00 an hour and 25.00 for every 15 minutes after that!

Comment by cj

*sigh* If only… I would hire some movers! And with that, besos to all, a quick hola and off I go!

Comment by Catty Yummy Mummy

Dear Succor Punched Gullib-Al:

Like many of our patients, you suffer from a little known/little understood problem we here at the Institute like to call, Felloffatur Niptruckus. Fortunately, it is treatable, and with time, money, and effort, most suffers are able to live normal lives, save the occasional investment in swampland and/or purchase of cheesy commemorative gold coins.

If you would like to pursue treatment, please send the Institute $199.98, and we will send you Dr. Snark’s lastest — and most promising book, “Help, I’ve Fallen Off a Turnip Truck”, along with the doctor’s DVD featuring a number of excellent tips for enlarging your penis and/or breasts, AND a pamphlet which explains how you can make money through the use of tiny classified ads.

Act now, Mr. Gullib-Al, and the Institute will toss in an autographed photo of Dr. Snark seated alongside her really-really-terribly-sick-but-still-hanging-in-there-because-of-so-many-kind-folks-who-were-willing-to-forward-e-mail-along-with-$10-to-6-friends daughter, Lindy.

The ability to pay your bills will be a happy by-product of your treatment, but, in order to get things off on the right foot, please make that check a money-order, made out to “cash”.

With all wishes for that check money-order,

Members of the Institute, on Behalf of Dr. Snark, who’s too busy shooting an infomercial to respond, herself.

Pavel: i swear our inbox is inundated with this crap… oy. glad ya liked the song/video… it’s always been one of our faves, too! 🙂 xox

Comment by Nurse Snupskamitov

d’oh! looky there… Dr. Snark showed up after all! woohoo!! 🙂 xoxo

Dear A. Real Person:

Whew! Thank goodness for your letter. I will be forwarding all pertinent information as soon as I can find it, as it is well hidden in my grandmother’s safety deposit box sock drawer. Out of curiosity, how long does it take to “re-profile” funds?

signed,

U. Needa Chump

CJ: NO HEAT??? aieeeeee! girlfriend, we’ll take up a donation, or i’ll write you a check myself, but we have GOT to get that fixed! xox

CYM: HIRE MOVERS?? ditto my response to CJ, girlfriend, i’m ready to help in ANY way i can! xox

Comment by snupskamitov

I know you are my sweet and amazing friend but this distance places the brunt of the packing smack dab on my shoulders! Not much left actually but it gets tiring to say the least! To hire someone to do it would be delightful though I know that were I to do that I would be frustrated by their inability to “do it right” (that is as my OCDish self would prefer) and so I would end up firing them and doing it myself anyway! Why do you think I painted the inside of an entire 4 bedroom house and a now defunct 4 bedroom business? Oy! 😉

Comment by Catty Yummy Mummy

Money isn’t everything, Snup. Money For Nothing is something.

Comment by Willie

Awwe thank you snuppy! My knight in shining furnace repair is here!! Thankfully he was able to figure out what the problem was asap AND he had the part. So all is well in the frozen tundra! In a matter of minutes the heat should be back on at my place. 🙂 (I am very proud of myself as the MR is outta town!) And it shouldn’t cost more than a half a million. *L* I’m kidding it actually its about 1/4 as much as I had thought it would cost.

Comment by cj

…what? How did you know about the gold coins…??

Comment by Al

CYM: i’m tired just thinking about all the stuff you do to ensure it’s “done” the right way. me? i shove things into an empty room and/or toss them out (see why i need your organizational skills here?) xox

Willie: as long as you’re paying me to do so, i couldn’t agree with you more. 🙂 xox

CJ: “knight in shining furnace repair”? lovelovelove that! glad to know all is well and *warm* in your frozen corner of the world, girlfriend! (figures that would happen when the “MR” is out of town…) xox

Al: let’s just say there were only so many turnips on that truck to begin with, and leave it at that… xox

Comment by snupskamitov

Oh, I love that song, and the fact that Sting is apart of it. I remember the video as if it were yesterday. I want my, I want my, I want my MTV.

What a great slogan!

Comment by actonbell

Can you forward that e-mail?
Some people ar ejust lucky I guess.
I hop eyou changed your mind and set things in motion. 20%? That could be a whole lot of take out! Just sayin´!

Love the song!

Comment by Penguin

You mean that letter wasn’t for real and I’m not going to receive $46,000,000.00 in the mail tomorrow?

Comment by Swampwitch




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