Central Snark


Dear Al by Snuppy
Friday, 12 January 2007, 10:36am
Filed under: friends, music music

DEAR AL:

I am writing on behalf of Dr. Snark, as it has come to our attention, here at the Institute, that you’ve recently experienced a slip in your ability to use the good judgement. I speak, of course, of the incident of 11 January 2007, which involved your meeting with two women of doubtless disrepute known only to us as “LAMPSHA” and “SNUPPY“.

NOW, Al, in an of itself, sitting down over coffee with two complete strangers is certainly no big deal. No, wait, that’s a lie from the Pits of Hell, Al, because it certainly is a big deal. The phrase “are you out of your mind?” comes to… er… mind, Al, but then, you’ve been a patient at this Institute for several months so we all know the answer to that, don’t we? The answer is “yes“, Al, “yes you are out of your mind”. We are of the opinion that any hopes we had for a speedy improvement have been dashed to their deaths on the marble floor at GRAND CENTRAL STATION . In case you remain unclear as to our Diagnosis and/or Prognosis, let’s review:

1. You met with TWO complete and utter strangers. Both of them had big purses. And a Barbie Doll.

2. In the middle of New York City, you treated them to coffee at… Starbucks.

3. You did not tell your wife, Mrs. Al, (aka, Doug’s Wife, too).

4. You allowed these two unscrupulous women to talk your ears off for over 3 hours (Starbucks called, by the way, and your ears are being held for safe-keeping in the fridge under the counter, next to a box of Soy milk).

5. You did NOT tell your wife.

6. You aided and abetted these less-than-perfect possibly perfectly-insane strangers in taking illicit photos of a nearly naked Barbie Doll in the middle of a busy train station. The fact that the Barbie Doll in question — DAISY — will soon be a SpokesBarbie for the Institute doesn’t make it right. People saw you holding that camera, Al. Children, men with dogs, old ladies, for godssake. Witnesses, Al, witnesses.

7. YOU DID NOT TELL YOUR WIFE.

NATURALLY, Dr. Snark believes in her ability to eventually restore you to some semblance of sanity, but it’s going to take work, Al, and lots of it. And money, Al — LOTS OF IT. That said, we are proud of you for taking a step outside the box (and by “box” we mean “computer”) in order to experience life in the fast lane (and by “fast lane” we mean “a table in Starbucks”). There’s hope, Al, and as Daisy as our witness, we’ll do everything in our power to help you in your quest for a sound mind. As for your relationship with your wife, however, you’re on your own.

WITH ALL GOOD REGARDS, despite our belief you should have told your wife,

Nurse Betty Snupskamatov

*Thanks for the great visit, Al! We had fun, we really did. Way more fun, we suspect, than you did once you got back home. You can have Mrs. Al call us, if you like, and we’ll do our best to allay any and all fears she may have as to the true nature of our get-together. That said, we’re guessing a quick peek at our blogs may go a long way towards achieving the same thing, with a lot less aggravation (for her, not us — we look forward to meeting her in the future, assuming she lets you continue to hang out in the Blogosphere).

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12 Comments so far
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what can i say? we had a FANTASTIC VISIT, and as you’ve all suspected, Al is one nice — and yes funny — and oh-so-charming guy! and we really are excited by the prospects of seeing him again, especially since we know his wife will, indeed, be with him!

you guys knew this video was bound to pop up sometime, right? xox

Comment by One Hot Puppy

YOU had a fantastic visit! YOU? Well, what about me? FYI, my wife now knows all, and is actually surprised and relieved to hear that not everyone out there on-line is a gypsy kidnapper.

She also reminded me, by mentioning a certain “The Kid From Brooklyn” video (http://www.thekidfrombrooklyn.com/video_disp.asp?videoid=1049), about how much she doesn’t like Starbucks — and, as long as it isn’t over a cup of their coffee, she definitely wants to be a part of any future real-world encounters.

And, wow, cool video! Thanks, friends!

Comment by Al

Al: why yes, we DID have a fantastic visit — and are so happy to have finally met you. as for The Kid from Brooklyn? i have to say Mrs. Al’s voice is a lot deeper than i might have imagined. (that was hilarious… may have to make regular stops at that site!) speaking of videos, i never get tired of this one — nothing short of a classic, i tell ya, which is why it seemed like a perfect choice to use when celebrating yesterday’s fun outting with YOU! xox

Comment by snuppy

I AM SO JEALOUS!!!!! Naked Barbies? Al? Lampsha? Snuppy? I wanna come too!!!!!! DIOS MIO!

Seriously speaking, I am sooo happy you guys got to meet and be silly and take pictures of a naked Barbie (Oooh! Were you high? Ha, ha, haaa!) and it all sounds simply faboo!

Al, glad you finally told your wife!

Well, a quick hello as off I go to see if I can muster up a post for today… or not… no lo sé! But there is always plenty to do and with two kids at home, one getting over the pox and one in incubation, well, mucho drama to come I am sure!

Besos to all and hasta pronto!

Comment by Catty Yummy Mummy

Naked barbies eh? I think I just saw some of those pictures…. I spend a lot of time here telling my kiddo to put clothes ON the dolls.

Happy Friday everyone! And the dangerous coffee sounded like a lot of fun!

Comment by cj

You got to meet AL?! So jealous.

The first Internet to real life experience I had was less than thrilling, but I’ll take the last one I had (my husband) any day of the week. When I saw his smile light up the entire airport, I knew I was a gonner. (Not that I hadn’t already known that from his dreamy radio voice or anything, but damn, that smile is amazing.)

Ahhhhh. Thanks for the memory. xoxoxoxo

Comment by Angela

Al, you took that well. Snuppy, this post was pushing it. You have no idea what our wife is like. Actually, I don’t either.

Al, what kind of kidnappers are Neva and G?

And who gets three hours for lunch?

Comment by Doug

Oooh I love meeting blog friends! Okay so it’s only been 4 and 2 I knew before but it was superfantabulous!

I am jealous. JEALOUS I SAY!

I love this video.

Comment by littlebluepill

Nobody seems concerned that I may have been kidnapped! I hate when work actually means well work, I’m rushing to get home so I’ll check this all out in great details later.

Just wanted to weigh in and say Al indeed is a swell guy and we really hunkered down in Starbucks for a few hours (and that’s not counting the first one waiting for Snuppy). And we never looked at a watch!

Walela, It’s the free wheeling life – 5 hour lunches! And we only had to smack Al around once – we’re very humane.

Comment by Lampsha

CYM: oh, how we look forward to that day when you are finally HERE, my dearest amiga — for we will ALL sit and visit and laugh and yes… maybe even DANCE THE DANCE ELECTRIC, FO SHO’!! (seriously, it’s gonna be fabulous to have you in some sort of close proximity, in hopes of seeing you from time to time!) xox

CJ: ah — my friend, yes, we think putting clothes *on* a Barbie is, perhaps, a good way to go. we’re working on retraining dear Daisy even as i type (that said, her naked habits are gonna be difficult to break. hopefully some expensive clothes and/or jewelry will help ease her into the idea of “covering” herself up!) xox

Angela: well heck, girlfriend, i’m pretty sure YOUR “internet connection” beats ours all to pieces! xox

Doug: Mrs. Al/Doug sounds like a remarkable woman — i’m sure you’ll agree as soon as you’ve had a chance to meet her. i hope the same will be said of her meeting with *you* (oh wait, unless that means she thinks of YOU as a perfectly remarkable woman, in which case, never mind) and it was a 3 hour COFFEE BREAK, bub. (i see that you, too, are making the move to the WordPress darkside? cool. we’ll bring over a bundt cake as soon as you get yourself settled in) xox

LBP: SOME DAY you will drag that cute little patootie of yours to NYC and we will all have a faboo meet ‘n greet ‘n chat ‘n … uh… eat and not get fat? oy. you know what i mean. come on down. the weather’s fine — and we’d LOVE to show you around! xox

Lampsha: oh dear, my friend — i actually WAS concerned about you! but then i just figured you were tied up (figuratively, not literally) with your new houseguests, for i imagine it’s somewhat chaotic over there. unless i miss my guess, Daisy’s departure was sure to cause a commotion. (she’s doing fine, by the way — still trying to wrap her head around her new situation, if you catch my drift, and i’m guessing you do!) xox

Comment by snuppy

Sounds like the three of you had way too much fun…I must tag along next time. By the way, the video is my all-time favorite music video…back when Chevy Chase was funny.

Comment by BoBo

Sounds like a fab time was had by all. I am stuck on one point (Doug and Al’s wife) hmmmm = I thought that only happened in Utah anymore? Meeting each other is fun – (woo hooo – 3 hour lunches!!!) and sorry (to the wife) to say but Starbucks makes the best coffee anywhere. I just like to drink it, not analyze it’s roots.

Comment by tsduff




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