Central Snark

Right Size? by littlebluepill
Friday, 26 January 2007, 7:35am
Filed under: LBP's Rx, music music

jenna's avatarFrom the scary place that is LBP’s mind. You’ve been warned.

It truly amazes me at what young minds pick up. My friend’s three year old snarked back at her when she asked him how he knew something (can’t remember what) “Duh, Mom, I watch tv y’know.” Truthfully had he been mine, “Not anymore” might have come from my mouth.

On Sunday I hit the mall with my brother. I think this is the first time since we had to go to the mall with our mom as kids that I’ve been shopping with Bro. He woke me up at 9:30 that morning and said “Good morning, lovely sister.” Lovely sister grunted in response. “Do you know what your nephew said this morning?” “Let Auntie sleep in?” “Nope. Hey, let’s take Auntie to the mall. Hey buddy, wanna say hi to Auntie.” Manipulation!!! Raspy breathing comes into the phone and I realized that I was going to be going to the mall. “Hi Auntie.” “Hi baby.” More breathing then the phone is dropped. Damn. “Yeah yeah, I’ll be ready.” “Great! We’ll do Petland first.”

Swell. I hang up, crawl across the bed while muttering about brothers who use unfair tactics to get me out of bed. It is a well known fact that I will say no to my little brother. My nephew? Mm not so much. Yeah yeah, Auntie Sucker. Shut up.

Off we go to Petland and nephew makes a beeline for the display where a rabbit is hopping around. “Bunny.” He looks at me. “Up we go.” Right then and there I started to laugh. All throughout the store: “Up we go.” Then came the battle to get the container of crickets away from him before he opened it. Aaaaahck!! The, ugh, snake being carried around. Can we go back to the fluffy bunnies and kitten who had eyed us with sleepy blue eyes? Why yes…yes we can when the little guy makes a break for it. And forget my brother trying to pick him up. Everytime he did, my guy would go limp and call for me. Ha! Favorite. Yessssss!

Fast forward: The Bay. Bro is buying my sister-in-law a birthday present and off my guy and I go. Right next to the jewellry is the lingerie. Well. We had to walk past the nylon panties 50 times so he could run his hand over them. Hi Mr. Eye-in-the-Sky! Meet my pervy little 2 year old nephew! (My brother beamed with pride when I relayed this.) Then we hit the nightgowns as he declared his colors then upon finding some velour nightgown/housecoat/something he said “It’s cute.” I looked at him. “What?” He beamed and then every time he took a bra (even long johns in plastic bags were subjected to this) off the rack: “It’s cute. Cuuuute. It’s cute!” Then came the moment of the day: “It’s cute! Right size?” (And actually every bra plucked free was cute. Wrong size though.)

Someone is spending waaaaay too much time with his mom in the lingerie department.

In case you’re wondering about the video. It’s a clip from How I Met Your Mother…see the whole thing in all its face slapping glory here. Gonna rock your body ’til Canada Day!!

Ha! I bet by the title you thought I was going to talk about penises. Yeesh, it’s about my nephew you pervs.

15 Comments so far
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all i know is your nephew is one lucky little boy. for more reasons than i care to go in to here!

speaking of lucky… ’tis how i feel this morning (she said after being dragged out of bed to “rescue” a wayward son from the jaws of a designing woman at 5:30 in the morning, and no, don’t ask — you DON’T want to know) since i am TIRED and in need of a few more hours of shut-eye, so i was beyond DELIGHTED to discover this little gem just sitting in the queue(ueueueue???) as pretty and funny as you please! and on the heels of CYM’S fabulous (fabulousfabulousfabulous) post yesterday!! it’s enough to make a tired, uninspired Snuppy cry in weary gratitude, i tell ya. which is what i’ll do, as soon as i get a few more hours of sleep!!!

πŸ™‚ you ROCK, LBP!! oh, and not only is this just the “right size” for a Friday post, it’s pretty darn “cute”, as well. (loveloveloved the video, too!)


Comment by One Hot Puppy

You hit the mall, Jenna? Did it hit back? πŸ˜‰

Speaking of which. Save this post. You don’t like his girlfriend say fifteen years from now, threaten to give it to her. Just say “payback.”

Comment by oceallaigh

Anything to help out a sleepy snuppy.

Are you suggesting that I blackmail my favorite little guy, OC? Pffft. That’s a given!!

Comment by littlebluepill

That would be the first video to load here at the office. I bet you could have changed your brother’s expression if you’d let your nephew try on the hose.

Comment by Walela

Are you feeling the need to go to the mall today? Well he *does* have a yellow/purple/green monstrosity that my sister-in-law got with cosmetics and calls it his purse to which my brother says “Bag. That’s a bag.”


(That frickin’ song WON’T leave my head. Aaaaaah!)

Comment by littlebluepill

Let’s check the suck-o-meter…. Ooh, it’s a close one, but Fergilicious is slightly worse. Good effort though.

Comment by Diesel

Ha, ha, haaaaa! My little guy loves all things pink (courtesy of his big sister) and the other day, when his sister was off in school and he was at home, vulnerable with the pox, he asked me to paint his nails blue… but then he changed his mind and asked them to be painted red!

I didn’t but only because I know him and two seconds later he will scream for the gunk to be cleaned off him (OCDish and impatient you see! The apple does not fall far from the tree…) but some chocolate got his mind off nailpolish as he happily ate away and admired his sister’s Barbie doll…

Hey, the way I see it, these are a new generation of men in the making so WOOH! And can you blame your little man? Lingerie and the satiny ilky textures feel mmmmm soo good! FO SHO!

Comment by Catty Yummy Mummy

still not having the greatest of days, but i confess it seems a bit nicer now that i’ve added in a set of those glittery red lips we’ve all come to lovelovelove and adore to the top of this post!

my youngest son used to come home from kindergarten and ask me to make up his face like a clown. i have no idea as to why, but even now, he absolutely adores getting “dressed up” for Hallowe’en!

when he was around 5 or 6 he wanted to go to the mall, not to find new toys, but to buy a “suit” so he could go visit “Daddy Joel” at work and look like him. so we bought an adorable sports jacket, black trousers and a white shirt ‘n tie, and then went to visit “Daddy Joel”! oh yeah, and my son also insisted on pinning a red carnation to his jacket to help look more dapper. which he did! totally cute, tho’ maybe just a little strange, eh? sigh. xox

Comment by snuppy

The only good thing about this song, Diesel, is that it was part of a show and not a real song in Canada. Phew. Fergilicious? Uh-uh. Wind It Up by Gwen Stefani will make you want your eardrums to explode just so you don’t have to hear it. :::shudder:::

CYM: One of my favorite stories about kids dressing up is when my best friend’s oldest was 2 or 3. He wore her shoes and had one of her purses dangling on his arm. His dad looked at him “What does that mean?” She said: “He’s gay of course.” Husband blinked and apparently went white. “He’s two, you moron! It means he’s playing!!”

Snuppy: maybe while your youngest is passed out (because let’s face it…that’s what he is) you could draw a clown face on him. Haul out the old red lipstick that never comes off and decorate your boy. Awww he got dressed up for “Daddy Joel” that’s too cute!

Comment by littlebluepill

Your youngest son reminds me of mine who just last week had us buy him a suit! It is a size or two too big, as it was the one closest to his size and it’s best this way as he will grow into it and, well, right now he has no use for one (not that he will when 6 but we are talking about a kid who goes to school with a t-shirt, a tie and a ski cap!) so two sizes too big satisfied just as well…

And today, the boy decided he hates me, has given me a my-god-I-so-want-to-strangle-him-if-this-does-not-let-up-and-SOON kind of dayas he thought it a fabulous idea to slap me, kick me and then sit on the dining room table and pee away… I still cannot sincerely smile at him let alone talk to the boy and does he give a damn? His psychotic laughter at my angry face is a loud NO-ish slap in my face! *sigh* indeed!

How about we get together and drown our sorrows at the closest Jamba Juice? Hmmmm? And we can have your youngest son babysit my chickenpoxy little monster and laugh away! WOOOHOOO! πŸ˜‰

Although I would not wish the state this child is in today on anyone and I DO want your youngest son to like me so scratch that idea! Oh well! A bohemian can only dream! πŸ™‚

Comment by Catty Yummy Mummy

I was probably typing while you posted LBP! I did that to my hubby… funny how the men folk are so concerned with the boys’ sexuality! I could not care less! As long as he stops peeing on the fucking diningroom table, kicking and slapping me, I am good for now! Simple dreams I tell you! SIMPLE DREAMS!

Comment by Catty Yummy Mummy

Haha CYM, we have similar aspirations – very simple indeed.

You know, you’re a good auntie LBP. And that silk does feel oh so good. My little guy has been seen walking around with my bra on – well, hanging off his skinny body or on his head.

I’ll have to check the video out later, can’t access at the Orifice. The suck-o-meter ay Diesel?

Comment by Lampsha

Nothing has ever registered below Fergalicious on the Suck-o-meter. I realized it wasn’t a real song, but it still doesn’t suck as bad as Fergie. In fact, this morning I was literally sitting at the kitchen table typing on my laptop while the table rattled from a guy using a jackhammer outside the front door, and it still wasn’t as bad as Fergalicious.

Comment by Diesel

I agree, you’re a great auntie, LBP! That’s a great story, one that should be saved until he’s of dating age. It’s always nice to have lots of memories of one’s youth.

Comment by actonbell

Sadly, CYM, you can’t strangle him. Maybe give him a litter box though.

Apparently, Lamps, he plays with my sister-in-law’s underwear too.

Oy, Diesel, so stop listening to it!!

Oh absolutely blackmail material. That’s why I take notes!

Comment by littlebluepill

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