Central Snark

…and an Honorable Mention for Dick by mattresspolice
Tuesday, 13 February 2007, 9:14am
Filed under: Pop! goes the Diesel

dieselOk, it’s 4:10 on Monday afternoon. At 5pm I have to leave for a meeting at church, and I have to stay there until tomorrow morning to help out with a program where the church hosts homeless families overnight. How much have I written of my weekly Snark post? Well, if I hit Enter twice after this sentence, it will be exactly one paragraph.

So… movies. Right. It’s Lincoln’s birthday today. Valentine’s Day is the day after tomorrow. Then President’s Day, next Monday. Maybe a Presidential theme? Maybe a romantic theme? Maybe…both?

And since I dismissed gay cowboy movies two weeks ago and blogged about my unpleasant near-gay experience on Friday, maybe I should do a post that’s a little more homophilious. Homophiliac? Whatever.

queen james buchananSo: A gay presidential Valentine’s Day movie theme. Man, this post is practically going to write itself. (Warning: Things get a little explicit beyond this point. If you don’t want to hear about gay president movies, read this charming little item about that dreamy falsetto phenom James Blunt. Come back here when you’re done.)

Without further ado I present:

The Top 10 Most Homoerotic Presidential Movies

10. Air Force One

There’s nothing particularly gay about this one, but all men love Harrison Ford. Keep your Johnny Depps and Orlando Blooms. If I was gay, Harrison Ford would be the reason. Also, I think Glenn Close might be a man.

9. All the President’s Men

Before there were gay cowboys in Brokeback Mountain, there were Woodward and Bernstein on Capital Hill. Let’s also not forget this is the scandal that gave us “Deep Throat.”

8. Clear and Present Danger

Loads of sexual tension here between Jack Ryan (Ben Affleck) and President Fowler (James Cromwell). The nature of their relationship becomes clear during a lover’s quarrel on the Oval Office carpet in which the President hisses, “How dare you?” Ryan growls back, “How dare you, Mr. President?!” Love is in the air.

7. Escape from New York

A renegade loner must brave post-apocalyptic New York City to rescue a damsel in distress. The damsel is played by the inimitable Donald Pleasence.

6. Dr. Strangelove

Do I need to explain this one? Really?

5. Wag the Dog

Not technically gay, but Robert DeNiro makes a pretty good beard.

4. Kissinger and Nixon

…sittin’ in a tree…

3. Deep Impact

That’s right. The movie is called Deep Impact.

2. The Manchurian Candidate (1962)

A man is brainwashed to assassinate a presidential candidate by his overbearing mother. Only Frank Sinatra can stop him. ‘Nuff said.

1. Fahrenheit 911

Never in the history of cinema have we seen the likes of Michael Moore’s hard-on for George W. Bush.

Well, it’s 5:03. Gotta go to church. Thanks, IMDB!


~ Diesel


23 Comments so far
Leave a comment

gotta love a guy who’s dedicated to his craft/church/commitment to the Snark. i know i do. (and OH how i appreciate this guy)

do yourselves a favor and read those links back to his blog. not because he’s a traffic whore, mind you, but because those posts are freaking hilarious (that James Blunt Journal? Bloggy Comedy Gold)

thanks Diesel, for another winning view on film(s) — i never knew so many movies had gay undertones (as opposed to the overt ones), until you came along (not that there’s anything wrong with that). my eyes are open now — and i’m quite certain i’ll never look at another movie involving Big Important Men Doing Manly Important Things in quite the same light. xox

Comment by One Hot Puppy

by the way, i loveloveloved “Dick”. i think “Dick” was amazing-yet-hilarious-and oh-so-satisfying (actually, i still do). ah yes, “Dick” continues to be a happy surprise for me every time i see it — so much so, i don’t mind re-visiting “Dick” again and again and again. (what? it was a really good movie) xox

BY THE WAY — Diesel? i hope you don’t mind the picture i added in a typically weak-ass attempt to enhance your BRILLAINT post — but when i found that shot of James Buchanan in a crown, i couldn’t resist. (i figured you’d have done the same thing if you’d had the time and/or inclination to do so!)

ALSO: if i didn’t know better, i’d say our dear and delightful friend ACTONBELL wrote her LATEST POST to coincide with this one. even if she didn’t, trust me when i say, she could have. (it’s excellent and you should all take a look when you get the chance) xox

Comment by One Hot Puppy

oooh… I’m not sure I could ever watch those mentioned movies after reading this post. I think you’re right about Glenn Close, though. Only Michael Douglas knows for sure…

Comment by Pavel

Oho, Puppy! So that sniper shot at our one-and-only bachelor President was your doing, was it? And I was going to blame it on Diesel. The story goes, of course, that Buchanan, the Old Public Functionary, aimed for a gal above his station, and was never able to settle for anyone else (despite numerous flirtations). I wondered about that, I really did – on the rare occasions that I could spare any thought for the corrupted dumpling whose principal contribution to history was handing Lincoln a Revolutionary (so-called “Civil”) War.

Comment by oceallaigh

Puppy – I was kind of hoping you’d add a pic or 2. I would have done some movie screenshots with captions if I had time. But hey, I was luck there weren’t any glaring typos.

I should also probably have mentioned, in case you haven’t seen Escape from New York, that Donald Pleasence plays the president. That’s why that makes sense. Sort of.

Comment by Diesel

And no, I didn’t intentionally make a typo in my typo sentence. I’m just luck, I guess.

Comment by Diesel

yep. so gay. not that there’s anything wrong with that (HIGH FIVE!!! HAHAHA!)

i’d like to know your position, sir, on The West Wing? gay? hetero? metero? fister?

Comment by joy

Harrison Ford – now there’s a man’s man! What’s your stance on Tom Selleck?

Any stories from the church sleepover that you care to share?

Comment by Lampsha

Pavel: trust me, none of us will. xox

Amoeba: wasn’t Buchanan the one who had his “niece” act as “hostess” when he couldn’t get away with wearing a dress needed a companion for official functions? poor gay guy. xox

Diesel: hah! i took one luck at that and wondered if you’d misspelled it on prupose. as for the pictures? i thought about looking for a few others, but then, uh… that crown on Buchanan’s head kind of distracted me, and i forgot. besides, i would NEVER attempt to out-funny you, especially on one of your own brillaint posts (i’m quite certain i’d fail miserably, and that wouldn’t be good for anyone!) xox

Joy: West Wing? Gay fisters? hahahahahahahahaha! until NOW, that thought had never crossed my mind. altho’ THIS PICTURE does seem to indicate/validate something about your QUERY (heh)… not sure what, but, as is so often the case, that’s beside the point! xox

Comment by snuppy

LAMPSHA!!! my DEAREST friend! NBFF!!! how the heck did i miss you? or you, me, for that matter??? oy and aieeeeeee! that said, Harrison Ford *is* a “man’s man”, in fact, according to the Hollywood “penile” rumor mill, he’s MORE than most. (does that make sense? in my head it does, but we know what a disaster it is in there on any given day, so i can never be sure.) xoxo

Comment by snuppy

Deisal, u r sooo funnie!

Comment by Claire

Diesel – I’ve never seen Escape from New York, but I got that. It was pretty well implied.

Comment by Robin

You’re absolutely right about Fahrenheit 911. You can almost feel the heat.

Comment by Walela

Joy – The West Wing got kind of gay toward the end.

Lampsha – Tom Selleck is also a manly man. He’s a Republican after all.

Claire – Thankk yuo!

Robin – Whew.

Walela – I haven’t seen it, of course. I’m going to wait until Michael Moore is one cheeseburger away from a coronary before I give him my $3.00.

Comment by Diesel

Harrison Ford–yes, I can see that. How about George Clooney?
This was hilarious!! Deep Impact, lol, I’ll always giggle when I hear that, now.

Incidently, have you ever seen the flick Women in Love (1969)? There’s a very long scene in which two men wrestle, nude. OMG

Comment by actonbell

Snuppy, so I should add Harrison Ford to the *long* list? Hmmmm. I can see that.

Diesel, it’s just that Tom Selleck was in The Advocate every other week as being outed – Republican and all.

Actonbell, leave it to you to find a flick Women in Love with nude men wrestling. You are so interesting.

Comment by LAMPSHA

So, I’m self-medicating a cold with bourbon and Ny-Quil, I wander over here, and I read a comment about “nude men wrestling.” Now, I’m seriously afraid to read Diesel’s post. Is it written in Greek?

Comment by Al

Diesel… while I bask in the brilliance of your literature, I must fix a small factual error. That was ‘Man’s Man’ Harrison Ford who played Jack Ryan in ‘Clear & Present Danger’. Aflac only has appeared as Ryan in ‘The Sum of all Fears’.

Comment by John

Wow, this post in 50 minutes? It would probably take me over an hour to just name 10 movies. I need to start watching more TV.

Fun post Diesel, nice job.

Comment by Anita

Lampsha – Ah, I must have missed that issue.

Al – It’s Greek to me.

John – You are absolutely correct. I even wrote a review of The Sum of All Fears.

Anita – See what happens when I try to write this fast?

Comment by Diesel

Puppy –

wasn’t Buchanan the one who had his “niece” act as “hostess”

He was. It was really his niece. And she wasn’t too pleased at having to turn the White House over to those “uncultured” Lincolns.

What would you say if I told you Lincoln slept with Joshua Speed? And admitted it? When he was recommending Speed for a job?!? True! But no sex involved. The times were different then, and the beds scarcer …

Comment by oceallaigh

O’C: actually, i knew that (about Buchanan’s neice). oh, *and* the part about Joshua Speed — thanks to Team of Rivals, a book i MUST finish reading one of these days, if only to find out who else Lincoln slept with! (seriously, that was pretty darn interesting, thanks for the History lesson!) xox

Comment by snuppy

[…] Go Ahead, Make My Day February 20th, 2007 As you could probably guess from my post last week on movies with gay presidential subtexts, I don’t feel much of an obligation to maintain a […]

Pingback by Go Ahead, Make My Day « Central Snark

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: