Central Snark

VD ~ the Aftermath by Snuppy
Thursday, 15 February 2007, 10:08am
Filed under: holidays, Sex, Ed?

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand. ~Woody Allen

Victorian ValentineASSUMING yesterday went as well for some of you as some of you planned, we’re guessing some of you “got lucky”. And, if some of you didn’t “get lucky”, one or two of you at least scored a date for this weekend, at which time you hope to “get lucky”. Whatever. We just thought it might be nice to help some and/or all of you out, should you find success in the quest to “get something and/or anything remotely related to “getting lucky” with someone and/or anyone who’s not you and/or your hand”. Always thinking of you.

MAKE no mistake, kids, if you’re not extremely careful, there are a few disturbing and/or unpleasant… um, predicaments (heh, we said pre-dick-a-ments) you could find yourselves in after that “lucky” encounter, and we’d like to ensure everyone is prepared for the worse case scenario. Thanks to the following informative 1940’s US War Dept. film, we suspect some of you will be so prepared that any and/or all thoughts of “getting lucky” will fly out of your heads faster than you can say “Why hello there, Hand. Miss me?”

Heh heh. And you thought this post was about Valentine’s Day*.


1. Beware those friends and/or foes who might seek to entice you into doing something you might otherwise try to avoid.

2. Stay away from those contaminated women.

3. Drunkeness is bad. Very bad.

4. Clap Doctors are, too.

5. None of the men featured in this video have ever had sex. Ever.

6. Rubbers are scary. Buy them from the Army.

7. America’s top scientists were capable of developing atomic weapons back then, but had yet to figure out how to stick good graphics onto a piece of film.

8. Veneral Prophylaxis Room?

ogre*THIS VD-PSA is lovingly brought to you in honor of “Ogre Day” (the creation, we’re told, of a certain SURLY CURMUDGEON, in protest of “Valentine’s Day”). Oh, and the bizarre Victorian card design at the top is from a site we think is très cool, called My Creepy Valentine. But then, we also thought yesterday’s holiday episode of Teen Girl Squad was pretty sweet, too, so, clearly, our idea of “cool” — along with our concept of “what makes for an entertaining and/or informative post” — is flawed. We have no doubt one or two of you have already contacted the “Questionable Taste Police”, on our behalf.

WOO-HOO! Apparently we’re more ‘timely’ with this post than we first imagined. That is, we are if what we heard on this morning’s rerun of The COLBERT REPORT is correct. (it is)



13 Comments so far
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a’yup ~ this is another, in a series of, “hey, this will be hilarious” posts, that are, in fact, HILARIOUS at 1 in the morning. sadly, not so much the next day. oh, believe me when i say i scrambled for something different — but after awhile, a girl has to say What the Fuck, and give up, in hopes someone will read it verylate at night, and think it’s “hilarious”, too.

oh well, sometimes my brain works for me, and sometimes i think it’s time to look into that frontal lobotomy i keep promising myself to get…

Comment by One Hot Puppy

I think you worry to much sweetie. You always get me to smile and that is no easy task…but just to do you a favour, I´ll rea dthsi post again at 1 am, just right afte ri get off work! Happy 15th of February to all of us, we made it!

Comment by Penguin

You think this video is funny? You think this video is for your amusement? Your entertainment? Ha!

Remember: in these troubled times, how we prepare “Little Willy” before we let him out to play — whether he’s properly trained, appropriately dressed, and adequately armored — has become an urgent matter of National Security.

Comment by Al

Always have to remind myself that these training films were meant to be serious. On second thought, perhaps we should insist that boy #2 watch this over and over and over again.

Comment by BoBo

Snups, thank you for helping me observe my holiday.

Comment by Walela

Okay I had to stop watching because I lost it at “Light’s out” and everyone leaned forward. This is going to take some time I think.

Comment by littlebluepill

I’ll happily be an ogre along with everyone else until I get to see the training film later. I see once again, it’s the loose contaminated women who are getting short shaft (so to speak) – well, Al did mention Little Willy come to think of it. Now I’m prepared for next year with the Creepy Valentines – sweet, yet somehow creepy. Maybe I’d better look at them again…

Comment by Lampsha

Penguin: you are too kind — and/or too funny — and/or too tired to know what you’re talking about. whatever, i appreciate your words, my friend, along with your commitment to help out a girl’s fragile ego, MORE than i can possibly say! 🙂 xox

Al: Al, who? xox

BoBo: after Boy #2’s “surprise” sleepover guest last night (that’s what they did, right?) i most certainly and enthusiastically agree! oy. and arrrrghhhh on your behalf for “discovering” his “company” this morning. yowie. xox

Walela: my pleasure. the way i see it, nothing says “screw you and/or Valentine’s Day” quite like the clap. but maybe that’s just me. xox

LBP: brace yourself, my friend, it’s gets worse (funnier) from there. why if we’re to believe that “scientist”, it’s a veritable bacterial partay inside that one guy’s mouth (sleeping sickness, malaria, gonorrhea, syphilis? yikes! get that guy a bottle of Listerine, STAT!) talk about taking “life AND sanity into your own hands! xox

Lampsha: i’m thinking you will LOVE this video — it’s just too…too. the reference to “those contaminated women” was my personal favorite, but i also love the part about “how showing the film will benefit you *and* your entire unit”. “unit”?? heh heh. xox

Comment by snuppy

Oh, come on, you know. Al?
The Al that posted.

Comment by Al

That’s funny and I’ll bet those soldiers were especially worried about being called a “shirker”! I think being regarded as a shirker is way worse than ending up insane with syphilus…
I wonder if ‘Reefer Madness’ is out there on youtube? You crazy snarky gals could have good fun with that one too (or maybe I’m too old? I saw it in high school around the dawn of the cretaceous).

Comment by Claire

Ok, sweet pea…it is about 1 am here and I re-read and re-watched and I think it is still funny. It had no timely nor damaging effetc on me and I got to look at handsome military men. Thank you !

Comment by Penguin

Al: oh… that Al.

how the hell did i miss your NEWEST POST (which is hilarious-yet-comforting, by the way)? i swear i checked over there several times yesterday — perhaps i was in the wrong dimension at the time? ooooh, you don’t think i’ve got some funky disease and am slowly going insane, do you? no, that can’t be it, i haven’t engaged in “illicit sexual intercourse” in years. sigh. xox

Claire: as a matter of fact, Reefer Madness is available! unfortunately, it’s kind of long, which is why i haven’t posted it, as yet. but if our youngest son continues down the slippery/smokey path he’s currently on, you can bet your sweet water-pipe Reefer Madness will show up in these here Snarky parts! stay tuned! xox

Penguin: whew! that’s a relief! actually, this is why why i lovelovelove and adore you sooo much! a shared sense of humor is oh-so-important, my friend — and, trust me, when it comes to “partners”, it’s a heck of a lot more fun than a “shared” sense of guilt over illicit sex and/or VD! 😉 xox


i feel i should give credit where “credit” is due — the true inspiration for this post came from my baby sister, the VeryVeryVery Smart DR. TERRI — who is, among many things, a Certified Sex Therapist. anyway, in the course of a silly conversation (something about another video i had posted the other day) she suggested i look for a certain amusing STD-related educational video she used to show her college students. sadly, i couldn’t find that one, but i *did* find this one, and the rest, as they say, is Snarky History. Thanks Sis! xoxoxo

Comment by snuppy

When you’re married, can you call it “Getting Lucky”? Wouldn’t “getting lucky” for many married folks be waking up to find George Clooney (or Scarlett Johansson for the men) next to them?

Comment by Anita

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