Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand. ~Woody Allen
ASSUMING yesterday went as well for some of you as some of you planned, we’re guessing some of you “got lucky”. And, if some of you didn’t “get lucky”, one or two of you at least scored a date for this weekend, at which time you hope to “get lucky”. Whatever. We just thought it might be nice to help some and/or all of you out, should you find success in the quest to “get something and/or anything remotely related to “getting lucky” with someone and/or anyone who’s not you and/or your hand”. Always thinking of you.
MAKE no mistake, kids, if you’re not extremely careful, there are a few disturbing and/or unpleasant… um, predicaments (heh, we said pre-dick-a-ments) you could find yourselves in after that “lucky” encounter, and we’d like to ensure everyone is prepared for the worse case scenario. Thanks to the following informative 1940’s US War Dept. film, we suspect some of you will be so prepared that any and/or all thoughts of “getting lucky” will fly out of your heads faster than you can say “Why hello there, Hand. Miss me?”
Heh heh. And you thought this post was about Valentine’s Day*.
1. Beware those friends and/or foes who might seek to entice you into doing something you might otherwise try to avoid.
2. Stay away from those contaminated women.
3. Drunkeness is bad. Very bad.
4. Clap Doctors are, too.
5. None of the men featured in this video have ever had sex. Ever.
6. Rubbers are scary. Buy them from the Army.
7. America’s top scientists were capable of developing atomic weapons back then, but had yet to figure out how to stick good graphics onto a piece of film.
8. Veneral Prophylaxis Room?
*THIS VD-PSA is lovingly brought to you in honor of “Ogre Day” (the creation, we’re told, of a certain SURLY CURMUDGEON, in protest of “Valentine’s Day”). Oh, and the bizarre Victorian card design at the top is from a site we think is très cool, called My Creepy Valentine. But then, we also thought yesterday’s holiday episode of Teen Girl Squad was pretty sweet, too, so, clearly, our idea of “cool” — along with our concept of “what makes for an entertaining and/or informative post” — is flawed. We have no doubt one or two of you have already contacted the “Questionable Taste Police”, on our behalf.
WOO-HOO! Apparently we’re more ‘timely’ with this post than we first imagined. That is, we are if what we heard on this morning’s rerun of The COLBERT REPORT is correct. (it is)
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