Central Snark

Pop Culture by the Numbers by mattresspolice
Friday, 2 March 2007, 9:23am
Filed under: guest who?

JoelHi. My name is Joel. I teach 7th Grade mathematics.

It always feels like a confession, because whenever I mention my real profession people look at me in one of two ways:

1. Like I just kicked them in the groin while they weren’t looking.

2. Like I just French kissed a rabid aardvark.

In other words, people either hate me because of what I represent or cannot fathom why I choose to do what I do. So, in an effort to give back to the countless people who have been wronged by their 7th Grade math experience and in an effort to explain my curious choice of vocation, I have decided to author a math textbook. Here’s the catch: I am endeavoring to make my textbook….wait for it…..interesting to students. Trust me, this is a truly groundbreaking idea in the field of mathematics textbooks. I will likely win some sort of Prestigious Math Award if I am able to pull this off. And, not to be self-serving, but have you seen what textbooks are selling for these days?!?

Anyhow, to accomplish my goal, I spent some time watching television programs and listening to music that teenagers would listen to. Here are a few of the questions that I have created based on my research. Answers can be found at the bottom of the post.


1. a) Create a graph where the x-axis represents time and the y-axis represents the ratings of the television show “The O.C.”

b) Create a graph with the same x-axis, but this time let the y-axis represent the quality level of “The O.C.” over that same time period.

2. Take the amount of dollars represented in 50 Cent’s name and multiply it by the two-digit number found in the name of the group that performed “It’s Hard Out There for a Pimp”. Raise your answer to the power equal to the average number of music videos MTV plays during a given day. What is the final result?

3. If the average talentless socialite weighs 80 pounds, what percentage of her entire body mass is synthetic products?

4. Which of the following ratios reflect values over 100%?

a) Kevin Federline’s actual minutes of fame OVER The 15 minutes of fame everyone supposed he had coming to him a few years ago.

b) The number of male Hollywood-types who have “done” Paris Hilton OVER the number of male Hollywood-types who have claimed to have “done” Paris Hilton.

c) The number of songs performed by American Idol finalists that were hits OVER the number of songs performed by American Idol finalists that would have been considered by record labels had they been sung by someone other than an American Idol finalist.

d) All of the above.

5. Create a circle graph that compares the amount of original material in the song “Fergielicious” by Fergie to the amount of material in the song that borrowed heavily from Gwen Stefani’s “Hollaback Girl



2. [0.5(36)]^0 = 1 (Anything raised to the power of zero results in one. You didn’t even have to know that an Organization called “The Thirty-Six Mafia” sang the song in question).

3. 20/80 = .25 or 25%

4. d) All of the above


pie chart


Only a few hundred questions to go!

Humor-blogs.com is divisible by zero.

~Crummy Joel


10 Comments so far
Leave a comment

we call this funny guy “Crummy Joel”, but, of course, we don’t think he’s “crummy” at all. a little weird perhaps, possibly a nerd (in a funny, Pi-headed sort of way) but most certainly not “crummy”.

thanks Joel for an, um… thought-provoking post. as soon as i can locate my math skills, i’ll get down to the business of finishing this quiz!

seriously, this was a grand way to finish up the week! xox

by the way, many of you might be shocked to learn that if you type in crummychruchsigns.blogspot.com, you won’t be spirited off to Crummy Joel’s blog. sorry, i misspelled when i added in his link. it’s fixed as of….


Comment by One Hot Puppy

Sorry I need my resident 4th grade math magician (my daughter) to help me with these equations. Oh where were you in 7th grade as a Math teacher when I needed one with a sense of humor? Well that’s easy – not born.

I’m going to have some coffee and I’m going to give these equations some not so serious but mathematical consideration.

You’re doing a real public service today Joel – good post.

Comment by LAMPSHA

I love the quality graph of the O.C. At least they were consistent. Curious how it doesn’t track with viewership.

Comment by Diesel

I like math like that. Well done indeed. The OC graph did it for me too….and any Quiz that has K-Fed in it will be popular just by association and multiply readers 🙂

Comment by Penguin

If everyone will check their inboxes, I have sent on a homework assignement for the weekend as well….

Thanks for reading, all! Glad people seemed to enjoy it!

Comment by CrummyJoel

ya know, Crummy Joel, i think you should grade on the curve, especially considering the fact that i’m no longer a slave to MTV (unlike i was, in my “youth”) OR the OC, for that matter. unless i’m mistaken, these two factors handicap my ability to ace this quiz by as much as, um, 20%. also, i was wee bit surprised to see that Fergie’s slice o’ the Stefani music pie graph was so large. but then, i didn’t know the Dutchess of Windsor could sing, at all, so that came as a surprise, as well.

by the way, don’t be fooled by the number of comments. thus far, your post has exceeded the hits yesterday’s post had by a good 8%. you did good, math boy, you did good.

🙂 xox

Comment by snuppy

pay no attention to the fact that my comment above has changed, like, 4 times since i first hit “publish”. i’m nothing, if not a cheater editing fool. 😉

Comment by snuppy

Damn…I’m still no good at math.

Comment by BoBo

I’m no good at math, but I make pretty graphs.

Comment by Diesel

MTV doesn’t show music videos any more? All commercials now, is it? I must really be out of the loop. Mind you, it’s hard to watch TV when you banished it from your house years ago …

Comment by oceallaigh

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