Central Snark


Food, Shelter, TiVo… by mattresspolice
Tuesday, 6 March 2007, 9:02am
Filed under: Pop! goes the Diesel

dieselI’m going to branch out a bit today. I’m a little burned out on talking about movies; besides, I haven’t seen a movie in a while. Come to think of it, I haven’t seen the outdoors in a while. I’m not even sure it’s there any more. Hang on.

Holy crap, it’s bright out there. I may have seared my retinas. See, this is why I stay inside, staring at the soft glow of a computer screen. Occasionally I take a break, of course, to stare at the soft glow of a television screen.

I love TV. I loved TV back before the remote control was invented, back when there were only three channels and they all showed crap all the time so there was no point in changing the channel anyway. Now that I have a TV that’s bigger than my first motorcycle, I love TV even more. And then there’s TiVo.

My TVTiVo is the greatest invention since glow-in-the-dark Silly Putty, and I’m not even kidding. Watching regular TV after having experienced the joys of TiVo is like washing your clothes on a big flat rock in a stream after having your mom do your laundry all through college. First of all, shows take like an hour to watch. It’s ridiculous. Who has that kind of time? Not to mention that half the time you’re being interrogated about what’s in your wallet or where the beef is, and I don’t need that kind of pressure.

I never watch live TV any more. I don’t even watch live news. I just TiVo it, and then the next day I sit back in my easy chair with a nice vodka tonic and boop-boop! I delete it. Because who wants to watch yesterday’s news? I can’t tell you how much time that saves. I can’t tell you if South Korea still exists either, but it’s not like there was anything I could do about it anyway.

I have no idea when shows are even on. They just show up in my Now Playing list like magic. Hey look, the TiVo fairies brought us a new episode of Lost! Let’s fast-forward to the end. Still on the island? Yep. Boom, an hour saved. Boop-boop! Gone.

I think I was going to talk about my favorite funny TV shows before I went off on a tangent ejaculating over TiV.. Yikes! I hope that’s covered by the warranty.

For my money the funniest show on TV right now is 30 Rock. If you watched one of the first few episodes and weren’t terribly impressed, trust me, it’s gotten better. In fact, I swear it gets funnier every episode. At this rate, soon it’s going to be as funny as Saturday Night Live has been lame for the past five years.

30 Rock The next funniest show? Psych. Yeah, that show on the USA Network with Corbin Bernsen and that black guy from The West Wing. Again, trust me. If you watch one episode you’ll either be instantly addicted or you’ll want to stab James Roday in the eye with a pencil. But at least you’ll know, right?

Scrubs, The Office and My Name is Earl are always good for a few laughs too. Studio 60 is watchable too, although it’s missing something that I can’t put my finger on. Maybe it’s cocaine. Aaron Sorkin hasn’t been the same since he went straight.

Finally, there’s House. I know, it’s not a comedy, but Hugh Laurie is hysterical. What does it tell you that a medical drama is funnier than just about any sitcom on TV these days? Of course, I can’t stand to watch anything with a laugh track. I have two words for you, sitcoms: Boop-boop!

~Diesel

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24 Comments so far
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honestly? i don’t know how we lived before TiVo came into our lives. it is, in fact, the greatest invention since the Polio vaccine — or sliced bread — or silly putty (tho’, that’s a stretch, because silly putty was pretty freaking awesome. i mean, you can lift images of your favorite comics right off the page?? come on!) and i most certainly agree with you that House is one of the funniest shows on TV — that man is a god in schlubby clothing. as you know, that “tick in a vagina” episode will go down in history as one of my all time favorites. Earl & The Office are great, too. Great.

oh, and Batman AND your children in one picture? why do i think that’s what currently hangs over your mantle, Diesel? (too cute. your kids are pretty darn adorable, too)

PS: well done on The Jay! last night. too bad they only let you get in, something like, 57 words in the entire time you were on (i counted). i thought about registering in order to join in on the chatty fun. clearly that didn’t happen, i think once they started talking about that Gladiator show i realized i had nothing in common with The Jay! (and/or his posse) and/or worth contributing. (seriously, that Gladiator show would have been SO boop-boop in this house). xox

Comment by One Hot Puppy

Man, my wife and I LOVE 30 Rock! Good call, Diesel.

I was not a huge Tracy Jordan fan (just shows how bad SNL sucks these days, because he is GREAT on that show).

Comment by CrummyJoel

Tivo is god.

Comment by BoBo

CrummyJoel: Tracy Jordan, or Tracy Morgan? (we haven’t watched SNL for the past couple of years because of the suck, so maybe there’s another Tracy i’ve never seen…) xox

Diesel (wherever you are): maybe next time you should try writing your post in something besides “invisible ink” that (apparently) only CrummyJoel and I can see. just a thought… πŸ˜‰

Comment by snuppy

Okay if I just have a DVR through TimeWarnerCable can I still come in? I actually watch next to no TV now because I’m not even watching of the DVR. Makes life a little easier, but to show you how quickly I can get suckered in – I put on the TV the other night while I was waiting for one of my kids to do something. There was some MTV REality Show in which the boyfriend and the girlfriend had gone through rehab, kicked drugs and then the girlfriend had a slip the day before…

Anyway, I do sort of miss MyNameIsEarl and TheOffice so maybe I should start taping. Is Everybody Hates Chris still on? That was funny. I’ve heard great things about House.

Snuppy, I too tuned into TheJay and am here to report that the only good thing about the show was Diesel! Nice radio voice – funny, affable. You stole the show, but they can actually keep it. I was going to attempt a log-in myself, but well, that failed. Diesel, it won’t be long before you have your own.

Your kids are adorable. It’s almost as if the TV is another sibling the way they’re posed πŸ™‚

Comment by LAMPSHA

Your own show, that is.

Comment by LAMPSHA

Bobo & Lampsha: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! this is what i get for being a wiseass and not waiting for one or two more comments. oy. and heh heh.

BoBo: TiVo is better than good. (still not better than sex, tho’) xox

Lampsha: i’m thinking you and i did the same thing, NBFF! i was SO gonna log in so i could participate in that ongoing “chat”, but it was kind of confusing, and then those “kids” just kept yammerin’ about nothing, and well… i decided not to bother. but i agree — Diesel was terrific. certainly better than The Jay! πŸ™‚ xox

Comment by snuppy

Yeah, what was up with that? Yammerin away as if anybody cared about their 20-something coverage of Brittney?! Oy. Diesel rocked.

Comment by LAMPSHA

*sniff* One of these days I’ll be able to afford TiVo. It’s on my list. Right after shoes without holes in them.

Comment by Robin

I have recently discovered that TiVO has hit Canada. I think it would be the perfect birthday present for me. So if y’all chip in….

Comment by littlebluepill

By the way, no offense to you 20-somethings – I know some of you don’t yammer, like Neva/Joel’s sons, my nieces and nephews of that age – they’re brilliant!

LBP – are you still 20 something? Because if it’s a hallmark birthday, we might be able to arrange a collection. Here’s my five US bucks in the kitty.

Comment by LAMPSHA

By the way, if Diesel doesn’t show up today, we may have to get The Jay to fill in.

Comment by LAMPSHA

Lampsha: seriously, what the hell was that about? kids. can’t live with ’em, can’t lock ’em in the closet in order to get away from their yammery stupidity. πŸ˜‰ xox

Robin: eh… go for the TiVo. shoes without holes in ’em are SO overrated. πŸ˜‰ xox

LBP: i’ll toss in another fiver (along with Lampsha’s). maybe we could hold a blogathon, try to raise enough money for you and Robin (assuming she still wants shoes. otherwise, she’s on her own, because we’d be talking about a lot of dough, and well, i don’t know if you’ve noticed, but we haven’t exactly been inundated with comments of late, which is probably a good indication of the crappy support any fund raiser we have might recieve!) xox

Lampsha: yeah, where’s that Diesel (not Vin and/or the kid from the O.C. who also has that nickname–which i did not know until one of those yammerers mentioned it) when we need him? or when we don’t? heh…i suppose we could call The Jay! but could we stand to listen to him for the rest of the afternoon? i think not. as for my kids, are they brilliant? i tell ya, sometimes they yammer so much, i can’t tell. xox

Comment by snuppy

For me, watching “30 Rock” is as entertaining as scratching a fresh poison ivy rash. Trust me, I “get” every one of the GE jokes deep down, and they’re funny alright — but I won’t laugh, like Rosa Parks wouldn’t laugh at bus jokes. Looks like Diesel’s permanently tuned to the National Biscuit Company (on KCRA 3?). Its TV from which I, umm, must flee.

Now House? That, I can dig. And nothing beats a TiVo Series 2 hooked up to a wireless LAN. Cool.

Comment by al

TiVo sounds way cool. If I ever got around to watching TV, I’d probably have to get that:)
I’d probably like The Office–maybe I should tape that for the weekend…

Comment by actonbell

Sorry for being so dilatory, folks (I’m using big code words so The Jay’s “peeps” won’t understand). Thanks a lot for your support and kind words. I don’t know about stealing the show, but I’d like to think I had a calming effect on the ADHD crowd. Maybe I’ll have my own show some day, and you all can listen to it for 5 minutes before you go to sleep every night.

Gotta go to church and embezz — er, count money. Catch you tomorrow!

Comment by Diesel

ok, i have no clue what Tivo is…I have never heard of 30 Rock and what is that silly putty everyone is talking about. Can you tell I am foreign. I love HOUSE though (Neva, Hugh Laurie was in one episode of Friends, which?) and Scrubs has been in the top list for quite a while now. The others are shown too infrequently here to have an opinion about:)
That your TV, those your kids? Youa re a lucky lucky guy!

Comment by Penguin

Al: i hear ya, friend. still… nothing like a few good “inside jokes” to remind you of all the reasons you’re glad you no longer have anything to do with that company, right?? xox

Actonbell: yes! you must record The Office! trust me, it’s as fine and funny as anything that’s ever been on TV (i mean that in the best way possible) xox

Penguin: Hugh Laurie sits next to Rachel on the plane ride to England, where she’s planning to break up Ross’ wedding. right?? i gotta tell ya, tho’, i’m still workin’ on that White Plains reference. was it the one where Ross & Rachel take the Porche out for a spin? the one where Ross falls for that girl in Poughkeepsie? the Ski Trip, after Ross ‘n Rachel break up?? oh! was it when Chandler & Monika are planning to move out of the city?? (i’m thinkin’ it was, because they were moving to Westchester County, which is where White Plains is.) what? (to everyone else) it’s a good show, and we’ve seen every single episode at least 5 or 6 times most of the episodes a few times. as for TiVo? you have to see it, to believe it… πŸ˜‰ xox

Diesel: nice of you to show up to your own party, bub. that said, Lampsha and i will gladly listen to you drone chat up other yammerers folks for a few minutes each night before we go to bed (in our own beds with our own respective husbands, that is) xox

Comment by snuppy

Now that we have the sleeping arrangements all settled – G’night!

Comment by LAMPSHA

I’m wid ya on 30 Rock, for sure. And I’ve managed to get through a few episodes of the American “The Office,” but nothing will ever stack up to the British version for me.

I actually laughed most in this post with your comments about “Sunset Strip” and Aaron Sorkin never being the same since he got off cocaine. I say that every Monday night to my husband, when we try to wade through another episode of that show. It makes me miss that Jed Bartlett.

Comment by Jocelyn

Snuppy…yeah, him. Whatever. I think that’s his character’s name on 30 Rock. Just shows how forgettable he was on SNL.

Comment by CrummyJoel

I’m with you, Robin lass. See you in line at the thrift shop when they have a shoe donation.

But you’ve almost convinced me, Diesel. Still on the island? Yep. Boom, an hour saved. Hah. Now all I’d need’s a TV. And a signal. Maine’s kinda out of the way. But you knew that.

What worries me about TiVo. What happens when the advertisers figure out we’re boop-booping all the commercials? Will there be anything left on the tube but commercials? Or will it be against the law to bleep them? Gotta celebrate your preferences and keep the machine going.

Nah. Guess I’ll stay TV-free. Especially given that warranty business. Nothing’s really covered by warranties these days. Or insurance. Ask the State Farm customers in Mississippi.

Comment by oceallaigh

Neva, I was referring to the Pottery Barn episode. The furniture is shipped from White Plains and Phoebe-who is utterly against Pottery Barn, says: “White Plains, that sounds like such a magical place!”

Comment by Penguin

Penguin: OF COURSE! i can’t believe i forgot that episode! especially with a line like that! d’oh! my bad… thank you, my friend, i was going crazy trying to remember the answer to that. (clearly, it doesn’t take much to get me there!) πŸ˜‰ xox

Comment by snuppy




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