Central Snark


Articles $6 by Snuppy
Thursday, 8 March 2007, 10:29am
Filed under: please explain

spam spam spam spamANOTHER day, a few more annoying bits o’ spam from a few — even more annoying folks who think we have nothing better to do but check out an eye-popping array of websites. Websites, we hasten to add, virtually filled with smut, penis-enhancing devices, “special offers” to save money on auto insurance/concerts tickets and/or bathroom supplies (not that we looked at any of ’em, mind you, but we have it on good authority that’s what we’d find). Man we wish these spamulous idiots would peddle their wares on someone else’s site. And Jesus, that goes double for you. Seriously, dude, is this the best way to reach the masses? Or are you selling time-shares in Hawai’i to supplement your ministry?

*          *          *          *          *            * 

Vasilina writes: “I browse and saw you website and I found it very interesting.Thank you for the good work, greetings.”  Thank you, “Vasilina”, judging by your name, we can tell you’re not the least bit slimy. We try to website every day for an hour before we start our “eye stabbing” exercises.

Bob from Bathroom Vanities says: Hello admin, nice site ! Good content, eautiful design, thank ! Ice of ou to ay that, Bathroom Bob. Oh, and speaking of “good content”, we appreciate that swell tip on bargain toilets. Thank !

Junior tells us: “also intrigued, Pornteensex and analsexgoodsite. not spam. thanks.” Not intrigued, Junior, gotohellasshole. Thanks.

Ingebora chirps: “Hello world! I’m from Latvia, I now have a computer and Internet! It’s so interesting here! But on some forums I see strange posts, they offer to buy some pills or something and they look very stupid. It is robots posting? I thought moderators should delete such posts. Maybe somebody will explain me what’s going on? But at all it is very interesting to speak to all you people! Kisses!” Yes, Ingebora, robots is posting, and, like you, they look very stupid, because they are.

Jesus confesses: “I have your site for its useful and funny content and simple design.” Bless you, Jesus. And, for the record, we think your Dad is guilty of some freaking hilarious content and simple design, as well.

JeJune reveals: Hi! I’ve just been letting everything wash over me lately, but it’s not important. I haven’t been up to much today, but eh. I haven’t gotten anything done recently. Keep up the good work, JeJune.

AND finally, “Admin Writer” offers us a job:

Hello, and yes I found this forum usefull. I am newbie on community for centralsnark.wordpress and think that you have good community. I posted to this category as most relevant category for my offer. I want to make proposal for writing proposals or articles of writing that are written by you not me.

Sorry for my bad English, isn’t it my native language. I seek good writer for writing articles for my “monitoring“ site. Please, write emails in writing to me and we will duscuss conditions. I can pay for written investment articles $6.

I am in needing only good-written articles written on English. If you have the great experience in writing, please write and, please send me email. Thank.”

Thank for your offer, Admin, and thank. Articles $6 is a great deal of money for article writings in good English, which is your native language, but not ours. We’ll write as soon as we email you with our writings. Thank again.

~snuppy 

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17 Comments so far
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eh… once in awhile it seems like a good idea to clean out the mailbox. that way we can make room for all the new spammy goodness that is surely heading our way, Shirley. by all means, you guys should feel free to share your own crappy spamments. at the end of the day, maybe we can use this shit to build a nice bonfire — which we can then dance naked around, in hopes of warding off these relentless onslaughts of annoyances for at extra moment or two.

heh heh, even as i wrote this post/comment, 3 more bits o’ spam found their way into the “bin”. one of ’em was a link to a site featuring “cartoon porn”. sigh. xox

Comment by One Hot Puppy

Still laughing…you Snarksters get the most interesting spam! Great post.

Comment by BoBo

Well I’m home today and maybe c(damn c key is stuck on my laptop) could write some artiles $6 in English – long as there’s not a lot of c’s in the words. If so, I might have to charge $7.

That’s between blowing my nose. I’ll spam you later.

XOX

Comment by LAMPSHA

I generally avoid looking in my SPAM folder, but, inspired by your courageous post, I took a peek today and found:

Several millions men have been helped with the potent ingredients in Penis Growth Patch (TM) – men have experienced bigger size, deeper penetration,
more action, and super-satisfying results for themselves and their partners.

Don’t be left behind! Take advantage of price specials going on now.

Click here and visit our site!
http://www.buztravs.net/

What a product! I’d never even have known about it, but, thanks to you snarksters, now I won’t be left behind.

Which, when it arrives, is exactly where I intend to affix my PGP.

Comment by al

Greetings, Tallulah. Nice webdesign! You like young stuff? I am new here and need a friend on cialis 50% off. You want curious with me?

I like this site!

Comment by Suzannah

BoBo: well… you are my biggest fan (or so you tell me) 😉 xox

Lampsha: i’m quite certain we’ve recieved spam related to at least ONE miracle product that will surely help you in your hour of need, Shirley! (if memory serves, i think it’s called “Jippo”, but i’ll have to check our records to confirm). based on the absent letters in many of the spammish emails we get, i think Admin won’t notice your missing “c” at all. and, knowing you’re feeling less than 100%, i’m certain he’ll find Articles $7 to be a more than reasonable request! FEEL BETTER, NBFF! xox

Al: so you DID get my email? (oh, and thanks a TON for that link, bub. now my day, like a penis enhanced by one of those patches, is complete.) xox

Suzannah: Tallulah? hahahahahaha! i think “robots is posting” again, and making funny jokes about websites full of stuff not so young, but full of cialis. xox

PS: the following “spam” is real. only the e-mail address has been changed to protect the internet….

Comment by Shirley Ijest

Dear SnarkCentral:

I am Mr.Tan Wong director of operations of the Hang Seng Bank Ltd. I have an obscured business suggestion for you.

I have urgent and confidential business proposition for you that will be of great benefit for both of us.It involves a deceased client(Major Fadi Basem) of my bank who deposited the sum of $24,500.000.00 only in my branch and the client was reported dead along with his family due to war crisis involving Americans and Iraqis.My bank have carried out serious search to locate his next of kin since his death but to no avail and the client confided in me the last time he visited my bank that i alone knew of this said funds and no next of kin was indicatede in the official papers he used in depositing the funds in my bank,so i am proposing to you as a foreigner to come and lay claim to it in order for the funds to be shared between me and you.

My attorney will prepare the necessary document to put as the next of kin to Major.After you have been made the next of kin, the attorney will also file in for claims on your behalf and secure the necessary approval and letter of probate in your favour for the move of the funds to an account that will be provided by us.There is no risk involved at all in the matter as we are going to adopt a legalized method and the attorney will prepare all the necessary documents to give it the legal backing it requires.Once the funds have been transferred to your nominated bank account,we shall share in the ratio of 65% for me, 30% for you and 5% will be for any expenses incurred by any partner in the process of the transfer.Should you be interested,please send me your full names and current residential address in order for the processing of the docuemnts to commence and I will prefer you to reach me on private email address tangonewong@woeisme.com and i shall provide you with more details of this operation.Umost discretion is required in the matter.

Your earliest response to this letter will be appreciated.

Comment by Tan Gone Wong

Dear Mr Tae Gone Wong:

I hesitate for a very small moment before responding lest I be accused of being a fortune huntress. The truth is after the last VanDerDyke fiasco, I ended up with a Starbucks card with a negative 2.49 balance in dollars of US.

So if you are sincere, my heart is big and pockets empty – both of which would help to acquaint myself as a next of kin to whomever.

I shall await anxiously, but not too needily in the bushes of The Snark.

RSVP
Princess Lampsha Basem (what a coincidence)

Comment by LAMPSHA

Wow…a fortune to be had AND 50% off on Cialis…the possibilities!

Comment by BoBo

My dearest and most mucus of Princess Lampsha Basems;

First, my hats are off to you in your ability to respond quickly and with umost discretion. And fortunate is the Princess sharing the same last name as the deceased, as it will help eliminate at least one step in the docuemnt, and proof of your relations with Major will be sealed. As I indicatede before my earlier operations, this obscured proposal comes with no risk, and by nominating your bank, all money will be transferred therein and eventually to you, a legal next of kin.

Please informe me of your routing number and I will secure your funds in order to make money faster. I cannot convince you of how umost your discretion will be in this matter — that is for your nominated bank to determine, once the transaction is completed to my umost satisfaction. Keep your Starbucks Card as my gift to you.

All regards are sent to you via this message, which will not self-destruct until I am safely relocated,

Tan Gone Wong, Director of shady Operation, Seng Won Song Bank, Limited

Comment by Tan Gone Wong

Bobo: and you were upset when we didn’t win that lottery… oh ye of little faith. 😉 xox

Comment by snuppy

JeJune: It IS important. You shouldn’t just let everything wash over you. It’s ok to let some things wash over you — shampoo, for instance. But other things should definitely not be allowed to just wash over you. Like hammers and Tom Brokaw. Take a stand! The next time someone or something tries to wash over you, say, “No! I’m a human being! You may NOT wash over me.” It’s no wonder you’re not getting anything done. Anyway, let me know how it goes.

Comment by Diesel

‘Most Hilarious Spam Ever’
*the ones in bad english are my ab fab favs*

Comment by Claire

That is Hilarious, I thought your answer to jesus in particular was splendid!

Spam cna be delightful when taken unde rteh microscope, disected and catalogued under crap!

Comment by Penguin

I’ve always wondered how come there’s so much spam, when it’s so obviously bogus. You’d have to be that stupid. Well, the reason how come is that it works. We really are that stupid. Have a look.

Comment by oceallaigh

Sorry I’m not by much. Just too many damned places I need to be right now.

This was hilaerious! Loved the “gotohellasshole” line! LMAO!!!

Sadly, the russians, japenese and lottery officials from various foriegn lands have stopped emailing me, lately. No porn, smut or bank account numbers shared this week. sigh. No one loves me anymore. sniff! D 🙂

Comment by FelineFrisky

Diesel: apparently, JeJune is no longer with us. not the brightest of loafers, she misunderstood your suggestion and drank an entire bottle of Prell, then tried to pour herself over Tom Brokaw. xox

Claire: sometimes i just can’t believe what i’m reading. of course, that holds true for half the stuff i write, myself, so that may not be saying much! xox

Penguin: *blushing* awww… thank you. kind of hard to take a guy named “Jesus” serious when he’s offering great deals on bungalows in the Pacific Islands 😉 xox

O’C: i LOVELOVELOVE that link! too funny, in a pathetic-holy-crap kind of way! a’yup, people are stupid. incredibly, unbelieveably, horrifically stupid. xox

Feline Frisky: well, we’re always happy to see you when you DO come around! as for that “lack” of spam in your inbox? if that’s the sign of being “unloved”, i can only hope we stop being the targets of so much affection, ourselves, and soon! 😉 xox

Comment by snuppy




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