Central Snark

Hump the Snark by Snuppy
Wednesday, 14 March 2007, 11:19am
Filed under: whatevers

snarkHAHAHA. Sometimes we crack ourselves up. Oh sure, we know we’re the only ones laughing here, but we don’t care. Yesterday that clever lad, DIESEL, shared a few fine and funny thoughts about TV shows that have “Jumped the Shark” and/or “bit the broadcast dust”, and well, for this “hump” day we decided to skip past the bandwagon (or boat, as the case may be) and into the snark by pointing out some of our favorite-now-cancelled programs that most definitely did NOT attempt to ski over anything remotely resembling a shark. Heck, as far as we can tell, there wasn’t so much as a freaking tadpole in the pool when these shows went under, much to our chagrin and/or viewing dismay. Bear with us, because this might… ***

WE interrupt this post with another post that isn’t really a post, but more of a public service. Well, it is if you count our sister as part of the “public”, which we do. Last year, one of us spent way too much time watching/writing about AMERICAN IDOL, and because one person asked us to do it again, we’ve decided we will. That said, we’ll be brief, because, well, we’re afraid you’ll go away if this turns into a long/boring dissertation about something you care as much about as a rat’s ass. Also, after ONE viewing, it seems pretty clear we won’t have to watch again until sometime in May, because there are only 2 “real” contestants and 10 kids who probably sound okay in the shower.

IDOL OBSERVATIONS: Over the last few years, AI producers have deemed it “good TV” to provide the contestants with “mentoring” from some of the finest musicians in the world. dianaUnfortunately, none of those folks were available for this first “big” night, so the honor was given to Diana Ross. Oh, not that she’s not a big deal (have you seen her hair?) but, um, armed with 4 decades of experience, the most helpful tips the diva gave included: “Pronounce-iate and project“, “use a mic stand“, “people in the audience are really real“, and “try to sing the melody, because this is a song“. No wonder she’s remained on top of the recording heap all these years, because that advice was solid gold.


Brandon, Chris, Phil, Blake, Chris: Buh-bye, boys. Don’t let the stage door hit ya on your way out. (By the way, Blake? Justin Timberlake called, he wants his “look” back. Tell Chris).

Sanjaya: Bless your heart, behind that penis lies a very pretty girl. But we don’t think you could sing your way out of a pair of panty hose. Ciao.

Gina: Gina Gina Gina…

Haley: Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your singing sucked, And that was the ugliest dress we’ve ever seen in our lives, and it looked terrible on you.

Stephanie: You seem nice.

Melinda & LaKisha: Wow. And, WOWIE.

Jordin: When the judges review last night’s show, they’ll realize they told you a lie from the pits of hell, because you were not good, missy. Not. Good.

That’s it. As we said before, we’ll be back in May to tell you if we think Melinda or LaKisha will win. (Right now, our money’s on LaKisha)  ***

WE now return you to our regularly scheduled post — already in progress…

…never our intention to burden anyone with such a long post, let alone another pesky video*. That said, we do have a tiny one we’d like to share, which we believe nicely supports our contention that, along with a handful of fine programs no longer on the air due to some ratings “technicality” (no viewers? what are we, chopped liver?), ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT didn’t deserve the broadcast boot after such a short run. With its great writing, great cast, and, above all else, hilarious interpretations of of the chicken dance, this was, in our humble opinion, one of the best shows, ever:

*Not to worry, now that Viacom is suing YouTube for a kajillion dollars, it won’t be long before we’ll be unable to show you anything more exciting than home movies of our latest trip to Bed, Bath, Infinity, and Beyond. Stay tuned.

Despite the absence of chicken dancers, we have it on (fairly) good authority you’ll find laughs-a-plenty on HUMOR-BLOGS.COM.



16 Comments so far
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WordPress is SO not cooperating today. this post has been, for all intents and purposes, ready to go for the past 2 hours — except that it wasn’t. oy. and sorry. xox

Comment by One Hot Puppy

Now should I add WordPress to my list? I thought you were busy writing me an e-mail…..I am so notfunny:(
Speaking of funny…..look at you in the sidebar of Humor Blogs.com, well done!!!
I just read yesterdays post and your run down on AI Thank you Diesel and snuppy…now I know that I can be in the loop albeit vicariously…and sound so very clever at todays ladies luncheon…Medaphor and Waking Ambrose just won’t cut it with that crowd.
I will throw inn some Cambel soup recipies and I should be good to go.

Comment by Mo'a

Now should I add WordPress to my list? I thought you were busy writing me an e-mail…..I am so notfunny:(
Speaking of funny…..look at you in the sidebar of Humor Blogs.com, well done!!!
I just read yesterdays post and your run down on AI Thank you Diesel and snuppy…now I know that I can be in the loop albeit vicariously…and sound so very clever at todays ladies luncheon…Medaphor and Waking Ambrose just won’t cut it with that crowd.
I will throw inn some Cambel soup recipies and I should be good to go.
I see what you mean about WordPress.

Comment by Mo'a

I have never seen American Idol. I’m hoping they cancel it before I accidentally see some.

Comment by Doug

I swear one of these seasons I am going to watch American Idol…. I hate not being in the loop. I think we need to add more hours to the day.

🙂 I also think there is a conspiracy to cancel all shows I like…. Hummmmm

Comment by cj

Hummm this is odd, now it says there are no comments. I tell you – wordpress must have the hiccups!

Comment by cj

To everyone´s surprise American idol is shown here too. Almost live as well. I work with a bunch of girls and every Monday they force me and teh old ones to watch. IF it weren´t for Simon Cowell, I would actually rather prefer to work:) Randy jackson calls everythinga dn everyone Dawg! and Paula just thinks everybody looks beautiful tonight. Kills me!

Simon uses soem wonderful English vocabulary though, that always makes my day. I agree with you…the girl´s will ahve it this year….probably LaKeesha. The boys donæt stand a chance.

Have I mentioned that iceland has its own Idol show?

Comment by Penguin

Mo’a: e-mails are on their way. or will be as soon as i write them. (okay, ONE to you, and a few more to a few more folks who know who they are!) trust me, i’ll take a good Cambell’s soup recipe over American Idol any day! as for WordPress? aieeeee! i am thisclose to looking for a different server, because this thing has been such a bitch today! (and now, so am i!) xox

Doug: don’t hold your breath. for some reason, this show rakes in the big bucks. don’t see it goin’ away any time soon (on the other hand, until May, i doubt we’ll watch, either!) xox

CJ: something’s up with WordPress today, that’s fer shur. as for cancelling your favorite shows? i hear ya, girlfriend — as i said yesterday, we’re still bitter about Deadwood, Dead Like Me, and, well, Arrested Development. damn those stupid TV people who think it’s more important to make money than to make me happy! 😦 xox

Penguin: i’m not surprised (to know you’ve seen the show and/or that there’s a version of it in Iceland)! why do i think it’s more fun to watch in Iceland? (probably because you know everyone on the show, right?) ah well — i confess we were impressed by that LaKisha — that girl can sing! 🙂 xox

now… have i written any of the dozen or so e-mails i owe to my dozen or so friends? no, no i have not. sigh. it promises to be a long day… and i still have *cleaning* to do! aieeeeee!

Comment by snuppy

Miss, I love to see pictures of bums when I come to the Snark. Thank you for that expert rundown as I have not seen AI either, but you never know when I could happen upon it and bam, I’m informed!

And Arrested Development is a show that I mourned because I didn’t watch it and wanted to and knew that I was missing something really great. So sorry for your loss. I feel partially responsible for the cancellation now because I could never figure out what night it was on (they kept changing it).

Comment by G

Not only did WordPress refuse to post my comment it told me I was being redundant…then they posted spelling mistakes. I did OK at the luncheon…Thanks, I did not have to resort to soup recipes 😉

Comment by Mo'a

Like many have said before me, I haven’t watched AI. I think it is kinda silly, but then again I used to think blogging was silly…hummm?
I love Dead Like Me. I only recently found it on reruns and it is very funny (as long as you are not the overly sensitive type who feels they cannot ever speak ill of the dead, in which case you are wrapped way too tight).

Comment by Claire

I am sorry that I never got to see Arrested Development, but I think I can resist American Idol.
Diana Ross? Well, maybe she’ll provide some comfort, anyway.

Comment by actonbell

Arrested Development was pure genius. I think 30 Rock occasionally reaches that level of bizarre humor, but there are few shows that are just so wrong and so funny at the same time. I re-watched an episode of 30 Rock last night where Tina Fey asks Alec Baldwin why he’s wearing a tux. “It’s after 6,” he says disdainfully. “What am I, a farmer?”

That’s just funny (Sorry, Al). If y’all will start watching that show maybe it won’t suffer the same fate as A.D.

Comment by Diesel

G: i believe you can tell that you’ve missed nothing, nothing i tell ya, NOTHING! (seriously, only 2 contestants are worth anything, and, unless something goes terribly wrong, there’s no need to pay attention to this show until it’s over.) 😉 xox

Mo’a: i know — WordPress is totally suck today. i gave up hours ago, which explains, in part, my long absence. (that and the fact that i’m in full “clean the crap out of my house” mode at the moment!) xox

Claire: Dead Like Me was fantastic. i know it’s being shown on SciFi channel, but to get the full thrust of the humor, you should see it on DVD (unless Showtime decides to air episodes again in the future). it was absolutely brilliant — and darkly funny — and i was veryveryvery bitter when it got cancelled (still am, can ya tell?) xox

Actonbell: you can watch Arrested Development on G4 (a new cable channel for gamers) — i think you’ll probably lovelovelove it! as for AI? i think you made the right choice in NOT watching… Dancing with the Stars, on the other hand, could be fun. or not… (if only to see if Heather Mills hangs on to her leg…) xox

Diesel: because you’re a fan of AD, it’s clear you have some sense of good TV, which means you’ve convinced us to give 30 Rock another shot. but i’m tellin’ ya, if it’s as funny as, say, Family Guy (i’m sorry, do i need my jokes explained to me? no, i do not) then i may have to come out there and slap you. i have to admit that Alec Baldwin line is pretty darn good, so i’m hopeful of at least one or two giggles, if not a guffaw. xox

Comment by snuppy

Don’t apologize, Deez. I have an approach-avoidance relationship with “30 Rock.” On the one hand, well, you know.

But, on the other: they do a great job lampooning the GE culture, and its filmed in New York (Long Island City, just a stone’s throw across the East River).

Comment by Al

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