Central Snark


Spam? A Lot! by Snuppy
Thursday, 26 April 2007, 8:25am
Filed under: friends, funny...

spamalot canUNIMAGINATIVE (and unpopular) bloggers (comment whores) that we are (and, bitter ones, at that), we’ve decided to milk this (yesterday’s) Monty Python/Spamalot/Coconut Orchestra thing (goofiness) for all it’s worth (about $3.50). Meaning we’ve decided to do another post about… Spam (spam). Based on yesterday’s disappointing (totally shitty) turnout (shut-out), we figure none of you will mind too terribly much (since most of you probably won’t bother reading this post, either).

OKAY. So maybe that’s not quite true (it is). Maybe we were just doing a little spring cleaning (we weren’t) when we opened up a mailbag (our “in” box) and were shocked to discover a bunch (8 or 9 bits) of unopened comments (spam). Or mail (lots of spam). Or stuff we really don’t want cluttering our humble little blog (shitloads of spam). In case we haven’t mentioned it before (we have), we hate spam (we do). Which is why, we suppose, we’ve decided to share it with you. Not because we hate you (we don’t), but because we need to share our pain (just the little ones) as well as our joy (oh, if only we could remember the last time we got to do that).

vintage mail manSo spam’s what we’ve got… and now, like cooties, you’re about to get some, too. The following are but a few of the solicitations we’ve recieved since the last time we checked — which, last time we checked, was last week. Enjoy (trust us, you’ll thank us later for not forcing you to watch A LAME VIDEO of some stupid cat playing the piano):

1.  GoBlueveroom: HI everybody. I have spent cool weekends! Me and my friend bought viagra and all our university group went to the forest. PHENTERMINE. We hadn’t tried viagra before, but – recommend to try – won’t be sorry! We bought anonymously. Uh, GoBlueveroom? GoBlowitoutyerass.

2. Yakzutt: Execuse mee plees for vis messaga posted from Norenbergen Shutgorto blin… Not only do wee execuse youse, Yakzutt, we fart in your general direction.

3. Christos: thanks for inviting me to your site. i don’t have any idea to write rite now. i already bookmark your site and will come back soon. anyway, thanks again. peace. : ) Rite now would be a good time to take that bookmark and shove it. ,,l,

4. Vincendevers: Hello, my name is vincent. I am french from paris and I am looking for some people who know the language bahasa melayu in paris. I would like to learn this language because I went to malaysia for a week and I enjoyed it. Voulez-vous coucher avec whaaa? Hahaha!

5. Mapqest: Good site! it a cool. We think it a, too!

6. Esaon: No way. It is spam? well…I try away. Instead, please go away.

7. Esasion:  It is glad to a meeting! Glad to a meeting, indeed, Esasion. Glad to a meeting, indeed.

8. Jersee: It is all in your mind–hypnosis is the answer. Weight loss is achieved faster with hypnosis. Look into our eyes… you’re getting creepy… creepy…

rich peopleFINALLY, this last one is a bit of potentially enriching news, assuming no more “unforseen circumstances and reason” gets in the way. Eight-Hundred and Fifty-Thousand United States Dollars seems like a reasonable fee for doing nothing, and we’d really like to capitalize on our earnings, especially since Princess James is still clinging to life in that Holistic Home for the Dying But Not Yet Dead. Damn her and those ungrateful relations, who continue to reap that which they did not sow…

Dear Friend, It is my pleasure to reach you after our unsuccessful attempt on our business transaction. I am obliged to inform you that I have succeeded in receiving many of the funds with the help of a new partner from Paraguay Mr.Fernando Alvaro Gomez. Everything was perfectly done because we strike a deal with  one of the lady Accountant who works with the Federal Ministry of Finance (FMF), and she rendered a tremeldous help to us.

In appreciation of your earlier assistance to me in receiving the funds, I have decided to compensate you with the sum of $850,000.00 (Eight Hundred and Fifty Thousand United States Dollars) in a Cashier’s cheque. This is from my own share. I did this simply to show appreciation to you for your kind support an assistance even though we could not succeed due tosome unforseen circumstances and reason. Presently, I am in Paraguay for investment project with my own share under the advice of my partner. In the light of the above, you are therefore, to contact my Secretary Kelechi Michael, and do send him your contact address where you want the cheque to be sent to you and phone number. Please do let me know immediately you receive it so that we can share the joy together after all the suffering at that time. In the moment, I am busy here in Asuncion the capital city of Paraguay because of the investment  projects, which the new partner and I are having at hand. So feel free to get in touch with him to send the cheque to you without any delay. Domago

Thanks Domago, you should have.

*******

ACTUALLY, instead of sharing more bits of useless spam, we considered exploring some of the “searches” that have brought folks over here in recent days, but after we saw “key” search phrases like: Kitty Carlisle sex goddess punchline; homoerotic movies; hilarious manicdotes; gay fisters; and hilarious manicdotes in homoerotic movies featuring sex goddess Kitty Carlisle and gay fisters, well, we decided to do what we know, and stick with spam — which sticks in our craws and/or to your ribs, but that’s another crappy post for another unimaginative day and/or Humor-blogs.com, whichever comes first.

~snuppy

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20 Comments so far
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oops! i almost forgot! there’s still time to get your vote in for DIESEL’S CAPTION CONTEST! but hurry — i have a great lead now, and i’d like to keep it the last day to vote is tomorrow!

ps: some of you may find yourselves linked in surprising places in those last few paragraphs. trust me when i say the linkages are random, at best. for those of you who feel “left out”, not to worry, last time i checked, the spam’s a’pilin’ up in our mailbag, and i’m pretty sure your names will be on more than a few of ’em next time we do a spam-related post!
😉 xox

Comment by One Hot Puppy

I for one LOVE my random linkage of eght hundred and fifty thousand dollars! If only… *sighetty sigh* 😉

Faboo post oh dearest amiga who maketh bohemians leak many a leaks of ha, ha, haaaas for we laughing way too hard in this site, which I hear is a cool!

I am worried about that dude with the viagra and the university group in the forest though. I would think the forest would not be very comfortable nor conducive to viagra-fueled, um, studies? Dios mio!

Well, I have nothing witty to say… I am somewhat braindead as Loverboy, who could not sleep and was up at 5am, made sure to make much noise and whatnot and woke me up at 5 am… so I am just popping in to say buenos dias and to send muchos besos your way! Off i go to pretend to be productive…

Comment by Catty Yummy Mummy

Now that’s a talented Kitty (no respect to Kitty Carlisle intended). Think I got the same note from Domago but pretty sure he offered much less…bastard!

Comment by BoBo

I can attest that it was “all perfectly done”

Signed,

I’m a countin’

Comment by Lampsha

May I say this was some Spamalot post you did! I am sure one of them will pay off in spades (which we can use to off the other grubbers – something you may be familiar with ]) and share it evenly 60/40.

Best regards,
The Lady A countin

Comment by The Lady A Countin

I was only kidding about the spades! Where is everybody?

Comment by Lampsha

CYM: yeah — i wondered about that Viagra-popping group in the forest, too! and thank you for thinking this site is a cool — we think you’re mighty a cool, and we don’t care who knows eet! 😉 as for “brain dead”??? oy and dios mio, amiga! that said, i can absolutely relate, having missed out on more than a few zzz’s m’self last night, i can completely relate! i linked to you from that “money” in hopes of reminding the Universe to send you some! xox

BoBo: heh — perhaps Domago realized he offended you, and decided to offer MORE funds, in the hopes of getting someone to take him up on this fabulous opportunity?? 😉 xox

Lampsha (aka Lady A Countin’): “a countin'” what? 60/40? SIXTY/FORTY?? hold the fort, Shirley, for surely you jest! and yeah, heh heh — i believe our so-called “friends” have heard about you and your “spades”… not to mention those cement clogs you were so anxious to slip onto Diesel’s feet a few months ago. ah well — would have served him right. (maybe he learned his lesson about trying to horn in on our good fortune, and has decided to stay away. maybe we’ll have to take that spade of yours and smack him over the head with it at his blog, in order to drag his ass back over here. and maybe i should just shut up… no point leaving a “trail”…) 🙂 xox

Comment by snuppy

Lady A Countin’: ps… i have no idea what “hold the fort Shirley” means… or what “trail” i’m trying to avoid leaving — suffice it to say it made sense for a minute, and had nothing to do with fake ID’s (for the purposes of opening up our Swiss Bank Accounts) and/or “evidence”.

that said… i believe the next time i attempt to lure folks into the Snark, i’ll try using something besides money and/or humor. i’m thinking candy might do the trick. and by “candy” i mean chocolate.

also, the lack of enthusiasm for yesterday and today’s posts has totally screwed up my plans for tomorrow’s offering, which was going to be a clever and amusing “wrap up” of this whole Python extravangaza. okay, so maybe the past two days’ were less “extravanganza” than “fodder”, but that’s beside the point. the point, for i need to make one, is that i had one more Python-related post planned for manana… and now i’m thinking i won’t do one — at all! damn our less-than-enthusiastic friends, anyway!!
🙄 xox

Comment by snuppy

Hey, there’s always enough enthusiasm for Monty Python. Work sometimes gets in the way, but–
Good post! I believe you can relate anything in life to Monty Python. I once even wrote a post about how my Snapple cap collection reminded me of silly lines from their skits. It was very very long and only my mother actually read the whole insipid thing. Why? Why did she read it, but why did I write it? I wasted a whole morning reading those stupid caps
WE INTERRUPT THIS COMMENT TO ANNOY YOU
and I’m not even interested in sending away for anything. Why did I keep the caps, and why
THIS COMMENT HAS BEEN TERMINATED BECAUSE IT’S TOO SILLY!
and boring, but it doesn’t have tooooo much rattart in it…

Comment by actonbell

Actonbell is dreamy, DREAMY I TELL YOU! She writes long comments… *swoooon*

Comment by Catty Yummy Mummy

[…] Silence of the Amoebae Jump to Comments I am currently in Woods Hole, Massachusetts (no, not Asuncion, though for $850K, or even $8K just at the moment, I might be induced to do any number of strange […]

Pingback by The Silence of the Amoebae « O Ceallaigh’s Felloffatruck Publications

Very clever with the linking! I have to object, but not to the lack of wit.

Comment by Doug

Dang it, Actonbell did my idea!
Clever gal that she is.
I want to point out though, she is three hours ahead so I want comp time, or points or,
oh whatever, gimme some coffee and I’ll shuddap.

Comment by logo™

By the way, I missed the homoerotic movies at Doug’s, man, get a life and suddenly you miss all the good stuff!
:p

Comment by logo™

Actonbell: i hear ya, missy! as for that Python-related post on Snapp…WE INTERRUPT THIS INTERRUPTED COMMENT TO SAY: HAHAHAHAHAHA! …was good one… i think i’ll have to go back and read it, myself! 🙂

CYM: dreamy… and pretty damn funny, too. i hear she also has a “silly walk” that’s to die for! 😉 xox

Amoeba: don’t have 8K to spare — but i have got a luverly bunch of coconuts… will those do? 😉 xox

Doug: at list you didn’t land under a “gay fister”… and don’t think i wasn’t tempted! 🙄 xox

logo™: as you can see — not only are you more clever/funny and/or creative than i am, my friend, but you show better restraint! those films at Doug’s were good — with no gay fisters, they were, all-in-all, pretty tame! 😉 xox

Comment by snuppy

“at list”? sigh… at least Doug didn’t land under a gay fister. oy. i am losin’ it… faster’n i can say… er, um… Doug’s not under a gay fister. 🙄

Comment by snuppy

wow…That was quite some post to whip out!

Spam apparently has a hilarious effect on you 🙂

That Viagra dude worried me though…I think you should find him and hang him upside down for a while…I think the vagra has gone to his head!

xox

Comment by Penguin

Penguin: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! for of course his “head” is exactly where the viagra’s supposed to go! ohhhhh… you mean his other head. oops! my bad… 😉 xox

Comment by snuppy

[…] particular post on your blog. Scanning this little box can be rather amusing. Not as amusing as Neva’s spam and search boxes, but then again, I’m not as pretty as Neva. I don’t get her traffic, either. Lady, I […]

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Comment by sam




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