Central Snark


Rx TV? by Snuppy
Monday, 7 May 2007, 10:19am
Filed under: tube sucks

Not so much a “tie-in” to the fabulous Grey’s Anatomy-related ARTIST our dear DJ LAMPSHA did over the weekend, as a “suture”…

family watching tvWE love television, we really do. And because we love it, we watch it all the time. Okay, so maybe we don’t watch all the time, but trust us when we tell you our TV is on a lot. Because of this, we’ve come to appreciate a number of programs quite a little bit — some more than we’d care to admit in a court of law. Fortunately, this blog looks nothing like a court of law, so we’ll go ahead and share, in hopes you won’t later subpoena us, because we will lie likes dogs in heat about what we do — and do not — watch at any given moment on any given night.

BEFORE you toddle off to ponder what the hell that first paragraph was about, allow us to delve deeper into our programming preferences, and why we think it may be time to make a few changes. No need to switch that dial — this will be a short enough post to hold the attention of everyone — including those of you who find yourselves distracted by the fact that we’re ending this sentence with three dots… See? You made it through that, you can make it through this.

retro tvACTUALLY, our need to discuss TV — albeit superficially — is because we’ve been feeling a bit under the weather lately. Now we know what you’re thinking — the flu? A cold? Allergies? Normally, that’s what we’d be thinking, too. But, thanks to a couple of medical shows that are high on our “must see TiVo”, we fear it might be something else. After pondering last week’s episode of Grey’s Anatomy, for instance, it’s occurred to us that the snot leaking out of our nose might not be snot at all… Why? Because one poor sap — who kept showing up in the clinic with a runny nose — was treated for a cold no fewer than four (count ’em 4) times before a member of the Very Smart Team of Doctor’s said “That’s not…” and everyone laughed. But then the doctor got all serious and said, “That’s NOT snot. This man has a spinal herniation! Get me a CAT stan, scat!” After everyone, including the doc, laughed again, a CAT scan was performed (stat), and guess what? Turns out the guy did have spinal fluid gushing out of his nose! Whoa, we said to our-mildly-hyperchondriacical*-selves, could that happen to us? How would we know? More to the point, what would we call it… A Spinus Infection? Then we laughed and laughed, because, even when we don’t feel so hot, we crack ourselves up.

ON the same episode of GA, a VIP was brought into the ER with BAB (big-ass balls). After everything remotely feasible was ruled out as the cause for his largesse, the Very Smart Team of Doctors came up with the only possible explanation: the man had a Penis fish in his urethra. Of course! The ol’ Penis Fish Up the Penis Syndrome. “Eureka.. heh, I mean urethra… now get me a CAT stan, scat!” Following much smacking of heads, a joke about Blow Fish, giggles, and the aforementioned stat CAT, the Team of Very Smart Doctors grabbed a pair of tongs, reached in to the VIP’s p-e-n-i-s green eeland pulled out the swimmer — revealing the fact that it was the size of a large Moray Eel — causing members of the viewing audience (us) to wince and say “What the…? That thing wriggled up his penis and he didn’t notice?” Needless to say, we were impressed. Grossed out, but impressed.

SPEAKING of orifices — which, apparently, we were — according to our favorite medically-themed shows, some people’s orifices have virtual neon signs hanging over them that say, “Strangers Welcome”… and by “strangers” we mean “icky things”, like penis fish… or ticks. We don’t know about you, but ticks scare the bejeezus out of us, never more than when we found out they were capable crawling into a vagina. Can you say ewww? We can, and we did. We should probably mention that the vagina/tick-thing happened on House, another medical show we enjoy watching, despite the fact that we’re in a constant state of terror since learning we can die under so many different and/or disturbing circumstances, including — but not limited to — the aforementioned ticks, really old chicken poop, and/or a bra hook. (One errant hook pierced a woman’s back, and she wound up with a staph infection. Of course, no one noticed it, because they left her bra on for a week — a week! — while treating her for a variety of other obscure things. They finally realized they’d made a big mistake… but by then she was dead. DEAD.)

OUR point, for we kind of had one at the start of this post, is that we’re feeling better. Or we were before we read THIS ARTICLE, that is. Now we’re fretting over all kinds of new crap that can happen to us anytime, anywhere… even in our sleep. Aieeee. Apparently we don’t need stupid TV shows about even more stupid ailments in order to fear for our well-being. Fortunately, DR. DIESEL will be on call tomorrow, which means we can take it easy for a day (or two, PENGUIN?). With luck — and/or antibiotics — by the next time you see us, our spinus infection will be gone, and our hypochondria under control.

~snuppy

No spiders, ticks, and/or penis fish will bother you at Humor-Blogs.com.

* hyperchondriacical is a word we made up while writing this post

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21 Comments so far
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i USED to think that old Night Gallery episode about the earwigs was based on myth … but after hearing about those stupid spiders in that stupid kid’s ear… i’m not so sure. oy. xox

Comment by One Hot Puppy

I’m suddenly twitching all over…yikes!

Comment by BoBo

And then there’s this…

ALBANY, Ore. — A 9-year-old boy who complained of an earache was a little surprised when the doctor told him that a pair of spiders had tried to make a home out of him.

“They were walking on my eardrums,” said Jesse Courtney.

One of the spiders was still alive after the doctor flushed the fourth-grader’s left ear canal.

His mother, Diane Courtney, said her son insisted he kept hearing a faint popping in his ear — “like Rice Krispies” — before the earache sent them to the doctor.

Dr. David Irvine said it looked like the boy had something in his ear when he examined him, but he could not immediately identify it. So he irrigated the ear, and the first spider came out, dead. The other spider took a second dousing before it emerged, still alive. Both were about the size of a pencil eraser.

Comment by BoBo

Bobo: heh…that’s the article i linked to at the bottom of the post, isn’t it? or did i take one of my crazy pills again this morning, instead of my vitamin, and link to a story about the fact that it’s still legal to have sex with a horse in the state of Washington? man i hate when that happens! whatever — having spiders IN one’s ear is creepy. just. plain. creepy xox

Comment by One Hot Puppy

OOOOPs! My bad…feel free to delete and no one will be the wiser. I really should click on ALL the links before trying to comment. Sorry!!

Comment by BoBo

Death by bra hook? Yet another thing to heap on the pile of worries.

But you mentioned the old Night Gallery earwigs epidose which made such an impression on me, it is one of the few episodes of television that I can recall with any clarity from my youth. Oy vay that creeped me to no end – and now the spider story! I have to leave my office to go check my children’s ears. I must admit, this has all teh makings for a gross adult Dr. Seuss book – Penakes and vagiticks – I’m fainting. Thud.

I’ll talk to you later!

Comment by Lampsha

BoBo: hahaha! no, i’m leaving that up! besides, it’s a better article than the one i linked to! as usual, i’ve put in too many links — at least this way everyone else who ignores ’em will have an idea what it’s about! (ewwwww. and EWWWWWW, huh?) *shudders* xoxox

Lampsha: yeah — who knew? that poor woman was treated for everything else — i think they even did open heart surgery, and finally gave her radiation therapy (because their last “resort” is always cancer) because they decided she had a rare cancer. apparently they did ALL this without ONCE removing her bra! so Dr. House discovered the “wound” on her back after she passed away. “A simple staph infection” he said, with a snort. “We could have saved her with a round of antibiotics. D’oh!” oy. xox

Comment by snuppy

DON’T LICK ENVELOPES EVER AGAIN!

This post reminds me (thanks a lot by the way) of the lady who got some type of infection from licking an envelope. She developed this huge nasty cyst on her tongue and when the Very Smart Team of Doctors popped it, hundreds of baby cockroaches swarmed out of her mouth. Yeah, EWWWW! Go ahead, say it with me. EEEEWWWWW!!!!!!!!!

Comment by Zoning Out Again

Zoning Out: AIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! 😯 xox

Comment by snuppy

ZOning out Again – STOPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!! Lord, take me now (to borrow The Penguin’s riff of Fred Sandford). Oh help me, if this ever even remotely happened to me, I would have them shoot me dead then and there.

After these fun little facts, I am placing a surgical mask (as Snuppy recommended in our conversation) over the mouths of my family as we slumber and what the heck, we’ll just keep them on.

Comment by Lampsha

Sweet Jesus! How the hell am I supposed to defend THREE holes with just two hands?

Comment by al

Hmmm, someone in my family once sat on a needle (think it was my great aunt), and they had a heck of a time getting that out. (No “CAT stan, scat!” in those days -I’m still laughing about that one) So, your hypochondria is cured, what about your hyperchondria? Ticks, ewww. We found one on the cat the other day, I will never look at the cat in quite the same way.

Comment by Theresa

Lampsha: yeah, i’m thinkin’ surgical masks are the way to go. either that, or line our pillows with fly paper. xox

Al: depends. 😉 xox

Theresa: i hesitate to ask… but i have to know: what kind of needle? ouchie. xox

Comment by snuppy

Ever since I saw “The Tingler” when I was a kid, I’ve been frightened of weird shit crawling onto or into me. Yikes! Now I’ve heard everything -spiders in the ear, cockroach cysts of the tongue. Yuck and double yuck! I love natural history as much (even more!) than the next gal, but this stuff is nasty. eeewwwww…

Comment by Claire

Claire, was that the Spine Tingler? Because I seem to remember something by that name that freaked me out (along with the earwigs).

Creepy stuff before bedtime – no good.

Comment by LAMPSHA

Al, I might be able to help.

Comment by Diesel

I’m always afraid termites are going to attack my wooden leg. It keeps me up at night. Hope you feel a-okay real soon.

Comment by Nessa

A knitting needle – no just kidding, an ordinary sewing needle. Looking for a needle in flesh must be just as hard as looking for it in a haystack, and undoubtedly much more painful.

Comment by Theresa

Diesel: can i watch? xox

Nessa: one word ~ plastics. (that will seem much funnier if you’ve ever seen The Graduate) 😉 xox

Theresa: again i say… OUCHIE! *shudders* xox

Comment by snuppy

Yep, yep , yep…Penguin´s post is finished and ready to be published.
I just love HOUSE and I saw the tick show…that was…umm…privately hidden!

hypochondria…better safe than sorry, I always say:) That´s why I don´t read medical articles and pretend television is utter fiction 🙂

Comment by Penguin

It was “The Tingler”…., had nightmare about that one (was little, little when I saw it). Didn’t know anyone else in the universe had even seen it, lol! AND the earwhig episode! Wow, you people must’ve shared my childhood w/o me knowing it.

Ewwww, ticks and cockroaches!! Two of the very few things that creep me out. The vagina and the tongue! Ewww ewwww ewwwwww! Are no pleasure places safe?!?!

Comment by notaclue




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