Central Snark

The Ten Stages of Blogging by Snuppy
Tuesday, 8 May 2007, 9:03am
Filed under: funny..., Pop! goes the Diesel

diesel Hi everybody. Today I want to address an important issue that affects a lot of us here today. Many of us have our own blogs. Some of us have been blogging for quite some time; others are relatively new at the game. But eventually a particular realization will set in for us all: blogging isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. To help you through this painful process, I’ve outlined the Ten Stages of Blogging below.

1. Naive Exuberance: “Look at me, I’m blogging! The whole world can read what I have to say!”

2. Self Doubt: “What the whole world can do and what it actually does do are evidently two completely different things. Also, I’m not sure I have anything to say.”

3. Second Wind: “Six people visited my blog today and one of them left a comment! And now I know where to get discount Viagra!”

4. Denial: “I really just blog for myself anyway. My blog is just a sort of online diary, for sorting out my thoughts. With YouTube clips and memes.

5. Panic: “Someone at work found out about my blog! If they read the entry about Mr. Monkeyhands, I am so fired.”

6. Relief: “It’s been three days and no word from Monkeyhands. Thank God!”

7. Resentment: “I can’t believe nobody at work even bothered to read the Monkeyhands post. That was a good post. Idiots.”

8. Hiatus: “I’m too busy with work to post for a few weeks. Monkeyhands is running me ragged.”

9. Unexpected Resurgence: “I’ve realized how much I’ve come to depend on blogging as an outlet. I guess I can’t stay away.”

10. Cynicism/Apathy: “I don’t feel like writing anything today. Maybe I’ll just post that YouTube clip of the cat licking those puppies. That stuff always gets more traffic than my serious posts anyway. Or I could do another Monkeyhands post. I’m not even sure that idiot can read.

Please note that you may not experience these stages in exactly this order, and more intelligent and self-aware bloggers tend to move through them more quickly. Personally, I’ve been stuck on #1 for the past 8 months.

~ Exuberant Diesel

Wonder if Monkeyhands reads Humor-Blogs.com?


26 Comments so far
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would i be considered A) lame, B) cynical, C) a whore or D) all of the above if i linked to THIS VIDEO later this week, as a means for riding your hilarious coattails to increase traffic and/or comments here in the Snark? inquiring minds want need to know… xox (snuppy)

Comment by One Hot Puppy

I’m still on #1 too, and I like it here, so I have no intention of moving on to the rest. If I ever did get to #10 I would just link here or to “Mattress Police”. The only problem is any readers I do have may never return after that; they’ll be too busy reading your ever-entertaining posts. (But, since I’m planning on staying at #1, I have nothing to worry about, right?)

Comment by Theresa

This is hysterical.

Think there might be fifteen stages but once you move past the tenth, you’re too brain dead to articulate the rest

Brain dead might cover all five last stages

Oh right incessant Technorati and TTLB checking is eleven

12 is I really don’t give a damn about either of the above

13) I could have written a book during all the time I have spent blogging and thinking about the book

14) writing the book

15) blogging is more fun

16) no, writing the book

17) brain death atrophies everything

Comment by pia

I have been stuck at stage 9 for some time now – perhaps I should see a blog-shrink?

Comment by I Am Blog

What numbers would these fall under?

~You come to the realization that you are turning into a blogger version of Paris Hilton because you find yourself visiting all of the popular blogs, and you make sure you’re in the comment snapshots as often as possible.

~ Then you start leaving some scandalous comments about having a crush on a certain Antisocial blogger and start making crude remarks about his 20 minute interludes to drag everyone else who shares the same sick and perverted thoughts as I, (I mean you) do, sparking a community conversation about his so called Sunday Napping.

~You begin to contemplate posting revealing photos of yourself in the comment areas in desperate hopes to pull more traffic to your blog.

~When no one comes to your page or leaves without commenting, you start leaving yourself RAVING comments from anonymous bloggers.

Not that any of this has happened to me…..

Comment by Zoning Out Again

What number is:

Why did I give my Mom my blog address?!?

Comment by Robin

I think I know Monkeyhands.

Comment by BoBo

It’s possible that I actually had a boss at one point who had hands resembling those of a monkey, but I wouldn’t actually call him Monkeyhands. Not on my blog, anyway, at least until I’m not doing consulting work for Monkeyhands, Inc. any more.

Comment by Diesel

Oh, and congrats to Crazy Aunt Neva and Lampsha for making it into the finalists for the caption contest!

Comment by Diesel

Love this, not that I resemble any of it, at all, but I am sure it is a public service for the vast majority of your readers.

Okay, okay – I haven’t gone on hiatus except for one week vacation last year and when I looked at my children on the beach, I was seeing various avatars instead of their faces.

I need help.

Comment by Lampsha

I think it just came in the form of my making the finals in your Caption Contest. Pfew!

Comment by Lampsha

Doesn’t hosting contests so your commenters have to do all the writing sorta fit into catagory 10 behavior?

Comment by logo™

Logo – Nah, that’s just exuberance disguised as a clever marketing ploy.

Comment by Diesel

Lampsha: made the finals in the Caption Contest? NBFF, you are totally kicking caption contest ass — including my own! sigh. 🙄 xox

logo™: oh snap! you SO called it, girlfriend! 🙂 xox

Diesel: that’s a lie from the pits of humor hell, bub, and you know it. doesn’t make it wrong, mind you — especially since you told it with such exuberance, but still… 😉 xox

Comment by snuppy

Step 11 is death.

Step 11 is always death – for pretty much everything.

Comment by al

aren´t we “the glass is half-full” today?
What hit you on the head.

I think I have been blogging since 2003 and I have been through these steps…twice. Is there a prize I can collect somewhere?

Comment by Penguin

Isn’t there a step in there somewhere about confessing and making amends for all your misdeeds?

Comment by Glacial Spain

Glacial Spain – You’re thinking of Catholicism. Blogging is similar, but more ritualistic.

Comment by Diesel

“Someone at work found out about my blog! If they read the entry about Mr. Monkeyhands, I am so fired.”

ONE person at work knows about my blog and even my work rants, but he won’t tell. And, honestly, I can’t decide whether the alternative would upset me or not. Fired–it would be inconvenient, but–mmmm, not bad…Freedom’s just another word for–

Hilarious, Diesel!

Comment by actonbell

11. Grandeur. “I’ll show the home office in Sioux City, Iowa how to make a top ten list! Letterman can gnaw my insoles.”

Comment by Doug

Regarding Diesel’s comparison of Catholicism to blogging: I think blogging is a rebellion against the rituals of the Catholic faith for many of us.

Blogging lets us cast off the shackles imposed by zealous religious control freaks–specifically that oppressive mantle of guilt put in place by so called “women of faith” who influenced us in our youth. Women who dressed in long hooded gowns and twirled dangling rosaries in menacing fashions molded in us a need to blog. No I am not referring to Aunt Sneva.

Even in later life, one can still sense that penguin shaped domination disguised as guidance feeding one’s subconscious need for rebellion.

Remember “The Blues Brothers?” You might feel that their anti-social behavior was partially inspired by that strict, mother-superior-like guiding hand.

Here is to rebellion, and here is to blogging! It is the one place remaining where we can rebel without getting arrested…yet.

Comment by McCafferty Himself

You forgot jealousy, as in, why does that blogger get more comments than me? Everybody hates me.


Gratuitous sex, violence or foul language to get more comments.

Comment by Nessa

Monkeyhands has a blog now. Jocelyn told me his screen name is craftyweepaws.

Comment by Claire

[…] « M is for… Now What? May 15th, 2007 Last week I detailed the Ten Stages of Blogging, which outlined the gradual decline into apathy and mediocrity which we as bloggers blah blah blah […]

Pingback by Now What? « Central Snark

I’d like to know where posting lyrics from songs because they “totally express how I feel” fits in.

Comment by Travis

Yeah, this pretty much nails it. Although like James Spader’s character on Seinfeld, I’ve been known to skip steps.

Comment by Chris

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