Central Snark


Hot Sex, Hot Sex by Snuppy
Friday, 1 June 2007, 10:50am
Filed under: Sex, Ed? | Tags:

girl and monkeyDID we just say “Hot Sex, Hot Sex”? Heh. We meant to say Rabbit, Rabbit, but got a little excited over the fact that today’s Friday, which means, of course, we get to do a post about something a little more provocative than, say, our normal drivel. Isn’t that just like us to jump the gun? Actually, no, but that’s beside the point. The point, which we pray will be revealed to us before we finish this sentence, is that this is the first of the month and a Friday, so, this blog feels inclined to conjure up visions of rabbits along with the topic of sex — something that almost makes sense when you think about it, since rabbits are nothing, if not prolific little breeders (as opposed to “little fuckers”, which is the way we fondly refer to our own children at any given moment of any given melt-down).

TRUTH be told, we had a perfectly sexed up post planned for you today, featuring part 2 of that news series we did for a South Florida TV station back in the early 90’s (those of you who bothered to show up last Friday know what we’re talkin’ about. Those of you who didn’t can either catch up HERE, or bite us). Unfortunately, YouTube is not cooperating with us this morning, and we can’t load it up (that’s what he said). Damn those folks at YouTube and their hard to load up video system! Clearly someone over there has it out for us. Or maybe a lot of other folks are simply trying to load up their own insipid videos, causing the entire stupid system to jam up. Those bastards. Don’t they know we’re trying to do a post here? Apparently not. Yeesh.

IN lieu of the aforementioned “Hot Sex part 2” video, we’ve been forced to reach into the video vault for something appropriate for our new Friday fun, and guess what we found? That’s right, we found something not only related to the “birds, bees, and bunnies”, but something that actually features bunnies. Sort of. Give us a break, will ya? We’re still feeling verklempt after having our efforts to share our other video thwarted — the last thing we need is for you to get all up in our face for showing you a darn funny clip from The Simpsons about *gasp* Sex Education.

HOPEFULLY, Bart’s line at the end of this clip serves to explain our decision to use that picture at the top of the page. Still, we’d be remiss if we didn’t throw up at least one bunny picture, we know the one to the right is more than a little obvious,playboy bunny but in light of our level of frustration, we really don’t care. All we know is this post is done, DJ LAMPSHA will be spinning her musical magic tomorrow, and we won’t have to worry about you, YouTube, and/or tube socks for 2 whole days. Yay.

~snuppy

If you think laughter is sexy, hop over to Humor-blogs.com, and have fun.

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37 Comments so far
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i think the thing i liked most about this clip is that it reminded me of some of the films teachers showed back when i was in grade school (late 60’s). for instance, my 7th grade teacher — Mrs. Anderson — was one of the most inept instructors on the face of the earth, bless her heart. i’ll never forget the day she decided to show our entire class a film about the “facts of life” which showed everything, and i mean EVERYTHING. later, we found out she was supposed to show it first to the girls and then to the boys. talk about awkward.

naturally, kids today know so much more about the subject it would probably be a non-issue. but back then, this stuff was shocking. shocking i tell ya, SHOCKING! although it did get the class bully to shut up for the rest of the day, so i guess something good came out of it, after all. heh heh.

as for part 2 of Hot Sex? man-oh-man — i spent the entire morning trying to get that thing to upload. with luck i’ll have it later today. since Diesel’s going on vacation next week, i figure i’ll do a “bonus” round and share it on Tuesday. unless Diesel surprises us and does a post before taking off on his fabulous vacation to… where was it again? oh yeah, Michigan. xox

Comment by One Hot Puppy

Sex and the Simpsons – you can’t go wrong with that combo, NBFF. And when I actually get to see it, I’m sure I’ll have more to say. I am in a very sexless place right now which won’t allow me to view videos of any sort. With good behavior, I’ll be out by 4:00. The rest of your post was pointed and funny, however and that’s always good to view from behind my prison bars. XOX

Ooh and of course – Rabbit Rabbit and hope that you’re feeling better.

Comment by Lampsha

Did my comment get spammed? Don’t they know who I am!? I’d better go look into this matter.

Comment by Lampsha

Rabbit, Rabbit…

Funny, I can’t remember sex ed in school…maybe my parents pulled me out of school that day? Don’t laugh…sixth grade square dancing was a huge discussion in my house. Dancing was a tool of satan to promote promiscuity…everybody knows that.

Comment by BoBo

I’ve turned to that bunny out of frustration a few times myself. That was very funny, but I want more Dr. Terri. I mean that in the visual/intellectual/comic way, of course. I mean as a friend. Oh, hell.

Comment by Doug

14 baby bunnies… 8 survived.

And let us all take a moment to yell out “BITCH!” in unison to recognize Phil Hartman’s wife.

God, schmod, I want my monkey-man!

Comment by Diesel

Lampsha: Sex and The Simpsons. two favorite topics around our house, that’s for sure! and no… i don’t think your comment got sent to detention — or did it? gotta be careful what ya say around here, NBFF! d’oh! 😳 xox

BoBo: and what was one of the FIRST things we did the first evening we hung out together (at your birthday party)? that’s right, i made you dance with me. heh heh. your parents were right. d’oh! 😉 xox

Doug: pretty sure i know what you mean, bub. (glad you had a chance to see that — not sure why, but i am!) i’ll pass your request along to Dr. Terri — i’m sure she’ll have a lot to say about your “frustrations” and that bunny. d’oh! 🙄 xox

Diesel: i KNOW! everytime i hear his voice i think about how amazing and wonderful Phil Hartman was, as a writer and as an actor (even in voice overs) and what a terrible tragedy (on many levels) it was when he was killed by his wife. yowza — that was a sad day for many of us.

far as i’m concerned, the only thing funnier than a monkey-man is a monkey knife fight (that episode cracks me up to this day!) d’oh! 🙂 xox

Comment by snuppy

If you can’t laugh about sex you will be disappointed more often than not, especially if you watch yourself in the ceiling mirrors.

Comment by Nessa

Nessa: youve spent time in Vegas, haven’t you? i say that, because last time we went to a conference there, the hotel we stayed in featured mirrored ceilings in all the rooms. i’m tellin’ ya, a good sense of humor is absolutely a requirement for enjoying sex after seeing what you look like laying in some silly oversized bed! d’oh! xox

Comment by snuppy

You’re so right about today’s kids knowing so much about sex! TOO MUCH ACTUALLY!
Unfortunately for my husband and I, our girls were robbed of their innocence when they were in the 3rd and 4th grades. I dropped them off at their friend’s house to play for a few hours one day. Their mom was home of course. That night my oldest daughter told me that their little friend who was the same age, 9, showed them some magazines with naked people doing stuff to each other and they were really upset about it! They said the little girl told them that it takes 2 women and a man to have a baby. She also took them up to her mother’s room and showed them what her mother uses because she’s too ugly to get a man. REAL NICE! She said she’d tried it and told them how it’s used. By the sound of it, her thirteen year old brother had some pretty hard core stuff in his room and the mother didn’t seem too modest about hiding her own crap.
THANK GOD SHE DIDN’T POP IN THE VIDEO TAPE SHE SUPPOSADLEY HAD! This little girl had her own completely twisted version of the birds and the bees. Where was the mother you ask? And ASK I DID!
Well, after my skeletal frame had dissolved and I was nothing more than a puddle of HORRIFIED, I had to explain the real birds and the bees to my then 8 and 9 year old little girls who at the time had been hearing about Michael Jackson’s issues and the Catholic Church scandals in the newspapers, decided that they might be raped in their sleep and ended up scared to death and slept in my room with me for over a week.
It’s pretty scary what kids know these days and how young they are. My daughter, then 8, told me that little girls on the play ground as young as third grade were talking about already performing oral sex on other little boys. Something is very sick about our society these days. Anyhow, sorry to scare the BEGEEZAHS out of you parents with young children.
Don’t let them watch MTV! It’s become the downfall of society!

Oh, and be careful talking about monkeys, you’re going to start the whole “monkeys flying out of diesel’s butt” frenzy again.

Comment by aprildestefano

I’m guessing above is a prankster who stumbled over from Humor-Blogs because april, say it ain’t so that you’re an actual mom.

I’ll give you this – I read the whole load of crap all the way through so I guess I’ve been Humor-blogged.

Comment by Lampsha

And April, we’re over monkeys flying out of Diesel’s butt and up to spicy-pony heads. Get with the friggin program.

Comment by Lampsha

Hello everyone. 🙂

Did someone say bunnies?

Comment by Brian

“prolific little breeders” had me in stitches!

One of tehse days I will actually have to get aquainted with the Simpsons. Every little snap I see out of the show, I sorta like…it might be time to put my FRIENDS DVDs on the shelf and explore new venues.

Comment by Penguin

ZOG: yowie. that’s disturbing-yet-horrifying. my son (who’s now 23) had his first “introduction” to sex when he was a freshman in high school (by which i mean a girl asked him if he wanted a blow job. he knew about “sex”, of course, but had yet to experience it “up close and personal”), and i thought that was weird. but it’s NOTHING compared to your tale. i suppose the lesson learned is start talkin’ to your kids early, and talk to ‘em often. which is exactly what my sister would say (as a sex therapist, she knows about this stuff). you don’t need to go into gross details, mind you, but it doesn’t hurt to pave the way for more in depth conversations down the road. ALSO: make DAMN SURE your kids know you’re willing to pick them up at ANY time, day or night, should something happen that makes them uncomfortable while staying overnight with “friends”. too bad you didn’t have a clue about the true nature of these folks a bit sooner, chances are your girls would never have been in that situation in the first place. oy.

that said, Lampsha’s right — we’re on to bigger and better Spicy Pony Heads now, girlfriend. where ya been?? 😐 xox

Lampsha: pretty shocking. not to mention scary, eh? i’m thinking you should NEVER allow Tali or Julian to spend the night at another kid’s house. ever. better safe and over-protective, than sorry. aieeee! 🙄 xox

Brian: hey stranger, long time no see! as for the bunnies? well, you know how it is… on the 1st of the month those critters are mandatory! 😉 xox

Comment by snuppy

PENGUIN!! sorry, we must have commented at the same time. as for the Simpsons?? YES! i’m pretty sure we’ll need to bring you up to speed on this show — especially the first few seasons, which were the best (in my opinion, it hasn’t been all that funny over the past few seasons…) hoped you’d like my tacky line — so glad you did!! 🙂 xox

Comment by snuppy

*bowing* I’m not worthy, I’m not worthy…that was a brilliant and hilarious find! Rabbit, rabbit!

Comment by actonbell

Actonbell: *blushing* thank you, my friend! believe me when i say i just got lucky when i stumbled over that video! and Rabbit, Rabbit to you, too! (lovelovelove the bunny picture you featured this month. like you, it was completely lovely and charming!) 🙂 xox

Comment by snuppy

Snuppy- Yeah it was a pretty horrifying experience I have to tell you…for all of us. You think you know people and their kids all the years your kids are growing up with them.
Lampsha sorry about the name glitch up there.
I’m working on another blog through word press so I didn’t notice it had me signed in under my name.
Not a prank, just a very sad lesson we had to learn. I didn’t get the “say it ain’t so that you’re an actual mom. part though.
And yes I’ve been slaving away with work and haven’t been on to read about the Spicy Pony Heads. I’ve got some catching up to do.

Comment by zoningoutagain

I’m having a “throbbing biological urge” right now! Except I think I just drank too much ice tea with dinner.

Comment by claire

Okay, I still haven’t seen the video Snup, but had to come back in to address Zoning and get the heck out the door to violin.

Zoning, you’ll excuse my overdeveloped sense of sardonic wit, but the way that story layered from hyperbolic bad to worse, it sounded like prank. Plus finishing it off that way, just made it seem like a prank. So a lesson learned for all.

The say it ain’t so part is because here in NYC, especially (but your story gives credence to my opinion that “out in the sticks” is often a breeding ground for this kind of thing), I don’t “drop” my kids off anywhere unless I know the parents. When I say know, I mean be friends with or have some real good idea of the type of family that they are – meaning I have hung out with the MOm and know them. Dropping your daughters off where this could even have gone on AND there’s a thirteen year old brother, to boot – well Zoning, that was an expensive lesson for all involved. One that they shouldn’t have had to experience to begin with. Also – eight year olds talking about blow jobs? Not on the playground where my kids play.

Sorry Zoning, I think a lot of this has to do with the circle the kids travel in. I’m sure you’re a very good Mom and I don’t mean any of this as a knock at your parenting. The fact that your young one is hearing this may have something to do with some of the children having older siblings which sometimes accounts for the level of conversation going on.

So, go give your kids a hug, I’ll do the same and consider this an eye opener. XOX

Comment by LAMPSHA

Lampsha of course it was an eye opener and yeah that comment struck me pretty hard like a harpoon to the heart. I was just sharing really the only bad experience we’ve ever had to endure with our kids and wanted to just give people a heads up. Unfortunately it was an extremely hard lesson to learn.

You just never know people, even when you think you know them very well. I didn’t want to write a novel, so I left out a lot. We did know the family who only lives a few blocks up the street from us in our very desirable neighborhood. We were shocked that it happened at their house and with that child.

I don’t know what kind of idea you have about the “sticks” but coming from San Diego I have found that this is a much better, safer, cleaner place to live where we’re getting an influx of NYC people buying up property left and right because of this reason. It’s not like Deliverance out here.
The reality is that terrible things can happen anywhere.

If it’s one thing I pride myself on it’s been my superb parenting skills. I’ve always been very over protective and didn’t let my girls walk to school even though both the elementary school and middle schools are only two short blocks from our house.

They are both teenagers now, 14 and 15 in high school and I’m still very over protective. My son is in college now and majoring in Criminal Justice. We are awesome parents and have been told that we are role models to many of our friends, family and other parents we know. Sorry to brag, but I can’t help but feel defensive for merely sharing an “eye opening and horrific experience”. Many parents we know were shocked, but at the time, people were grateful to learn whose house not to let their children go to, even though it was only for a couple of hours that day. It was more than unfortunate that we were the one’s to find out.

Many people are nieve in thinking that the subject of sex doesn’t exist in the schools their children attend and don’t think that their kids will ever be subjected to any type of experience such as other kids talking about sex on the playground because of whatever immaculate school they send their kids to. I’m just very lucky that I have always had a very close relationship with my kids so they come to me and tell me EVERYTHING even if it’s embarrassing. I don’t think there is a wide spectrum of parents who can say the same. My children always know that they can be picked up at anytime or talk to us whenever they feel uncomfortable about something even as teenagers.

The hard and cold truth is that because of the content of today’s television programs, Disney included, and the lyrical content on the radio, the content on the news, etc, kids are subjected to the subject everyday, and unless you put a block on the channels as I did, remove the TV altogether, or go to school with them everyday or move to Amish country, the real “sticks”, then maybe they will be completely safe from it all.

You can’t control what other children are talking about, and as far as elementary school kids running in “circles” goes, I don’t believe that exists until middle school. It’s a damn shame someone’s child had been experiencing whatever it was they were talking about at such a young age and were talking about it on the playground, but how many schools do you know of where abused children are segregated from the rest of the population?

I wish that I didn’t have to work as much as I did back then and now so that I could have been one of those militant PTA moms who knows everyone thouroughly and even has the full blown background of every family their children are exposed to, but again…the truth of the matter is that no matter where you live, how well you think you know everyone, family included, or how spectacular a parent you are, the reality today is that something CAN go wrong like what we went through and it if it ever does, I hope whomever it happens to doesn’t get chastized as terrible parents for having been unfortunate.

Comment by Zoning Out Again

Zoning, I have an email on my site, you do not, if you’d like to continue this – my email is available. Be well.

Comment by LAMPSHA

Lampsha~
Is that sort of like “wanna take this outside?” :0)

There’s no reason to continue it. I just felt that without all the facts on the story, your comments were accusatory and attacked my credibility as a parent in front of our fellow bloggers.
No hard feelings.

Comment by Zoning Out Again

ZOG: late to this party — but i still feel the need to toss in my two cents’ worth…

i can completely understand why you felt defensive — i think it’s clear our dear Lampsha does, too. honestly, your initial comment was more than a little shocking, even to those of us who’ve been “around” the parenting block a few times. (okay, once or twice, as my kids are older than yours or Lampsha’s) because your last line was about monkeys flying out of Diesel’s butt, we ALL thought (initially) that your entire comment was intended to shock us — more as a joke, than anything else. obviously we were wrong — and you are most certainly owed an apology!

part of the reason we started doing this new “feature” on the Snark is so we CAN open up discussions about sex and relationships in an appropriate and informative-yet-fun fashion. that said, trust me, your pain IS our pain. parenting is hard — there’s no other way to put it. and kids today are exposed to SO MUCH MORE than we were, or could have imagined (for the most part). doesn’t matter HOW diligent moms and dads are, the bad shit is out there, no doubt about it.

we’ve all been in the “working mom” boat (well, those of us who were and are moms, that is) — Lampsha holds down a full time job and still does a better job at parenting than just about anyone i know — including myself! and, based on what little i know of you, you’re a devoted mother, too. i promise you that no one here thinks you’re anything but a fantastic and diligent parent! the longer you know us, the more you’ll realize how a wee bit o’ “snarkiness” finds its way into most of our conversations… we mean no offense — and hope none will ever be taken.

by the way — i think if you read through Lampsha’s last comment (well, 2nd to the last) you’ll see she’s agreeing with you that yours was a lesson for ALL parents of young kids to learn. so take her advice, and hug your beautiful children, even as she hugs hers — and i’ll hug my big goofy sons as soon as they get home from a night out drinking and/or getting high with their friends. (kidding — they’re actually drinking at home tonight).

and thank you, again, for sharing what was obviously a horrifying and potentially heartbreaking experience. xox

Lampsha: you rock, girlfriend — you aren’t my NBFF — or the role model i wish i’d had when my kids were YEARS younger — for nothin’! 😉 xox

Comment by snuppy

Hey everybody! What did I miss?

Comment by Diesel

I’m late, but better late than never. My computer has been on the blink since Thursday, and I have been trying to get to all my favorite blogs, but I only managed to connect for a few minutes at a time. I had seen that video in Spanish, it’s so much better in English, oh the things we miss out on over here. My kids know the basics, but they’re still pretty innocent as far as all this stuff goes. I’m going to have to have another chat about the birds and the bees, or the bunnies, or whatever with my oldest soon. She’s 12 and getting into dangerous territory. The other day she wanted to buy a string bikini, but she has no idea what kind of effect that has on men. I think she should know enough so she can make the right decisions when the time comes (which hopefully will not be too soon), but there are certain subjects that she’s obviously not ready for.

Comment by Theresa

Thanks so much Snuppy!
I can usually spot and appreciateSnarkiness. I suppose a good dose of PMS got the better of me that day. Thank you for the kind words and I really do hope that “you Lampsha” know, that there really are no hard feelings. Erase-Erase. :0)
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Comment by Zoning Out Again

ZOA: Doug of Waking Ambrose has a word to be defined on his site – apologize. It seems that I have not done that in all of this back and forth. I owe you a sincere apology for taking a comment and tramping on it in the name of Diesel (let’s blame him and his damn Humor-Blogs.com, he’s on vacation). I really made an ass of myself and reading back came off as a sanctimonious arsehole and even (G-d forbid) mean spirited and judgmental, I try to be neither in “real life”, and feel terribly that I came across that way at your expense. I am sorry for the whole episode and that it seemed that I might be questioning your parenting skills. You come across as a lovely hard-working caring Mom (and I see by your profile that you are a Cancerian, so that goes double 😉

I am sure you are a wonderful parent, raising wonderful kids of whom I can tell you are very rightfully (I am sure) proud. City vs. burbs – each of them have their beauty and their curse, I guess that’s where we as parents come in because wherever you go, there you are. Geography is really not as important as our individual relationships with our children.

I don’t know what got into me, but I promise to take my meds before future comments. And on the erase-erase, with your permission – I’ll take care of that. Again, Zoning, I am sorry. XOX

Comment by DJ LAMPSHA

Diesel: nothin’. 🙄 xox

Theresa: SO sorry to hear you had problems with your PC — truth be told, one of ours has been down for the past week, which means i’m forced to share with my hubby on the weekends (which means i don’t get online often). 12 is most certainly NOT too young to start having “those conversations”… especially if she’s thinkin’ it’s time for her to get a string bikini. i tell ya, sons are hard enough to raise, but i’m very grateful we don’t have to deal with daughters, not in this day and age. good luck, girlfriend! 😉 xox

ZOG: PMS’ll get ya every time. oy. trust me, you’ll never find a more decent and wonderful person in the blogosphere OR on the planet that our dear Lampsha. she’s the best — even when she’s snarky! or maybe especially when she’s snarky — but i’m one who adores her sense of humor, along with her amazing capacity to care for her friends AND for her family. what can i say, i’m her biggest fan.
🙂 xox

Lampsha: as i said in that earlier comment, the “apology” comes from BOTH of us, because i jumped to the same thing you did, my friend! what can i say? great minds think — and/or jump to the wrong conclusion — alike! hee hee. also, i think you’re right, this is all Diesel’s fault. d’oh! Damn him and his hilarious Humor-blogs-makin’-us-think-folks-are-always-jokin’-around, anyway! 😉 xox

Comment by snuppy

Lampsha~ Thank you SO MUCH for the very kind words!
I am a Cancerian and can be a big sensitive baby most often, so I too apologize for my part! I look forward to all of your future snarkin-isms and will take it for what it is as I get to know all of you snarkers. I really do enjoy my addiction to your blogs!!!

~Thank you too Snuppy! I’ve visited Lampsha in the past at her place, and in reading I had gotten the impression that she is an amazing Mom!
You really know how to come in and patch things up and make us play nice. :0) Thank you for that!

I can see how I made it look like a joke when I mentioned the monkeys and Diesel’s butt at the end of my initial comment. I knew the whole rant might have been a bit heavy and so I thought throwing that line in about Diesel at the end would lighten it up a little. So, I agree whole heartedly that we should blame it all on Diesel!!! :0)

HUGS to both of you!!!!!! :0* :0) (and diesel too of course).

Comment by Zoning Out Again

ZOA, takes one crab to know another 😉

Comment by Lampsha

Oh and I’ve got this lovely effigy of Diesel that I thought we could burn in his absence…

Comment by Lampsha

ZOG: well i’m not a Libra for nothin’. 😉 xox

Lampsha: heh heh. as long as you leave the tags on, i think we’ll be fine! (remember, “Mattress Police” is his nod to a line from Chevy Chase’s first Fletch movie. in my head, leaving the tags on his effigy is funny. as i write it, not so much. oy) 🙄 xoxo

Comment by snuppy

Snuppy, actually that’s hysterical (in my head anyway). XOX to all.

Comment by DJ LAMPSHA

Lampsha: and THAT’S why you’re the greatest NBFF, ever! 🙂 xox

Comment by snuppy

What’s up, the whole thing is going nicely here and ofcourse every one is sharing information, that’s actually
good, keep up writing.

Comment by football for dummies video




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