THERE’S no reason to ever expose you to a post like this. Period. And yet, here we are, doing just that. Oh well, blame it on a chaotic week. Or the fact that, at the moment, our levels of energy and/or creativity are lower than usual. Or — and more to the point — blame it on the fact that today’s post is supposed to have something to do with Sex Education and we had the need to give an equal amount of time to the topic of “growing girls” everywhere, after last week’s look at, ahem, growing boys. Whatever it is, that’s why you’re reading all these words, even though we have no intention of reading any of ’em, ourselves. And if that doesn’t make sense, so what? Do we look like we care? Who the hell do you think we are, anyway? Your lousy 7th grade Science teacher, Mrs. Anderson? Jeez, are we really that lame? Or are you under the impression we’re here to amuse you? To cater to your every whim? Seriously, what in the wide wide world of sports do you want from us? Blood?
OOPS. We didn’t mean to get so carried away there, we’re just a little on edge. No, not because it’s “that time” of the month. Yeesh. We’re just tired. And cranky. Not to mention headachy. We have cramps, too, but, trust us, it’s not what you think — unless you’re thinkin’ we ate too many beans for dinner last night, in which case, it is what you think — but that’s beside the point. The point, which is as big as the giant period that looks like a bubble being held by a naked lady in the upper left hand corner, is that we enjoy being a girl, but sometimes it’s hard, so shut up.
MEET Molly… an incredibly naive-yet-stupid young girl who’s about to discover that “men-stroo-ating” has nothing to do with a bunch of guys tossing around a deck of cards while playing a frenzied game of Crazy 8’s, and everything to do with the end of her heretofore uncomplicated life.
COUPLE of quick questions: why did Molly’s mom leave her gloves at the nurse’s house last night? Is there something they’re not telling us? Also, speaking of “weird relationships”, is it just us, or does Molly seem a bit obsessed with her sister, Jeanie — who looks old enough, by the way, to be her quirky spinster aunt, Gert? Speaking of “old”, how ’bout that dad? Is it just us, or did he look a bit past his prime? Speaking of “Dad”, how ’bout that look he gave Molly when he realized she was no longer a “child”? Speaking of Molly — who’s-not-a-child — she says she can’t go out with her friend because she’s got the “curse”? Wha-a-a? And speaking of “the curse”, did Molly really ask that nurse (and/or Mom’s secret “friend”) if she’ll always have hers on Tuesdays? Poor Molly. So young. So stupid. So destined to get knocked up by some horndog named “Chip” before she graduates from high school.
DON’T mind us, we’re not trying to be difficult, it’s just that our heads are exploding with all the Useful Information we just learned from this Enlightening Educational Film for Morons made in 1953. Not to mention those Not-So-Useful Yet Burning Questions related to all things “Molly” that keep racing through our fragile little brains. We told you we had a headache, now you know why.
By the way, and speaking of “Tuesday’s”, don’t think we weren’t a tad pissed off at DIESEL for leaving us high and dry 3 days ago. That said, and speaking of Diesel, don’t think we weren’t incredibly grateful for his timely — and hilarious — “save” yesterday, as well as TEH PENGUIN’S lovely — and wonderful — post the day before. Speaking of “timely, lovely, wonderful and/or hilarity”, don’t think we aren’t looking forward to another wonderful Saturday Spin tomorrow, assuming our NBFF, the lovely — and brilliant — DJ LAMPSHA, has enough time to do one before heading out for — what promises to be — an afternoon filled with good friends, good food, and, oh yes, lots of laughter. Golly, we don’t know about you, but we can’t wait.*
For a good time, read Humor-blogs.com. Exclamation point.
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