Filed under: Sex, Ed?
HAHAHA. Sometimes we crack ourselves up before we even start posting, never more than when we’ve come up with a particularly hilarious title. Not that today’s title is all that hilarious, mind you, but, well, we just watched an especially funny episode of Robot Chicken, and we’re still in a really good mood. But, as so often happens when we watch funny stuff on TV, we digress.
TODAY we’d like to revisit a topic on Sex, Ed? that we’ve discussed before, mostly because we find ourselves in need of a little advice. And that topic is: Dating. Actually, WE don’t need advice, but our son, does. Not that he wants advice, mind you, truth be told, he’s more likely to tell us to shove our well-intended words up our well-tended asses than follow anything “helpful” we have to offer. Nonetheless, in our never-ending desire to enjoy that “empty nest syndrome” so many of our friends keep talking about, we’d like to see our son meet a “nice” girl, start dating, get married, and settle down. In another state. Maybe in another state located along the coast opposite from the one on which we live. Unfortunately, at 23, our son hasn’t had much luck with that whole “dating” thing. Oh, he’s had “luck”… sadly, it was with a crack-whore hose-beast of a slut, who’s name shall forevermore remain…Succubus*. Actually, we’re pretty sure he’s had a “good” time with a couple of other
losers women over the past few years, but, as parents are inclined to do, we continue to wait with bated breath for the day he brings home the girl of our dreams and/or mother of our future grandchildren. Hopefully, they’ll be one in the same.
ANYWAY, after leafing through a few Less-Than-Helpful books designed to walk someone through the “art” of dating (“Dating for Dummies”, “Idiot’s Guide to Dating“, “It’s a Date, Stupid, Not Rocket Science!“) we finally stumbled over a 1940’s film called “Dating Do’s and Don’ts” that really filled in a few blanks. Or maybe we blanked out while watching it, and only think it’s chock full of Helpful Dating Information. The fact that the main character’s name is “Woody” speaks volumes. Oh, maybe not “volumes” about today’s topic, but “volumes” nonetheless.
THANK goodness Woody didn’t try to date that little bitch, Janice. And we tend to agree with the announcer’s assessment on Betty. She wouldn’t be much fun because, let’s face it, she’s ugly. We bet Janice thinks so, too. We knew Woody found his winner the minute we heard that Ann knew how to “have fun” AND “make a fellow relax in order to have fun, too!” Besides, did anyone else notice the zeal with which she attacked her cotton candy? We might be wrong, but we’re bettin’ she was equally enthusiastic once she wrapped her lips around Woody’s, um, ear. That Ann.
Eventually, Woody did find the girl of his dreams on Humor-blogs.com. Despite the fact she was a figment of someone else’s imagination, they lived happily ever after.
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