Filed under: crummy letters
Hi. You don’t know me, but I recently had the displeasure of driving through the southeastern section of your city on Highway #75 of Eisenhower’s Interstate System. I say “driving”, but what I of course mean is “dodging potholes, slaloming around orange barrells, and riding the random concrete moguls I found strewn about the highway.”
Look, I get it. I know the American auto industry isn’t performing very well right now. I get that “The Big 3” automakers are the heartbeat of your city. But I hardly think that organizing your highways to purposely destroy people’s cars is any way to improve your economy. People whose Japanese or Korean cars fall apart due to the incessant rattling and shaking that your interstate provides are only going to go out and buy other Japanese or Korean cars. So, you see, your plan is backfiring.
Perhaps you are trying to increase the value of automobile parts, by causing them to be in extreme high demand. I honestly have no idea how anyone in any other part of the country can ever purchase shocks or struts, as the demand for them in the Detroit area must be phenomenal. Or is the city perhaps purchasing stock in rubber, in the hopes of destroying enough tires to make it a rare and valuable commodity?
Here’s the error in that way of thinking: In order for people to want to spend money on car parts, their cars must be salvageable to begin with. I passed countless dazed citizens stumbling about southeastern Detroit, nothing but a steering wheel clutched in their still white-knuckled hand. Their automobile was undoubtedly shattered into millions of pieces at the bottom of some cavernous abyss that passed for a pothole. Those people aren’t going to purchase replacement parts. They will purchase a new car instead, and we’ve already covered how and why it won’t be a car from Detroit.
So, if you are determined to go about with this “interstate that could pass for a Cambodian minefield” plan (and given the fact that it has been like this for the last 16 years of me driving this stretch of highway, that’s a pretty strong assumption), allow me to offer an alternative way to bring Detroit’s economy back from the brink: You should re-train many of the automobile workers as dentists or chiropractors, then station them at rest stops and truck stops along the interstate. Anyone who dares traverse Detroit area highways will be in desperate need of their services, and the money spent there can help revive the struggling economy.
There’s no need to thank me. As a former resident of the land mass across the river from you (“Canada“), I only want what’s best for you.
13 Comments so far
Leave a comment