Central Snark

Rock is Dead by mattresspolice
Wednesday, 25 July 2007, 8:04am
Filed under: funny..., music music, Pop! goes the Diesel

DieselI will freely admit that I don’t know anything about music.

I don’t know anything about most of the other stuff I write either, but I’m less willing to admit that.

I do know that there was a time when musical virtuosos poured their souls into their music, producing works of genius that will live on for ages to come. That time was the early 90s, with the release of U2’s Achtung Baby and Guns ‘n’ Roses’ Use Your Illusion 1 and 2.

I’m also pretty sure that music can’t possibly get any worse than Fifty Cent and Fergilicious. And I’m not just another old guy who is disgusted by what the kids are listening to these days. Well, ok, I am. But seriously, have you heard this crap?

Motley CrueWhen I was in high school, listening to music by the likes of Mötley Crüe and Poison, the grownups just didn’t “get it.” Guys in wigs and leather pants squealing operatic vocals that delivered a message of dimestore Satanism in time with mind-numbing percussion was cool, dammit. And you know what? It’s still cool. I can still rock out to Def Leppard’s Pour Some Sugar on Me and Foreigner’s Urgent, and as far as I can tell I’m just as cool as I was in high school. I mean, hell, I still hang out with one of the guys on the debate team, and he’d tell me if I was slipping, right? Of course he would. Yeah, I’ve still got it. I think Night Ranger said it best in their song “You Can Still Rock in America” when they said, and I quote, “You can still rock in America.”

So I call foul on today’s music. I remember thinking, “When I grow up I’m not going to be square like my parents and listen to Mozart and Smooth Jazz™. I’m going to listen to kickass hardcore rock and roll! And you know what? I’ve lived up to my end of the deal. I still listen to rock, and not just sexually confused 80s hair bands. When grunge came along, I was like, “This stuff is dope.” Before there was illegal downloading, there was 8 CDs for a penny from BMG Music Club and changing your address. I snapped up CDs by Pearl Jam, Soundgarden and Nirvana. Then when rap-metal came along, I was like, “I can hang with this.” Linkin Park, Rage Against the Machine, Audioslave? Hell yeah, I was on board. And I’m not just a metalhead either; I dig the classic rock and a lot of alternative stuff too.Rob Zombie

Then something weird happened. Kids stopped listening to rock music. Now they listen to insipid pop garbage by “artists” like the Black Eye Peas and James Blunt. So here I am, feeling like that crazy guy who waits for the bus in the phone booth every morning. “When’s the rock getting here?” I mutter to passersby, who hold their children close and shuffle past.

Are today’s youth just so mellow and well adjusted that they have no need for the likes of Nine Inch Nails or Nirvana? If so, then I think we as parents have let our kids down. We haven’t provided the kind of environment that produced tortured souls like Kurt Cobain and Trent Reznor. I say we drop all this self-esteem nonsense and start meting out harsh punishments for flouting convention. Stop treating your kids as if they were equals, and for goodness’ sake let’s all stop talking about our feelings. I want to start seeing some repression, needless belittling and arbitrary corporal punishment.

It will be hard at first, but with some luck in a few years some of those angry youths will become brilliant musicians. And with a little more luck, none of the rest of them will move into my neighborhood.

~ Diesel

Humor-Blogs.com can still rock in America. And sometimes Canada.

17 Comments so far
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guessing you should hang out at our house, Diesel — because you and my husband and/or sons SO share the same taste in music. sometimes, late at night, when he thinks i’m asleep, BoBo will sneak downstairs and pop in an Aerosmith CD, or *shudder* Def Leppard

that said, where were you when Lampsha “introduced” us to THE BLACK KEYS? they’re pretty damn good, my friend. tho’ now that i think about it, “2 guys from Akron” doesn’t scream angst, does it? oooh, and then there’s JET, tho’ the first cut on that myspace page is saccharine crap, “Will you be my girl tonight” is awesome, dude. (sorry, but i love it, and associate it with the ending credits to the very bad movie, The Big Bounce)

but that’s beside the point. the point, which loves me like the rock of ages, is that it’s a good song. and, so, i hasten to add, is this post! did i say “good”? i meant groovy. 🙂

thank you thank you thank you for taking pity on my fragile little brain today by writing this post — and i hope i can return the favor in the VERY near future.

Comment by One Hot Puppy



peace, love, good music, and, um, yay for a “big announcement”?

Comment by One Hot Puppy

wonder if Britney Spears and/or Lindsay Lohan are f*cking up their so-called-lives in order to shift gears from “pop queen” to hard core rocker chick?

nah. they’re just stupid.

Comment by snuppy

Apparently, bands with names like “AFI” and “Fall Out Boy” are the new “rock music” that some kids listen to these days.

To me, it just sounds like 50 Cent with a guitar and looks just like Fergie with more eye makeup. Still just pop music.

Quiet Riot, where have ye gone…..

Comment by CrummyJoel

I’m with you, Diesel! Bring back Twisted Sister, or for the sophisticated but disenfranchised, Rush with their cerebral lyrics and kick *ss drums!!!

Comment by Pavel

Amen brother! You’re preaching to the almighty choir right here. I managed to sneak into a Def Leppard concert a few years back at Sturgis and they still rocked one arm of the house with classic hits like Rock of Ages, Foolin, Women, Pour Some Sugar… and about another 10 songs I had forgotten about that were #1 hits at one time.

Fun stuff. I’m now gonna slide in my Aerosmith Rocks CD and get back to work. “I’m back in the saddle again. I’m baaaaaack…..”

Comment by Jeff

Oh my…


My name is Monika

I have a Black Eyed Pea, 50 cent and Gwen Stefani song on my I-pod

I am willing to take the first step

*gets out a scissor, red hair color and metal clips and gets working*

Comment by penguin

Wasn’t it 12 cd’s? Oh how I laughed at that one.

I’m more on the alterna-gal side of things, but you know I can hang with all of this (considering it sounds like a good chunk of my husband’s cd collection) and who am I kidding, some of mine too!

Rock on with your bad self!

Comment by Lampsha

Yeah and by the way, in my day “repression, needless belittling and arbitrary corporal punishment” was served up before we even had breakfast!

Comment by Lampsha

Lampsha: HAH! you think you had it bad? when I was a kid we slept in a bed 2 sizes too small for our belitted feet and covered ourselves with blankets made from scratchy corporwool. talk about punishment. oy. 😉

Comment by snuppy

Snuppy – You got to sleep IN the bed? Lucky.

Comment by Diesel

Whoa Diesel, I’m lovin’ this post -it is all so TRUE!
btw- some bands are still out there making good music. For example, RHCP’s Stadium Arcadium has guitarist John Frusciante channeling Jimi Hendrix. AND get this, just yesterday Test Case brought home our 3rd guitar hero game -“Rocking the 80’s”.
Lotsa, lotsa fun!
My parents chain smoked in the station wagon with all the windows rolled up, with seven kids rolling around w/o seltbelts, LOL. The good ol days!

Comment by claire

The music is still out there to find. It’s just not on the Top 40 anymore. At least, that’s how I avoid being a frump, a frump, a lovely lady frump.

If it makes you feel betting Rolling Stones (yeah, I know — THEY are so relative anymore) just revisited Def Leppard’s Armageddon and proclaimed it the best rock album of the 90’s.

And don’t think I didn’t miss the Marilyn Manson reference in the title either. LOVE that song.

Comment by Howard

Forget global warming – bring back coal fire and chimneys! Make them earn their bread!

Comment by mcewen

I’ve resorted to listening to a radio station (WGRD) in my home town online because the stations around here suck so much ass. We don’t have a single rock station.

I do like some new music, but the stuff I like doesn’t get much play any more. I LOVE My Chemical Romance, and I like Incubus, Fuel, Papa Roach and several other newer bands (although come to think of it, most of those bands have been around for close to 10 years now).

And Crummy Joel, I bought that new Chris Cornell album and the only song I really like is the James Bond song. I think it’s time for a Soundgarden reunion. No? Temple of the Dog? Throw me a bone here.

Comment by Diesel

I must be doing something right. My teenage boys listen to the stuff I listened to. In fact, the snots swiped all my CDs, and not just Aerosmith, Led Zeppelin, and Nirvana but Metallica, Megadeth, and EVEN PRIMUS! Now that my music’s been appropriated and in the hands of my boys and their friends, I can rest assured I’ve made my contribution to the delinquency of today’s youth.

Good grief, are we really getting that old?????

Comment by Angie

Thanks for giving me some hope, Angie. And I don’t know about you, but I certainly am that old.

Comment by Diesel

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