Central Snark


Wake Up and Smell the DIESEL by Snuppy
Thursday, 26 July 2007, 8:35am
Filed under: funny..., Pop! goes the Diesel

OH JOY. Just when we think we’ve got nothing left to say, we find out it doesn’t matter. Er, what we meant to say, is that we have an announcement to make. One, we hasten to add, will be found, at the very least, moderately confusing for a good many of you, and mildly amusing for the rest. Brace yourselves, here goes:

diesel avatarSO there’s this guy, see? Name’s DIESEL, see? And he wrote a book, see? A funny-yet-humorous book based on his even more hilarious-yet-laugh-out-loud funny posts, see? And he’s planning to sell it, see? Maybe let us take whatever money we might have otherwise spent on Penicillin and/or groceries to buy his book, instead, see? Even tho’ we’ve had that hacking cough for well over a week now and/or have probably read most of the material in this so-called “book” over the course of the year — or so — since we first met this guy, see? But wait! There’s more! As you’ll soon see, see?

AFTER he begged us to advertise the “book” launch and/or whined about how much he does for the Snark, we agreed to help and/or whined about the fact that we’ve been busy “entertaining” a certain lively/lovely visitor from Iceland. That’s when Asparagus Boy — which is what we call Diesel in the privacy of our fragile little minds — offered to make it easier. And by “make it easier” we mean he wrote a “let’s get Diesel’s book sales off to a rousing start” post for us. We kid you not. And, not only did he provide a few of his own “well-chosen words”, he plucked ’em down in 4 — count ’em fourdifferent postettes, featuring the aforementioned “well-chosen words”, Antisocial Commentary book coverwhich he (and we) hope will entice one and all to race over to MATTRESSPOLICE.COM, in order to plop down the aforementioned “big bucks” for the purposes of buying the aforementioned “book”. And, by “big bucks”, we mean $11.95 + S&H, or $9.95 to pre-order — and get an autographed copy (which might be nice, since we hear Diesel has excellent penmanship). And by “book”, we mean “Antisocial Commentary — Something Something Smart, Funny, and Clever“. Or something something like that.

Whatever the “book” is called, here’s what “Diesel” wants you to know, depending on who you are and/or how much you like him, and/or how much we like you:

~4 Ways to Help Launch My Book and/or Sell, like, a Million Copies~ by Diesel. (Illustrated by us. No, not the book, the 4 “postettes”. Yeesh.)

1. THE OVER-THE-TOP RAVING ENDORSEMENT

Diesel is Young FrankensteinDiesel, the twisted genius behind the humor blog MattressPolice.com, has announced the publication date for his first book! Antisocial Commentary: From the Secret Files of the Mattress Police, is a hilarious excursion through the mind of Diesel. From topics as varied as James Blunt and the Incredible Hulk to global politics and perpetual motion machines, Antisocial Commentary is a tour de force of satire, sarcasm, and just plain silliness. Savor such essays as “The Force is Middling in this One,” which answers the question “What happens to someone in the Star Wars universe who isn’t quite Jedi material?” and “Harry Potter and the Inevitable Slide into Satanism,” which explores the nefarious connection between the works of J.K. Rowling and the minions of the Devil.

Antisocial Commentary will be published on August 15, but for a limited time you can pre-order a signed copy at a significantly discounted price. In addition to being an all-around great guy, Diesel is quite possibly the funniest blogger on the internet. This book is a collection of over 50 of most hilarious essays. I’ll be pre-ordering my copy today, and I suggest you head over to MattressPolice.com and do the same.

2. THE NONCOMMITTAL SUGGESTION

Diesel is a casual carefree authorDiesel, who runs MattressPolice.com, has announced the publication date for his first book! Antisocial Commentary: From the Secret Files of the Mattress Police, is a collection of over 50 of his best essays. These include “The Force is Middling in this One,” which answers the question “What happens to someone in the Star Wars universe who isn’t quite Jedi material?” and “Harry Potter and the Inevitable Slide into Satanism,” which explores the nefarious connection between the works of J.K. Rowling and the minions of the Devil.

Antisocial Commentary will be published on August 15, but for a limited time you can pre-order a signed copy at a significantly discounted price. Diesel is a good guy and an excellent writer. Help me show some support for a fellow blogger making his first foray into print. Head over to his site to preview the book or just check out some of his funny posts.

3. THE OFFHAND MENTION

Diesel needs a monkeyI wanted to mention that one of my fellow bloggers, a funny guy named Diesel, has announced the publication date for his first book. Antisocial Commentary: From the Secret Files of the Mattress Police is a collection of over 50 of Diesel’s funniest posts. Head over to his site, MattressPolice.com, and check it out. You can pre-order a signed copy, read a preview of the book, or just read some of his funny posts.

4. THE MERCILESS PAN WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE

diesel is a monkeyGet this: A guy who goes by the name “Diesel” has just announced that he’s publishing a book. Yeah, the same “Diesel” who is so painfully un-funny on his blog, MattressPolice.com. You may be wondering how in hell a hack like “Diesel” gets published. Simple. The same way every other hack gets published these days: He self-published the book through Lulu.com. You know, the place that ranks just below Kinko’s as a reputable publisher? Yeah, them.

Anyway, this book – which is mercifully only 159 pages long by the way, making it more of a breathtakingly dull brochure than a book – is a collection of Diesel’s “best” posts. Seriously. Gee, thanks, Diesel. Because I can no longer get to your website to read your interminable tripe since my anti-stupidity software flagged it as a potential hazard to my intellectual well-being. I can’t wait to get the hard copy version, because I’ve got an end table that has one short leg.

Of course, it’s going to be a while before I can fix that table, because the book isn’t even published yet. That’s right, he’s having a “release party” for a book that hasn’t been released. Supposedly you can “pre-order” a copy, whatever the hell that means. Sounds like a scam to me. He’s even offering “signed” copies at a discounted rate – presumably because anything that he scribbles his signature on immediately loses much of whatever value it started off with.

So if, for some unfathomable reason, you find Diesel’s tired, self-involved sarcasm amusing and you just can’t get enough of it on his website, head over to his site and experience one of the 100 biggest publishing sensations since the last Harry Potter book came out 5 days ago.

******************

HEY, what can we say? We don’t just like this guy, we lovelovelove him. And WE plan to buy up as many copies of his little “book” as we can, in hopes of selling ’em on eBay, once he makes it big with one of those “other” books he plans to write, assuming THIS one sells enough copies to make it worth his while. So make it worth HIS while, and, while you’re at it, OUR while, and while away an hour or two perusing the pages of his “book”. ~snuppy

*******************

Yes Virginia, there IS a Diesel on Humor-blogs.com… and he’s hilarious.

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7 Comments so far
Leave a comment

don’t waste another minute — race over to Diesel’s blog rightthisminute and reserve your copy, fresh from the Lulu.com oven, NOW!

PS: Diesel? is this okay? have we pimped your venture enough to get you to give us back the keys to the blog and/or take the rest of those pins out of that Snark Voodoo doll you have sitting on your dresser? we didn’t use a single “Diesel Fitter” joke, that’s got to count for something, right?? 🙄

Comment by One Hot Puppy

I’ve read some of those posts and laughed quite a bit at some of them, that is a good basis for a purchase…and I am almost finished with harry Potter too and wouldn’t you know it…it’s way too big to put under my broken table leg. I am having high hopes for Diesel’s book to fill the many gaps in my life!

well done Diesel, jumping into the deep end of the ocean and going for a swim. Hope the sharks don’t bite too hard and don’t drown in fame 🙂

Comment by Penguin

Now there’s a thought – sell em on eBay when he gets famous! Diesel, put aside some more cooopppiiieeess!!!

Congrats and Mazal tov and all things good on your book release! See, didn’t I tell you once you stopped hanging out with those Men>Women dopes, good things would happen. You did stop hanging out with them, right?

Comment by LAMPSHA

That Diesel is such a wild and crazy guy, getting all of his blogging buddies to pimp for him!

Comment by claire

Sorry, I think I fell asleep somewhere between OFFHAND MENTION and LONGEST POST EVER. Now what’s all this fuss about kerosene?

Comment by Diesel

Claire: as long as he cuts us in on the profits, i say go for it! uh… he is planning to cut us in on the profits, isn’t he? 🙄

Diesel: *hands over ears* lalalalalalalala. i can’t hear you. since you’ve never been out to dinner with me, i guess you’re not familiar with my peculiar version of OCD, in which i find it impossible to make choices. trust me, the LAST thing i wanted to do was over promote your book, my friend, unless, of course, you’re planning to cut me in on the profits. you are planning to cut me in on the profits, aren’t you??? 🙄

Comment by snuppy

I am always the person who is invited to the party but never actually given the invitation. I’m one of those people who can’t crash a party because they were expecting me. I show up and everyone is like “dude where you been?”. It’s weird but good I guess.

Since we are all being whores, I thought why not go all out and roast the book with my blog post. To top it off, I connect the dots so to speak with my whoring and comment on other people’s posts about the ‘party’ noting my secretive need for ego stroking and attempts to be a topper.

On a side note this is kind of fun, all of us posting on this in our own way/style.

Comment by Chris C




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