Central Snark


Instructions by Snuppy
Wednesday, 8 August 2007, 8:47am
Filed under: cracks us up, Teh Penguin

Sometimes you just have to laugh. While using the restrooms in a Starbucks a few days ago, I saw this sign loosely attached to the wall:

instructions

I giggled and put it down as indicative for America´s general insanity. I mean that in the best way possible. Being the German that I am however, I followed all instructions carefully through and -to my deepest horror- discovered I have been doing step 6 wrong for at least 20 years. Age 17-24 are kind of a blur!

But you can breathe now, apparently being utterly over-zealous in instruction giving, appears to be more of a universal thing than originally assumed. Check out “The Japanese Wii Safety Manual” and have a laugh yourself.

Wii safety manualWhat it seems to be saying-and I wholeheartedly agree:

‘Hey, lady! We, the makers off Wii, don’t care how pregnant you are, hitting your husband with the Wii-mote is out of the question. You don’t get to blame this one on hormones either!’

Those Japanese!

But where silliness is concerned the Spanish are never far behind:

Spanish InstructionsGosh darn it, the instructions are in Spanish. I guess I won’t be able to get myself one of those black thingies then.

And I am pretty sure I presented to you Iceland’s infamous shower instruction plate. It bears repeating, I feel!Icelandic instructions

I still think that you guys take the cake though when it comes to instructions. The US government has a website (http://www.ready.gov.) It’s a bit of a “duck and cover” version for “If a terrorist attacks:”

vis_chem_area.gif“Careful, animal corpses and the biohazard symbol are all at risk of being sucked into the time-tunnel vortex.”

vis_rad_time.gif“Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. The current world record is 5 minutes, 12 seconds.”

These are only two of them…there are plenty more, one more ambiguous than the next!

Well, I hope that helped those “directionally challenged ones” amongst us. It certainly made me laugh!

~Penguin out!

Follow the yellow brick road to Humor-blogs.com.

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28 Comments so far
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HAHAHAHA. i’m tellin’ you, i was MORE than a little delighted to find this hilarious post sitting in the queueueue this morning. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU, dearest Penguin, for sharing your thoughts — and these signs — with those who are, in fact, directionally challenged.

pretty sure you and i know who’s name is at the top of teh list, don’t we? (his initials are BoBo). 😉

Comment by One Hot Puppy

well, some people need help! *ducks and covers*

The post was actually incomplete I noticed…so I added a paragraph in between.

Hope you guys enjoy, penguinita is back at her usual shift!

Comment by Penguin

when i initially published this post, that first image looked fine. but now it’s huge. is that just me and/or my computer? ah well, clicking on the image allowed me to see it fully and/or funnily. that said, apparently I’VE been skipping step 6 for all these years, too. d’oh! 🙄

and i NEVER get tired of that poster featuring the “shower instructions”. too too funny!

Comment by snuppy

(I am fixing the first picture)

Comment by Penguin

I’m pretty sure I take offense…let me ponder and I’ll get back to you.

Comment by BoBo

Hilarious post, especially your translations of the FEMA signs, which I expect to finally be posted by Judge Dredd.

The Starbuck’s manual is especially good given that it’s there for people who can make a TGSMWoC from memory.

Comment by Walela

Is the shower one about not dropping the soap?

Comment by Brian

Bobo…please do come back. We´d miss you!

Walela…thank you, but since the last two things are in quotation marks, they are sorta not mine all together. Some of it is, but not all!

Brian…yes, braking a hip is no fun!

Comment by Penguin

Hahaha – funny, yet informative. That’s what we love about you, Penguin. Now let me go re-read to get all the facts straight. *Try to absorb as much radiation with the groin area* Um hmmm.

Welcome back – hope your re-entry to Icelandic life is going smoothly.

XOX

Comment by LAMPSHA

poor Bobo. he doesn’t mean to get lost! thank goodness his fancy-schmancy new car has an even fancier-schmancier GPS device. i’m guessing his “Help me, I’m somewhere where I don’t know where I am” days are a thing of the past! 🙄

Walela: “…WoC”?? what’s that, without coffee?? heh heh. 😉

Comment by snuppy

Penguin, you are one hilarious bird!

Comment by claire

and thank goodness instructions were included with that hat, otherwise there’s no telling where someone might wear it! on one’s rear end? on a foot? color me a maroon, but are people really that stupid?? oy. 🙄

Comment by snuppy

lampsha, well I am getting back into normal gear. Showing up today for work helped, I got flowers and a goft card and many hugs and the odd enquiring look along with teh sentence “Where have you been?” It was wonderful!

Snuppy, well we all hope for the best. Remember that he was 7 minutes late picking me up from White Plains!!! I think it doesn’t take a mathmetician to figure out why that was 🙂 *runs*

Claire, *bows and claps own shoulder* *busy beaming with pride*

Snuppy, well, i wouldn’t know what to do with those instructions, since I don’t read Spanish 😉

Comment by Penguin

I’m feeling a bit unloved and under-appreciated…I think I’ll just go eat some worms.

Comment by BoBo

I once saw a sign detailing the correct way to open a box.

Heaven knows what happens when that sign is delivered somewhere, in a box. Do people just stand around the package, unable to fathom out what to do next?

The mind boggles.

Comment by Lord Likely

BoBo…ok, but wash them first, ´cause you look silly with mud between your teeth! *considers where to get flowers for later explanations*

Lord Likely, the mind boggles constantly…we might need to get an instruction for “head explosion” one of these days.

Comment by Penguin

well, of course i realized those hat “instrucctiones” were in Español! fortunately, i do have a few years’ worth of Spanish classes under my graduation cap… had you asked, i’d have been happy to translate. either that, or begged someone like Miz B to do so for the both of us! 😉

Comment by snuppy

You should see the disclaimer that came along with my penis. It was in french but I figured it out.

Do not use as paintbrush
Do not place in blender
Wash after usage

Comment by Comedy Blog

There’s an old cowboy saying this post reminded me of. “He’s so dumb, he couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if you put the instructions on the heel.”

Comment by Walela

much to many people’s dismay, Americans do not hold exclusivity rights on stupidity 🙂

Comment by Chris C

Great post, thanks for the insight on signs. I normally assume signs are for “other people” and don’t read instructions so would have missed all this otherwise. 🙂

Comment by IDiveAtNight

snuppy, I know…I thought if Miz B too. And I just noticed your “Follow teh yellow brick road to Humor blogs” addition…brilliant!

Comedy Blog, there are other things too. Keep trying!

Walela, I have heard this one before…makes me laugh everytime.

Chris C, certainly. We are all a bit fruitcaky any given day. But it is so much more fun to laugh about you guys from over here. When the most powerful country puts on a clown suit, even the little guys have to laugh!

Morgan, See? this is why I do this. Enlightenment. Nothing to do with me being easily amused. Nothing at all!

Comment by Penguin

We are all so silly.

Comment by nessa

[…] Snark We came, we saw, we snarked. « Instructions Cheating? August 9th, 2007 ON US??? Say it ain’t so, DIESEL. Say it ain’t […]

Pingback by Cheating? « Central Snark

Great post! Funny all the way through.

I love the shower instuctions. I hate to ask, but you haven’t been using your bare hands to touch a public bathroom faucet handle, have you? Ewwww…

Comment by tanlucypez

nessa, we enjoy the silliness and are gonna milk it for all it is worth.

snuppy, breathe!He stood you up, but you know where his blog is 😉

TLP, *looks at an invisible spot right above TLP´s head*

Comment by Penguin

I didn’t see the shower sign in Iceland, but would have been puzzled by it just the same. Looks like someone got overzealous with a pink marker…

Funny post Minka!

Comment by tsduff

Thank you, Terry! Pink markers…oh my good school is starting in a bit over two weeks…I have a feeling there will be quite a bit of color co-ordinated labeling, and markers in the house of Penguin!

Comment by Penguin




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