Central Snark


Looking Good by Snuppy
Friday, 10 August 2007, 10:27am
Filed under: funny..., Sex, Ed?

i feel prettyIT’S better to look good than to feel good. Or so claimed Fernando Lamas, when being channeled by Billy Crystal, while hanging out in his Hideaway*. But “Fernando” wasn’t the only one who subscribed to the “look good/feel whatever” philosophy of Life. Heck, we’ve had that concept pounded into our fragile little heads over and over and over, all our lives. By our moms, by our well-meaning friends, and by all those Incredibly Helpful Magazine articles that have us convinced it’s just a matter of time before we’ll have to undergo Major Corrective Surgery, in order to rid ourselves of every one of our unsightly wrinkles. Damn us and our habit of smiling so much. Had someone warned us, we’d have worked harder to maintain straight faces in our youth, in hopes of avoiding those crappy “laugh lines”, all together. And do NOT get us started on our flabby arms and/or thinning hair. Oy, it pains us to think of the, um, pain (and/or money) we could have saved ourselves, had we been less inclined to “facially express” ourselves in our “formative” years.

BUT that’s not what’s on our minds (fragile and/or otherwise) today. Not exactly, that is. Truth be told, at the moment we’re so drugged up with cold medication, we aren’t sure what we’re thinking, but that’s beside the point. The point, which we almost blew into a used tissue, is that we still feel like shit, but you’d never know it to look at us. That’s right. We’ve properly showered, shaved our legs, washed and styled our hair, applied our makeup, and dressed ourselves in our casual best, in hopes no one will notice the dribbles of snot above our lip and/or the huskiness of our voice. Now we’re ready for a little fun, whether we want some, or not.

AND how — we hear you ask, in that curious way you have when you want to know something important — did we manage to pull our funky/fluey selves together? How else? — we respond, happily — we relied on a few simple tips provided by one of the many Very Helpful and Informative Films we’ve come to love and/or adore over the past little while. Specifically, one on Good Grooming, produced for sloppy teens back in the 1940’s. A film, we hasten to add, that may well be the best Very Helpful and Informative of all the vintage films we’ve bothered to share, up to this point in time. And how — we hear you ask, as you’re wont to do when you don’t quite follow — does this apply to Sex, Ed? How else? — we respond, in that condescending tone we get when you’ve asked one question too many — if you don’t “look good” at all times, chances are you’ll NEVER get the opportunity to “feel good”, even once.

HERE’S what we know about Sue: she looks “smooth”, thanks largely to good health, posture, cleanliness, and neatness. We’re guessing that bikini wax she got earlier in the day helped, but don’t quote us on that. She’s a feisty one, that Sue. And thank goodness she doesn’t use red nail polish — nothing says “I can’t show my man a good time” like stubby fingers. Or so we’ve heard.

HERE’S what we know about Don: like his sister, Sue, he looks “smooth”, too. No one knows about Don’s penchant for bikini waxes, but that’s about to change, once he manages to slip into the men’s room behind Sue’s date. He’s a sneaky one, that Don. And thank goodness he polished Sue’s shoes the night before — nothing says “I can show my man a good time” like well-toned fingers. Or so we’ve heard.

*YOU can all look forward to finding something more musical and/or entertaining here, tomorrow, assuming our dear and beloved DJ LAMPSHA (who always looks good) is feeling better than she does, today. If not, you can always amuse yourselves with a little “mahvelous” Billy Crystal/Fernando’s Hideaway musical fun, by clicking HERE.

~snuppy

Warning: Humor-blogs.com has been known to cause side-splits and/or laugh lines. Especially when followed by a quick perusal of Antisocial Commentary, on sale now at your favorite Mattress Police Outlet Book Store.

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17 Comments so far
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uh, er, well, um… i actually wrote this post a couple of days ago, but decided to “save” it for today because i’m still sick. which means i don’t feel good. at the moment, i LOOK even worse (don’t tell BoBo, i still want him to come home at the end of the day).

anyway, i have to say this video (which is long, but so what, it’s a rainy crappy day and if you’re here, chances are you don’t have anything better to do, so shut up)… uh, where was i? oh yeah, i have to say this video is one of my NEW favorites — mostly because Sue and/or Don are so damn lame. the fact that there are 2 (count ’em TWO) narrators enhances the importance of good grooming, i suppose, but as far as i’m concerned, it just makes the whole thing that much more hilarious.

hope y’all have a happy and/or HEALTHY weekend! 😎

Comment by One Hot Puppy

Gee Don and Sue are swell.

Comment by BoBo

Shining eyes, glossy hair… Yes, cleanliness really is next to dogliness.

I see a bright future for those two as voiceover narrators for educational films at Mississippi State College.

Still sick, Snuppy? That blows. Maybe I can come up with a nice guest post for you next week.

Comment by Diesel

BoBo: “swell” and close to being Extremely Creepy, wouldn’t you say? heh. tho’ i laughed when “Don” was trying to figure out what to wear to school… kind of reminded me of someone i know and lovelovelove. 😉

Comment by snuppy

Diesel: better late than never, my friend. 🙄

(you DO know i was kidding yesterday, right? and that i thought your little “post” for JSNTC was pretty damn funny? and that i’ll use any old dumb and/or whiny excuse to get out of writing something of “substance” on my own — including, but not limited to those times when i’m sick??)

by the way: not because i’m trying to over hype anyone’s blog, yet because i want to ensure everyone gets a good laugh, i HIGHLY suggest checking out DIESEL-THE-CHEATER’S CAPTION CONTEST this week. it’s not just funny, it’s flat-out hilarious. and tell him i sent you — just for fun and/or to make him feel guilty. 😉

Comment by snuppy

This video was intended for all those ‘ho’s out there with uneven hemlines and red nail polish. The horror!
btw- no male human I’ve EVER known has touched an iron. They may not know what an iron is, hehe.

Comment by Claire

Now THERE’S a good idea… ask us how we like Don’s color choice in a BLACK AND WHITE VIDEO!

Ya gotta love the 50’s.

Comment by Jeff

Let the record show that I generally iron my own clothes on those admitedly rare ocassions when such action is needed…and I am a male. Does this make me special?

Comment by BoBo

Mr. Logo is quite the clotheshorse, and usually does his own ironing too (though he started having the lovely Korean man in town wash ans press his shirts).
Which is good becuase my idea of wrinkle removing involves a spritzer bottle and a dryer and mostly I just don’t worry about it.
Anyway, yeah, I’m probably destined to feel better than I look, and I’m ok with that.

Comment by logo™

Oh my!

that was educative. With that routine, I wonder how they have time for anything else in life.

And those siblings are beyond creepy. I am a sibling of 7 and rest assured that constant open doors would never happen. In fact, doors would be barred, with a huge KEEP OUT! sign on the front and a “Leave me alone, you dufus!” sentence when my brother would tell me about a loose button on his shirt!

p.s so sorry to hear you are still sick…I leave lasting impressions, don’t I?! Feel better, real soon…you hear!

Comment by Penguin

Dios mio! Methinks those narrators would have a heart attack were they to visit San Francisco! I have been looking for a good deal for my waxing, the brazilian being a must these days, and found it amusing and so typical of SF to find many a place proudly advertising their “Mankini” and “Boyzilian” services!

“Not too dressy” clothes? Oy… and I was debating whether to wear fishnets and a studded leather bracelet or be more vanilla with ripped jeans! Times have sure changed! And thank goodness for that!

I’m with Minka about the creepy factor to those siblings! Hell, I ain’t so honky dory with Loverboy either and he is my love so… oy!

I am sorry to hear that you are still under the weather amiga mia! Hope you feel better SOON! Man I wish we were closer as some needling could have sure come in handy with your sinuses and many a tincture woud be at hand for much healing FO SHO!

I send you many boho kisses and hope you get to be your fully functioning Snuppylicious self soon!

And as for some shameless self promo… 3 new vids are up here! Yep, I am trying to make it to words but for now, a fight with Loverboy will have to do! 😉

Comment by Catty Yummy Mummy

You need a few drinks-WAY better than cold medication! I hope you get over this soon, because it’s suck.
I think the looking-good thing is getting worse and worse, and pretty soon, there won’t be anything good on the radio anymore, because most of it will be entertainment offered us from would-be models. But then, there will be a counterrevolution, when people like Janice Joplin and Barbara Streisand will shine, once more, but not in our lifetimes.
One reason I should give whatever I’m doing a rest and come over tomorrow, because it will be something good that might not be blasted on the radio at work…

Comment by actonbell

Well, this is one male who knows what an iron is good for. I have several: a five-iron, six-iron, seven-iron, etc.

They may not make me look good, but it definitely feels good to use them.

Comment by McCafferty Himself

Claire: forget the “uneven hems”, whatever would she do if her slip showed?? *shudders*

Jeff: thinkin’ it’s a blessing we weren’t able to see that “patterned” shirt in color. i thought Donnie was a “sharp dressed man”? what the hell was that thing doing in his closet in the first place?? oy.

BoBo: ’tis true. on most occasions you do, indeed iron your own things. (no need to mention how many times i’ve had to “fix” your ironing errors, no point in spoiling the illusion, eh?) 🙄

logo™: for my money, Downey WrinkleReleaser is the best time-saving invention ever. (i’m just wondering how long before someone figures out how to make it work on the face)

Penguin: i know! the first time Don sauntered into Sue’s bedroom i half expected to see them start making out. ewwwww. as for my cold??? i hate to point fingers, missy, but you did come back from PEZylvania with something. (would it have killed you to leave the chocolate, instead?) 😉

Mizzy B of the Yummiest Catty Mummies (or something like that): don’t think i don’t wish i closer to you guys! i mean, for a LOT of reasons, but, at the moment, i believe some proper “needling” would ease my pain quite a bit. too bad i don’t know a good acupuncturist around here. (actually, i think we do, and if i don’t start feeling better soon, i believe i’ll have to go see him). i shall be over to see your newest videos SOON, amiga! and YAY!! so nice to see you back on a semi-regularish posting schedule, again!! FO SHO! 🙂

Actonbell: funny you should mention Janis Joplin. i was “treating” teh Penguin to some of her tunes just last week. lovelovelove that gal, and man-oh-man could she belt the blues! as for the “good-looking” thing… i received a FreePeople catalog in the mail, and i swear the models are, like, 12. pretty sure i’ll never be able to compete with the “wrinkle-free” complexion of a nubile pre-teen. that said, i’m damn sure i wouldn’t want to!

McCafferty Himself: you should be careful, my friend, i know it feels good now, but hitting yourself over the head will eventually start to hurt. and it’s bound to leave a mark. just sayin’

Comment by snuppy

As I sit slumped in my chair without a shower today, this Don&Sue are creeping me out too. Wasn’t Don just a moment away from saying “never mind Sis, I’ll shower with you!” Eeeeek!

Were Sue’s hands really stubby? Go easy on the broad. No wonder people took to “mother’s little helpers” in the 50’s. Or if they didn’t – they should have.

Feel good and great post tie-in indeed. Oh but I couldn’t help thinking if any movie called for the ole MST3K treatment, it was this.

Comment by LAMPSHA

Get well soon, but at least you have your priorities in order.

Comment by weirsdo

and thus the Anal-Retentive Movement was born

Comment by Chris C




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