Central Snark


Porn to be Wild by Snuppy
Friday, 17 August 2007, 10:42am
Filed under: funny..., Sex, Ed?

bettie pagePORN to be Wild? HAHAHA. Excuse us for a minute while we laugh at that stupid-yet-insipid title. (Sorry, but sometimes we just crack ourselves up with our stupidity and/or insipidity. Hmm, come to think of it, maybe we should call it our “instupidity”. Or, maybe not.) Okay, now that that we’ve got that off our chests and/or out of our vocabulary, we’re ready to tackle the topic du jour, i.e., Hard Core Pornography. Something we don’t like one teensie bit. Nope. Not fans, never have been, never will be. Not only do we find it offensive, we think it sucks. More than a 2-bit whore on a 4-bit date, or so we’ve been told, by someone who once got lucky, back in the 50’s. But more on that in a minute… where were we? Oh yeah. Hard Core Pornography. Dirty pictures. Smut. In our humble opinion, Pornography really IS bad. One word says it all… ewwwwwww.

THAT’S not to say we don’t believe in a publisher’s right to print such crap, because we do. But trust us, we don’t approve. And yet, here we are, bringing it to your attention. Here’s the deal: we’re not really interested in covering the topic beyond “superficial”. If you know anything about us, you know we’ll say whatever pops into our fragile little minds at the start of a post, in hopes it will provide a suitable “hook” for sharing something we think is hilarious. For today’s hilarity, we’re pleased — and only mildly alarmed — to present a classic report filmed back in the 1960’s by one man determined to stop the insanity of pornography, which was, apparently, rearing it’s ugly head (not to mention tits and/or ass), back then.

WHAT the hell did decent citizens do before the likes of George Putnam (“outstanding reporter”) came around to inform them about the “flood tide of filth engulfing our country in the form of newsstand obscenity“? We shudder to think. Thank Jeebus he saw fit to pour over hundreds — maybe thousands — of magazines in order to provide this enlightening report. That said, think how the poor pour man must have suffered… one can only imagine the pain he went through in order to leave no page unturned, no inference overlooked, no nipple left untouched.

AHEM. Where to begin? More to the point, where to end? Oh George… here’s hoping your eyes didn’t burn out of their sockets whilst perusing the likes of Swank, Sextet, Plush, and our personal favorite, Rapture. And don’t get us started on the “so-called Physique group of publications“… which we’re certain were “disturbing” to you on more than one level, if you catch our less than pure-white drift, and we’re guessing you do. “Today’s conquest is tomorrow’s competition“? Whoa. Boggles the mind, George, doesn’t it? How terrible it must have been for you to force yourself to linger over those pictures of nubile lads, scantily clad in sheets, as they frolicked in the great outdoors — like veritable demigods — for all the world to see and/or lust after. That one young man’s smile did show promise, George, and we suspect you yearned to get just a wee bit closer, in order to find out what kind. Wonder if it would have been as good as that whore you once encountered back in your own carefree youth, when 2-bits meant a “good” time, and 4-bits guaranteed “better”.

SURELY there won’t be any porn here, tomorrow, Shirley. That said, we’re certain our dear and delightful DJ LAMPSHA will set us on fire, even as she fills our ears with music that will turn us on… to whatever artist she’s featuring. HAHAHA. (there we go again, laughing at ourselves and/or our “new-found” instupidity).

~snuppy

Thanks to a restraining order, the censors are nowhere near Humor-blogs.com.

Advertisements

22 Comments so far
Leave a comment

late late late!! aieee! ’tis what happens on the heels of a Happy Anniversary and/or the morning when Not-Hazel shows up early and wants to vacuum the office, first.

i hope everyone is able to see this clip (i have no idea what was going on with yesterday’s, and i apologize to anyone and everyone who didn’t get to see the wonder that is “Pumaman”). Trust me George Putnam is something to see. i’m pretty sure this isn’t the entire “report”, but it’s MORE than enough… and WAY more than a little hilarious.

Comment by One Hot Puppy

I can’t see the video and for some reason I would really like to. Porn anti-propaganda? Interesting!
What can we do about it? I went to You tube and tried to see it over there, but I can’t see it either…I was ready for a whole lot of nekkid…but alas, such is life.

Comment by Penguin

Cool how George managed to write that whole article using his one other hand.

Comment by al

Penguin: i have NO idea what’s going on! this isn’t some European YouTube coding issue, is it? no worries… i’ll see if i can’t find a link or two to other versions of this silliness — trust me, you’re gonna love it! (SO weird… and yet, SO funny!) πŸ˜‰

Al: i had the same thought… especially after noticing that “bulge” in his jacket at the beginning of this “report”. and, i’m sorry, but “Citizens for Decent Literature, Inc” was hilarious (by my way of thinking) as was the title: “Perversion for Profit”. honestly, at first glance i thought this “report” was gonna be something completely different… heh heh. πŸ™„

and hey, Al, welcome back! we’ve missed you, my friend!! πŸ™‚

Comment by snuppy

OKAY — i put up a different version of this video, in hopes everyone will be able to see it, now! sorry for the trouble… i wouldn’t want ANYONE to go through another day without this Very Important Information. πŸ™‚

Comment by One Hot Puppy

*averts her eyes*

What has the world come to? I ask everybody!

seriously though, people realize…that primitive tribes run around naked and nothign is thought of it, homosexuality was an acknowledged practice dating back to pharohs…rape and sexual violence existed almost from the get go…

nevermind!

Thanks for switching the video…I wouldn’t wanna have missed this. πŸ™‚

Comment by Penguin

Bet he’s porn again.

Comment by weirsdo

Pornography is the only ‘ography’ I am even remotely interested in.

Comment by Lord Likely

That is priceless!

Comment by BoBo

Penguin: *pats back* there there… that mean/dirty/weird old man is gone now… no doubt burning in the pits of hell, along with a few of the “well-meaning” Citizens for Decent Literature, who helped to fund this revealing “report”. πŸ˜‰

Weirsdo: hahahaha. oh, how i wish i had thought of THAT line when i was writing this post! πŸ™‚

Lord Likely: don’t you mean OGLEraphy? heh heh (sorry, in my head that was hilarious. almost as hilarious as your comment, but not quite) πŸ˜‰

BoBo: heh. i had a feeling you’d find this particular clip especially amusing. that George… don’t see “outstanding reporters” like that any more, do ya? No! and thank goodness (and/or Jeebus) for that. πŸ™„

Comment by snuppy

Uh Snuppy, you say I write long posts? πŸ™‚ But yours are hysterical, and the video is longer than a MizzyB’s

Did you notice how turned on he looked?

George Putnam that is. I used to work for PFAW and they didn’t show us these videos. I feel deprived–in my zeal to keep the First Amendment first but personally hate hard porn–or any that doesn’t star James Spader

When my Mom got Macular she wanted to start a nudist camp for blind people

Comment by pia

I’m cracking up – at your post and Pia’s comment. I’d go to that nudist camp.

Sorry, I made the grave error of bringing BOTH kids to work so eh, I actually am working. I can’t wait to watch George watching the frolicing gods watching Geroge later on.

That Lord Likely. Have you read of us Pirate Ship exploits?

Okay all, have a great Friday. I’m off to wrap things up here.

XOX

Comment by Lampsha

Pia: like Lampsha, i would totally have signed up for your mom’s camp. too funny. and you’re right… about this post and/or that video being a wee bit too long (that’s what she said… heh heh). don’t know what got into me today — but trust me, i shall work very hard (that’s what he said) to rectify the length of all that gets put out here, in the future (that’s what they both said… or not. heh heh). πŸ˜‰

Lampsha: nothing like taking your kids TO work to make you actually HAVE to work, eh, NBFF? “Pirate Ship exploits” sez you? “Hmmm…” sez i. (don’t ask what that means, for i’ll be dammed if i could tell ya!) πŸ™„

Comment by snuppy

I had a hard time understanding George sometimes so I had to watch it about 6 times to make sure I caught everything. Just trying to be thorough you know.

Comment by Jeff

Mr. Putnam has made me attracted to little reddish orange geometric shapes.

Poke

Comment by Poke

I was gonna say he must be back flippin’ in his grave over the porn of today ala Hustler and that sort, but then I went back to the wikipedia link and discovered the poor man is still alive! Since he has obviously failed so badly in his quest to rid the world of porn he must be very depressed…

Comment by Claire

For the sake of decency we covered the eyes the the busty, curvy models.

Comment by Walela

Jeff: hahahaha. i hope all your questions were answered. i have to admit, that George was pretty mesmerizing, in his own right. πŸ˜‰

Poke: careful, those were the shapes of the Devil, my friend, as if set in place by Lucifer, himself. πŸ™„

Claire: i’m thinkin’ poor George spends a lot of time in front of a TV these days with a drool cup hanging around his neck. no good could have come from scouring the newsstands for all that material, “back in the day”. poor curious/well-intentioned George. πŸ˜‰

Walela: even as we barely covered their nipples. heh. just so wrong, on so many, er, fronts. πŸ™„

Comment by snuppy

This piece really put the “boing” in boingboing, didn’t it? πŸ˜‰

Just how far back did this thing go, anyway? I mean, the censor bar stuff went out with Gary Larson (surely you remember the amoeba porn movie, Shirley) …

Comment by oceallaigh

OC: (and hey! long time no see!)… i just went back and actually read the entire Wiki article, and this “report” was produced in 1965, funded, by the way, by Charles Keating (tax theif and anti-pornography zealot). and, tho’ i figured poor (pour) George was sitting somewhere with a drool cup, truth be told, the guy has a radio show on the air, even as i type, and, at 93, is the oldest nationally syndicated radio host in broadcasting! (see what happens when i take time to “read”? heh heh). anyway… do I remember the amoeba porn movie??? surely you jest Shirley! hey, if i’m not Larson’s biggest fan, i’ve got to be in the top, say, 100 or so. i lovelovelove his work…including, but not limited to, that controversial Jane Goddall/tramp comic. good stuff. πŸ˜‰

Comment by snuppy

Methinks the man doth protest too much…(who knows what kind of secret life he may have led in the past, or at least the lustful thoughts he might have had…oh come on, he’s a man…what man doesn’t have lustful thoughts).

This report must be where the following joke came from:
Q. How do you find a Blind Man in a nudist colony?
A. It’s not hard

George would be just shocked if he saw the Axe commercial we got over here.

Comment by Theresa

[…] surely you can understand why we want to feature something so completely opposite to Friday’s Porn-related Sex, Ed? offering and/or DJ LAMPSHA’S utterly brilliant Saturday Spin, you won’t be able to keep yourself […]

Pingback by Surely, Shirley « Central Snark




Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s



%d bloggers like this: