You may be a cunning linguist, but I am a master debater. ~Austin Powers
INITIALLY, we entitled this post “Save the Kittens”, because A) it reminded us of our prize-winning caption from a few weeks ago, which B) we thought was freakin’ hilarious. But then we kind of hopped onto the sports band-wagon this week, and decided to swing with something more, shall we say, apropos. The fact that we used to play for a softball team called the Master Batters, was beside the point. The point, because it seems you kids need to be hit over the head with something, is that our funny title is an excellent play on a word some of you boys are, apparently, in desperate need of acquainting yourselves with. And by “boys”, we mean, MORGAN and/or LORD LIKELY, who both left decidedly anxious-and-not-at-all understanding comments on today’s earlier anxious-yet-whiny post. Yeesh, boys, give a blog a break. Don’t you know that sometimes we’re too damn tired from all the stuff we have to do around this place (when NOT-Hazel isn’t around to do it for us, that is) to even THINK about sex, let alone write about it? Apparently not. Hence, today’s “lesson”.
“BOYS”, we’ll tell you what we told a certain Important Professional Athlete from Seattle who once came on to us at work like a Horny-toad in heat. We held his giant paw in ours, looked deeply into his soulful brown eyes and said as sweetly as we knew how: You look like a guy who can take care of himself…
OKAY, maybe that line doesn’t seem hilarious now, but trust us, at the time, we saw tears rolling down the cheeks of our potential suitor’s teammates, as they held him back when he tried to hop the counter (we worked in a restaurant), in order to “demonstrate” his ability to “take care” of us. Meanwhile, we just shook our head in wonderment, for our comment — which had clearly “aggitated” the Important Professional Athlete, was merely a suggestion that he attempt to “calm” his own nerves with whatever means he had at, um, hand. Was that so wrong?
FEEL better now? Neither do we. Especially after hearing that other kid talk about his old school — the one that “required” swimming in the buff. Huh? Pardon our ignorance, but what the hell kind of education was that boy getting, and, more importantly, where were schools like that when we were growing up?
PS: we know how much you kids hate our over use of the YouTube, but our son swears THIS VIDEO (featuring the “Whitest Kids U Know“) will have one or two of you rolling in the aisles and/or on the bathroom floor. Consider it our “bonus” gift to you, for waiting around all day for sex, Ed. (you too, Morgan and/or Lord Likely)
Humor-blogs.com has been saving the lives of kittens since 2006.
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