Central Snark


Master Batter by Snuppy
Friday, 7 September 2007, 2:42pm
Filed under: funny..., Sex, Ed?

You may be a cunning linguist, but I am a master debater. ~Austin Powers

master batter?INITIALLY, we entitled this post “Save the Kittens”, because A) it reminded us of our prize-winning caption from a few weeks ago, which B) we thought was freakin’ hilarious. But then we kind of hopped onto the sports band-wagon this week, and decided to swing with something more, shall we say, apropos. The fact that we used to play for a softball team called the Master Batters, was beside the point. The point, because it seems you kids need to be hit over the head with something, is that our funny title is an excellent play on a word some of you boys are, apparently, in desperate need of acquainting yourselves with. And by “boys”, we mean, MORGAN and/or LORD LIKELY, who both left decidedly anxious-and-not-at-all understanding comments on today’s earlier anxious-yet-whiny post. Yeesh, boys, give a blog a break. Don’t you know that sometimes we’re too damn tired from all the stuff we have to do around this place (when NOT-Hazel isn’t around to do it for us, that is) to even THINK about sex, let alone write about it? Apparently not. Hence, today’s “lesson”.

“BOYS”, we’ll tell you what we told a certain Important Professional Athlete from Seattle who once came on to us at work like a Horny-toad in heat. We held his giant paw in ours, looked deeply into his soulful brown eyes and said as sweetly as we knew how: You look like a guy who can take care of himself…

OKAY, maybe that line doesn’t seem hilarious now, but trust us, at the time, we saw tears rolling down the cheeks of our potential suitor’s teammates, as they held him back when he tried to hop the counter (we worked in a restaurant), in order to “demonstrate” his ability to “take care” of us. Meanwhile, we just shook our head in wonderment, for our comment — which had clearly “aggitated” the Important Professional Athlete, was merely a suggestion that he attempt to “calm” his own nerves with whatever means he had at, um, hand. Was that so wrong?

FEEL better now? Neither do we. Especially after hearing that other kid talk about his old school — the one that “required” swimming in the buff. Huh? Pardon our ignorance, but what the hell kind of education was that boy getting, and, more importantly, where were schools like that when we were growing up?

~snuppy

PS: we know how much you kids hate our over use of the YouTube, but our son swears THIS VIDEO (featuring the “Whitest Kids U Know“) will have one or two of you rolling in the aisles and/or on the bathroom floor. Consider it our “bonus” gift to you, for waiting around all day for sex, Ed. (you too, Morgan and/or Lord Likely)

Humor-blogs.com has been saving the lives of kittens since 2006.

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28 Comments so far
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oy… so late here, and still not outta the house-cleaning woods. ah well. Now, is it just me, or was the line: “What I wouldn’t have given for a fig leaf, even a small one” hilarious? poor kid.

i’m also cracking up, thanks to my youngest son, who reminded me that had Tony Perkins’ character had a servant in the film “Psycho”, he would have addressed Norman as “Master Bates”. heh.

oh well… at least I laughed! honestly, the way things are going today, making myself happy will have to suffice. πŸ˜‰

Comment by One Hot Puppy

Ok, that first video is just creepy, but the second one had me literally weeping. Does anybody have a kleenex?

Comment by Diesel

For the TEARS, you perverts.

Comment by Diesel

You are so sick and twisted. I just love that about you.

Could you post a couple of times a day? I’ll come and vacuum for you.

Comment by TLP

I’m thinking the doctor in the first video has never done it…way too uptight. As for the second video…laughed until tears formed which is not good when you’re sitting in your office with lots of people milling about outside…given the subject matter and all. Oh well.

Comment by BoBo

Diesel: *hands over tissue* here ya go. don’t forget to … blow. that said, i confess to shedding a laughter-related tear or two myself upon viewing that clip. these guys are pretty damn funny. honestly, i could have (and probably SHOULD have) done an entire post on their material. oh well, knowing me and/or my lazy ways, i’m guessing i’ll resort to more of their stuff down the road. πŸ˜‰

TLP: and i lovelovelove the fact that your sense of humor is as “sick” as my own! we are, indeed, sistahs in spirit, missy… should be fun when we finally get to meet face to face! “vacuum for me“, says you? “how do you feel about ironing?” says i. πŸ™„

BoBo: BOTH our sons manage to find some darn funny material from time to time, don’t they? sorry you had to see that at work. i highly suggest avoiding more of their (Whitest Guys U Know) material until you get home, if you catch my drift, and i have no doubt whatsoever you do! πŸ™‚

Comment by snuppy

oh, and BoBo? i completely agree with you about that doctor. honestly, the first time i watched this i could help but imagine him thinking to himself things like: “As a matter of fact, George, I masturbated just before you got here, and I plan to do it again, the minute you leave”. yes… ol’ Dr. Sex was very glad to hear of poor Georgie boy’s masturbatory concerns… πŸ˜‰

Comment by snuppy

Anyone who can hear “the size of his genital organ” without laughing has the maturity of, at least, a 40-year-old. I’ll let you know in December.

I completely didn’t understand the first part. What was he talking about?

Comment by Walela

I just read Bobo’s comment. That was funnier than the video.

Comment by Walela

Walela: apparently i’m NOT as mature as the aforementioned 40 year-old. should i be concerned…or relieved? πŸ˜‰

Comment by snuppy

Well, Snuppy, I’m not sure about the right age. I just know that 39 is not too old to snicker. At least, if you’re depraved.

Comment by Walela

Walela: you ‘n me, kid… inappropriately like-minded & giggling to the bitter-yet-hilarious end. πŸ˜‰

Comment by snuppy

Doc says: “It’s something you will probably do once in a while.”

How many minutes are there in “a while”?

Took me a bit of time to find the “second video”. Hilarious!

Comment by IDiveAtNight

Walela, 39 is not too old to snicker and 47 is too old to stop.

I’m cracking up at both videos. I have to agree Snup, I fully expected the doc to “help” the poor lad get over his shame. Ewww.

Now see, we knew you’d have an excellent post UP err, ready today.

Comment by Lampsha

Morgan: pretty sure “a while” is as long as… it is. heh. oh, and so sorry you had trouble with the second, perhaps you were doing something, um, wrong? πŸ™„

NBFF: the doctor was creepy, and that’s a fact. also, what kid tells his buddy that even a small fig leaf would have helped with his size-related shame? i couldn’t help but wonder if may that boy’s parents hadn’t “assigned” the wrong gender to him at his ambiguous birth. poor thing. πŸ˜‰

Comment by snuppy

Well, you asked. Absolutely true story… our Jr. High made us swim in the nude from 7th through 9th grade. The only complaint I had about it was how cold the tile benches were.

Comment by Jeff

Jeff: i, um, er… thanks for sharing? that said — WHAT WAS THE POINT?? am i missing something here? taking crazy pills again? what? what?? WHAT?? seriously… nude swimming? that just seems so… wrong. funny, but wrong. πŸ˜•

Comment by snuppy

The body language in the first video is very funny. The doctor was wiggling his foot as he spoke. The adults have their legs crossed at the knees, like girls. And that first bot looks like someone punched his teeth out.

The second video was beyond hysterical.

Comment by nessa

Not “bot”, should be boy.

Comment by nessa

Um… the point my dear, was in response to the question at the end of your statement:

“…the one that β€œrequired” swimming in the buff. Huh? Pardon our ignorance, but what the hell kind of education was that boy getting, and, more importantly, where were schools like that when we were growing up?”

Or was that supposed to be a rhetorical question?

Comment by Jeff

Jeff: ya know, i knew that’s why you shared. in my head i was laughing at thoughts of poor little(ish) naked you sitting on that cold cold tile bench, and “um, thanks?” is what came out. my bad. 😳

Nessa: i know. that second doctor also has his hands folded in his lap rather oddly, too. and i kept waiting for the first doctor to say: “George, if you’re feeling terrible when you finish masturbating, you’re doing it wrong“. πŸ˜‰

Comment by snuppy

Aw, ain’t no thang. My reply came out snottier than I intended. Sometimes written conversations don’t come out like they’re supposed to.

BTW, where can a guy get all those different emoticons you keep using. The only two I know how to make are these πŸ™‚ πŸ˜‰

Comment by Jeff

Jeff: s’all good, brothah! 😎

as for the emoticons? i only know a few more, including (between colons, of course):

smile
grin
wink
lol
roll
oops
sad
cry
cool
mrgreen

pretty sure there are a bunch more, but i’ll be damned if i know what they are. maybe i included ’em in the post i wrote last year, called “Emoticonda”, which you can read, HERE. :mrgreen:

Comment by snuppy

Thank you for at last providing me with some sex.

It was just enough to enable me to finish myself off nicely.

Comment by Lord Likely

Was the naked swimming in an all boy school?
master baitor video= hil-freakin-larious

Comment by Claire

Oh my!

I sure missed a lot of stuff over the weekend.

I took notes…

Comment by Penguin

LOL at the additional video. That has your boys written all over it.

“You never make them touch!” LOLOLOLOLOL

Comment by Penguin

Lord Likely: i figured you’d be able to take care of yourself, once we helped ya get started. πŸ˜‰

Claire: there ARE times when i reallyreally appreciate my younger son’s bizarre sense of humor! glad you enjoyed it. πŸ™‚

Penguin: note? heh — why do i think YOU’LL be the one having conversations like this with students and/or patients some day? i can hear it now: “yes, well, having a crush on your teacher (nurse) is normal, but hardly practical. allow me to recommend taking a trip into the bathroom with a good… magazine oh, and for goddsake, don’t forget to wash your hands!” just wait… that’s SO gonna be the what happens. πŸ˜‰

you’d think son #2 would have been mildly embarrassed to show that video to me, but you’d be wrong. that boy… i suppose this is the price i have to pay for encouraging good “communication” with our kids over the years. πŸ™„

Comment by snuppy




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