Central Snark

Uhhh, Diesel? by mattresspolice
Thursday, 25 October 2007, 12:34am
Filed under: funny...

What the hell did you do to our template? I know you never really liked the creepy chick pictures, but you can’t just go changing the template whenever you want. Why oh why did we ever set you up as an admin?

What is that supposed to be anyway? Oh, I get it. It’s a parody of that 1942 painting by Edward Hopper, “Nighthawks.”


Yeah, because that’s never been done before. Perhaps you’re not familiar with Gottfried Helnwein’s takeoff, “Boulevard of Broken Dreams.” Were you even aware that the version with James Dean, Marylin Monroe, Humphrey Bogart and Elvis wasn’t the original? Uh huh. Sure you were.

Boulevard of Broken Dreams

So not exactly an original idea, except that you’ve replaced the characters with famous comedians. Looks like Groucho Marx, Lucille Ball, Steve Martin… and is that Jon Stewart behind the counter? Kind of an odd group, isn’t it? I guess you were going for sort of a “wisecrackers through the decades” theme. You’ve got Groucho for the 30s and 40s, Lucille Ball for the 50s and 60s, Steve Martin for the 70s and 80s, and Jon Stewart for the 90s and the naughties.* Interesting. Steve Martin doesn’t really fit, though, does he? Chevy Chase would make more sense. Yeah, I guess his career kind of peaked with Fletch, didn’t it? Hmmm. Letterman? But then you’d have two talk show hosts. Woody Allen? Clearly a genius, but a little too creepy. And his career peaked about the same time as Chevy’s. I guess Steve Martin is a pretty solid choice, Cheaper By the Dozen notwithstanding.

Still, you can’t just change the template like that, without even telling anybody. Oh, you thought it would be a nice surprise for Snuppy? Yeah, good thinking. How would you like me to redecorate your house with a Holly Hobby theme the next time you leave town? You’d better hope that she likes it, pal, because you’re on your own with this one.

And that tagline, “Where everybody knows you’re lame”? What the hell is that supposed to mean? Huh? No, that’s completely different. Everybody knew that was a joke. Besides, you can’t bite someone over the internet. Yours is just mean. It alienates people right off the bat. Maybe that kind of gratuitous cruelty flies over at the Mattress Police, but we try to be a little nicer over here.

What do you mean, you think you can put the old template back? Don’t you have a backup somewhere? Good lord, man, this is the Snark you’re messing with. You’ve got some cajones, I’ll give you that much.

Well, I guess we’ll see what the commenters think. You’d better hope they like it.

*This still might catch on.

Psst:  You wanna talk about cajones?!  Head on over to Humor-blogs.com. ~ Lampsha


33 Comments so far
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Well, I hope you like it. I figured it would be easier to ask for forgiveness than ask for permission.

The fonts are a little small, I know. I tried to purchase the upgrade that allows you to change the stylesheet, but WordPress seems to have eaten my quarter. Piece of crap. At least Blogger is free.

Comment by Diesel

I like it! I really do…I feel you stepped it up a level and did an excellent job.
I am not sure I will feel right at home since I didn’t know the 1942 painting to begin with and feel it is all a bit over my head now, but I make an excellent lurker:)


Comment by Penguin


Comment by Deb

Wow! I was just signing in to send Tali’s teacher an email! What a surprise. And brilliant, I’ll add as well! I was shocked. Not that I don’t love the old template, I do, but this really fits Snuppy’s love of all things comedy – old and new. What a great meld.

Okay, I could go on, but I do have to send that email (how easily I get distracted).


Comment by Lampsha

You know the small font will be a bit of a problem, but I have every confidence you can fix that. Not to be an ingrate or anything, but you know…

Beatiful job. Beautiful.

PS: Where do I sign in?

Comment by Lampsha

Rickey digs it. It has a aice old-timey retro feel. It would look better with Taft in it however.

Comment by Rickey Henderson

Cool! It’s old retro fashionable present nouveau-now. Plus didn’t you know that black is the new green? I guess black doesn’t consume as much power through the monitor as lighter colors. Who knew?

…well, you do now.

Comment by Howard

Well, I like it. Though that font is tiny. Granted I didn’t know what site I was at but I quickly figured it out. I like the Central Snark on Steve Martin’s coffee mug. And for the first time ever…it said new beside Central Snark in my bloglines. Go figure.

Comment by littlebluepill

Thanks, everybody! Glad you liked it. I had mentioned to Snuppy the idea of having a sort of “cocktail party” of snarksters on the header, and then I thought of using this painting.

I like this template for a few other reasons, too. The links show up a lot better, and the formatting of the comments make them easier to read.

Sorry about the fonts. Not sure why the template designer thought they needed to be so small. I bought the CSS editing upgrade ($15!) so I could change them, but it still won’t let me for some reason. I’ll figure it out eventually.

Lampsha – I have no idea where you sign in. I always just went to WordPress.com. I guess this template doesn’t have a sign-in link. Either that or I turned it off. I’ll look into it.

Comment by Diesel

Hey, I fixed the fonts! Let me know if this looks better.

– Diesel

Comment by mattresspolice

I love it! I didn’t see the “old” fonts, so I dunno what they looked like.

I’m a huge fan of this new look!

Comment by CrummyJoel

Though I think Kalfu’ur and Grundir should be having a cup of joe at the counter as well…

Comment by CrummyJoel

I like the new look and think it’s clever, but isn’t the sub-heading a parody of Cheers? That sort of throws me off kilter.

Comment by Nessa

¡Cojonudo! which is also what you are, Diesel. Wait a minute, they say you have cajones, but do we know if you have cojones? In any case, cojones or not, you’ve come up with a really sleek new look.

Comment by Theresa

I like the new template as well 🙂

But the comics don’t fit snarky. Sam Kinison should be in there along with Bill Hicks.

Comment by Chris C

Nessa – I’m not married to the subheading. I just thought it needed a tagline, and that popped into my head. I’ve got a version without the tagline if y’all don’t like it.

Theresa – Fine, correct my Spanish. Nobody would have noticed if you hadn’t pointed it out. So what are cajones anyway?

Chris C. – Here’s a good definition of “snarky” from the Urban Dictionary: Adjective – Any language that contains quips or comments containing sarcastic or satirical witticisms intended as blunt irony. Usually delivered in a manner that is somewhat abrupt and out of context and intended to stun and amuse. Origin: Snark=”snide remark”.

I think that Groucho fits that definition perfectly, as does Jon Stewart. Certainly Lucille Ball and Steve Martin have had their moments of snarky glory as well.

Sam Kinison is more blunt and angry than snarky. I don’t know Bill Hicks, and I sure as hell wouldn’t expect people to recognize him in a cafe scene. 🙂

Comment by Diesel

Crummy Joel – Maybe I’ll do a Grundir/Kalfu’ur version after people get used to this one. 😉

Comment by Diesel

Chris C., Diesel covered quite cohesively what I was going to say. There was a singer Hicks – no that was Dan Hicks and his Hot Licks. Oy am I dating myself that I even know that name.

And you are not sneaking in Grundir and Kalfu’ur, otherwise I want my lampshade lady in there! Once the barndoors are open… 🙂

Comment by Lampsha

Me again – I’m all excited over the makeover I guess. The fonts do indeed look better.

Comment by Lampsha

Okay this is it and then I’m leaving. I do want to go on the record and acknowledge the divine MizBohemia (known here as CattYummy and no I don’t have time to explain) for the previous template. Scary to some – genius to others, I always loved that template and have a soft spot for it.

The new one is great and really matches Snuppy’s love of comedy and those comedians in particular. If you knew her in real life, Lucille Ball is someone she channels without even knowing it.

So good job Diesel, but thanks also to MizB for her contriubtion which kicked TheSnark’s ass as we know it into existence!

and later.

~ G

Comment by Lampsha

G gave me an idea. What if you replaced the comedians with people that represent the people who do the posts?

Comment by Nessa

I don’t know who they’d all be, but like the Lampshade Lady and Grundir and a Penguin and…

Comment by Nessa

Indeed, Lampsha. I actually did like the MizB’s template. It was definitely eye-catching. I just thought it was a little “girly” – especially now that manly folks like Grundir and Kalfu’ur are posting here. I thought we need something a little more neutral and low-key. And the main problems with that template (like the fact that you could barely see the damn links) weren’t MizB’s fault.

Anyway, I thought the Snark needed a template that made it feel like a place where snarky friends could get together and chat and joke with each other. Really, it was built with Snuppy in mind. I know how she loves all the comics in the graphic, and she and I have talked about the purpose that she saw the Snark filling. Hopefully she’ll find her way back here one of these days and let us know what she thinks.

Comment by Diesel

Nessa – Oy vey. Groucho was hard enough. Now you want a penguin?

Comment by Diesel

I like it. Good post too.

Comment by tlp

Me likey. Although I do kind of miss the woman with the big sexy red lips. Can you put those on Jon Stewart of something?

Comment by Jeff

love it. and what a nice surprise.

no… really.





thanks for the “update”, Diesel! you’re a peach. sorry i’ve been so loopy as to be completely looped outta the loop, but hey, what goes around comes around, so i’m guessing i’ll be “back” any day now. okay, i’ll be back next week, sometime, hopefully by Thursday. 😉

oh yeah — there was an episode on Dead Like Me (one of our ALL TIME FAVORITE SHOWS) that did a very cool variation on this particular painting, loveloveloved that, LOVELOVELOVE THIS. you did good, my friend, you did VERY good. not that i didn’t, personally, lovelovelove the divine/fantástico Mizzy B’s template, mind you — but i do think it was kind of “girly” — whereas this seems to speak to a broader authorship/audience.

also: Chris? we’re “snarky” around here but certainly not mean. and we never, ever yell at folks, so, um, Sam Kinnison, while uniquely humorous — and oftentimes hilarious — doesn’t quite fit our sensibilities. on the other hand, Lucy, Groucho, & Company most definitely do. at least i hope so… 😉

Comment by snuppy

LOL, this was a surprise! I like it, actually. Like trading spaces?

Comment by actonbell

I think Jon Stewart makes a great bar tender.

Comment by weirsdo

Oh fabo! Purrrfectly well done Diesel! And I agree about the snuppy/lucy mindmelding thingy. It just all works.

Comment by claire

Cajones are drawers, which I’m sure you’ve got plenty of in your enormous house. Now that that’s cleared up, I really do like the template, where do you find the time?

Comment by Theresa

Good heavens… thought I had a rogue link to the Snark website for a moment… wowsa! I want to know how little blue pill got her perfect sparkly lips to show up when nobody else’s avatars can show.

Comment by Terry

I really like it. I think the tagline is funny.

Diesel, you *could* become the Trading Spaces of the blogosphere. In your spare time.

Comment by IC

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