Central Snark

Friday, 26 October 2007, 8:09am
Filed under: Sex, Ed?

We are all products of how we were raised and well how we were informed about life and how life comes to be formed.  Last week as my daughter was getting ready for school some “facts-of-lifey” type of statement was raised.  My husband answered, “You’ll learn that in Biology in 7th Grade.”  I scowled at him and said to Tali, “You know Daddy’s a bit old school.  He learned about the facts of life in the stone ages when it was taught like this:

CaveMan:  Ummmm pretty cave woman.  Me like.

Drag by hair.  Boom Boom.  We make baby.  Me hunt.”

The facts of life.  The End.  

I assured her that I would do my best to give her a better talk than that when she wasn’t ready to hop on the school bus.  Time passes.  Fast forward to a day later as Tali sat doing her homework.

Tali:  “What’s an X rated movie?”

Me:   “Where did you hear about an x rated movie?”

After a small amount of prodding (that included nothing sharp):  “Well, on the bus, Daniella said that when she walked in the hallway past her mother’s bedroom she was watching an x rated movie.”

Me:  “Tali, maybe it wasn’t x-rated, maybe people were kissing, blah, blah, blah…”

 So I start to explain the facts in a slightly more evolved manner than the caveman example.  “When two people love….” Tali’s eyes are bursting over trying not to laugh.  So I do the mature thing any mother would do trying to make her daughter feel comfortable about her body and sexuality and setting the tone for comfort with herself for years to come – I burst out laughing.  Then she did too. 

I asked her when she was discussing this moment with someone, say someone taking notes, in the years to come to please let her memory be kind.  Of course Mommy wasn’t laughing at her, just well maybe a little at her –  but mostly with her as she laughed at Mommy. 

I wish I had had the benefit of this film to review prior to our talk.  It certainly makes it all so understandable:

So see, my kids could certainly have done a lot worse when it comes to straightforward talk about the facts of life. 

That’s it,  short and sweet.  The truth is I send my kids over to Humor-blogs.com for the facts of life. 

Posted by:  Lampsha (a/k/a G of Simply Said)

20 Comments so far
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I know I’m looking forward to learning the “facts of life”. Like, why are we here, how big is infinity, and do we all see the same colours when we look at blues or reds?

In the mean time, while I patiently wait for the knowledge and wisdom of the universe to enlighten me… I’d like to end with a petty comment…


Comment by I Dive At Night

Why little Morgan, sit right down. The answers in short are: because, pretty damn big, and yes if we are looking at the world through rose colored glasses.

See, no need to think too hard on it.

And yes you were!

Comment by Lampsha

Facts of life: it sucks. Except sometimes.

Comment by tlp

Great story. Please help me, I can’t tell who wrote this.

Comment by Jeff

TLP, that’s a better way to explain it. I think I’ll borrow that if you don’t mind.

Jeff, thanks. Sorry, I’ll clear that up in the post, but it’s me Lampsha (a/k/a G).

Comment by Lampsha

*makes a note of the url and store sit for future use*

I can just picture Tali trying very hard not to laugh at you trying to deal with that situation. i remember when we were back in school I used to claim all sorts of knowledge about any subject really, when all I had were little snippets of phrases I catched around me. Tali seem to be teh same age now…good luck with that!

Comment by Penguin

Love the new layout!

Comment by Lisa

I’m glad we don’t do it the caveman way anymore- I’m a lover, not a fighter. I’d be one of the cavemen leftover when there weren’t any more women, and, well, not that there’s anything wrong with that…

Who screwed up this blog’s template, anyway?

Comment by the frogster

My daughter’s real parents are
from Uranus.

Comment by Nessa

Penguin, I am sure that’s a good move on your part. Tali admits to knowing nothing and being grossed out by everything on the topic. To that end, I think the laughter worked well. She actually is very pragmatic and was satisfied with the info. When I told her “look all species do it, otherwise how would we all be here?”, she seemed resigned to how nature works. What more could a parent want? 🙂

By the way, I recall a similar trait in myself. My friends would ask me questions – like “hello? My mother handed me a pamphlet about menstruating and that was “the talk.” Perhaps I should be sitting across from somebody taking notes…again.

Lisa, we have Diesel to thank for that! Isn’t it great?

Frogster, maybe if you had cigarettes to trade? Yeah that damn Diesel, always mucking about.

Comment by Lampsha

Nessa, just missed you! I think we’re related! Wow.

Comment by Lampsha

Lampsha- do you mean if I had cigarettes I would:
1. Get the babes,
2. Get the dudes, or
3. Keep the dudes away?

Just want to be prepared for the post-nuclear war planet. Thanks in advance.

Comment by the frogster

Frogster, Option 3 – to be used as a bargaining tool, sort of like prison (from what I’ve culled from tv viewing).

You’re very welcome. May it not come to this, but good to be prepared. Or scale down your technique – when the time comes. I think I’ll stop typing now.

Comment by Lampsha

You should of used the old fashioned method and gotten some rudely shaped fruit for props, a few minutes thrusting them together is bound to fill anyone in.

Comment by Pope Terry

Pope Terry, that’s an excellent idea. I still have my son coming up so I’ll file that one for future reference.

And welcome to TheSnark, Pope.

Comment by Lampsha

The facts of life, that can be hard, especially these days when there’s lots more info going around, and not all of it is accurate. I explained the basics to mine ages ago, and the older two know almost everything. When I was their age, I was still trying to figure out how exactly people “did it”. My kids not only know how it works, they also know about birth control, homosexuality, and lord knows what else. Basically, my job is to make sure that they know which things are true and which are not. 🙂

Comment by Theresa

So, if I tell my kids they’re from Mars, do you think they’ll make their beds?

Comment by Theresa

Theresa, when you say ages ago, were legos involved in the disucssion? 🙂

Yes, I had begun this discussion a while back and then shelved it waiting for the right time to fully explain. I probably am a year late, considering she’s been on the bus for the past year. But you know, now the floodgates are open and everything’s making sense. Birth control? Crap, we didn’t cover that yet. Life as a slacker Mom.

PS: On the Mars thing, not working. Unless maybe you stare at their toys real intently. Give it a try.

Comment by Lampsha


what can i say, i thought this post (and video) was brilliant!!!


Comment by snuppy

Aw shucks, thanks. But somehow I knew this video would be right up your alley 🙂


Comment by Lampsha

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