Central Snark

Beware! by Snuppy
Wednesday, 31 October 2007, 6:52am
Filed under: funny..., Teh Penguin


Let’s fasten our sheet belt, ‘cause it will be a dark and stormy night. Halloween is here.
Well … more there than here, we don’t have pumpkins you know!
And I can’t help being worried for you. All the young children actively engage in dayscare and your teenage daughter turns into a witch and all of a sudden takes spelling very serious.

I feel it is my duty to warn you and give you some survival tips:

1. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out. This tip is also useful to all secondary characters in any horror movie.

2. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here:

Elm Street
Nilbog (you’re in trouble if you recognize this one),
the Bermuda Triangle
Any small town in Maine.

3.Extending a friendly hand to something suspiciously smelling of recombinant DNA technology, is never wise.

4. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke. Ask Faust! Oh you can’t, he’s dead!

Just remember, you have taken Halloween too far when all the skeletons in your closet have names.

There is a flicker of light in all of this though:
If a skeleton chases you down the road, just cross it. It can’t follow you…it doesn’t have the guts, you know!

Happy Halloween, everybody!

Penguin out!

18 Comments so far
Leave a comment

That introduction was hilarious.

5. Be the pretty girl, not the popular one.

6. Be ready to run fast but not an athlete.

7. Know the bible but don’t be clergy.

8. Be smart but not a nerd.

Comment by Walela

Hahahaha – doesn’t have the guts! Don’t think I won’t be using that one today.

What a perfect picture to open up to. Let’s see now,

9. Do not go into the woods, even if it’s a local park.

Scissors was born in Transylvania…hmmmm.

Comment by Lampsha

I am so much a secondary character in this horror movie of life! I avoid the basement as often as I can…but my laundry is down there. So look for me in my cleanest dirty clothes today. I mean, it’s Halloween for gosh sakes!

Comment by tlp

Walela, why thank you…your poem was not bad either 🙂 I like your number 7!

Lampy, I always sensed soemthing toothy about the man in your life 🙂 Cover your neck with a fine scarf tonight and I hear plenty of garlic should keep just about anyone at a distance 🙂

TLP, I am pretty sure, I am eventually going to get killed off, too…I wonder who’s the protoganist in my life…I am starting to suspect it’s my bird 🙂

Comment by Penguin

Excellent advice. I will be careful.

Comment by Nessa

But we DO have pumkins, dearest, but no Holloween, lucky me.. no basemant either. So let´s not be scared more than usual.

Comment by sabine Marth

nessa, don’t come running to me when some 1-meter tall Hulk gave you a fright. I warned you!

MOm, we do? Maybe I should go shopping one of these days:) You can be brave for the both of us! We both know I sleep with a night-light!

Comment by Penguin

Sorry, I’ll be back to comment after I investigate those spooky noises coming from my basement. By myself. With my flickery flashlight.

Comment by Diesel

10. Never say I’ll be back. 😛

Comment by ariel

Diesel, it was nice knowing you, lad! Some people are born to live long and other’s have a short attention span 🙂

ariel, sure, I could put a thick German accent on it 🙂

Comment by Penguin

HA HA – Penguin I love your Hallows Eve tips. Thank you, although most likely you wouldn’t catch me down in basement today… all the canned food is down there and I don’t have to venture down there until next month at Thanksgiving dinner!

Young Frankenstein is my all time cult favorite (next to Meatballs)
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: For the experiment to be a success, all of the body parts must be enlarged.
Inga: His veins, his feet, his hands, his organs vould all have to be increased in size.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Exactly.
Inga: He vould have an enormous schwanzstucker.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: That goes without saying.

Inga: Voof.
Igor: He’s going to be very popular.

Comment by Terry

Terry, hahaha – that’s good.

Penguin, just wanted to let you know I used your skeleton joke and laughed harder than my recipients. Well, actually Tali smirked and gave a little laugh and Julian was too busy heading for the next door to ring the bell.


Comment by Lampsha

terry, it is a great movie isn’t it. And it is our very own Neva who introduced me to it. And in the last year I have seen it like 5 times 🙂

Lampsha, I think it is hilarious…which doesn’t really mean a lot…selective humor and all. Similar wavelength we seem to have!

Comment by Penguin

Great post, Minka! I almost hate to comment, since I’ll be #14, and you were steady at 13 comments…. OOOOoooo, spooky!

Comment by AP3

AP3, I didn’t realize. I sit true that in Americ athere is no 13th floor due to superstition? I am sure leaving out a 13th floor and building as high as 30 really must balance the odds of soemthign happening 🙂

Comment by Penguin

LOVELOVELOVE this post! but then, as you well know, Young Frankenstein is one of my favorites, too! laughing at Terry’s comment, especially because i used that particular clip in part one of “Hot Sex” (remember?) too funny. not sure the Broadway production will be as good, but may have to see it, in case it is.

SO cracking up at your intro (“sheet belt”? that’s comedy gold, dearest Penguin) and SO enjoying the “advice”. all of which is well founded and worthy of following. 😉

Comment by snuppy

Halloween is over, but the post is still funny. We don’t have a basement, so no worry there. 🙂

Comment by Theresa

snuppy, you might be able to use all of this next year. I have been studying halloween carefully in the last day, and I just don’t hold with it. The world is a hazzard as it is…miniature Hulks everywhere is just pushing it!

Theresa, well Diesel never came back from his. I think one casualty a year in our blog community is enough.

Comment by Penguin

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