Central Snark

Deadlines! by Snuppy
Wednesday, 7 November 2007, 7:00am
Filed under: Teh Penguin

sandclock.jpgOnce upon a time, there was a little flightless waterfowl who had a hobby. Like most hobbies, hers had teeth and tentacles and soon it grew a deadline on its snout. The little flightless waterfowl was most afraid of the deadline. Every Wednesday it came back, gnashing it’s teeth, touching her flippers with its tentacles and snarling from its deadline, so she fed it but every week it got hungrier and hungrier and the poor little penguin got more and more frightend, but she was scared of the deadline, so yet again she just started to type…

and began to wonder where the terminology for “deadline” came from. Apparently, it began as a real line, drawn in the dirt or marked by a fence or rail and used to restrict prisoners in war camps. The well-known warning “If you cross this line, you’re dead!” greeting each new arrival. Eventually guards and prisoners soon were calling it by its own bluntly descriptive name, the dead line. What could be more emphatic than “dead line” to designate a limit?

It appears that many a writer has faced this problem. Hemingway once wrote a story in just six words “For sale: baby shoes, never worn.” and is said to have called it his best work.

If only I could put my multitude of chaotic thoughts into a coherent sentence and be done with it. Shortest sentence in the bible? “Jesus wept!” That pretty much sums it up for me right now.

William Randolph Hearst, always in search of sensational stories, once sent a telegram to a leading astronomer: “Is there life on Mars?” it read. “Please cable 1000 words.”
The astronomer’s reply? “Nobody knows” – repeated 500 times.

Which doesn’t help me much, since I don’t know any astronomers to cable imaginative questions to. But as in any hair-pulling situation it helps to remind yourself that misery does love company. And this is where you’ll join me….

I thought it would be fun if we all tried to just type one sentence that kind of tells a story. And yes, for those ambitious of you…it can have a sub-clause or two. I’ll go first!

As he silently closed the motel door, he reminded himself just in time to re-introduce his finger to his flighty wedding band.

And let’s not forget, we all have a deadline eventually…tall dude, kinda skinny, wears black a lot …YES!

~Penguin out!

24 Comments so far
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Morgan’s mom proudly watched her climb the stairs and enter the SAT testing center, but she couldn’t see Morgan snap her number 2 pencil in half and walk out the back door to the alley that led to a strip mall where her true love Jake owned and operated a small tanning salon with his bitchy wife Sharon.

Comment by Deb

Once again, he realized he had left his wedding ring inside the cadaver and wondered if the victim would be frozen when it was discovered.

Comment by Walela

And who, but a scientist, would tap 500 times “nobody knows” in morse code because it was a little funny? Astronomers should get out more is all I’m saying.

Comment by Walela

Deb, whom did Morgan’s Mom watch proudly climb the stairs?

Walel: Yes, he realized…she might just believe this version!

They do get out, way out, beyond tehpoint of return 🙂

Comment by Penguin

My favourite story in a sentence is actually just three words. “Vini, Vidi, Velcro.” Translated from latin it means,” I came, I saw, I got stuck.”

Comment by I Dive At Night

I thought some else randomly choosing the name Morgan was pretty cool so I checked out Deb’s page. Then I noticed that she made a post about the “Absolut Icebar” they day after I first went. That’s just WEIRD!

Comment by I Dive At Night

And since I didn’t actually write that first “story”, here’s the complete details from my teenage years.

“Yeah okay, I’ll get that done,” he said as he rolled over and fell back to sleep.

Comment by I Dive At Night

Morgan, yeah Deb caught me off guard as well. Since I know both Morgan and Morgan’s Mom. I checked out her page as well…The ice-bar must have been amazing though…sorry there were no cubes to go with your drink 🙂

Oh and your teenage description of yourself, I can still pull that off any day 🙂

Comment by Penguin

I clicked, I read, I laughed.

sorry, that’s all i have to offer for this particularly hilarious post, you clever little Penguin! i had a feeling “deadline” had something to do with a line drawn in the dirt, wonder if “what’s the dirt?” (meaning gossip) comes from the same place?

now, what’s this about ice bars?? 😉

Comment by snuppy

so… Morgan didn’t get a sex change? good to know. 😉

(i meant to say that in my first comment, but then i forgot!)

Comment by snuppy

Eyes on the road ahead as the bike skidded along the freeway fast lane, time seemingly smearing slowly to an impossible stop, she said aloud, “Is that all there is?”

Comment by Terry

Are you talking about Joey Ramone in your last sentence?

Drawing on that:

Joey was a good boy but something in his smile seemed to flout his Mom’s authority.

That deadline monster is evil!

Comment by Lampsha

Penguin, don’t tell my boss, but so can I.

Snuppy, I keep forgetting to think about having that done. tsk tsk Now I’m not telling you my Icebar story.

Comment by IDiveAtNight

snuppy, you have to read Morgan’s blog to get teh ice-bar…i couldn’t present it in teh right way even if I tried 🙂

Terry, interesting. “Slowly to an impossible stop”, I like that. Sufficient time to view one’s own slidshow 🙂

Lampsha, isn’t it though…it can be tamed by proper sceduling, but who of us is German enough to do that?!

Morgan: Sadly, my boss knows!

Comment by Penguin

You still haven’t lost the ability to write a terrific post, even with all your deadlines. Okay, here’s my go:

A beggar picked up the winning lottery ticket, whose owner had no idea how much he had lost when it fell through the hole in his pocket.

Comment by Theresa

[…] One Hot Puppy placed an observative post today on Deadlines!.Here’s a quick excerpt:As he silently closed the motel door, he reminded himself just in time to re-introduce his finger to his flighty wedding band. And let’s not forget, we all have a deadline eventually…tall dude, kinda skinny, wears black a lot …YES! … […]

Pingback by www.topweddingadvice.info » Deadlines!


How’s that for a short story?

Comment by Fiar

theresa, I won’t believe that fate is this cruel, but very well done 🙂

Fiar, dunno…lacks a subject to be a sentence, don’t it?

Comment by Penguin

Morgan, that li’l story’s funnier than you realize – since the Latin for “I came” is veni, not vini. What you really said is “I drank, I saw, I got stuck”. Which has to be one of the more embarrassing things to happen when you’re trying to impress that hottie at the bar.

She lay awake, frustrated, as he snored beside her, and as the time dragged by, she wondered if tomorrow would ever come.

Comment by oceallaigh

Oc, wow…that wa s anice description, been there, done that 🙂

Comment by Penguin

OC, that’s hilarious! So it’s “Veni, vidi, vini, velcro.” I drank, I saw, I came, and now I’m stuck.

VERY similar to yours… opposite perspective.

Comment by IDiveAtNight

Penguin, Fate can be a lot crueler than that, but lets hope she doesn’t decide to pick on any of us.

Comment by Theresa

Morgan, you guys are nerds!

Theresa, Let’s drink to that and let’s try not to tempt fate in the process:)

Comment by Penguin

[…] and we’re feeling veritably stuck with a terrible case of Writer’s Block and/or another Dreaded Deadline — we find ourselves most grateful for the fact that we have children. Not that the Fruit of […]

Pingback by Family Values? « Central Snark

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