Central Snark


Harmonica Man by Snuppy
Monday, 26 November 2007, 8:52am
Filed under: Cloudman, guest who?

view from the cloudLOOK who we found hiding behind that cloud hanging over our heads — you guessed it, our good and very tall friend, HARMONICA MAN. Okay, so maybe it wasn’t so much a cloud over our heads as in our brains, but that’s beside the point. The point, which tried to rain on our thought parade, is this: after stressing over just how to follow BOBO‘s brilliant Fill-in Spin, we developed a world-class headache. Enter Jeff (aka Harmonica Man), a blogger we’ve been trying to get on the Snark team for quite some time. Finally, after much whining and/or offers to put his kids through college (assuming we can do that for about $3.50), he caved agreed to help us out. Yay for Jeff. And yay for you, too, ‘cuz this guy’s not only tall enough to view the world from behind a cloud, he’s also flat out funny. ~snuppy

PS: Leaving happy comments may help convince young Jeff to come back again, sometime soon. Otherwise we might resort to trolling on Humor-blogs.com for help the next time our brain clouds up.

****** ******** ******

True story…

So there I was sound asleep at 1:00 in the morning last Sunday when suddenly I felt something land on my chest. Startled awake, I sat straight up in my bed only to see a mouse running across my blankets and down over the side. Needless to say I was FREAKED!

Or so I thought.

Needed to say was that I was only dreaming that a mouse had landed on my chest, which caused me to sit up and think I was seeing it skitter away. But to me it was all too real and just about gave me a heart attack.

Eventually I calmed down and went back to sleep. But only until 4:00 when I dreamed once again that mice were dropping through a hole in my ceiling and filling up a box that was suspended over my bed. BUT – since the box had gotten full, the damn thing was overflowing with mice which were spilling out and falling on me while I slept. Nice.

Ok, before you call the “special police”, I’m pretty sure I have an explanation for these recurring nightmares…

…THIS!

That’s right. Billed as the “most humane” way to catch mice, this live trap allows several mice to be captured at once. Which is true. Because I used it. And it works.

You see a few weeks ago we found evidence of mice running around in our garage and decided they needed to be “relocated.” We chose this live trap because it seemed like the perfect solution. You simply gather them up in this nice little box, take them out to the woods and let them go. No more spring traps full of mice with broken necks and brains coming out of their mouths (which I’ve seen unfortunately).

Sure enough I wound up the neat live trap and put it on my workbench and the next morning there he was, one cute little mouse standing on his back legs and looking out of the plastic window. “Bingo! This thing works great!” I thought. But still I wanted to get a few more before I took the time to convert our city mice into country mice.

And then… the next morning we had another one! I was thrilled. At this rate we would have the whole McMouse family in a few days. And so I let it sit another night.

But the next morning something went horribly wrong. One of the mice had died overnight (or had been murdered) and the other one was on top of him and gnawing on his back. It was disgusting and I couldn’t bear to look at it for more than a second, so I just left him there to deal with later – except that “later” just happened to end up being about a week, at which point the only thing left in the box was one dead cannibal rodent from Hell and another dried up mouse-pelt rug. Oh yeah, this trap was a GREAT idea.

Needless to say, I won’t be quite so compassionate next time. After this it’s mouse brains all the way. Go ahead, call PETA – I don’t give a shit. This guy needs to get some sleep!

~Jeff (aka Harmonica Man)

Mickey Mouse left a juicy “surprise” for Jeff at Humor-blogs.com.

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31 Comments so far
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Technically today’s supposed to be a Musical Opposite for the sake of Cheap Laughs, but i think i got around that nicely, what with the fact that Jeff’s known throughout the Blogosphere as Harmonica Man, and i’ve just been freed up (“free” counts as cheap, right?) from figuring out what to post. Yep, that’s just a big fat Win-win anyway you look at it.

in case i didn’t mention it — Jeff is a delightful guy with a very funny blog. do yourselves a favor and check it out — but do US a favor and wait ’til after you’ve read today’s post. πŸ˜‰

Comment by snuppy

PS to Jeff: EWWWWW on the canibal/dead mouse pelt. i’m thinking ridding yourself of pests the “old-fashioned” way isn’t such a bad idea after all.d’oh! πŸ˜‰

Comment by snuppy

Thanks Snuppy for the offer to put my kids through college. Imagine my surprise when I actually FOUND a college for $3.50! Ok, it’s $3.50 a SECOND, but still. I sure hope the Snark has deep pockets.

You should really learn to read the fine print.

Comment by Jeff

Jeff: that’s what i get for letting my non-college educated son read through the “contract”. d’oh! πŸ˜‰

Comment by snuppy

Beautiful story. It’s like that movie with the soccer team, except instead of a soccer team it’s mice and instead of some remote mountains it’s your garage.

Comment by CrummyJoel

Upgrade your box to the one with the LCD TV and the mini fridge full of cheese. That’ll keep em alive for a week; they can watch Mickey Mouse 24/7…

Comment by VE

Poor little mouses. You don’t have to drive out to the country, just take them to work. Thanks for making me ill.

Comment by rick

Why Jeff, of course TheSnark has deep pockets! That is, it will once we receive this WINDFALL which we expect any day now. Really…

And how did I manage to both cringe and hold my mouth but laugh all in one post? You’re one talented guy. Can we now go back to talk of furry little kittens?

Comment by Lampsha

snuppy – Well, considering your “contract” was a old peanutbutter-smeared napkin, I can see why he missed the fine print.

crummyjoel – Hey, mouse gotta do what a mouse gotta do. Even if it involves eating your friend. Too bad it didn’t help him though.

ve – Sorry, I bought the old model without the cable input jack. But good idea though.

rick – Glad I could be there for ya.

lampsha – Well then, that should be a nice fit considering your windfall is supposed to be used for a humanitarian/charitable cause. That pretty much describes me in a nutshell.

Comment by Jeff

We’ve been catching mice too, out in our garage. But we use the old-fasioned, spring type murder tool!!! After reading what happened to you–I’m glad we do it “our way”!!! Somehow or other, it comes up seeming more humane!!

Comment by Lois (Jeff's mom)

Funny, a very similar thing happened to me the other night–I kept waking up certain that mice were crawling all over me, until finally I remembered I was just coming off crack. I laughed and laughed. Then I cried. Don’t remember what happened next.

Comment by People in the Sun

Get a cat, that’s more effective than any trap, and they don’t leave much behind, not even the whiskers. πŸ˜‰

Comment by Theresa

lois (my mom) – I gave it a shot. How could I have known I’d have the Jeffrey Dahmer of mice in my trap?

people – Don’t you hate it when that happens?

theresa – I’m pretty sure they use the whiskers as tooth picks. But I could be wrong.

Comment by Jeff

I like Therese’s idea of a no mess cat.

Comment by Lois (Jeff's mom)

When I was 17/18 we were invaded by mice from the golf course. My mom bought a bunch of the “whack ’em and crack ’em” mouse traps. Me: “That’s so inhumane. What a horrific way to go.” A day later on my way to work at Safeway what to I see darting under my bed? Monsieur Le Mouse. “Mom? Where are the traps?” I put two side by side on a shoe box lid under my bed then left for work. I got him. I didn’t feel guilty about ending his life at all. Hm.

Comment by littlebluepill

now see? and i’m the type who tries to rescue the poor critters. okay, so i did that once. i placed a frozen(ish) mousie in a shoe box in the garage, along with water & bread crumbs, and hoped to see him scurry with joy the next day. much to my chagrin, once he thawed out he scurried outta the box, found a wife, immediately produced a bunch of mouslings, and i wound up calling Lenny, The World’s Most Annoying Pest Control Guy. stupid mouse… i SO hate having to call Lenny. bad enough the guy shows up on our doorstep once a month. (not kidding, he’s a creep. and a weird one, at that) πŸ™„

Comment by snuppy

also, i’m totally cracking up at Her Royal Higness, Princess Lampsha’s comment, mostly because the “windfall” she mentioned was exactly what i had in mind when i offered to help put Jeff’s kids through college. Ah, Princess James would be so pleased to know the funds {US12.5million} she wished to keep from her no good relatives (who wished to reap from where they did not sow) were being spent for such a noble-yet-charitable cause. (don’t tell Diesel, that’s what got his greedy ass him over here, in the first place. no telling what he might do if he thought his share of the money {US} was in jeopardy.) πŸ˜‰

Comment by snuppy

Nice.

Comment by Heather

lois – Well, if it weren’t for the fact that Char is allergic to cats…

lbp – Funny how quickly you can turn to the dark side eh?

snuppy – Thank God you didn’t get Squiggy instead!
And about that “windfall”… I’m beginning to think I’m being scammed here.

Comment by Jeff

i don’t know what you’re talking about, Jeff… πŸ™„

Comment by snuppy

You catch them alive, put them in draw-string bag attached to your leg, and release them in a competitors office. You then join the screamers going out the door.

Comment by Bill Lee

Ugh, now I’m going to dream about mice dropping on my head tonight. Thanks so much!
:o) Elizabeth

Comment by Elizabeth

You felt guilty about torturing those poor mice and that is why you are having sleep disturbing dreams. The rodent’s revenge. Mwahaha!!

Comment by claire

I can understand why you THINK that the experience with the mouse is the reason for your dreams, but I think it is something deeper. Let’s explore the dream==what could the MICE be trying to tell you about the MOUSE aspect of you as you the MICE fall on you as JEFF’s face? Where are you overflowing? Where is your internal MICE BOX? Are you hungry for cheese or asbestos or the carcass of a friend? Was your mother a mouse or similar rodent? Does any of this resonant?

You are doing some rich work here. Would you like to meet next week at the same time?

Comment by Deb

Maybe thuse was a cannibal before it went in the trap…

Comment by Pope Terry

bill – Mice in a bag on my leg. Yeah, good plan.

elizabeth – Have fun with that. It makes for a really great night.

claire – That’s right. Mice… evil wrapped up in cute little furry balls.

deb – I think it’s my mom’s fault.

pope terry – Yeah, a MURDERING cannibal for sure!

Comment by Jeff

[…] we suffer under the delusion we know good humor when we see it (witness JEFF’S hilarious debut Snark post, yesterday) — no point bursting our laugh bubbles just because you wouldn’t know a good […]

Pingback by CRUMMY ADS* « Central Snark

So I guess watching “Ratatouille” is out of the question for you?! Glad you finally ventured away from the comfort of your “blog home” for other folks to see how funny you are!!

Comment by Waya

Reading this post totally made my hiney cringe.

This post could also be a great diet aide. I’m going to tape it right to the bag of chips I’ve been binging on.

Comment by Jess R

Gasp – sputter – shouldn’t be reading these at work…honest I’m not laughing at their pain… guffaw I can just see each event unfold as you tell the tail – oops I mean tale… hiccup don’t tell anyone but that is one funny story!

Comment by Terry

Ok the one mouse gnawing the neck of the other, what ar ethese creatures? Animals, the lot of them!

maybe you shoudl get a flute and then take a walk while playing???

Comment by Penguin




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