Central Snark


CRUMMY ADS* by Snuppy
Tuesday, 27 November 2007, 10:08am
Filed under: funny..., lists

happy pupppyONE of the (many) things we love about our friends, is that they (sometimes) send us hilarious stuff via e-mail. In a sea of spam, it’s a genuine treat to find such flotsam and/or jetsam, especially when we’re at a loss for something to write. Not that that’s the case today, mind you, for we have Many Interesting Topics from which to plumb a good post. Still, we couldn’t help but chuckle when we saw the header REAL NEWSPAPER ADS, in a note we got from a lovely pal with a true passion for dogs (she has 3) as well as for silliness (something we’ve been accused of, ourselves) and we found it difficult NOT to share. Hopefully you’ll find the following listings as amusing as we did. If not, kindly keep your opinions to yourselves — we suffer under the delusion we know good humor when we see it (witness JEFF’S hilarious debut Snark post, yesterday) — no point bursting our laugh bubbles just because you wouldn’t know a good joke if it was served up on a hot plate with a side of fried potatoes, right?

REAL (really) NEWSPAPER ADS

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER:
8 years old. Hateful little dog. Bites.

FREE PUPPIES:
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor’s dog.

FREE PUPPIES…
Mother, AKC German Shepherd
Father, Super Dog…able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG.
Looks like a rat… Been out a while.
Better be a reward.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.

Moving along to a few other “interesting” items…

NORDIC TRACK
$300 hardly used, call Chubby.

GEORGIA PEACHES
California grown — 89 cents lb.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer $300.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.
WORN ONCE BY MISTAKE.
Call Stephanie.

And, finally…

FOR SALE BY OWNER:
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica
45 volumes, Excellent Condition
$1000 or best offer
No longer needed, Got Married last month
Wife knows everything.

OKAY, so maybe we’re the only ones who think these are funny. But guess what? We’re the only ones writing this post. So, you know, neener neener neener. If you don’t like it, feel free to take that damn platter of cold fries and… go sit at someone else’s blog. (sorry, we get testy when we’re hungry and/or making an effort to make you laugh)

~snuppy

Free to good home: Humor-blogs.com.

Crummy Church Signs*Speaking of crummy ads and/or Humor-blogs.com (and we were) — be sure to check out CRUMMY(not)JOEL‘s crummy (SO not) book about Crummy Church Signs. There’s still time to pick up a copy (or 12) before the Holiday Rush depletes his supply and/or — despite the bargain price — renders he and his lovely wife so wealthy they move to Bermuda in order to live in a diamond house next door to Michael Douglas and his wife, Catherine Alpha-Beta-Zeta-Jones, Inc. Just sayin’… we got finally our own copies yesterday (yeah, he sent ours out last, and what’s up with that?), and were shocked surprised delighted to note the book is not just “good”, it’s really really good — maybe even brillaint. (what can we say, we loveloveloved it, and are reasonably certain you kids will, too)

Also, we’re of a mind to believe he’ll return to the Snark fold once the newness of publishing a book begins to wane. Of course, that’s what we thought would happen after DIESEL published his speclaughlar book, and you see how well that’s worked out.

Advertisements

19 Comments so far
Leave a comment

did i say “reasonably certain”? heh — trust me, CrummyJoel’s book is absolutely fantastic! i really do LOVELOVELOVE it, and i’m guessing everyone who reads it will feel the same.

also, i’d like to thank Jeff again for yesterday’s wonderful post — and you guys for the terrific response. i think we’ve managed to lull him into a false sense of security convince him to come back and do another post — with luck, maybe even next week!

oh, and speaking of people we lovelovelove and adore, TEH PENGUIN will be entertaining us all with more of her witty writings, tomorrow! (right Penguin?? puh-leeeese say i’m right!) and YAY for that! πŸ™‚

Comment by snuppy

Thanks for the laugh Snup…need it today!

Comment by BoBo

Great ads. That one for the cows reminded me of the old saying “…about as useless as a gay bull.”

Ok, I just made that up, but technically it is getting older by the second.

Comment by Jeff

Oh yeah, and thank YOU for asking.

Oh, and even though your “windfall” bribe was dubious at best, I still might consider buying into that Central Snark stock you offered. So thank you for thinking of me there.

Comment by Jeff

This was giggle worthy I must say.

Wait…there’s Central Snark stock? How come no one told me this?

Snuppy when I have a (new) book out you’re so going to be my pr department. You are the grand pimp master mistress.

Comment by littlebluepill

Loved this post. You know just how to make me laugh. Here’s a couple more to add to your list:

-Get rid of aunts. ZAP does the job in 24 hours.

-Wantedβ€”unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.

-Modular sofas. Only $299. For rest or fore play.

and my favorite:
-USED TOMBSTONE, perfect for someone named Homer HendelBergenHeinzel. One only.

Comment by Theresa

Yes Jeff, the stock – that’s the biggest part of my retirement portfolio. The future was never dimmer, I mean brighter! Brighter of course. And LBP, I’m sure we have an account set up for you – don’t we Snuppy?

Anyway, cute chuckle of a post. Looking at ways to cut corners and I’m wondering on the washer/dryer thing. ChooChoo would sign up right away I know. I love the photo with your CrummyAds by the way.

Speaking of crummy – I got my not-crummy-at-all book yesterday. What’s a nice Jewish girl doing laughing at crummy church signs one might ask. Buying it for her Christian brother. Long story. Nicely done Joel!

Have a good one to all.

Comment by Lampsha

No kidding! My nudist colony laundromat business venture a few years ago really cost me a bundle before it went under.

Comment by the frogster

Speaking of ads and Teh Penguin, I just came across this study that says the Icecube, err… Iceland has surpassed Norway as the most desirable place to live.

Excuse me while I put some suntan lotion on.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21989185/?GT1=10547

Comment by Brian

BoBo: considering the fact you’ve had, basically, NO sleep for the past several days, i’m impressed (and relieved) you were even able to read this bit o’ silliness! πŸ˜‰

Jeff: by golly, we need to work that “useless as a gay bull” into something, my friend. if that ain’t a grand catch-phrase, i don’t know what is. don’t be giving up on our pending “windfall”, bub — any day now the Princess James is gonna succumb to that pillow over her head, and then that money {US12.5mil} will be mine ours for the taking! πŸ™‚

LBP: i would be honored to help pimp market your book, girlfriend! and, what the hell, pretty sure we’ll be coming into some cash any day now so the sky’s the limit. assuming by “sky” i mean about $3.50, and i do. πŸ˜‰

Theresa: laughing at allof those! (where were you when i was writing this post?) after my Unfortunate Divorce (prior to my Very Fortunate Marriage to BoBo) i told my mom to list my wedding gown in the classifieds, and the ad read: Wedding Gown For Sale. Slightly Used. i think we used the money i got to help pay for a new bed. (or not, it was a long time ago…) πŸ™„

Lampsha: damn right we’ll share a few “shares” with LBP. after we take out our own expenses, that is. heh heh. and i completely understand why you not only purchased that book, but found it hilarious, to boot! speaking of Crummy(not)Joel’s book, i’m thinking i’ll give a copy to my son, the “reformed” Catholic. also thinking he’ll give a copy to his good friend, the Unitarian minister. a’yup, a good sense of humor knows no boundaries, religious or otherwise) πŸ˜‰

Frogster: nothin’ like a bunch of stupid nudists to mess up a perfectly good business plan. those naked bastards! πŸ™„

Comment by snuppy

Brian: (sorry, i guess we cross-commented) funny you should mention that — i was saving THIS ARTICLE for a potential post down the road (that will be funny after you see the article), but i suppose it’s okay to let the “Clean Air in Iceland Cat” out of the bag now! πŸ™‚

Comment by snuppy

I can pretty much always be guaranteed a chuckle
when you’re posting snuppy. Those were great.
I especially like the ‘hateful little white dog’ one. πŸ™‚

Comment by kyahgirl

Great post! I love you Snuppy!

AMANA WASHER $100.
OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED.

Comment by tlp

Snup: Thanks for the shout out. And I promise to not get all high n’ mighty what with my newfound publishing success…I’ll be back to the Snark soon.

G: I think I signed the book to you. Sorry ’bout that. I should have asked if it was for a gift…

Comment by CrummyJoel

Kyahgirl: it does my heart such good to see you here, girlfriend! glad i could help put a smile on that beautiful face of yours. πŸ™‚

TLP: and I lovelovelove YOU (can i join your family now???) totally cracking up at that ad, sounds like something my oldest son would do (assuming he ever moved out of this house and had to be responsible for doing his own wash). πŸ˜‰

Crummy(SO not)Joel: i tell ya i LOVED your book! it’s quite brilliant, you know. oh, and no worries on Lampsha’s book — i can give her one of my extra copies, if needs be (of course, i’ll have to buy another one, but i may be doing that anyway) πŸ™‚

Comment by snuppy

Those are really funny ads! Ads for exercise equipment are often unintentionally humorous:)

Comment by actonbell

Snuppy, my copy hasn’t arrived either. For now, I am still blaming the polar bears, they keep re-inventing football with parcels coming from abroad.

Those were some funny adverts. “Want a dog? It’s a right little shit!” brilliant advertising!

as for the post tomorrow…I am baking it as I am typing…

Comment by Penguin

Joel, I’m keeping it – my brother will have to buy his own. Okay, I’d better get another. Why didn’t I buy at least two anyway? Lack of planning I’d say.

Have a g’night all.

Comment by G

You should make funny ads a regular feature here at the Snark. Sort of like Leno’s hilarious headlines only More hilarious.

Comment by claire




Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s



%d bloggers like this: