Central Snark

Virgin Visions © by Harmonica Man
Monday, 3 December 2007, 9:17am
Filed under: Cloudman, funny..., guest who?

view from the cloudHoly smokes! Look who and/or what we found waiting for us in the queue when we logged in this morning. That’s right — another hilarious post from one of our NEW best friends and (hopefully) frequent contributor, JEFF — aka, Harmonica Man. Or, as we suddenly feel compelled to call him, Jefferonica, who’s decided to entitle the following exchange “Virgin Visions”, despite our recommendation to call it “Overheard From the Cloud”. It matters not, for verily we say unto thee (youse?) this post by any name is still mightily amusing. Watch out, Jefferonica, we could DEFINITELY get used to seeing your avatar around here (did we just say “get”. Hell, we already are). ~snuppy

*** *** *** *** ***

Pete: Hey G, what’s going on?

G: Not much, just having a little fun here.

Pete: Oh no, not that tired old Virgin Mary siting thing again. Isn’t that getting a little old?

G: Are you kidding? Look what I did this time!

Pete: Oh for my sakes. You do realize that thousands of people are now going to flock to this poor woman’s house and set up a stupid shrine by her refrigerator. Right?

G: That’s not necessarily true. No one set up a shrine when I made this.

Pete: Ah yes, the Grilled Cheese Mary. I remember it well. Aren’t you ashamed that the schmuck you bestowed this upon made $28,000 on eBay over this?

G: Nope. But I am ashamed to claim responsibility for the idiots who bid on it. But hey, I’ve had a lot of fun with my Virgin Visions ©, especially the food series. I mean just look at these beauts…

Pete: Ok, I’ll give you the pizza pan one, but the chocolate thing looks like a big turd and the moldy lemon slice looks like the elephant man.

G: Say what you want about them, but every one of these apparitions have drawn HUGE numbers. The pizza guy’s business quadrupled over night. You can’t tell me I’m not helping out the little guy here.

Pete: Fine, but who exactly is benefiting from a Virgin Mary water stain on a freeway underpass? I mean come on already.

G: Man, ye of little faith already – Jesus. Listen, you can ring the church bells, send people door-to-door, put fliers on windshields, do whatever you want and you STILL won’t gather as many believers as Our Lady of the Underpass did in Chicago.That’s there’s some powerful stuff, I don’t care who y’all are.

Pete: Fine, you win. I do have to admit though, this one was pretty cool.

G: Uh, sorry Pete – I didn’t have anything to do with that one. I’m pretty sure that one is real.

Pete: You need to get a life.

~harmonica man

The laughs are real at humor-blogs.com!


18 Comments so far
Leave a comment

PS: i can’t be sure, but i don’t think the “G” refers to our dearest NBFF, Lampsha. (altho’ i know for a fact she’s more than divine in her own right!) 😉

Comment by snuppy

Ya know what surprises me? That no one has yet posted a real turd shaped as Jesus or Mary.

Good post.

Comment by tlp

Is this an attempt to clean up this place? All these Hail Mary’s floating around.

Can’t see her in the watermelon. Nor the chocolate which doesn’t look like chocolate…at all. And that’s a true sacrilege.

Comment by littlebluepill

snuppy – Well, I suppose if Lampsha has conversations with a guy named Pete about Virgin Mary sitings then I guess this could be about her. Why not?

tlp – Oh, I’m sure they’re out there. But who among us really wants to look for them?

lbp – She’s in the upper right quadrant looking down to the left. You can only see it if you believe in melon-vision.

Comment by Jeff

Hey! I see the gay rainbow in that last picture!

Comment by Jenny

Well Jeff, I just got off the phone from one such conversation. But no, in this case, it is not I having above conversations. Personally, I thought that watermelon did not look at all in season.

Thought provoking post indeed!

Comment by Lampsha (a/k/a smaller G)

jenny – I see it too. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

lampsha (aka Lil’ G) – Come on, if Christmas isn’t the season for watermelon Marys then when is? Seriously.

Comment by Harmonica Man

Oy! Jesus and Mary are sitting up in heaven thinking what schmucks the world has brought forth.

Comment by claire

Put a few cantaloupes under that watermelon and you’d have the spitting image of Monica Belluci.

Great post, Jeff. Sorry I missed your last one. Just got my head above water again.

I think Snuppy is grooming you as my replacement. She sure as hell hasn’t been grooming me.

Comment by Diesel

claire – Yeah, I’m sure they are quite proud.

diesel – So that’s what the licking is all about. I thought she was just trying to keep my coat shiny.

Comment by Harmonica Man

TLP: i know for a fact my son has seen at least one. at least that’s what i suspected after hearing him yell “Holy Shit” from behind the bathroom door one morning. 😉

LBP: i just know i’ll offend someone if i mention what Watermelon Mary looked like when i first glanced at the picture. suffice it to say the term “va-jay-jay” came to mind. (sorry Jeff, but seriously, i don’t “see” her, either!) 😉

Jenny: that’s because the Big G loves everyone — including, but not limited to, “ridiculously happy people”. or so i’ve been told and/or choose to believe… 😉

Lampsha: now i believe it’s your turn to do the miraculous “Dreidel in a babka”, no? sorry, still laughing at your “conversation” in which, apparently, someone described something, shall we say, less than miraculous? (i’m telling ya, if the term “he pooped a toaster” doesn’t come in to play, it ain’t a miracle… and yes, someday i will explain where that came from)_. 🙂

Jeff: i truly thought this “exchange” was funny as, um, er, hell. 🙄

Claire: Jesus and Mary are wondering why they aren’t being cut in on all this “miraculous” action. (kidding, i kid. i don’t mean to sound so sacreligeous… Lord (heh) knows i’m well on my way into the pits of blaphemous hell. oy) 🙄

Diesel: ARE YOU WELL??? i mean, you’ve been busy, then sick, then on “holiday”, then building a house, then helping Google build an Empire, then vomiting like ole whatser name from the Exorcist — trust me, i am waiting with bated breath for the day you come to your senses and return to the Snarky fold!! have i not pimped the holy shit outta your book?? have i not scratched our way up through the rabble in order to elevate our humor-blogs status to FOURTH?? what more do you want from me???? cookies? 😕

Jeff: shut up and turn around so i can touch up the other sid… er, i mean… what’s wrong with wanting you all to look “spit spot” and/or nice??? 🙄

Comment by snuppy

That’s a messed up melon. I see nothing.

Comment by kristiane

I guess it takes a whole other sense (7th?) to see the stuff you see…
I am worried an attempt on my part would fry my brain 🙂

Comment by Penguin

For a minute I thought you’d said “Our Lady of the Underpants” and thought the whole thing was getting out of hand. Of course it’s just a matter of time before someone does come up with that one, I guess. 😉

Comment by Theresa

That Snuppy! Even her comments are funnier than my posts! Holy Shit indeed. I set her up for that one. Glad I did too.

Comment by tlp

oops – “chomp chomp”… I didn’t know that cheese sandwich belonged to you… was it something special?

Comment by tsduf

I think someone’s going to helllllllllll

Comment by kathie

I do not see anything in the watermellon, but I do wonder how it may have started out as alge that came to life in some ocean and ended up such a delite, all by luck in a natures mixing bowl.

Comment by Bill Lee

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