Central Snark

Schweddy Christmas Treats by Harmonica Man
Monday, 10 December 2007, 8:36am
Filed under: Cloudman, holidays

ham1.jpgOne of the things I love most about Christmas is the food.

Every year our families converge to feast on the smörgasbord of such holiday delights as honey-glazed ham, candied yams, and one of my mom’s favorites – Jello with Miracle Whip on top!

No trust me – it’s real. In fact here’s an old ad from the 60s that I believe was her inspiration for it in the first place.


“Fruit Tower. Here’s the happiest combination of go-together fruit flavors, ever. Prepare raspberry gelatin as you always do. Blend in a medley of fresh peaches, Bing cherries and little mandarin oranges. Serve TOPPED OFF WITH MIRACLE WHIP.”

I know it’s an acquired taste, but hey – don’t knock it unless you’ve tried it. For 45 years.

Another one of my favorite holiday treats also has to do with food. Not eating it, but watching it – as in this delicious video of one of the funniest SNL skits of all time.

Well… you heard it ladies – his balls are there for your pleasure.

And speaking of pleasure… I’m curious, how many people besides me have had the “pleasure” of eating Jello with Miracle Whip? Go ahead, you can say it, don’t be embarrassed.

Even better, tell us about a unique “Delicious Dish” your family serves. And maybe if we’re lucky, we’ll get to hear about your special balls!


Deck the halls with Schweddy Balls over at Humor-Blogs.com!


15 Comments so far
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there are MANY reasons i so adored this post, Jeff — mostly because i, too, believe the holidays are all about the “good food” (okay, maybe not all, but you know what i mean).

my mom used to do that jello/miracle whip thing, only her’s was with pears, green jello, and was topped with miracle whip and cream cheese. (don’t knock it until you’ve tried it…)

as for “Schweddy Balls”? classic! right up there with “Gumby’s Christmas, Dammit!” as one of my all time favorite SNL holiday sketches. well done!

so, other fav foods? sweet potatoes/apples/marshmallows. my grandmother taught me this “recipe”, which involved canned yams, canned apple pie filling, baked in a dish and topped off with the creamy “jet-puffed” delights — toasted to a golden brown (unless you’re me, and you leave the broiler on too long and they get burnt to a crisp!) mmmmmmmmm. 😉

Comment by snuppy

also so totally cracking up at the concept of “tasty holiday balls”. which, by the way, never fail to remind of of South Park’s “Chef’s” “chocolate salty balls“… heh (what? i lovelovelove that show, and those balls are hilarious!) 🙄

PS: LOVELOVELOVE the new “Cloudman” category! here’s hoping you elect to continue filling it with this kind of tasty goodness!

Comment by snuppy

snuppy – Marshmallows are supposed to be burnt! I’m one of the people that will turn my marshmallow into a torch-kabob at the campfire before I eat it. Yum!

Now, let’s sing along with Chef…
Say everybody, have you seen my balls?
They’re big and salty and brown.
If you ever need a quick pick-me-up
Just put my balls in your mouth.

Oooh, suck on my chocolate, salty balls.
(Put ’em in your mouth!)
Put ’em in your mouth and suck ’em
and suck ’em…

Comment by Jeff

It will be a very cold day in hell when I eat Miracle Whip on ANYTHING~ It’s so bad it gives crap a bad name. ick ick ick

Comment by Carla

It is raining and my Internet connection is all screwy. The videos are not working, I can see the blog, but there’s a white space where I assume there should be a video. Be back tomorrow to see if it’s any better.

Comment by Theresa

As I said on your blog, I like Lois’ jello thing. My family likes these labor intensive cream wafers. Mostly butter, whipping cream, sugar and some flour. Heart attack waiting to happen. Now, whose favorite is lutefisk?

Comment by lindakooiman

We have Miracle Whip in an Apple, Raisin, Carrot Salad on Christmas Eve. We also have beef broth and noodles, Potato Salad with Peas and Ham and German Hot Dogs with Black Bread and butter, every single year. Yeah, baby.

Comment by Nessa

My Italian mother used to make a special “desert” for us kids when we were small. We loved it then, but when I think of it now I wanna puke.
Take one raw egg, add a tablespoon of sugar and whip. Enjoy! MMmmm good… not.

Comment by claire

Carla – Wow, you must really hate Miracle Whip a lot. I hear a new Bon Jovi song coming on… You give crap a bad name!

theresa – You really shouldn’t use your laptop in the rain. I think they have a warning about that in the instruction manual.

linda – So you’re saying your intensive cream wafers will put you in intensive care?

nessa – Yum. Sounds like dinner on Ellis Island.

claire – Sounds like an old trick my grandmother used to pull on us. No lie, she would break up little pieces of white bread, put them in a cereal bowl and pour milk and sugar on them – and tell us it was our treat! Of course we thought it was something special at the time, but now I realize it was only because she was the only one who ever served it. Duh.


Comment by Harmonica Man

Jeff, that was just great – I forgot how good the Schweddy balls were! The jello and cool whip? Well, I do recall chowing down on that as a little Lil G. Oh yes. But mercifully, my mother never went with an add the fruit recipe – just straight up sugarized jello and cool whip.

I’m sorry that I didn’t make it in earlier, a bit of a migraine overtook me. Was it that advertisement of the Miracle Whip? That’s a bad visual when you’re feeling great.

Anyway, great post. We’re finishing up with Chanukah where anything in oil (latkes, jelly donuts) you know, anything in oil rules. We tend not to go crazy on that though. Everything in moderation, now pass me a chocolate coin.

Comment by DJ LAMPSHA

At church functions as a kid, be it funeral, wedding or baptism, Jell-O every color of the rainbow would be served. The one I never could grasp was the one with carrot shavings in it! Nothing like vegetables for dessert. ugh.

I think Betty Crocker was stoned from 1962 to 1977.

Comment by bon bon

My mother makes Russian teacakes (little ball-shaped butter cookies rolled in powdered sugar) at the holidays and now I will never be able to eat one without thinking of Schweddy balls. Thanks! I owe you one. No, really.

Comment by Debra

Lil’ G – Sorry about the headache. Yuk! Hope you had a great (and oily) Chanukah!

bon bon – LOL. That would explain why she was so damned obsessed with food then, wouldn’t it?

debra – You’re welcome! I dare you not to laugh when you eat one this year.


Comment by Harmonica Man

here’s a “recipe” that will gross out anyone classified as a Non-Miracle Whip lover:

Miracle Whip + Swiss cheese + Peanut Butter. mmmm… of course, i don’t go near the stuff now, but back in my “youth” (i.e., when i could eat anything and not gain weight) this was one of my favorite sandwich concoctions. bliss, i tell ya, bliss! 😉

Comment by snuppy

hmmm…special season’s food?

On the 23rd we’ll get rotten sting ray…cooking that will give our home an aroma that’ll last til Easter.

Pickled balls we get in February…Iceland sure got it all 🙂

Comment by Penguin

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