Central Snark


Honolulu Holidazed… by Snuppy
Wednesday, 19 December 2007, 9:11am
Filed under: funny..., holidays

surfin' santa‘TIS the season for finding all kinds of wonderful things in our mailbox, including the Happy Holiday Surprise we got from a certain AMOEBA currently Living the Good Life in The Aloha State. Okay, so maybe he’s working, which means he doesn’t get to sit around on the beach singin’ about the hukilau, but that’s beside the point. The point, which is hanging 10 on a surf board bedecked with puka shells, is that O’C — along with his lovely lady, the brilliant Quilldancer (aka THE QUILL) — is in Hawai’i, and we’re not. Anyhoo, anyone who knows O’C knows he frequently has conversations with himself in a pair of voices dubbed “The Dudes” — a couple of cool cats who, far as we can tell, totally dig their current gig in Paradise. Mostly, we suppose, because Hawai’i is hella warm and beautiful. Especially if you’re a haole hailing from the significantly less warm climes of Maine… ~snuppy

***            ***            ***

Dude and Dude: Honolulu Holidazed

“Hey dude!”

What hay, dude? This place look like a manger to you?”

“As a matter of fact, it does, dude. If there’s anything in that fridge, I’ll make you a manger scene for the ages. I’m so hungry, you show me Rudolph, I’ll show you a reindeer slay. I could really stake a claim to some steak right now.”

“Sorry, man, you can’t have a cow. There’s some turkey left, though.”

Ewwww. That bird was mangy two weeks ago.”

“Aha. We find out that ‘anything’ doesn’t mean ‘everything’ after all, and we didn’t even have to mention the tofu. So you don’t want a piece of this, then?”

“I do, actually. So I can throw it out into the yard. Then there’ll be piece on earth.”

“Dude?”

“What?”

“Ever hear of a guy named Ebeneezer?”

A heart two sizes too small to you, too, dude.”

“Well, I’m beginning to wonder about your Christmas spirit.”

“I’ve got plenty of Christmas spirit.”

“Where is it, then?”

“In the rumble seat. Want a snort?”

“That’s good. Very good. One of the better lines you’ve stolen lately. But save it for the eggnog. How come you’re so snarky all of a sudden?”

“Check out the top of the page, dude.”

“Not buyin’ it, dude. You can’t tell me, Mr. PayPerBlaug.com, that you have a problem with OC getting us some publicity. ‘Course, if you keep on the way you’re keepin’ on, we’ll drive the Humor-blogs rating of this site down so far, it’ll never see the light of home page again. So, spill. What gives?”

“Dude?”

“Yeah?”

“What’s the forecast for Honolulu today?”

“Oh, the usual. Sunny. Eighty degrees. Trade winds. Four foot surf.”

“What’re you wearing?”

“Same old same old. Shorts. Short sleeved aloha shirt. Sandals, no socks. Shades.”

“Riiiight. So how many times an hour are these people going to make me listen to Winter Wonderland?!?

“You and Maine never did get along, did you, dude?”

Brrrrrrrr!! Don’t remind me, dude! Only place I ever want to see ice again is out of the freezer. So what’s with this place? I keep hearing sleigh bells, and I see plastic icicles and paper snowflakes and Santas dressed up in red fur coats everywhere! Can’t they celebrate the holidays around here with something more tropical? Like maybe real hibiscus showers instead of fake snow showers?”

“But dude, the snowboy downtown’s got a surfboard.”

“Yeah right. Flubbety dub dub, flubbety dub dub, look at Frosty melt. On the first breaker, dude. If he gets that far.”

“At least he stays on the board while he’s melting. Unlike some dudes I could name.”

You ain’t even tried yet, dude.”

“That’s because somebody’s gotta stay alive to notify the next of kin, dude. Who do you think you are, anyway? Cooper?”

“Ont-day oh-gay air-thay, dude! Halo on the smiley! Remember?!?

“That’s it, dude. You’re off my Christmas list.”

“That’s OK, dude. I couldn’t work out what you wanted anyway. Dead turkey on the ground?”

“And I won’t be mentioning you in my will, either. Enough of this. Say mele Kalikimaka, dude.”

“‘Mele Kalikimaka, dude.'”

~many MANY thanks and a Hau’oli mele kalikimaka to O’C for this Happy Haole Hawai’ian Holiday post — which may be viewed at any time vis-á-vis humor-blogs.com.

PS: that tune may seem familiar to many of you who share our passion for truly stupid-yet-hilarious Christmas movies because of THIS SCENE — featuring the ever-so-funny Chevy Chase fantasizing whilst listening to the unique musical stylings of Mr. Bing Crosby. (you can hear Bing croon the classic Hawai’ian holiday tune sans-a-clip HERE.)

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11 Comments so far
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it seems SO unfair that some people get to spend the holiday surf side in Hawai’i, while the rest of us will be, no doubt, digging out from yet, another in a series of, Unfortunate Snow Storms throughout the Holiday Weekend. but there you have it.

that said, it really a lovely surprise to find this post in the “mail box” — especially since Teh Penguin (who usually posts here on Wednesdays) just flew in (and boy are her flippers tired!), and, is, therefore, in no position to write anything, herself (oh, she could, but that would mean i’d have to surrender my computer, and i’m nothing, if not selfish!). i’d like to thank O’C for taking the time to rub our noses in the fact that we’re stuck on the East coast share a few Hawai’ian holiday insights with those of us shivering on the Main Land. Mele Kalikimaka to O’C and, of course, Quilldancer. here’s hoping your Christmas stockings are filled with more than sand and/or puka shells. 😉

Comment by snup'py

So are fake snow-flocked trees popular in Hawaii too – you know, to bring out that whole simulated winter feel?

Being from MN my whole life, I’ve always wondered what it would feel like to celebrate Christmas in a tropical climate. One time I visited a friend in FL during the holidays and she had big red plastic strawberries all over her Christmas tree as ornaments. Weird.

Comment by Harmonica Man

I felt a real connection with dude, but I felt that dude needed some more character development.

Comment by Diesel

Dude. I really enjoyed this post. For real, though.

Out.

Comment by CrummyJoel

“‘Conversations with himself?!?‘ Dudette, we’re real!

“Yeah. Virtually real.”

“Yeah, dude! Hey waitaminute! Who’s side are you on?

“This side.”

“Oh. The one that needs character development?”

“He ain’t talkin’ ’bout me, dude.”

“Well, what is he talkin’ about? Plastic strawberries?”

Hush, dude. We don’t want to be giving the people ’round here any more dumb ideas.”

“Well, you know what they say, dude.”

“What?”

“‘This ain’t the mainland’, dude.”

“Well, at least the church sign guy likes us.”

“Who’re you calling ‘crummy’, dude?”

“Only you, dude. And your mother’s fruit cake.”

“Leave my mother out of this!!”

Comment by oceallaigh

Dudes, are you like the McKenzie brothers of Hawaii? Cool.

Comment by Lampsha

My flippers are indeed tired and boy was I thankful to hear someone else had the energy to write something that is clearly more weird than anything I will ever fashion.
Schizophrenia makes for interesting conversations 🙂

Comment by Penguin

Mele Malikimaka, O Ceallaigh. I’m read to hear a recording of this done on trumpet, by the way.

Comment by Walela

Walela: laughing here, because i honestly expected to find just that (O’C playing the trumpet) when i watched this video! ya hear that, O’C? we’re waiting… 😉

Comment by snup'py

I really can’t top teh Penguin’s comment.

I couldn’t get past 17 seconds in the video clip. It’s a sign. For me to go back to bed. I embrace that knowledge.

No snow? Bah. I’m just waiting on the -40 weather. So no more talk of Hawaii.

Comment by littlebluepill

[…] And one neglects the Dudes at the risk of one’s peace on earth. “Hey! That’s my line, […]

Pingback by Dude and Dude: 12 Days of What? « O Ceallaigh’s Felloffatruck Publications




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