Central Snark

New Year’s Reso-loser-tions by Harmonica Man
Monday, 31 December 2007, 10:00am
Filed under: Cloudman, holidays

jeffav1.jpgI resolve to not make any stupid resolutions for 2008.

There. Done. Bam!

Ok, this is probably going to come off just a little negative, but I can’t honestly say I’ve ever met anyone who has kept a major new year’s resolution commitment. And you wanna know why? Easy. It’s because most people pick things that are too insanely impossible in the first place.

Oh right…
“I currently chain-smoke 3 packs a day but I’m going to quit smoking cold turkey on Tuesday.”
“I’m going to train all winter and run my first marathon this spring!”
I’M going to eat nothing but organic vegetables grown within 2 miles of my house!”

Shut up. Just shut up. You’ll never last a week and you’ll be more miserable for trying when you fail. So why even bother?

I say if you HAVE to make a resolution – which you don’t – then make it something you can actually follow through on.

For example – stop picking your nose in your car at intersections. Or start leaving money in the basket for the donuts you eat at church on Sunday. Or give up watching SpongeBob SquarePants for the first 4 hours of every Saturday (ok, that one’s not as easy as it sounds). Little things like that. Little things that make you feel good about yourself. Little things that make you say “Hey – I’m not a total loser!”

So that’s my advice to you as this new year rolls on in. Keep it easy, keep it light, and most of all keep it to yourself. Because I really don’t want to have to pretend I’m going to support you in your unrealistic attempt to better yourself when I know you’re not going to last past January 2nd in the first place. But that’s only because years ago I vowed to be the most open and honest person I can be at all times. See, the good resolutions DO stick!

And now on a related note, I’m going to leave you with a little pencil sketch I made when I was touring as a mere youngster on the road – just after I had returned from playing some small islands in the South Pacific with the USO. I guess I was fascinated by the concept of desert islands at the time and the thought of being stranded on one was on my mind. Of course I’ve updated the caption to reference this next year instead.


Happy New Year everyone! I hope you have a fabulous and resolution-free holiday!

~ Jeff

The ONLY resolution you should make is to stop by Humor-blogs.com!


12 Comments so far
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Jeff, if i wasn’t so blasted tired, i’d offer up a few of my own “resolosertions” for this New Year, starting with: NEVER attempt to delete pictures from someone else’s camera (poor Penguin, how will she ever forgive me?). that said, i completely agree: unrealistic resolutions are a waste of time and only serve to set up a major blow to the self-esteem. who needs that? i need only realize my ability to dash someone’s vacation memories to their death with one click of a button to do that. (eventually i’ll stop feeling so guilty about this, but it won’t be soon). that said, you’re right, giving up SpongeBob SquarePants would be much harder than most might imagine. πŸ™„

LOVELOVELOVE this post, and truly thought the cartoon was a hoot! well done, Harmonica Man, and Happy (Resolution Free) New Year! πŸ˜‰

Comment by snuppy

PS: probably should have mentioned why i’m so blasted tired… teh Penguin’s flight was late. very late. VERY VERY late. she was supposed to leave at 8 PM last night, but, thanks to bad weather in Iceland, didn’t get out of JFK International until 5:10 AM this morning. wish i could say i hung out with her for the duration of her wait, but i can’t. when i dropped her off at 1:30 AM, it was with the impression the flight was a “go” at 2:30. imagine my surprise and/or disbelief and/or horror to discover when she really got away. d’oh!

oh well, at least she’ll be celebrating New Year’s Eve in downtown Reykjavik with 300,000 of her “closest” friends (including, but not limited to, Quentin Tarantino…). that Penguin… πŸ˜‰

Comment by snuppy

I’m with you on the Resolosertions. It might just be my slacker side coming through or maybe I’m just pragmatic, but I kind of roll things over in my head and continually renew the resolution to do things better – whatever that better is. Getting up earlier, well okay that’s a toughey. There I go, setting myself up for failure.

Let me reread your post. Perfect New Years Rockin Eve post Jeff. You’re a talented guy – cartoons and all. Happy New Year to you and yours!

~ Lampsha (a/k/a Lil g)

Comment by LAMPSHA

Oh poor Penguin. I was looking for an Iceland Air flight on the tracker and couldn’t find anything – that was about 9:00 pm. Since I didn’t have her flight number, I’d just wondered if she took off earlier.

Penguin, hope your flippers rest on the flight and you’re fresh for celebrating with Quentin.

Snuppy, get some rest so that you and Bobo can celebrate! I know how you two are such partiers!


Comment by LAMPSHA

Happy New Year one and all.

Comment by Brian

Snuppy – So is that one of the perks of being a fellow Snarkster – I get the honor of having you take me to the airport? I would plan a vacation out there just for that. πŸ˜‰ For whatever reason, every time I hear a “take someone to the airport” story I immediately start laughing about that Seinfeld episode where he didn’t want to have to take Keith Hernandez to the airport. And some people say that was just a TV show. Ya, right.

Lil g – Thanks. My band is playing a big shindig tonight so I’m really looking forward to it. And the only resolution I’m going to make is to HAVE FUN! (Although I doubt if anyone famously cool like Quentin will be there) πŸ˜‰

Brian – Same to you!

Comment by Harmonica Man

Flippers just reached Icelandic soil. Gosh that was one flight I hope never to re-live.
No resolutions for me either…I made a couple through out teh year and they worked just fine. maybe it is not a specific day people should try to better themselves, but rather the right moment to do so.

A happy new year to all and everyone. “008 starts in about 6 hours here and I still have to un-pack so I find clothes to wear.

and snuppy…let it go. I love you. That’s all there is to it!

Comment by Penguin

Jeff: anytime you and your lovely wife are in the area, give us a call! chances are we’ll send a car (just ask teh Penguin, it’s what we do) but once in a while i WILL drive. also (and not to be picky) wasn’t Seinfeld reticent to help Hernandez move? thinking it was Elaine who had the crazy-ass trip to the airport, in order to get rid of a guy she no longer liked. (yes, along with SpongeBob, i DO watch way too much TV) πŸ™„

Penguin: YAY! i believe you deserve a medal for what you were forced to endure thanks to the good folks at Icelandair. as for teh pictures? i’m getting over it… slowly but surely. by the time you return, all will be forgotten! (that said, LESSON LEARNED — i shall NEVER try to do more than snap pictures of you with your camera, again!) HAPPY NEW YEAR!! i lovelovelove YOU, too! πŸ™‚

Comment by snuppy

Snuppy – I may have to call you on the Jerry vs Elaine thing. As I recall, first Jerry was helping him move but then later he started claiming that he was “not taking him to the airport!” But I’m willing to go into arbitration if you are. πŸ˜‰

Oh and Penguin – Just so you know… my son, who is a computer tech, says that if you bring your camera card to a data recovery place (i.e. a computer repair place) they may be able to recover the deleted pictures, as long as you stop using the card and replacing the memory. Just thought you might want to know this in case you weren’t aware.

Comment by Harmonica Man

Would it be all right if I just picked my nose in my car while it’s moving?

Comment by the frogster

jeff, I did not know that. I have however used my camera already adn extensively yesterday, so I think it is a little too late now…but the memories you carry with you are more precious than a silly shot of one’s nose, from an unflattering angle. πŸ™‚

Comment by Penguin

Rabbit, rabbit, Happy New Year! Great post, Jeff.

Comment by actonbell

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