Central Snark


Resolutions in Fur! by Snuppy
Thursday, 3 January 2008, 9:12am
Filed under: funny..., Teh Penguin

No, it’s not an interview with Liza Minelli.

monika and maxI am back in Iceland and totally forgot it was Wednesday yesterday and as such my time to post something. Not to worry, I know the Google button like the back of my hand…whoops, where did this scar come from?

Since it seems to be the popular thing this year to defy any resolution making, I resolved to make a list of 20.

But why leave it at that? Here for your convenience is the top 12 list of what our beloved pets might try to aspire to (had they a concept of time and silly notions!)

The Top 12 New Year’s Resolutions Made by Pets*

12. Have a torrid one-night stand with a street mutt.

11. Try to understand that the cat is from Venus and I am from Mars.

10. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.

9. Circulate petition that Leg Humping be a juried competition in major dog shows.

8. Call PETA and tell them what that surgical mask-wearing freak does to us when no one is around.

7. Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.

6. Hamster: Don’t let them figure out I’m just a rat on ‘roids, or they’ll flush my ass.

5. Always scoot before licking.

4. Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.

3. Get out of the castle more, maybe swim counter-clockwise this year.

2. January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock! January 2nd – December 31: Re-live victory over the sock.

1. I will NOT chase the damned stick unless I see it LEAVE HIS HAND.

~~~~~

See, resolutions are alright, they only need to be realistic. For all those furry playmates out there I would just like to tell you this: Computer and TV screens do not exist to backlight your lovely tail and remember the bathtub is not a convenient place to store live mice for late-night snacks!

~Penguin out!

13. Paws (heh) for a moment to read Humor-dogs.com.

*[This list copyright 1997 by Chris White and Ziff Davis. The Top Five List top5@walrus.com http://www.topfive.com]

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14 Comments so far
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i DO believe this post was worth waiting for, little Penguin! also thinking Mr. Max (up there in the picture with you, which is completely adorable, if i do say so myself…) needs to come up with a few “resolutions” of his own. can’t imagine what they might be, but “Discover “secret” of flashy-thingy, in order to stop fearing it” would be right at the top! (guess i took too many pictures of him as a pup, eh?) Learning to control his farts when seated next to me in the office would be up there, too. (tellin’ you, that boy has some serious bad gas on any given day!)

SO good to see you back in the Snark! (even if it means you’re no longer here, which, needless to say, does not make me happy) πŸ˜‰

Comment by snuppy

#4 is a gem (and something Sophie might have come up with, too!) πŸ˜‰

Comment by snuppy

Thank you snuppy. I thought they were funny and I appreciate teh picture of me and Max…I love how he snuggles up and keeps one warm, but as soon as he notices a camera he is off and you keep telling me he can hardly see!

No. 2 is my favourite πŸ™‚

Comment by Penguin

yeah — i confess to laughing out loud at #2, as well! number one is pretty damn funny, too, or would be if any of our 3 dogs played “fetch”. alas, as you well know, in THIS household, loosely translated, “fetch” means: “Daddy, I’m hungry, bring me a treat, will ya? Good boy!” πŸ˜‰

Comment by snuppy

13. Be thankful each and every day for food, water and the corner of the sofa.

14. On seventh day, let human decide for himself as God commanded.

15. Finish construction of underground lair by June 18.

Comment by Walela

16. Finish the correspondence course, “How to Hypnotize your Two-Legs”.

17. Open another Swiss bank account.

Comment by Brian

18. Teach Daddy what “heal!” really means.
19. Work in homeless dog shelter to impress “Brandy”.
20. Organize my dog toys so little boy stops trying to play with them all at once.

Comment by Lampsha

20. Bite the hand that feeds me.

Comment by tlp

Ooops…21 or 22 Learn to count and/or read more carefully. Whatever.

Comment by tlp

23. Renew current deal with Mom: Make Dad my first choice for those pre-dawn “oops, gotta pee” runs in exchange for extra treats.

Comment by BoBo

Bobo, isn’t it special how much you doggies love your Daddies and want to spend quality pre-dawn time together? I love that.

Comment by Lampsha

snuppy, I have seen Bobo in action…both of them. You describe them well πŸ™‚

walela, leave it up to you to give us great dog perspectives. If I had a saying in what you come back in your next life (most often I think you should come as a dung beetle) on occasion I wish you’d come back as one of your dogs.

brian, that are two good contributions.

lampsha, our pets sure have their priorities straight, don’t they?

TLP, the new year just started…there are after effects πŸ˜‰

Bobo, I really do think it’s the animals that train their humans πŸ™‚

lampsha, I have seen him in action…you wouldn’t know snuppy and bobo have two kids πŸ™‚

Comment by Penguin

Those are awesome, thanks for sharing them!

24. Brush teeth so as not to fumigate house with rancid dog breath.

Comment by Jeff

#5 is the best! I hate it when they do that…

Comment by claire




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