Central Snark


where the boys are…apparently by littlebluepill
Friday, 4 January 2008, 7:45am
Filed under: LBP's Rx

jenn's avatarHappy New Year!! I’ve decided to make 2008 the year of me. Why is this different then any other year? It’s not, I’m just mentioning this because this is post today is all about me. (Shocking, I know. And no mention of sex toys anywhere!) I’ve decided that 2008 is also the year to end my singledom. Why is this different then any other year? It’s not. Will the year end differently than the others before now? Stranger things have happened. An example? Well I can’t recall off the top of my head but there’s gotta be.

areyouinterested.jpg Until 2008 though, I apparently didn’t have the proper utilities to alter my state of singlehood. No one I know knows single men. My matchmaker (that I paid for their useless services) has given me great, sexy catches like the guy who took me to Canadian Tire so he could buy two ratchet sets, or crazy guy, or not over his divorce yet guy. Little did I know that I’ve been surviving without the aid of Facebook. Yes. Facebook. See there are all these helpful applications to aid me in ending my singledom title. Applications like “Are You Interested?” and “Meet New People” and “Flirtable” and “Zoosk” and “You and Me?” and so on and so forth. I thought the bars were a meat market. I stand corrected. It’s now Facebook. Okay yes, I signed up with “Are You Interested?” though dropped it this past week as the anonymous function pisses me off. The only way you can discover who said yes to you anonymously is to say yes to everyone they “match” you up with. Ha. As if. Three anon knocks on my door and I turfed that baby. I’m also with “Meet New People” which allows you to utilize the cheesiest pick up lines when you spot a picture you like. Lines like: “Hi, I’m interested” or “Can I ‘join’ your network?” or “You’re burning up my monitor, are you always this hot?” and so on and so forth. Oh yes…classy lines.

youandme1.jpgAnd shockingly it’s working. A friend of mine has gotten all girly and giggly over a guy she met in “Meet New People” (okay from now on this MNP because I’m freakin’ lazy). She had a date with him after two weeks of chatting, texting and phone calls that went for hours. It’s been kind of fun to watch her revert to a giggly teenager. Especially when I asked “How was the date?” and she giggled for five minutes. It went well. Okay, so she’s my only example of these applications working and it’s only been a couple of weeks but whatever. If something works for someone, I’m so going to give it a go (which is how I wound up with my worthless matchmaker.)

meetnewpeople.jpg I’ve been double tapped by a guy I flirted with using “MNP”. Yes, this was my big flirt move: “Hi, I’m interested.” Rrrawr. Sexy, Jenn. How could he resist? He didn’t. So then I promptly contacted my friend and said “What the fuck hell do I do now?” It’s already been established I don’t get a lot. Don’t rub it in. We decided to opt on another flirt back because, well, we’re super cool. Damned if he didn’t flirt back – again. Twice! Sweet. Clearly someone wants to end his singledom reign too! Now has come the time for Jenn to suck it up and send him a message. Does Jenn know what to say? Oh hell no. That would be way too freakin’ easy. But a double tap… that’s a good sign right? He’s cute, he’s older than me (by four days) though he can’t spell (winces) but it’s a start. And I’m all for starts.

Look, it’s not like anything else has been working for me. Crackbook certainly can’t hurt at this point. Oh yeah. I’m cool.

little blue pill who is Facebook tarting it up. Look, a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do.

Update: So I sent my message and now the game is on. My seductive message you ask?

She slips out of the mists of “Meet New People” all with the intention of saying, “Hi *****,” because that’s how clever and witty and unique she is.

So, yes, uhm… “Hi!”

Clever she is, she has no closing statement,
Jennifer

Sexy, eh? Rrrawr. But can he resist? Tune in later to find out! And yes, that took me all day to write. Why yes, I am a wrier, why do you ask? God I hope he hasn’t stumbled upon this sit. Wouldn’t that just be my luck.

For a good time, join Humor-blogs.com. It’s just like Facebook, only not.

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16 Comments so far
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i, for one, LOVELOVELOVE the response you sent back. too funny. that said, i’m wondering something: did you tell **** you’re a “wrier”, too? cuz i’m thinking he’ll toot (ding? ring? ping? rap? zap? what was it again?) ya fo’ sho’ if he thinks you spell as poorly creatively as he does. (heh) also, why wuldn’t you want him too see this sit? inkwiring minds wanna know! (honestly, spelling is very overrated. if he’s a nice guy, i believe you can and should give him a test drive. heh.)

SO cracking up at the concept of Facebook — i’ve been reading a lot about it lately (lots of artists use it instead of MySpace, right?) but never realized it was capable of giving e-harmony and/or match.com a run for their dating dollars! 🙂

Comment by snuppy

i’m also curious to hear more about the Matchmaker you hired. unless “useless” says it all. d’oh! 😉

(have i mentioned my oldest son before? the one who turns 27 later this month, is 6’2″, Very Cute, single, and knows his way around spell-check?)

Comment by snuppy

Does your profile list your profession as “trollop?” That will get the attention of all the wrong kinds of men. Isn’t that your favorite kind?

Comment by Walela

Rawr indeed! Give me his facebook (is that what you say?) so I can smack hit tap him if he doesn’t respond properly in kind to your adorable, seductive message!

Now then, you’re Canadian – go to hockey games! That’s where I met my husband. Well not in Canada, but in NYC at a Rangers game. Bet your crummy matchmaker didn’t mention that one.

Comment by Lampsha

Oh I’d never say no to bad spelling, Snups. At least he didn’t write in “TXT” speak. That would’ve been a no fo’sho’ fo’sho’. Oh you can do anything on Facebook it seems. My cousin did a “what serial killer” are you like quiz and I kinda went “Yeah I can see that” when it claimed he was Ted Bundy. And yes you’ve mentioned the young son. What? You’re not throwing him at Minka?

Walela: I’m saving the trollop information for later. It’s like a surprise. SURPRISE! I wouldn’t want to give all my secrets away in the first message. How stalkery!

Lampsha: No my crummy matchmaker didn’t suggest hockey games. That’s why she’s crummy.

Update: no response yet. I showed my friend my message and she decided it was perfect. Not to stalkery which is always a fear.

And did you know there’s email flirty etiquette? YOu know how “they” say “Oh call back in 2 days after a date” (which is crap if you have esteem issues like a certain blue pill who hasn’t called her date back in a month now. Oops) “They” say email back after two hours to avoid saying something you’d regret. If you’re typing stuff like that perhaps a day should pass. I send stupid stuff in emails all the time! Even after two hours.

Comment by littlebluepill

haha. no, i’m not throwing my son at Minka. be kind of like setting him up with his sister, since she’s now a member of the family. besides, teh Penguin’s sights are set on someone who is NOT the fruit of my womb. far as i can tell, her “young man” is almost worthy of her attention and/or affection. 😉

Comment by snuppy

Oh great! I was all het up on the post and Snuppy distracted me with “teh Penguin’s sights are set on someone who is NOT the fruit of my womb. far as i can tell, her “young man” is almost worthy of her attention and/or affection.” TELL US, DAMNITall. That Snuppy.

Hrmpt. Anyhoo: You know I’m old, so this will be no surprise: BE CAREFUL OUT THERE!

The post is great. You have wonderful humor. Any guy who meets you will be lucky. I just want YOU to be lucky as well.

Comment by tlp

I agree with TLP – any guy would be lucky to meet you!

That Snuppy! If he’s not the fruit of your womb, is he a fruit of the lomb, er loom? Oh I just couldn’t resist that one.

Comment by Lampsha

Hi Jen,

As far as I know, I’ve not been on Facebook or any other matchmaking site. Nor had any fruit of the womb moments. I also haven’t been to your blog in a coon’s age. 😦 I sincerely apologize.

Hope 2008 brings you the man of your dreams.

Comment by Brian

heh… so sorry TLP/Lampsha… just havin’ fun with ya. that said, i know for a fact teh Penguin does NOT have her eye on the fruit of my womb. as for who may — or may not — be responsible for causing her heart to go pity-pat these days? your guesses are as good as mine. seriously, the only thing i’m know with any certainty is that what i know and what i think i know are two very different things. 🙄

that said, there are many guys who might be lucky enough to meet LBP or Minka… but are any of ’em good enough for either young lady? that’s the $64,000 question… 😉

Comment by snuppy

Um, Jenn. I have a confession. I signed up for Facebook just the other day. What has this earth come to? The Sirens are off key; the whales are dying. But maybe this Face-book will launch me out of single-dom. Or maybe I need a fast red car.

Don’t tell a soul.

Comment by the old mule

Ooh, this is exciting! Kind of like a virtual dating game that we get to watch unfold.

First there’s the sheep throwing and the poking (not that kind). Then there’s the clever(?) dialog. Then there’s the “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours”.

Just make sure to keep us posted. And good luck!

Comment by Jeff

Don’t bite him with your vampire or zombie too soon in your Facebook relationship.

Comment by nessa

Neva, does your son know you’re giving him away on WordPress?

TLP: Always careful. I don’t want them to know I’m crazy too early.

Thanks Brian.

Snuppy you’re such a tease.

Old Mule…you’re on Facebook? I’m so stunned I’m speechless. So…when can I poke ya?

Jeff I’m here for your entertainment.

Nessa Good point.

As of 12:50 am…I haven’t heard from *****. The bastard. That was a freakin’ awesome hi.

Comment by littlebluepill

Just stumbled across your post. Greatness!

It occurred to me half way through the post that rather than rely on “Are You Interested” for awkward encounters that I should just troll the blogosphere and stalk random people with a penchant for divulging random information to complete strangers. How’s that for not creepy?

Get back to me and we’ll practice flirting. You’ll undoubtedly be impressed with my spell checking skills.

Rrrawr! (I’m going to start ending all my flirty encounters that way; possibly even in face-to-face conversations!)

Comment by Corey Stewart

All flirtations should begin with (a) rrrawr and (b) calling my posts greatness. It warms a girl’s heart

Oooh spell checking skills, Corey? I doth swoon.

Comment by littlebluepill




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