So wait…I wasn’t supposed to use the same password at every website I visited??

So wait…I wasn’t supposed to use the same password at every website I visited?? by crummyjoel

Tuesday, 22 January 2008, 9:15am
Filed under: crummy letters, funny...

Well, dammit, thanks for telling me now. Don’t you think it’s a little last minute to give me this information now?? Now that my Amazon password has been stolen and $783.57 worth of Broadway soundtracks has been rung up on my American Express?? Don’t you think I could have used this little nugget of information beforehand?!?

I mean, if I saw you pumping gas with your car running AND you were smoking a cigarette, I would certainly say something. I wouldn’t wait until you were incinerated into fiery little pieces along with the gas station and everyone and everything else nearby. I would tell you as soon as I noticed you. As a precautionary measure.

But nooooooo. NOW is the time you choose to tell me that I shouldn’t use the same password at every single online destination. Now that someone has purchased 13 speedometers to 1975 Ford Thunderbirds using my Ebay and Paypal accounts. Now that someone has posted a banner ad for a toe-sucking fetish website on my blog. Now that someone has withdrawn me from my college and enrolled me in a diesel mechanic’s school in Morocco. I can’t go to Morocco for evening classes! Do you even know how far away Morocco is?!?

How the hell was I supposed to see into the future? How was I supposed to know that if someone accidentally stumbled onto my password ONCE it would mean my entire life would be ruined? How was I supposed to know how many different organizations would require a phone call or a hand-written letter (now that my email has a brand spankin’ NEW password that I don’t have the luxury of knowing)? Do you realize that I can’t buy a car now because my credit is shot? Do you realize that my house is for sale?!? I didn’t put my house up for sale. But there’s a picture of it online…and now there’s a real estate agent pounding a sign into my front yard as I type this.

Well, $#!t.

The best part is that I can’t even recall all the different websites I’ve visited in the last 10 years. I can’t cancel the accounts I don’t even remember! So instead I have had to cancel all of my credit cards. My credit blows so hard they won’t let me have new ones so now I have to pay with everything with cash only, which is mighty damn difficult to obtain when your bank account has been completely drained.

I see that I just picked a fight with a former girlfriend over on Classmates.com. Fan-friggin’-tastic. I see that I’ve posted naked pictures of Charlie Sheen over on my favorite sports team’s message boards. Wonderful. Apparently I’ve also entered into a financial arrangement with a Nigerian barrister and owe him $13,000. Terrific.

As for you? I just hope you’re enjoying the internet, what with your different-damn-password-for-every-page-you’ve-ever-visited. I hope to whatever god you worship that your Rolodex falls out of your briefcase and into the hands of the slickest con artist who can take all of your passwords and turn your life into the living hell that mine has turned into.

What’s that? You’re not supposed to keep your passwords in your Rolodex either?

Ah, crap….

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(This post brought to you by CrummyJoel and humor-blogs.com. If you’re the random dude whose picture we stole from a Google search, please post a comment and we’ll change the picture to some other random dude whose picture we’ll steal from Google.)

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