Central Snark

How Much is that Piggy in the Window? by Harmonica Man
Monday, 4 February 2008, 8:36am
Filed under: Cloudman, funny...

emptywallet.jpgWe’ve never owned a dog but I understand they’re very expensive, what with the licensing, shots, grooming, food and accessories and all – not to mention the initial cost of the dog itself. In addition, many people easily pay $500-$2500 or more to own a “purebred” pedigree of one kind or another.

So when my daughter asked for a $29 guinea pig two Christmases ago I was thrilled. “This is the perfect gift!” I thought. “Except for a small amount of food, guinea pigs don’t have ANY of those expenses!”

So, my wife and I headed over to the pet store to pick up her pig. Oh yeah, and a few other items:


  • habitat cage – $120
  • bedding – $15
  • bag of hay – $15
  • food – $20
  • vitamins $10
  • pigloo – $15

Ok, suddenly this $30 rat was costing us $224.

All right, no problem. After all, this was the only thing she actually asked for for Christmas – and with the exception of a little bit of food, these will all be one-time costs.

And so that Christmas morning a pig was born – and the children rejoiced. “Yay!”

Until my son chimed in… “Did you know that guinea pigs are supposed to be kept in pairs? So they don’t feel lonely?

“Uh, no way bud,” I retorted “this house ain’t big enough for a herd of pigs.”

And so the next day another pig was born – and the children rejoiced once again. “Yay!”

It took less than a month until the first bag of bedding was gone. And the first bag of food and hay as well.

“Dad, we need some money to go get some things for the pigs.”
“Sure,” I said as I peeled $5 from my wallet.
“Yeah right. We need like $50. At least.”

And this is how it’s been ever since. About once a month we shell out $50 for supplies and everyone is the children are happy.

Except for a few weeks ago when one of the pig’s pee started to look dark. It played out like this:

  • Initial vet visit: $35
  • Prescription for UTI: $35
  • Follow up visit because it didn’t appear she was getting better so they needed to see her all day and do blood and urine analysis: $150
  • Refill for prescription: $35

Total cost of dark pee: $255

So then… let’s add this up after 13 months, shall we?

  • Initial purchase costs: $224
  • Supplies since initial purchase: $600
  • Vet and medicines: $255

Total cost since purchase: $1,079

Ya, there’s a comma in that number folks!

Of course just when I think we’ve made a serious mistake, I take one look at these little furballs and change my mind.


Now if I could just train them to fetch me my slippers.

~ Jeff

The laughs are cheap at humor-blogs.com

20 Comments so far
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Comment by snuppy

Jeff, would it make you feel any better to know we’ve spent over $4,000 on our Very Sick/Very Old cat in the last 6 months, alone? still, that’s a heck of a lot cheaper than our son’s medical bills are shaping up to cost.

i think you should count your lucky stars those “furballs” have yet to “go forth and multiply”. (altho’ you might be able to recapture some of your initial costs, if they ever do. after shelling out the additional Vet’s fees and/or supplies, that is.) πŸ˜‰

Comment by snuppy

snuppy – Oh, I’m quite sure I’ll hear some horror stories today. Pets are expensive and this post just illustrates that even the small ones aren’t free either. Heck, we once had to pay nearly $200 to treat and later put a sick hamster to sleep for Pete’s sake(s). I know, it would have been much easier to “take care of it” ourselves, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do for the kiddos.

Oh, these little furballs are both females, so they won’t be doing any multiplying. Or long division for that matter.

Comment by Harmonica Man

I find random bugs that come into my house to be the best pets of all. They eventually either leave, I kill them, or a spider shows up to have some lunch. Zero dollars.

Comment by Chris C

Fetch your slippers? Heck, they’d make nice slippers!

Comment by rick

It would have been cheaper to buy them each a DS with the hamster game. After all, hamster, guinea pig, what’s the difference?

Comment by Theresa

Funny, but too real. Pets cost big bucks. My husband is expensive enough.

Comment by tlp

I have you beat, I think. I once paid $200 for a pet shrink for my cat. Your piggies are adorable, by the way. Worth every penny, right?

Comment by Kathy

I think you could have kissed your money goodbye as soon as you started on keeping yoru kids πŸ™‚

Lovely post!

Comment by Penguin

I once went with my sick budgie to the vet, we went in, the doctor took a look at it and took out a cotton swab. then my budgy died. It cost me 8.000 Kr, becuase it was teh middle of the night and the vet had to come all teh way from next door. I did not like that very much…

Comment by Penguin

Cute, but tell me they have a life span of longer than 7 weeks?!

Comment by Wendy

Ah, it all starts off quite simply, doesn’t it? See you should have caved and gotten a dog πŸ™‚

Actually your pigs are really cute in a rodenty sort of way.

Comment by LAMPSHA

chris – Good idea, until Charlotte does you in.

rick – Are you supposed to leave the heads on?

thersa – Only if it didn’t play that stupid hamster dance song. I will kill myself if I hear that again.

tlp – You should see how expensive wives are!

kathy – 200?!! Who needed the shrink?

penguin – 8.000 Kr sounds like a lot, even if I have no idea what that means. You don’t live in a coal mine do you?

wendy – At $1,000/yr with my luck they’ll live for 20 years. Oy.

lampsha – No dogs, thank you. The pigs are a big enough hassle – even if they are cute.

Comment by Harmonica Man

Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff… my husband used to say “no dogs” once upon a time. now we have 3, and look forward to the day we can get another (not until after our kitty mews his last ow). trust me, they are expensive, but infinitely easier to deal with than children. (except when they eat $6000 worth of “couch”, which was, needless to say, suck). πŸ˜‰

Comment by snuppy

my cat is cheaper. And he eats the expensive food.

Comment by bethany

One time, when I was on an overnight field trip down to central Illinois for a foreign language conference thing in high school, we stopped for lunch at like 11:00 am at a strip mall. Long story short, I ended up buying a little feeder mouse and some of the stuff. Cost me like $30 for a $1 mouse. I ended up naming him “Brunch.” The chaperones weren’t very pleased. There is now a rule against buying pets on field trips.

Anywho, a month later, I come home and find the cage knocked over and my cat sitting there, looking very content.

Comment by dashofpanache

You should have gotten a cat. Come to think of it, you could still get a cat, and it would take care of your pig problem, too.

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