Central Snark


S’Trumpet by Snuppy
Monday, 15 October 2007, 8:42am
Filed under: funny..., music music | Tags:

a girl and her instrumentGOLLY but it’s wonderful to have children. To watch them grow into tall adultish people, independent, yet not. To sit up late at night worrying whether or not they’ll make it home from their first date. Whether they’ll have that “first” date in the first place. And, of course, whether they’ll make it home without calling to tell you that, thanks to a speeding cab driver, they’ve taken a detour through the ER at St. Luke’s in Manhattan. Ah, parenting… there’s nothing like it. That’s not to say it isn’t without a few ups and/or downs, but once in a while, a son and/or daughter will do something that makes a parent not just proud, but ebullient. We’ve certainly been privy to a few of those occasions — heck, even after our son landed in that hospital, we’ve had our moments — watching him bitch out the nurse for allowing him to sit in his own spilt urine, for one, holding our breath whilst he took his first few tentative steps with a walker, for another.

WE’RE guessing the young lady featured in the following video gave her parents many MANY opportunities to glow with pride and/or cheer, as well. Naturally, we can only assume her beauty pageant horn-buglery wasn’t one of ’em. Still, we’re grateful to Mr. & Mrs. Beauty Pageant Contestant’s Parents for providing their little girl with trumpet playing lessons in the first place, because if the following clip of her chilling “performance” ain’t the perfect “Musical Opposite for the Sake of Cheap Laughs” ying to DJ LAMPSHA’S awesome Dropkick Murphys yang, we don’t know what is. Uh, and speaking of grateful and/or embarrassed parents, we’d be remiss if we failed to point out that, once again, our older NOT-recuperating-from-a-terrible-accident son was the one who saw fit to share Miss Douglas County’s riveting “talent act” with us, so that WE might be able to share it with YOU. In other words, address your praise, complaints, and/or shitty comments to “Matt”. Athenkyew.

NOTE: As you’re about to see, our post title is MORE than a little appropriate. That said, we initially considered calling it “Blare Wars” or “Blow Wars”. Apparently it occurred to us (for a nano-second) that one or the other was a potentially “clever parody title”, especially appropriate because we believe the following number should qualify as the “theme song” for future “parody posts” by Kalfu’ur & Grundir (assuming there are any). Also, is it just us, or wouldn’t “Kalfu’ur and Grundir” make for a perfectly hilarious “parody TV show and/or movie”? (based on our inability to come up with a clever title and/or concept for TV and/or film, it should be clear by now that this girl’s musical ability is not the only thing around here that blows.)

YES, that was choreography. And, yes, it did suck more than a 2-bit Wookie whore on a 4-bit date with an invisible Nazgûl.

~snuppy

Blow it out your, um, laughs, at Humor-blogs.com.



Bruce v. Billy by Snuppy
Monday, 1 October 2007, 7:56am
Filed under: funny..., music music | Tags: ,

music musicApologies to all who hate it when we resort to The YouTube for blog fodder. As you’re about to see, however, sharing not one, but two videos is a necessary evil, in order to “properly” convey our point and/or cleverness in selecting today’s Musical Opposite for the Sake of Very Cheap Laughs. (yes, we added in the “very” because today we can’t help having a little fun at the expense of a performer who’s music is really quite wonderful, but who, apparently, was unable to get out of his own way in order to sustain a career…) Besides, considering the fact that our dearest NBFF shared two over the weekend, it wouldn’t have made sense not to.

NOW, speaking of the delightful DJ LAMPSHA, it goes without saying we adored her spin over the weekend. New tunes by THE BOSS and/or MRS. THE BOSS? Sweeet. That said, we couldn’t help laughing, when it occurred to us that Bruce Springsteen came thisclose to messing up his career back in ’84, when he allowed some producer to persuade hime to spice up his music with a little “choreography”. Fortunately, the song was good (1st Best Rock Vocal Performance Grammy good), and, let’s face it, Courtney Cox was completely adorable, which certainly helped ease the pain of watching Mr. Robosso move stiffly across that stage.

TOO bad rocker BILLY SQUIER wasn’t as lucky in the “don’t judge the moves, judge the song” category. The following is another music video that came out in 1984, which literally destroyed Squier’s blossoming career back then (even he says so). Poor Billy, considering this clip is currently one of YouTube’s most popular, doesn’t look like he’ll get to live down any of those horrifying moves anytime soon. We suspect his first mistake was agreeing to make the thing in the first place. Then going with those ‘clothes’. seriously — and speaking of not using an attractive young woman with and Unfortunate Last Name — was that a codpiece in Mr. Squier’s trousers, or was he just happy to be rocking alone face down on the floor and/or up against his guitar that “nite”? You tell us. Wait, we just watched it again, and, um, no. Matter of fact, Billy’s dancing isn’t the only thing that looks a bit… girlie — if you catch our drift (and we’re guessing you will).

UH, was that second ripped up t-shirt he put on… pink? Not that there’s anything wrong with that, mind you, but still… it’s not all that difficult to see how some fans might have misunderstood Billy’s sexual orientation. For the record, he’s not gay (not that there’s anything wrong with that), but, in the 80’s, that attire and those moves convinced record buyers otherwise. Goodbye sexy career, hello obscurity.

rabbit heraldLEST we forget, today’s also the first of October, which means, of course, we must — and want to wish one and/or all rabbit, rabbit, in hops of sustaining another month of good fortune and happiness. So, um, y’know… Rabbit, Rabbit.

(FYI: we stumbled over that “bunny” picture in a Google meadowland, and were so impressed with the whimsical nature of this artist’s work we thought we’d link to her website, in case anyone cared to see more)

ONE more thing before we allow you to go gently into your week — the lovely and somewhat-verbose-but-so-what-we-love-love-love-her-because-she’s-spunky-‘n- -oh-so-hilarious-and-did-we-mention-lovely? CATTY YUMMY MUMMY has a new post up (complete with videos) that’s well worth perusing. For those of you who’ve yet to “meet” our dear beautiful friend (and Snark Co-Administrator, we hasten to add), you’re in for a treat. She’s been out of the bloggy loop of late, what with her momentous move from Spain back to her beloved San Francisco, and all, and it’d be nice to think she could be “coaxed” back into a more regular posting schedule. With encouragement, we have no doubt that will happen. Trust us Miz BoheMia’s posts are better than any reality show you’ve ever seen. She is, in a word, awesome.

~snuppy

NOTE: we find ourselves compelled (what with a certain 6’2″ man-child standing behind us, threatening to pour a Banzai Blueberry Smoothie over our heads) to extend a word of “gratitude” to our oldest (yet woefully-tho’-charmingly immature) son. A loving and thoughtful son, we hasten to add, who saw fit to share today’s “MOCL”with us, in hopes we might, in turn, share it with you. Just our little way of saying “thanks son” and/or letting anyone who was not entertained by Squier’s video, know who, exactly, is to blame.

Folks wearing torn t-shirts ‘n cheesy headbands are dancin’ to the beat of laughter on Humor-blogs.com.



Cannibals by Snuppy
Monday, 24 September 2007, 9:01am
Filed under: funny..., music music | Tags:

WE know we shouldn’t, but we can’t help laughing at the word “cannibals” — which, in our current crazed state of mind makes us think of “can of balls”. Tennis anyone? (oh, if only those were the kind of “balls” we’re imagining inside that can…)

native girl?HEY kids! Once again it’s Monday, and you know what that means. That’s right, it means we’re again faced with the difficult task of trying to conjure up an appropriate “musical opposite” to another of our dear DJ LAMPSHA’S amazing Saturday spins. Fortunately, we’re delirious to report, we’ve exceeded our wildest expectations. Or are we simply so delirious we only think the following song qualifies as something deserving of cheesy laughs? No doubt you’ll let us know which is what, and/or vice versa, soon enough. (try not to think about that last sentence, it’ll only make your head hurt)

NOW, as we said, whether your own expectations (wild and/or otherwise) will be met remains to be seen, but, as you all know by now, that’s entirely beside the point. The point, which may have been used after sundown this past Saturday, in order to skewer a nice chicken for our exceedingly hungry NBFF, is that the following cheesy 80’s video is, in our deliriously humble opinion, just about as “opposite” as one can get to the exotically soothing tunes of Pharoah’s Daughter on the heels of a high Jewish holiday involving, among other things, a 25 hour fast. Cheap laughs are what we’re after, folks, and cheap laughs are what we intend to get. Even if the only laughter we hear today is our own. HAHAHAHAHA. (here we go again, cracking ourselves up in ways only explainable to our shrink)

WE wish we knew more about TOTO COELO, but, sadly, we do not. Suffice to say they were a “one-hit wonder girl-group”, and leave it at that. Okay, a “one-hit wonder girl-group” with bad hair and even worse outfits. Okay, okay — they also suffered from extremely unimaginative choreography. But that — really — is all we know. Except, maybe, for the fact that they’re British.

HEH… funny, but while “describing” this group, it suddenly occurred to us the following video is not only one of our Best “Musical Opposites” Ever, it’s a damn fine-yet-cheesy complement to the Sex, Ed? post we did last Friday. Oh, and speaking of last Friday, we are eternally grateful to the handful of good friends who cared enough to subject themselves to our distinct lack of blogging and/or fashion sense. But, as so often happens when we start feeling bitter about a few of our less-than-devoted so-called “friends” who DIDN’T bother to read a post described variously as “hilarious”, “brilliant” and/or “confusing”, we digress*. Where were we, again? Oh yeah… “tie-in”. Truth be told, sometimes we’re so good at this “tying in” crap we even surprise ourselves — exceeding our own wildest expectations for clever and/or cohesive content. Or is that just our delirious thinking again, spinning wildly out of control? Watch the video, and decide if we’re as good as we think, or suffering from an exceedingly bad case of “the delusionals”:

WOULD any of you think less of us if we told you we once had an outfit like that yellow one? Or that, despite making fun of this choreography, we have many of the same moves — and use them often in the privacy of our own kitchen? And finally, that, back in the late 70’s, our hair was not unlike the redhead’s? That’s right, we said the redhead’s. Hey, we were young(ish), perms were all the rage and oh-so-cheap, and, for us, “wild experimentation” meant “new hair color”. To say we looked “hot” would not just be a lie from the pits of hell, it would be a confirmation of our contention that, to quote ourselves: if we didn’t have any fashion sense, we’d have no sense at all.

THAT said, at least we managed to get ourselves over another “Monday Hump” and can now look forward to more winning and/or stat raising posts tomorrow and Wednesday, brought to us by our dear and delightful Snarky cohorts, CRUMMYJOEL and TEH PENGUIN. Yay.

*Later this week, we’ll angrily confront ourselves and point out how whiny and/or self-loathing we’ve sounded over the past few days, and then we’ll be sorry.

~snuppy

Thank jeebus the neon-clad natives are friendly at Humor-blogs.com.



Silly Go Lucky by Snuppy
Thursday, 20 September 2007, 8:42am
Filed under: funny..., music music | Tags:

hell-bound writerOY. We’ll probably wind up in some kind of blogger’s hell for this, but, as we confirmed last week (or was it the week before, we forget) some of you will, no doubt, be down there with us, so what the, um heck, at least we won’t be alone.

LAST week (or was it the week before, we forget) our NBFF suggested we consider doing the occasional “rerun”, in order to — how shall we put this delicately? — relieve ourselves of the, er, duty (heh, we said “dooty”) of writing an actual post of our own, once in a while. At the time we thought it was a fantastic idea. Mostly because we’re so damn lazy, but also because many of our “new” friends have never been exposed (heh) to some of the madcap humor that made this place what it is today: mad… crap. (golly, we know many good words, too bad we can’t think of them when we’re in the process of plagiarizing ourselves for the sake of your amusement and/or our laziness).

NOW, where were we before we stopped putting words into our own mouths… oh yeah, reruns. What can we say? We thought the concept of recycling a post from time to time was brilliant, and couldn’t wait for the “perfect” opportunity to do it. Enter a sick loved one, a sense of panic over having to follow CRUMMYJOEL and TEH PENGUIN with a little something of our own — then toss in our ability to search high and low (very low) through our archives — and voilá, clever rerun, thy name is Yatta!

ALL this to say: here’s a somewhat revised version of a post we thought was fun, and might have offered up as a “musical opposite for the sake of cheap laughs” on Monday, before GRUNDIR THE IMPLACABLE’S book-pimping alter-ego showed up and dazzled us with something sort of hilarious, and all “musical opposite” bets were off. Today they — like strategically placed fig leaves — are back on(ish) again.

***** ***** ***** *****

PERHAPS you’ve heard that some of us have grown children who still live at home (you know who we are). Well, sometimes, the aforementioned grown children force us to watch utter and complete, tho’ highly entertaining (to our way of thinking) silliness, and, much as we hate to admit it, the following video falls into that category. Now, before anyone click “play”, be warned: the clip features a group of semi-naked men (perhaps we should have saved this for tomorrow?) known as “Green Leaves”, singing and dancing to an extremely catchy tune (think: Village People/Y.M.C.A.). Rather than let us explain the point and/or purpose of their prancy-dancy ways, we’d like to suggest reading THIS ARTICLE, which gives a good enough explanation (as well as one set of possible lyrics) for the performance. Then, if you’re game, and not afraid of having the tune bounce around inside your heads all day, watch this bunch of questionably developed guys shake their collective bootays and/or fig-leaves.*

OF COURSE, after properly digesting the first video, you may want to consider viewing THIS, which is funny only because it’s a parody of the other one, which is a parody of “boy band” videos, to begin with. Come to think of it, that’s not just funny, it’s downright hilarious. Don’t you agree? Please say “yes”, otherwise there’ll be no telling what our son will force us to view next.

*Try to remember these guys are part of a Japanese comedy team, and this song was actually written/performed as a statement on the current economic conditions in Japan (probably the reason it’s now such a huge hit over there). So, technically, it’s smart. Cheesy, sure… but in a pretty darn smart — not to mention humorous and-did-we-mention-catchy? — way. Yatta!

~snuppy

Everyone is Silly Go Lucky on Humor-blogs.com.



Verka Serduchka by Snuppy
Monday, 10 September 2007, 9:52am
Filed under: funny..., music music | Tags:

verkaWILL ya look at that? Monday morning, and, even as we type, NOT-Hazel is on her way back over to our house to tell us why she can’t clean as “thoroughly” as she’d like today. Reasons will no doubt include: A) she’s tired after spending all weekend polishing her jewelry, B) she just had her nails done C) she “forgot” this was our day, and has made “other plans” D) she never cleaned thoroughly in the past… why the hell start now?

WHATEVER, if we don’t get busy with the “pre-clean” it’ll be our fault the counters don’t get soft-scrubbed. So we’re racing through this post in order to have enough time to race through our own unique brand of “housework”.

WITHOUT the fabulous CD our dear PENGUIN thoughtfully brought out on her last visit, we might never have fully appreciated the joy — nay, the wonder that is: Eurovision. Which is, we’re happy to report, a larger, more festive, infinitely more entertaining version of its tawdy successor, American Idol. That’s right, we said it… Eurovision is hella awesome. Despite the fact that the “contest” ended a couple of months ago, we’re bringing Eurovision up now because we need a good song with which to A) kick off a new week, in order to B) counter LAMPSHA’S dreamy spin over the weekend, but also because C) it’s freaking hilarious, yet D) hella kick-ass.

CONTINUING with our nonsensical-yet-alphabetically ordered train of thought, we decided it would be hella cool to feature cross-dressing Ukrainian Verka Serduchka’s energetic performance, because A) we like it, B) he/she comes as close to a Russian entertainer as we can find on such short notice C) Wednesday is Russia’s official Day of Conception (thanks for that fab info, Actonbell) D) screw you, since when did we need a reason to share something hella kitchy in the Snark? Oh, alright…we confess. Originally we planned to share Russia’s Eurovision Entry, what with the “conception day”/slutty Russian performers, and all. But then we got distracted by Verka’s shiny costume, and all bets were off.

MUSICAL opposite? Oh yeah. Will you laugh? We did. That said, the only thing you’ll find “cheap” about this video is the fact that teh funny little Penguin featured it on her own blog back when it first aired on… what? That’s right, on “Eurovision”. Meaning we could have used something else, this time around. But guess what, we thought it was hella fun back then, and we still do. So shut the hell up, and enjoy.

WE’RE happy to report there’s more — so much more — to know about Verka Serduchka. Anyone with more than a passing interest should start with HIS/HER WEBSITE, (tho’ good luck with that, unless you speak the language, you’ll be up shitska creeksa) and work your way over to HER/HIS MYSPACE page (much easier to “read” and the videos are fabtastic). Knock youselves out… and danze away this Monday like there’ll be no tomorrow — even tho’ there will. Not only that, but with any luck at all, CRUMMYJOEL* will get over the Wolverines’ latest loss (d’oh!) in time to whip up one of his hilarious posts. Otherwise, we might have to do another one of our own, and you know what that means… Sieben, Sieben Ai lyu lyu ein, zwei, drei! (in other words, we haven’t a clue)

*UPDATE: Happy Happy 3rd (!) Bloggaversary, Not-at-all-crummy-CrummyJoel! Whoa — we knew you were special, but we had NO idea you’ve been dazzling church-sign lovin’ folks for nigh on to 3 years! “‘The size of the tool doesn’t matter in the Master’s hand’ — it’s a whole different story if you ask Mrs. The Master“?? Hahahaha. Clearly you’ve always been good at this “crummy church sign” humor thing! Here’s hoping you entertain us with “crumminess” for many years to come — with or without The Master’s help (and/or His hand).

~snuppy

note: had we wanted to take our musical opposites/cheap laughs thing to all new lows, we would SO have featured the video you’ll find on MTV’S SITE from last night’s opening act… ‘cuz, damn. Not just “damn”, hella damn.

Everyone’s hella gay happy on Humor-blogs.com.



Trés Geek by Snuppy
Monday, 27 August 2007, 9:02am
Filed under: funny..., music music | Tags:

geeky girl?LAST year, we stumbled on a happy-yet-geeky little song that caused us to giggle, chortle, and snort in delight. Mostly, we fear, because it reminded us of our not-so-young sons, and their penchant for all things “geeky”. That is, of course, if one considers computer/video games, science fiction movies, and/or non-stop IM’ing “geeky”, and we kind of do. The fact that we, too, happen to enjoy those things, is beside the point. The point, which will garner us access to the castle, once we complete this level, is that some of us have a life outside of our geeky inclinations, and are, therefore, a whole lot more well-rounded. (Say one word about our state of “well-rounded-ness” as it relates to those extra pounds we gained a couple of years ago, and we will so smack you upside your greasy head with our TiVo remote.)

WHATEVER… we didn’t give the aforementioned song another thought until we read THIS POST by our harmonica playing friend, Jeff. Thanks to him, we were reminded (in part) of how much we laughed the 1st 7 or 8 times we heard “Make You Happy Tonight“, and we wondered if a few Snark “newbies” might not enjoy it, too. And — bonus — the fact that the following is a different, more “produced” version makes it newish to those of you who saw it here, last year. Considering the charming artist featured by the clever and even more charming DJ LAMPSHA in this week’s spin, we’re pretty sure you’ll all agree that the following number is as good a Musical Opposite for the Sake of Cheap Laughs as any we’ve forced you to watch shared.

THE name of this clever/talented group, by the way, is TRIPOD. A true geek (we suspect at least ONE or TWO of our favorite contributors fall into this category) would definitely want to check out Tripod’s website, if only to see how far a group of Australian comics with too much time on their hands — and/or interest in Dungeons and Dragons — can do with a few 1’s and 0’s. We don’t know what that means, since we have no idea how to program anything but the aforementioned TiVo, but we’ve been told 0’s & 1’s are kind of important in the world of computer programming. What can we say… it’s all “geek” to us.

~snuppy

Ghic chic” ~seen on t-shirt worn by a “regular” at Humor-blogs.com



Oh Tay! by Snuppy
Thursday, 23 August 2007, 8:40am
Filed under: funny..., music music, Pop! goes the Diesel | Tags:

oh tay!IF it’s Thursday, it must be time to mock DIESEL. Why? Because we want to… and, more importantly, because we can.

WE’VE grown used to pulling up next to the empty parking spot reserved for our so-called friend, Diesel. We’ve grown into the habit of pimping his blog/t-shirts and/or “book“. We’ve grown old waiting for that e-mail telling us he’s finally written another winning clever and/or hilarious post. That said, we have NOT grown accustomed to pulling a topic out of our asses and/or thin air. Which is why, we suppose, on days we’ve got nothing worthwhile and/or hilarious to say, we’ve grown to rely heavily on YouTube.

YESTERDAY, our beautiful friend and bloggy-co-conspirator, TEH PENGUIN, asked the question “How Stupid Are We?”. Tho’ we don’t have the answer, we do know there are a lot of incredibly stupid people out there. For example, close to 7 million folks have already tuned into the following video (without the benefit of even one crummy commercial, CRUMMYJOEL), which, as you’re about to discover for yourselves, is “stupid”, at best. Here’s what we know after listening — there are literally millions so desperate to be “entertained” they’ll watch and/or listen to anything. Sadly, we can now be counted among them. Blame Diesel for abandoning us in our hour of need, forcing us take drastic/desperate measures in order to provide a small amount of amusement. Then, enter the musical abyss known as: Tay Zonday’s Chocolate Rain.

MMM. Chocolate rain. In theory, sounds so tasty, in this song, so… wrong.

*Please note: we entitled this post “Oh Tay” and featured the picture at the top of the page for 2 reasons: 1) Tay is the first name of the kid responsible for this stupid song (duh) and B) “Oh Tay” reminded us of the hilarious character created by Eddie Murphy for SNL, back in the 80’s, “Buh-weet” — based on the beloved character “Buckwheat” (played to enduring/endearing adorableness by wonderful child actor Billie Thomas) featured in a show we watched with great glee when we were growing up, Our Gang (aka The Little Rascals). Oh tay? Oh tay!

~snuppy

It’s raining chocolate-covered HAHAHA’s at Humor-blogs.com.